SameSame.com.au ~ Inside Out Australia

At the end of last year Same Same teamed up with Pollinate Research to conduct the Australian Gay and Lesbian Census, a national survey that asked questions to Australia’s gay and lesbian population about a wide range of issues that are important to our community. Last week, against the backdrop of protests around the country we looked at gay marriage. This week, it’s time to talk about sex.

Right up front, let’s get the most obvious finding out in the open – gay men have, on average had a much greater number of sexual partners than their lesbian counterparts. The Gay Census found that a quarter of gay male respondents have had over 100 partners in their lifetime and 10% have no idea how many people they’ve slept with. Men aged 35 and over make up the majority of the 100+ group, which makes sense – the older you are, the more notches on your bedpost.

Women on the other hand tell a very different story. 52% of lesbians have had between 2 and 10 sexual partners in their lifetime, compared to 17% of gay men and only 1% of lesbians are in the ‘100+’ and ‘don’t know’ categories – that’s a pretty radical difference.

According to Dr John Scott, from the School of Behavioural, Cognitive and Social Sciences at the University of New England, generalisations based on gender still apply to the gay world.

“There’s still a generalisation that women are more into romantic love. When you’re looking at gay men, sex for pleasure and sex for sex’s sake is more desirable.”

“I think the gay world is less fixated on certain sexual milestones,” says Nick, 28. “A lot of my straight friends could list the people they’ve slept with, where it happened, where they lost their virginity, how old they were at the time… I just never filed it all away like that. I guess I’ve lost count. The figures never seemed to matter to me.”

Dr. Scott says that from a biological point of view, female culture has placed importance on monogamy and loving each other in order to have sex. “Social evolutionists say that men are naturally more promiscuous and there’s not that stigma attached to sex for men. Sex is seen as a very masculine and privileged thing for males. Females that engage in a lot of sex are seen as not feminine, whereas men are rewarded for having a lot of it.”

While gay men on average have had a lot more partners, when it comes to how often we have sex, men seem to have a little more than lesbians, but not by much. 32% of men have sex more than once a week, compared to 24% of women. 44% of men have it between 1 to 4 times a month, compared to 37% of women. 22% of men and 34% of women have it less than once a month. A significant minority say they don’t have sex at all – 6% of men, 11% of women.

But if you think it’s the single people out there who are having the most sex, think again! Interestingly, the results found that both men and women have more sex when they’re in a serious relationship that’s still new – a little over 100 times a year, while on average the singles are having less than a quarter of that! Overall, lesbians tend to be more sexually active in casual relationships. Maybe the concept of ‘Lesbian Bed Death’ is true after all?

“When I got together with my ex-girlfriend we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other,” says Lucy, 35. “We did it anywhere and everywhere. It was exciting. But something else took over… We got comfortable. In the end, we started having threesomes – I pushed for that – and they just didn’t work at all. Too much jealousy and insecurity – we’d bottle everything up and then it would just explode.”

“I definitely have more sex when I’m in a new relationship,” says Raphael, 23. “But I think monogamy kills your sex life. I’ve been in long term relationships before with numerous partners at once and the sex has been great. When I used to try monogamy sex would peter out and it just wasn’t new or exciting – it didn’t work.”

“There was also a stigma 10 or 20 years ago that having a lot of sex was unhealthy,” says Dr. Scott. “But heterosexual culture is catching up with the idea of sex for sex’s sake or sex for pleasure. This has a lot to do with the rise of the internet and porn. Heterosexual culture used to see porn as deviant. If a wife found her husband looking at porn she would think he was a pervert, whereas now it’s much more acceptable than it was. People are starting to see that sex can be an end in itself, it doesn’t have to be attached to marriage or romance.”

As for long term relationships, unsurprisingly it was the women who dominated. When it comes to relationships lasting longer than 6 months, 58% of women have had between 2 to 4, compared to 48% of men. 8% of women haven’t had any, compared to 18% of men.

“When it comes to two men, marriage is a very low priority,” says Dr. Scott. “It may be a priority for some, but still a very low one.”

When it comes to experimentation, gay men are way more likely to experiment in all departments except one – straight sex. 70% of lesbians have had straight sex, compared to 43% of men.

When it comes to sex while drunk or high 81% of men have done it, and so have 78% of girls. 80% of men have had sex in a public place, compared to 72% of girls. When it comes to bondage and S&M the results are basically the same – 29% for men and 28% for women.

Men are far more likely to have group sex though – 73% compared to 35%. Men are also bigger fans of anonymity – 72% of men have had sex with someone without knowing their name, compared to 24% of girls.

When it comes to sleeping your way to the top, 5% of the boys admit to having sex to further their career. No women fessed up to having sex to get ahead in the workplace, however they are much more likely to sleep with a co-worker – 46% of women have done that, compared to 38% of men.

Experimentation seems closely linked to age – younger lesbians are more likely to be experimental than women over 35, however older gay men have a broader range of experiences than their younger counterparts.

Other articles in the Gay Census series:
News announcement
Gay Marriage
What’s Your Poison?
Babies.