Remember Those Who Have Fallen
In November 1998 the murder of transgender woman Rita Hesler sparked the creation...
Happy Happy Joy Joy!
Put a smile on that dial! Why? Because it’s happiness month here on Same Same. With the onset of bleak winter weather we thought it was not only the perfect time to ask the question “What Makes You Happy?”, it was also the perfect time to answer it too.
Last month I went to a two-day conference called Happiness & Its Causes. It sounded kinda naff at first– like something Anthony Robbins would run and charge a kazillion dollars for – only to deliver fake self-help. But I did my research, found out it was a legitimate conference dealing with the growing area of research lumped under the heading of “positive psychology” and off I went, press pass in sweaty hand for two days of mind-blowing lectures.
The sweaty palms were for two reasons. Firstly, I thought the conference would probably expose my gnawing black hole of neediness and unhappiness and I wasn’t confident of hiding that in front of 2000 social workers, scientists, psychologists and the like – not to mention handfuls of knowing Buddhists and other Tibetan inspired folk, due to the conference being organised by the Vajrayana Institute.
Secondly, I was sweaty palmed in hope. Part of me was hoping the conference would tell me that it was impossible for me, and indeed anybody, to be happy – and we could therefore be forgiven if we stopped trying. Mostly though, I was hoping that somewhere in the two days I’d be given the magic secret key to happiness and thereafter forever live in a state of rapture. Which of course I could then pass on to SameSame readers in a pithy sentence or two. Lofty aims, indeed!
What ended up happening was a little bit of both – so instead of a pithy sentence or two, I’ve got a range of things I think I can share from my experience. Some which may be especially relevant to our community.
The conference got off to a cracking start with Wendy Harmer introducing a guy called Professor Daniel Gilbert from Harvard – a man who has made his living researching how people predict their emotional reactions to future events. That is, how people judge what is going to make them happy. This lecture was probably the one that got the most mainstream media attention – I’ll be cynical and say it was because most journos only popped into the conference for a few hours and then left to file a quick story.
That doesn’t mean it wasn’t brilliant – it was a great eye-opener and a good starting point for Happiness Month! His basic premise was that, to be blunt, we suck at predicting our own happiness, and he can prove it.
What makes you happy?
If you’re asked this question most likely you might come up with answers along the lines of money, relationships, maybe children. And you’d be mostly wrong.
The big issue first – money. All of the research on this is rock solid. Money only buys you happiness when you are buying the essentials in life – food, shelter, warmth. This really is a very low income point – even the dole can provide those three things in Australia. From there, every extra dollar you earn buys less and less happiness. To the point where surveys show that those lottery winners and mega millionaires are not at all much happier than anyone earning an average wage. It sounds wrong. If it’s true then why aren’t most of us lolling around on the dole enjoying life? It’s because our society has duped us into thinking that we need more and more material stuff. Your wants will expand to gobble up your income – no matter how much you earn. This helps sustain our economy – but doesn’t actually help in making us happy.
Now some people have already cottoned onto this idea, and so it will seem a bit obvious. But judging by the number of burnt out corporate types; the message hasn’t gotten through to everyone.
What about kids? This part of the research gives us a nice little argument if you want a reason to stay childless. Apparently people with kids think they are super happy. But when you rig them up with little devices to wear, and ask them at odd intervals every day to report right now how they are feeling, then the research shows they are pretty miserable.
The research showed happiness bought about by raising kids on a day-to-day basis ranks slightly above housework, but below watching TV or eating. Shocking facts. The lecture did go into detail about how we deceive ourselves otherwise about children if we do have them, but it’s not really relevant for most of us – although it’s very funny, so if you do have kids and want a laugh then let me know!
So what about relationships? Here the research did show that being coupled up is better for your happiness than being single. Not by leaps and bounds mind you, and once you take into account the supposed misery that children cause a couple, you could argue that perhaps being single is better than having kids. There is also quite a drop in happiness after marriage for any couple, so you could also console yourself with the idea that staying at your level of happiness single may be better than a huge peak and drop when you couple up and the honeymoon period ends!
And if any of this gets you down then don’t worry – in the weeks to come I’ll give you a number of ways to increase your happiness, regardless of relationship status!
Photos courtesy of Josephine Ki, Morgan Carpenter and Alison Bennett.
Other articles in the happiness series:
The Cheat’s Guide To Happiness.
Come On, Get Happy!
Goodwill Hunting.
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kyle
said ages ago