THE BOTTOM 50: #30-11

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Matt Akersten

Tue 27th Sep, 2011 in Features

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Welcome to the middle – not quite the very worst but still awful – part of our Worst Pop Songs Ever downfall.

Hundreds of votes you sent in were counted for this chart, and as we inch closer to the lower reaches of it, all the songs listed here had several dozen votes each. Sorry Aqua, you can’t argue with those numbers!

Catch up with the first part of this list here.

Now brush your teeth with a bottle of Jack and climb aboard the Vengabus again as we continue our Bottom 50 list with more party dancefloor-killers you love to hate!

Thanks to DJ Dan Murphy, you can listen to Bottom 50 list #30-11 in all its stereo dreadfulness, right here.

#30 – We Like To Party – The Vengaboys

Here’s the Vangaboys’ second appearance on our countdown! You clearly hate them but they have plenty of fans worldwide. As Lucas writes on their Facebook page: “vengaboys i wanan be your friends because i am lucas pg from argentina and i wuld laik to talk with you in private, to see your pussys and balls. sory from my bad inglesh.”

#29 – Boom Boom Pow – Black Eyed Peas

The recent news that the Peas are taking a break from making music together was welcome news for former fans of theirs who fear they’ve become a modern version of ‘Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers’.

#28 – Higher – Heidi Montag

Sure the songs on this chart represent some of the most hated ever released, but a few of the videos for them are actually OK. Here’s an exception. A dreadful song coupled tidily with a nauseating, repetitive clip. DO NOT CLICK PLAY BELOW.

#27 – Everything I Do (I Do It For You) – Bryan Adams

This song was a massive, inescapable hit in 1991, lingering at #1 in singles charts across the globe for months. Family Guy’s Stewie recently sang his own version coupled with a hilariously over-the-top cheesy lovesong video mantage.

#26 – Blue (Da Ba Dee) – Eiffel 65

Another one-hit wonder, autotuning its way to the middle of the Spice Girl-dominated charts in 1999. What does the name ‘Eiffel 65’ even mean? Nothing. The word ‘Eiffel’ was chosen randomly by a computer program and the number ‘65’ was added only when it was scribbled beside their name on a demo by mistake – it was actually part of a phone number.

#25 – This Groove – Victoria Beckham

This make us chuckle so much in 2003, still makes us giggle now, and we hope Victoria can laugh about it now too. We can imagine her cackling and going “well if you think that’s bad you obviously haven’t heard Geri’s three albums.”

#24 – The Millennium Prayer – Cliff Richard

It only took Cliff an hour to record this video, he just stood in front of a green screen while old World Vision ads tumbled around on the screen behind him. Luckily this song was beaten to the 1999 Christmas #1 spot in the UK… by Westlife covering an ABBA song. What a dire start to the naughties!

#23 – I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll – Britney Spears

This is one of numerous covers of this 1975 song by Arrows, which was made famous by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts in 1981. Alvin & the Chipmunks’ version in the ‘80s was a lot more vocally accomplished than Britney’s effort.

#22 – Thong Song – Sisqó

“Well, this song is about asses,” this video’s director Joseph Kahn recounts. “So you can either accept it and do something like I did, or you can go and try and turn the Thong Song into some kind of Chemical Brothers video and make it all pretentious; about some f**king communist upheaval or something. Let’s just relax and make a booty video, and let’s make a really good one, and make it fun.”

#21 – Macarena – Los del Rio

“I am not trying to seduce you.” This song has topped several ‘Biggest 1-Hit Wonders Ever’ lists, and continues to make 6-figure sums in royalty payments today. We still know all the actions!

#20 – Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice

Back in 1990, this little wonder is credited for bringing hip-hop into the mainstream. But a teenaged Eminem says he almost gave up his musical dreams after this song made it big. “I felt like I didn’t want to rap anymore,” the rapper recalls. “I was so mad, because he [Vanilla Ice] was making it real hard for me.”

#19 – Scatman (Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop) – Scatman John

This is just vile.

#18 – Barbie Girl – Aqua

This is every young drag queen’s signature song, before their drag mother slaps the s**t out of them and puts them onto Beyonce and Rihanna. Sydney’s Taxi Club plays this song regularly on Saturday nights (the club will close in February next year).

#17 – The Time (Dirty Bit) – Black Eyed Peas

Same Same’s readers seem to hate the Black Eyed Peas! Talking point: Should songs produced with vocoders/autotuners be automatically banned from the charts? But where would that leave Cher’s ‘Believe’? You see, there’s an exception to every rule.

#16 – Ohh Ahh – Tamara Jaber

Ex-Scandal’us singer Tamara Jaber was with Kyle Sandilands at the time this song happened. His questionable taste did not prevent him from later judging various TV talent shows, which we find distressing.

#15 – Wild Wild West – Will Smith

An epic high-concept seven-minute epic video loaded with cameos and promoting a summer comedy movie which was also pretty bad. Smith’s career dipped a little after this, leaving the formerly Fresh Prince to focus on worse things. Yes, Willow Smith was a twinkle in proud dad Will’s eye…

#14 – One The Borderline – Bec Cartwright

Nice to see another Aussie on our chart, and such a deserving one! We’re reliably told that this former Home & Away star can actually sing, not that you’d know it from this horribly autotuned chorus. On yer bike, Bec.

#13 – Aaron’s Party (Come Get It) – Aaron Carter

Young blond brat with too much cash. There’s no money in this sort of stuff, surely? #nonbelieber

#12 – Can I Touch You… There? – Michael Bolton

“Show me on the doll where the bad man sang about touching you.” The title of this song is almost as thought-provoking as Meatloaf’s ‘I Would Do Anything For Love… But I Won’t Do That’.