You meet a new guy. This is exciting… he’s boyfriend material.
Here’s the dilemma – should you leap into bed right away, or get to know them a little better first?
As usual, gay workmates Jack Arthur Smith and Christopher Carroll disagree…
Let’s get physical, suggests Jack. Why wait?
Sex on the first date is like buying a brand new pair of shoes. There’s no point investing time and money only to find yourself desperately trying to squeeze your foot into a tiny unfittable hole or having it flop about like a coin in a clown’s pocket. With all the styles, models, types and designs out there, you simply have to try before you buy.
Of course it’s important to know that sex alone does not a relationship make. But if you consider the act of physical love an integral part of a strong and enduring connection, there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting naked and going down to pleasure town as long as you’re both comfortable, ready, willing and able.
All these lame, wait-for-the-third-date-and-keep-him-waiting “rules” are complete bullshit. Life is far too complicated as it is to add in ridiculous games and even more reasons for people to bag one another out. If you like a guy and he likes you, there’s no harm in acting on your most basic, animal urges if the occasion and sufficient lube/condom situation presents itself. It won’t make you easy, it won’t make you a slut and it won’t make you a whore.
Now I’m not saying it’s a first date essential. If there’s no sexual attraction or you just couldn’t be arsed to douche, for example, then wishing each other goodnight post-meal without an orgasm is perfectly fine. Personally though, nothing turns me on more than a great dinner date, and if like me you’re somewhat of a gym junkie, the only dessert I’m after is a thorough workout.
Terrible puns and tenuous shoe metaphors aside, however, as long as it’s safe and consensual, sex on the first date is A-OK in my books. There’s nothing more attractive than a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go and get it.
Besides, my boyfriend fucked me within an inch of my life on our first date and a year and a half later we’re still going strong.
You can’t hurry love, advises Chris…
I hate to start my argument with a cliché (and by hate to I mean love to), but the old adage of ‘why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’ still rings true. Sleeping with a guy on the first date is a no-deal scenario for a few reasons (and not just because sex on a belly full of beef vindaloo isn’t ideal).
Firstly, you can find a guy to shag with the click of a button on Grindr, or pretty quickly in a club, bar or sauna. The entire process of a date (the small talk, the awkward bill-paying moment, selecting food that’s not sloppy) seems so redundant if all you want to do at the end of it all is eat each other. Why waste time on a possibly bad date when you can cut that part out and get straight into participating in a possibly bad root?
And FYI, meeting for a drink and then going back to his place is not a date; that’s just a fuck with refreshments.
Now, if you’re legitimately dating with the hopes it will turn into a relationship, I still say don’t sleep with him right away. Even if the sex is phenomenal and he has a penis so breathtakingly gorgeous that you want to worship it and offer sacrifices to it, you can’t fall in love with a cock (no, really!).
If a relationship does eventuate after first date sex, the excitement of early shagging can wear off and it’s possible you’ll be left with a weak relationship based solely on sex. And when you have a real issue you need support getting through, his pretty package will not be the proverbial shoulder you can cry on (‘Tears on my Balls’ is not the name of the song).
For me, at least, the hunt for good sex and great love was always two separate endeavours.
I say keep the dates clean and keep the sexcapades dirty.
So what do you reckon? Has Jack convinced you, or do you side with Chris?
Below, give us your thoughts on whether or not to rush into sex when meeting someone new.