Opinion: Gorgeous glutes andgreat expectations

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The gay way of life can be a battleground when we’re judging each other based on aesthetics and adherence to traditional masculine traits like gym-built arms, a burly voice and that distinctive straight lads’ swagger.

Possessing all of these aforementioned qualities is regarded as a passport into the pants of other men the nation over, yet there are many who misuse this privilege – those handsome albeit cold-hearted gay boys burning their way through treasure troves of sexual partners and romantic accomplices, leaving trails of rejection and resentment in their self-indulgent wake.

For the men bestowed with the gift of good looks, many of them feel a gravitational pull towards the dreaded ‘God Complex’ syndrome, seductively dividing and conquering as they see fit.

Yet some of us (the ‘cherries’ on the proverbial GLBTI cake) treat our fellow man as we would like to be treated and we’re shouldering our responsibility to spread acceptance and love with aplomb.

The currency of gay men is arguably sex appeal. Guys are lauded for their six-packs and taut posteriors, and being lisp-free and masculine will get you oh so many brownie points.

“We have an opportunity to completely change the face of the GLBTI community, and it all starts with unity.”

Yet the gay/bi beauties getting drunk with pink power and raising hell amongst their peers are majorly counter-productive to our main mission in society.

I often ask myself how this phenomenon reared its ugly head in the first place. A survival of the fittest mentality perhaps? Maybe there’s a generation of guys jousting with their sexuality and seeking salvation via the societal domination of others? Maybe they instinctually belittle their fellow man to justify their self-loathing?

Regardless, we have an opportunity to completely change the face of the GLBTI community, and it all starts with unity. It’s the only way we can pave a better future for a generation of gay men who (hopefully) won’t endure the same oppressive society we grew up in.

Because at the end of the day isn’t it all about evolution?

We want a better society to live in, we want a homelier, hornier, homo-centric world where we can be ourselves and live and love freely without societal constraints and oppressive ills.

So many guys are rapt with fear when approaching each other in bars and clubs because they risk being ridiculed and mocked, and how bloody sad is that!? Gay nightspots should be sanctuaries free from division and fear.

I’ve seen too many guys standing awkwardly at the bar, disheveled and alone, feeling as though they’re existing in a totally different dimension to the bevy of boys in their midst. They’re disconnected and frustrated by the malevolent gay pecking order, virtually invisible to their peers, and worst of all ostracised by the aforementioned kingmakers with gorgeous glutes.

Therefore the hotties with sleek cheekbones and luscious lips do indeed have a great responsibility to use their looks for the greater good, and we mustn’t abuse our privilege and position among our pink peers.

I’m calling on the current generation of studs to do their bit – stamp out discrimination and malice in GLBTI circles simply because we’ve suffered enough at the hands of homophobes and haters.


Robert Edward Smith is a Melbourne-based writer and aged-care ambassador.

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azulmelb

azulmelb said on the 17th Oct, 2012

Good article and quite relevant to what I'm seeing right now -- I've only been active in the "scene" for the past few years and what I've observed in Melbourne and in New York is that superficiality and aesthetics does indeed rule in the gay scene.

And just like the writer mentions, I don't think and feel we are truly living in a "world where we can be ourselves and live and love freely without societal constraints and oppressive ills".

In NYC, on Grindr, Scruff, Adam4Adam and from some of the clubs/bars I've been to, there is what is called the "UB2" mentality -- in the sense that they will describe themselves as such and such and will ONLY seek those who look like them too ("muscular, masculine, hairy - UB2"). So when I'm hanging around in Hell's Kitchen and Chelsea, I will see many gay men who look like clones of each other (some of us has started coining the term, the Stepford Gays).

I know one young Upper East Sider, who despite being good looking and tall (6'3'') still feels he's not good enough because he doesn't have a six-pack. WTF is that about?

But apart from recognizing this problem and being critical about, like JackArthurSmith was asking, HOW do we address this issue?



HOW do we create and instill better values amongst the gay men of this community? Because from my observation, the young men of the past who only valued beauty and meaningless sex end up becoming bitter lonely old men whose only contribution to the community now is their cynicism and toxic attitude (while conveniently forgetting that when they were younger they too supported and condone this mindset that only value youth and beauty which still carries on today -- which of course rejects and excludes many of them now which is why they're bitter and cynical. Unless they're billionaires.).

So what can we do? What can we do to create a generation of health-conscious men who are also politically and socially aware -- who not only spend time working their bodies but also their soul (instilling empathy, charity in themselves) and civic-consciousness (spend time giving back to the community and the country)?

Also to add on what JamesStohl commented -- is it because gay men do not have children the reason a large number of gay men feel like they do not need to possess good values because they have no one to impart these values to? (meaning they do not feel responsible for anyone other than themselves -- they don't see themselves as role models for anyone)

Is it because many of us (unfortunately) don't have children...
Or maybe we are all just bitches? hahaha Jokes!

Or could it be...that many gay men are actually truly bitches (so many gay men here I've noticed LOVE Mean Girls. Lol)

These are just my thoughts on the issues -- not concrete opinions on the matter. Does anybody else have their own thoughts and theories?

Edited to add:
Just another thought - perhaps SameSame can do a survey and find out what are the most important things to gay men? What are the kind of values do gay men possess?

Questions on what matters most - physical looks? intelligence and spiritual health? material possessions? status and wealth? family and community? Etc

MrAsh

MrAsh said on the 17th Oct, 2012

Good article and quite relevant to what I'm seeing right now -- I've only been active in the "scene" for the past few years and what I've observed in Melbourne and in New York is that superficiality and aesthetics does indeed rule in the gay scene.

And just like the writer mentions, I don't think and feel we are truly living in a "world where we can be ourselves and live and love freely without societal constraints and oppressive ills".

In NYC, on Grindr, Scruff, Adam4Adam and from some of the clubs/bars I've been to, there is what is called the "UB2" mentality -- in the sense that they will describe themselves as such and such and will ONLY seek those who look like them too ("muscular, masculine, hairy - UB2"). So when I'm hanging around in Hell's Kitchen and Chelsea, I will see many gay men who look like clones of each other (some of us has started coining the term, the Stepford Gays).

I know one young Upper East Sider, who despite being good looking and tall (6'3'') still feels he's not good enough because he doesn't have a six-pack. WTF is that about?

But apart from recognizing this problem and being critical about, like JackArthurSmith was asking, HOW do we address this issue?



HOW do we create and instill better values amongst the gay men of this community? Because from my observation, the young men of the past who only valued beauty and meaningless sex end up becoming bitter lonely old men whose only contribution to the community now is their cynicism and toxic attitude (while conveniently forgetting that when they were younger they too supported and condone this mindset that only value youth and beauty which still carries on today -- which of course rejects and excludes many of them now which is why they're bitter and cynical. Unless they're billionaires.).

So what can we do? What can we do to create a generation of health-conscious men who are also politically and socially aware -- who not only spend time working their bodies but also their soul (instilling empathy, charity in themselves) and civic-consciousness (spend time giving back to the community and the country)?

Also to add on what JamesStohl commented -- is it because gay men do not have children the reason a large number of gay men feel like they do not need to possess good values because they have no one to impart these values to? (meaning they do not feel responsible for anyone other than themselves -- they don't see themselves as role models for anyone)



Or could it be...that many gay men are actually truly bitches (so many gay men here I've noticed LOVE Mean Girls. Lol)

These are just my thoughts on the issues -- not concrete opinions on the matter. Does anybody else have their own thoughts and theories?

Edited to add:
Just another thought - perhaps SameSame can do a survey and find out what are the most important things to gay men? What are the kind of values do gay men possess?

Questions on what matters most - physical looks? intelligence and spiritual health? material possessions? status and wealth? family and community? Etc

Azulmelb this has to be the first post of yours I have up say is truly a piece of wank, a massive generalisation and condescending.

Gay men are like men everywhere, there are many who only give a damn about others, there are some who give a damn about themselves and others and there are those who only for a damn about themselves.

I've personally met a hell of a lot of damn kind and compassionate people who are deemed good lookers or perfect people who have given me the time of day and really have treated me with respect and to be honest in my experience I've actually met more average looking boy next door average guys who are the most nasty, selfish and vain people around and I'd say insecurity is the reason for the latter.

I'm really over people picking on the pretty and blaming them for the nasty attitude on the gay scene. It reeks of envy and insecurity in my opinion.

azulmelb

azulmelb said on the 17th Oct, 2012

Azulmelb this has to be the first post of yours I have up say is truly a piece of wank, a massive generalisation and condescending.

Gay men are like men everywhere, there are many who only give a damn about others, there are some who give a damn about themselves and others and there are those who only for a damn about themselves.

I've personally met a hell of a lot of damn kind and compassionate people who are deemed good lookers or perfect people who have given me the time of day and really have treated me with respect and to be honest in my experience I've actually met more average looking boy next door average guys who are the most nasty, selfish and vain people around and I'd say insecurity is the reason for the latter.

I'm really over people picking on the pretty and blaming them for the nasty attitude on the gay scene. It reeks of envy and insecurity in my opinion.

I don't think I'm picking on the pretty per se -- obviously there would be good looking guys who are nice, etc -- I'm just commenting on the mindset that focuses on physical perfection above everything else.

And like I said -- these are just my thoughts, not concrete opinions -- I could be wrong but based upon my own experience and from this writer and some posters here, they feel the same too.

And I don't think we're necessarily picking on the pretty but rather people who are afflicted with borderline/actual narcissistic personality disorder - working out 6-7 days a week (for 4-5 hours), unashamedly vain, amazingly thoughtless, completely self-involved and relentlessly self-serving. And we're also critiquing the culture that only promotes and reinforces this attitude and values.

In the straight community, it appears to me, the major milestones (whether right or wrong) are getting married, having a beautiful lavish wedding and then having kids -- these make the covers of the magazines.

But for gay men -- what are the milestones? Having a hot muscular body (this make the covers definitely) and having an equally or even better - a hotter and usually younger partner. And what else? (again these are just my observations so far)

I'm not saying ALL gay men are like this but it FEELS like this is the popular culture and attitude. Similarly, a lot more gay men are barebacking in New York -- NOT ALL gay men are having unprotected sex but it FEELS like more and more gay men are doing this (as reflected by the many porn sites that are now featuring bareback sex).

I would seriously love to be wrong on this issue -- perhaps I have met more shallow, mean spirited, arrogant, vapid and vacuous people than nice, humble, sincere and caring gay men but that's my experience, unfortunately...

Edited to add:
An observation about the kind of work I've done -- I have worked in the humanitarian field (aid work); in community work (women and children infected and affected with HIV/AIDS & refugee support); NGO work (human rights, social and racial justice) -- and what I've noticed is that there are more women (a lot more) than men working in these areas (even in the UN, certain agencies have more women than men).

So, maybe it's men in general -- not just gay men -- that tend to be selfish and self-serving? Again -- I don't mean to generalize but this is my experience and my observation -- and I've been involved in this kinda work since 2001...

crazzymikey

crazzymikey said on the 17th Oct, 2012

I guess the bottom line to this article is get your heads out of your arses and start treating each other with respect and courtesy. How you perceive your hotness is a distraction from this point. Don't just be nice to someone cause you want to fuck them. same goes for the racist threads. its all about language, manners, respect and love for each other. it all starts with loving yourself, which sadly most gays seem to struggle with for obvious reasons.

It is sad that we as gay men are ostracised from society and treated terribly yet we have created this world where we treat each other so badly and put unrealistic expectations on how we should look and have forgotten about the important things as well. Since when was there only one way to be a 'man' ? I sure don't want a guy who is into footy and mechanics. We have created an image that means aging when you are a gay men is a sad and lonely time whilst our straight male friends are seen by women when they get older as distinguished.

We have forgotten how to communicate with each other as friends and people - gay boys clinging to their fag hags in corners of bars too scared to chat with each other, or be honest about their feelings for fear of rejection. we reduce ourselves to stats and naked pics on mobile apps and sex dating sites ( have you looked at the ads on those things?? on my manhunt the other day there was a pic of a guy with 6 penis in his face on my message board and another on the main window - what kind of message are we sending) hardly relationship environment. When we are in bars and clubs its too loud to chat and in sydney people are so insecure that it is hard to approach strangers for a conversation.

Perhaps the questions we should be asking is what can we change here about ourselves and not singling out 'hot ones' or 'white ones' or 'masculine one's or whatever you say is the problem group responsible for it all.

No matter how much you work out, diet, and moisturise and get things done to yourself and look as shiny and prestine as an air brushed super human DNA model, if you don't love yourself then none of that matters! If you want respect and love from others then be the one to give it to the world and to yourself. As the saying goes; "be the change you want to see in the world"

one aus man

one aus man said on the 17th Oct, 2012

I guess the bottom line to this article is get your heads out of your arses and start treating each other with respect and courtesy. How you perceive your hotness is a distraction from this point. Don't just be nice to someone cause you want to fuck them. same goes for the racist threads. its all about language, manners, respect and love for each other. it all starts with loving yourself, which sadly most gays seem to struggle with for obvious reasons.

It is sad that we as gay men are ostracised from society and treated terribly yet we have created this world where we treat each other so badly and put unrealistic expectations on how we should look and have forgotten about the important things as well. Since when was there only one way to be a 'man' ? I sure don't want a guy who is into footy and mechanics. We have created an image that means aging when you are a gay men is a sad and lonely time whilst our straight male friends are seen by women when they get older as distinguished.

We have forgotten how to communicate with each other as friends and people - gay boys clinging to their fag hags in corners of bars too scared to chat with each other, or be honest about their feelings for fear of rejection. we reduce ourselves to stats and naked pics on mobile apps and sex dating sites ( have you looked at the ads on those things?? on my manhunt the other day there was a pic of a guy with 6 penis in his face on my message board and another on the main window - what kind of message are we sending) hardly relationship environment. When we are in bars and clubs its too loud to chat and in sydney people are so insecure that it is hard to approach strangers for a conversation.

Perhaps the questions we should be asking is what can we change here about ourselves and not singling out 'hot ones' or 'white ones' or 'masculine one's or whatever you say is the problem group responsible for it all.

No matter how much you work out, diet, and moisturise and get things done to yourself and look as shiny and prestine as an air brushed super human DNA model, if you don't love yourself then none of that matters! If you want respect and love from others then be the one to give it to the world and to yourself. As the saying goes; "be the change you want to see in the world"

you get the nobel gay peace prize :)

MrAsh

MrAsh said on the 17th Oct, 2012

I guess the bottom line to this article is get your heads out of your arses and start treating each other with respect and courtesy. How you perceive your hotness is a distraction from this point. Don't just be nice to someone cause you want to fuck them. same goes for the racist threads. its all about language, manners, respect and love for each other. it all starts with loving yourself, which sadly most gays seem to struggle with for obvious reasons.

It is sad that we as gay men are ostracised from society and treated terribly yet we have created this world where we treat each other so badly and put unrealistic expectations on how we should look and have forgotten about the important things as well. Since when was there only one way to be a 'man' ? I sure don't want a guy who is into footy and mechanics. We have created an image that means aging when you are a gay men is a sad and lonely time whilst our straight male friends are seen by women when they get older as distinguished.

We have forgotten how to communicate with each other as friends and people - gay boys clinging to their fag hags in corners of bars too scared to chat with each other, or be honest about their feelings for fear of rejection. we reduce ourselves to stats and naked pics on mobile apps and sex dating sites ( have you looked at the ads on those things?? on my manhunt the other day there was a pic of a guy with 6 penis in his face on my message board and another on the main window - what kind of message are we sending) hardly relationship environment. When we are in bars and clubs its too loud to chat and in sydney people are so insecure that it is hard to approach strangers for a conversation.

Perhaps the questions we should be asking is what can we change here about ourselves and not singling out 'hot ones' or 'white ones' or 'masculine one's or whatever you say is the problem group responsible for it all.

No matter how much you work out, diet, and moisturise and get things done to yourself and look as shiny and prestine as an air brushed super human DNA model, if you don't love yourself then none of that matters! If you want respect and love from others then be the one to give it to the world and to yourself. As the saying goes; "be the change you want to see in the world"

CM brilliant post. This should be posted as a SameSame opinion piece!

azulmelb

azulmelb said on the 18th Oct, 2012

This is what I'm talking about...

Colby Melvin's more than a model
http://www.samesame.com.au/news/international/9051/Colby-Melvins-more-than-a-model.htm

- He’s one of the sexy spoke-models for Andrew Christian, has a southern accent and on top of all that this 20-something is committed to raising awareness of LGBT issues.

- Colby combined his passion for politics and his love of entertainment by producing and starring in a parody video of a popular One Direction hit with Full Frontal Freedom that has now received over three million views and became one of the most watched political videos of 2012.

This resulted in Colby receiving the Human Rights Award for Political Performing Arts from the Jim Owles Liberal Democratic Club in New York and putting him in the spotlight for his willingness to publicly fight for the causes he believes in.

“I don’t have the perfect body but I’m comfortable with it and that’s a message I want to put out there, too, for all of these troubled teens and people that are struggling with coming out and body image issues. Just love yourself. That’s what I’m trying to do.”

“I do think we need stronger role models in the gay community. You know, when kids are coming out and they’re looking for who to look up to and are trying to figure out how to be gay– while I have a ton of friends who are porn stars, I think we need a more diverse selection of role models for the up and coming gay generation."

There needs to be more gay dudes like Colby -- guys who believe that there's more to life than looking good; wanting to feel superior to others; wanting to fuck everyone that you can; and being self-centred and self-serving...