“This is my life as a middle-aged single gay man,” writes Glenn, a 48-year-old Sydneysider.
“I’m not a writer, but I thought I’d give this a go,” he tells Same Same. “It’s from the heart and might touch others in the same position.”
People say life begins at 40, well I’m here to tell you it doesn’t. When I hit 40 my life stopped.
As happens to a lot of people in the gay scene, after you hit 40 things slow down and we are not as attractive as we used to be to others. There are so many people out there that are shallow and only want people under 30. I guess it’s their way of recapturing their youth.
One of the things I have noticed about myself is that loneliness has set in. I was and still am single and don’t seem to fit in anymore in the scene. I’ve found myself sitting in a corner of a bar watching everyone playing with their mobile phones (I can only assume they are on Grindr talking to each other.) You would be amazed the thoughts that go through my head sometimes, like “what’s wrong with me?”, or “am I too old and ugly?”
Even watching others in couples or just meeting for the first time… having that little pash at the side of the bar… can cause me to be down. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them. It can just be a very horrible and lonely experience to be left out of the world.
I can only guess that this would be a leading cause of depression amongst the gay world. Because we are forgotten, I bet there aren’t even statistics on this.
“There really has to be more to life than this. ”
After 40 things really do change, you find yourself going to the saunas more in the hope that someone there finds you attractive enough to give you a little bit of affection even if it is for a few minutes in a darkened cubicle, but more likely they pick me because its dark enough to make it difficult for them to see. You can also find yourself wandering around the beats late at night. The only good thing about that is you see other people who look as though they are in a similar boat.
Before anyone reading this says “he is a whinger” or “get out and meet people,” I can tell you I have tried all that. I have been to several social gatherings, but find that I’m just too shy and don’t know how to interact with others, so I again sit in a corner all alone wandering what’s going on.
I remember a time when the scene was so friendly that you could be sitting in a bar alone and someone from another group would invite you to join them. I remember dinner parties and picnics. That has all stopped now, most probably because of my age.
As I write this I’m sitting in an empty home thinking what is the point of telling others my story. I guess I just wanted others like me to know you are not the only ones.
If I do manage to get lucky and meet someone I can let my guard down and take stupid chances. I have been robbed four times so far. It’s not a nice feeling to wake up in the morning and find money or possessions missing. This just starts the cycle all over again and I find I lock myself away for a few weeks.
There really has to be more to life than this. I do have some friends, but they have their own lives to live and in all fairness I don’t want to trouble them with my problems.
Who knows, one day I might find someone that will make me happy and complete, but I’m feeling it’s not going to happen. I’m 48 now and time is ticking by me so fast I’m can only hope it will get better.
We’re very grateful to Glenn for sharing his thoughts with us.
What do you think? Does anyone have any advice for Glenn, or does anyone else feel they’re in the same situation as him? Share your experiences and ideas below.