The Golden Age Of The Silver Fox

Feature, By Joal, 8th October, 2008

They might be the same age as your dad but they’re also handsome enough to warrant a second look. They’re confident, assured and successful – is it any wonder many of us are entering the golden age of the Silver Fox?

To be honest, I didn’t even know the term existed until I developed a crush on a silver fox at work. Verbalising my daydreams to a colleague one day, I pointed out the handsome older dude in the editorial department to her. I touched on his cute eyes, the intelligent conversation (the fleeting ones we’d conducted anyway) and his kissable lips. Older, but definitely still kissable.

“Oh you mean the Silver Fox?” she said with blasé matter-of-factness. The what?

Going on to explain she postulated a basic profile: older guy, possibly graying hair (but not an absolute necessity), and still very ‘foxy’ despite his ‘daddy’ age. My new crush had a title, not only was it an infatuation, it was a social phenomenon. I updated my online status: ‘totally crushing on the Silver Fox at work’.

Some may argue that gay culture is obsessed with youth (and the buff, toned, waxed-within-an-inch-of-your-life beauty associated with that youth), but we all have to grow up sometime. Is the rise of the Silver Fox indicative of a community becoming more comfortable with age? Not only that, but the Silver Fox has had time to develop opinions, they have goals, and who knows – some of them may even own a house… The Silver Fox has a lot more going for them than you might think.

Andrew, a 36-year-old in the media industry, who thinks he may be a birthday and a Desperate Housewives episode away from touching on silver fox territory himself, says he’s always had a thing for silver haired older dudes. And the attraction has never been purely physical – since his twenties he’s been mentally attracted to these men, life experience he says, is a huge turn on.

“I hope I get the same attention I have been dishing out all these years!” says Andrew, contemplating his own impending Silver Foxdom. “So much of our culture is based on the bold and the beautiful, and focuses on youthful waxed looks as desirable. I think letting it grow silver… is keeping it real and that is as sexy as fuck.”

And maybe silver has got something to do with us all going a little ‘green’? While we’re all trying to cut down on our carbon, spiritually and physically we’re trying to cut back on unnecessary things as well. Once upon a time obvious toupées and bad comb-overs attracted attention rather than hiding anything… these days, whether you’re bald, thinning or going grey, embracing it and being yourself is seen as far more attractive. Grey guys are throwing out the Grecian Formula and letting the silver strands show, but some experts think we’ve always had a thing for salt-and-pepper guys.

“If you go back to ancient mythology,” says Dr John Scott a lecturer in sex and sexuality from the University of New England, “Zeus was a greying god, they had a lot of imagery of aging powerful men. Older masculinity has always been popular and respected, and compared to femininity, which doesn’t age well in popular culture at all, older men have always had it pretty good.”

Hollywood sex symbols are probably an apt contemporary example of our thing for ‘silver’ gods. Sean Connery, George Clooney, and my personal favourite Harrison Ford, to name a few. When asked, my friends say they’d ‘do’ Al Pacino and Robert De Niro, without a second thought. These men are pushing seventy, and still we’d take them to bed?

Dr Murray Drummond from the University of South Australia is a little dubious however, especially about young gay guys going for the older ones. An expert in gay male body image, Drummond says young guys are still into the buff waxed beauty our culture is known for.

“They may hit thirty and realise getting old isn’t all that bad… but the research we’ve done indicates that right through their twenties, most young gay males think youth is their only strong point, and they’re attracted to the same thing. Their image is defined by their bodies.”

Dr Drummond says there’s a theory that the ‘buff’ image may have come about due to fear associated with catching HIV – we were toning up and paying a lot of attention to grooming and appearance in an attempt to distance ourselves from the emaciated, thin body images society associates with HIV sufferers. But Drummond thinks that even though this image of HIV isn’t in young gay guys’ consciousness so much anymore, they still idolise, and aspire to be, young ‘buff’ men.

While Drummond’s research may indicate the very young among us like to stick within their own age range, Dr Scott says that if we look at the male sex industry, there’s a demand for all shapes, sizes and ages. And both experts agree, compared to the heterosexual community, gay guys are more willing to break with stereotypes of ‘beauty’ and embrace different body cultures – from twinks, through to bears, leather, and maybe now – the Silver Fox.

We all know the deal, when you spot your first grey hair, it’s meant to be a case of initially freaking out and concluding that you’re either on your way, or that you are officially ‘old’. It’s said that 40% of us will have signs of the ‘grey god’ syndrome by the time we’re 40, and some of us will develop it much earlier, and others are just born with it. So, should we stress?

When I meet Martin, he’s bang on time, wearing smart clothes that wouldn’t really give away his being born a couple of decades before myself. I start watching what I’m saying in the presence of someone so confident, direct, and polite. I must admit, it’s refreshing, if not a little intimidating, speaking to someone who seems so ‘together’. Chatting about the places he’s been and the different career paths he’s taken, Martin, compared to my complete lack of worldly experience, is a wealth of information. Sexy mind? Affirmative.

And he’s not lacking in the looks department either. When I ask if he ever worried about ‘going grey’ he says there was a fleeting moment of concern, but “it’s all about how you carry it.” He adds, “For sure, when I was younger I thought growing old would mean an end to all the fun I was having… but you start to appreciate a lot more in life, your world expands if anything.”

Asked if he had any trouble picking up, Martin says he never really considers his age a factor, his silver hair is a talking point rather than a deterrent. His grey locks give him something to stand out in a crowd, and he does carry them well.

And young guys? Martin stops being so completely suave and aloof, giving off a chuckle, “usually they come to me, and I’m not an ageist.”

So, in our coy kitchen banter and e-mail exchanges I’ve asked my office crush how old he is. He’s never really answered, but like Voltaire said, “the key to being a bore is to say everything”. And I’d have to agree – I don’t really care, silver or any other coloured hair, he’s engaging, cheeky, funny – with some very kissable lips.

Other articles in the Daddy series:

Augusten Burroughs And Big Bad Wolves.
The Gayby Issue.

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