With all those gay internet dating sites and the rise of Facebook recently, we seem to be in a world where everyone knows everyone, what they like to do, where they like to go and what they do in the bedroom.
And no one could ignore that flutter of excitement which took over the gay world when the very popular phone app Grindr was launched just over three years ago.
As I adjust my prude hat, I question whether the long term effects of such devices will affect how our generation and generations to come view the concept of love and romance.
In days of old we’d notice a cute guy from across the room, or walk past him in the street and feel flushed with excitement, painting a picture of what he’s like and how amazing it would be to get to know him. Even the old cheeky smile and “g’day mate” would attract feelings of nervousness and excitement.
“When self-worth is validated by how many guys they’ve fucked, it seems like a recipe for a nasty bitchy chaotic community.”
I can’t help but to feel those days are slowly fading. When seeing a guy from across the room or walking past him in the street, my first thought is generally ‘Oh I’ve seen him on Grindr, he’s a slutty bottom looking for wired fun’ (or a variation of that).
Many times I have heard people say ‘Grindr kills romance’, and without slagging a successful phone app that has obviously made many guys happy, brought guys together and changed lives, there is a part of me that is disappointed that being part of the gay community revolves around quick convenient sex.
Are we missing the bigger picture? Some gay men may choose to sleep around and there are those who are constantly on the hunt for a quick root or hoping the land a hot guy in their local nightclub. But what will they do when they’ve slept with everyone they fancy in their town – is this when they’ll come to the realisation that they really have no idea how to form an emotional relationship?
When a guy’s self-worth is validated by how many guys they’ve fucked, it seems like a recipe for a nasty bitchy chaotic community. And that’s not a community I want to be part of.
Many would say that finding love on electronic apps such as this is like finding a needle in a haystack, and that it’s merely a device for sex. Well, an old-fashioned soul like me doesn’t want to be presented with a cock pic after a ‘hi how are you?’
So why don’t I just delete the app? I guess because I am that guy looking for the needle in the haystack and have faith that I will discover some lovely guys, whether it is for friendships or a potential relationship.
Things that are easy seem to have no value, and to me this doesn’t change when it comes to men. If you’re trying to charm me by spreading your legs or showing me your penis, your shallow approach has already erased any value I may have seen in you.
Being a cheerleader for love, my view on the gay community and how it all works can be quite disturbing at times and to march in a pride parade honestly doesn’t appeal to me, because although I am proud of myself and the people I associate with, there are parts of the gay community I don’t agree with and may never understand.
So in a roundabout way, as I step down from my soap box, the point I am trying to make is: don’t lose sight of your morals and values and keep yourself special so you can be treated with the value you have engrained in yourself. Bring back romance and don’t be consumed by the modern day soul draining apps.
I believe in love, I believe in respect and I believe we shouldn’t lose touch with what matters most. Love.