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Jack & Chris debate: Sex nowor sex later?

You meet a new guy. This is exciting… he’s boyfriend material.

Here’s the dilemma – should you leap into bed right away, or get to know them a little better first?

As usual, gay workmates Jack Arthur Smith and Christopher Carroll disagree…

Let’s get physical, suggests Jack. Why wait?

Sex on the first date is like buying a brand new pair of shoes. There’s no point investing time and money only to find yourself desperately trying to squeeze your foot into a tiny unfittable hole or having it flop about like a coin in a clown’s pocket. With all the styles, models, types and designs out there, you simply have to try before you buy.

Of course it’s important to know that sex alone does not a relationship make. But if you consider the act of physical love an integral part of a strong and enduring connection, there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting naked and going down to pleasure town as long as you’re both comfortable, ready, willing and able.

All these lame, wait-for-the-third-date-and-keep-him-waiting “rules” are complete bullshit. Life is far too complicated as it is to add in ridiculous games and even more reasons for people to bag one another out. If you like a guy and he likes you, there’s no harm in acting on your most basic, animal urges if the occasion and sufficient lube/condom situation presents itself. It won’t make you easy, it won’t make you a slut and it won’t make you a whore.

Now I’m not saying it’s a first date essential. If there’s no sexual attraction or you just couldn’t be arsed to douche, for example, then wishing each other goodnight post-meal without an orgasm is perfectly fine. Personally though, nothing turns me on more than a great dinner date, and if like me you’re somewhat of a gym junkie, the only dessert I’m after is a thorough workout.

Terrible puns and tenuous shoe metaphors aside, however, as long as it’s safe and consensual, sex on the first date is A-OK in my books. There’s nothing more attractive than a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go and get it.

Besides, my boyfriend fucked me within an inch of my life on our first date and a year and a half later we’re still going strong.

You can’t hurry love, advises Chris…

I hate to start my argument with a cliché (and by hate to I mean love to), but the old adage of ‘why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’ still rings true. Sleeping with a guy on the first date is a no-deal scenario for a few reasons (and not just because sex on a belly full of beef vindaloo isn’t ideal).

Firstly, you can find a guy to shag with the click of a button on Grindr, or pretty quickly in a club, bar or sauna. The entire process of a date (the small talk, the awkward bill-paying moment, selecting food that’s not sloppy) seems so redundant if all you want to do at the end of it all is eat each other. Why waste time on a possibly bad date when you can cut that part out and get straight into participating in a possibly bad root?

And FYI, meeting for a drink and then going back to his place is not a date; that’s just a fuck with refreshments.

Now, if you’re legitimately dating with the hopes it will turn into a relationship, I still say don’t sleep with him right away. Even if the sex is phenomenal and he has a penis so breathtakingly gorgeous that you want to worship it and offer sacrifices to it, you can’t fall in love with a cock (no, really!).

If a relationship does eventuate after first date sex, the excitement of early shagging can wear off and it’s possible you’ll be left with a weak relationship based solely on sex. And when you have a real issue you need support getting through, his pretty package will not be the proverbial shoulder you can cry on (‘Tears on my Balls’ is not the name of the song).

For me, at least, the hunt for good sex and great love was always two separate endeavours.

I say keep the dates clean and keep the sexcapades dirty.

So what do you reckon? Has Jack convinced you, or do you side with Chris?

Below, give us your thoughts on whether or not to rush into sex when meeting someone new.

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chazharris said on the 16th Nov, 2012

I'm 100% with Chris on this one, sex is nice but intimacy only comes from being naked. Being naked is not taking off your clothes, it's revealing your fears, your insecurities, your hopes, your dreams and desires and having someone still want you anyway.

Feeling understood and lying all night in each other's arms is more appealing and a longer lasting rush than a quick fuck and an awkward morning goodbye in my book.


The_Freak said on the 16th Nov, 2012

Why do I have a burning need to say, "....... In my day ....."?

I don't know! Must be an "age" thing. Anyhoo .......

While I always wanted the beginning of a relationship to start out like Chris describes, I have to admit honestly that it was more like Jack's version of things. That is, when I wanted a relationship ........ all those "eons" ago.

I guess meeting people is a bit different today what with the interwebby thingy and "apps" and things that we didn't have when I was out there in the "dating game". You know ..... in the Dark Ages.

Ahhh dating! One human ritual I sincerely don't miss anymore.

The "first date jitters" - "Will he like me?", "God! Don't open your mouth and say something stupid", the "be- careful- what- you- order- at- the- restaurant" syndrome (Spag Bolls a big No No) and my all time favourite from the past - "What the f**k do I wear to the first date?" dilemna (something "Butch", "neutral", "smart casual" or just go for "down-right slutty"). The spending hours on end trying on then discarding nearly every item in your wardrobe until you basically settle on ..... the first thing you tried on!

Nope! ....... Don't miss it at all!

Life's much simpler these days ....... for this old Freak :D:D


Zepol23 said on the 16th Nov, 2012

i prefer getting to know the person first... i guess thats why im still a untouched virginal bottom. alas. one day someone will have the patience...or i'll give up on this ideal and get pounded like a bitch.



NATEE said on the 16th Nov, 2012

Boyfriends does that even exist in Sydney or Australia in general ? lol


ernesto_1 said on the 17th Nov, 2012

geezuz i dont know wot to think anymore. i am so confused about love and life. i cant find any one... i am not getting the affection and l0ve i deserve etc. there is no one out there for me etc etc etc


mark_ said on the 17th Nov, 2012

Be careful, Zepolo. Ernesto advises



Zepol23 said on the 17th Nov, 2012

Be careful, Zepolo. Ernesto advises


maybe i should get a pack of tampies? i'll be asking for samesame's tips when the time comes :P


dougster said on the 17th Nov, 2012

get off ss & get out more man. there out there. but u gotta find them they wont cum lookin 4 u


chad_74 said on the 17th Nov, 2012

Just theyre very sharing type guys


meezon04 said on the 17th Nov, 2012

I agree with both. Whatever happens, happens! Chemistry is either there or it isn't, first-date-root or not.


biflab said on the 20th Nov, 2012

There are good points from both. Love vs Lust - difficult to judge. It all depends on the people, the circumstances, the chemistry. I would prefer to wait to get to know the person better to know whether to trust him to share intimacy and sex. Lust will always play a role in any relationship but whether lust turns to love depends on the lovers and their ability to communicate openly.