Outed by my hairdresser

[Baby]

My friends and family pretty much know I'm out, but at work I've chosen to keep my private life private. I work in very gossipy environment and when others have come out it's been BIG NEWS.

At the hairdresser a few weeks ago I mentioned I was going to Pinkalicious. I didn't say what it was, and I found when I mentioned it to most people they had no idea anyway and I'd just say it's a nightclub. Well my hairdresser, being the nosy cow she is, decided to find out. She THEN told a collegue I work with...not just anyone, but the biggest gossip in the whole company. My collegue burst into my work today, and in front of workmates and customers proceeded to announce that she'd been to the Pinkalicious WEBSITE and found photos of me, then told everyone what Pinkalicious was. Can you believe that?

[ammonite]

that's just discusting.

are you ok?

[Asherbella]

Only a small mind would find the knowledge of a workmate's lesbianism as a source of titilation. The reward for gossips is the feeling of imparting info that is 'forbidden' or 'shocking'; they have an audience, they have the *ammunition* & crave attention - mainly caused by the hum-drum existance they lead day to day. The way to stop a gossip is to remove the influence they think they have. React with expressionless face, deadpan voice & respond as if distracted, better yet, not at all.

[TheOldie]

For a start get yourself a new hairdresser and make sure the office gossip knows this so it gets back to them why you have left.

Still I have my own ways of dealing with office gossips :) but they are such a pain in the arse.

Hope work is OK .

[Baby]

I'm fine, thanks for asking Ammonite, but very angry. Not so much at being outed but the way it was handled. If someone asked me quietly and privately, I'd be happy to tell them but to have my hairdresser tell a workmate, and have that workmate splash it around work just pissed me off. The worst part is the Gossip said she was talking to my hairdresser at their kids school and my hairdresser was "worried" that I'm gay because I went to Pink. Then the Gossip was so "worried" she had to come and confront me in front of everyone, in case *shock horror* someone might actually be....*gasp*....GAY. God forbid.

[ammonite]

worried? as in worried for your happiness and health, or worried about having to cut a lesbians hair and work with one?

[Baby]

A bit of both I guess, worried that sweet innocent Baby might be a rug munching dyke, oh dear God no!!!!!

[robbie]

This bitch should go down for her inappropriateness. You MUST speak to a superior and explain the invasion of privacy. She needs to learn that someone's sexuality is not a piece of gossip.

You could resign and take the company to court? :)

[Baby]

The hairdresser or coworker Robbie? The hairdresser runs her own business, no superior to complain to. As for the coworker, I am her superior. We're going to have words this week, let me tell you.

[Baby]

I confronted both of them together today, and the Gossip got quite upset and tried to turn it back on me, that she never said anything and she was offended that I would accuse her of something. The Hairdresser was very apologetic and embarrassed, she said she was only telling the Gossip I was gay so she would back off from constantly trying to find me a man. She felt terrible, but the Gossip insists she did nothing wrong and denied half the things she said even though 3 of us heard it!

[pho3nixphir3]

oh WOW that's outrageous! i feel for you, you have my sympathy. do tell what happens to the gossip, i'd love to hear of some comeuppance. meanwhile, hang in there =).

[rudeboy86]

Well hoping that the hairdresser keeps in the spirit of passing things on...why dont you fuckin backhand them into next week and see if your workmate comes in with a sore face the next day...lol

[ateegnas]

That is ridiculous! I heard a similar story from another friend who I used to work with. Someone decided to out him and two others at a work function to the head of the department. A bit of "so, did you know...." No idea what the motivation was.. It was simply mean-spirited.

[Spark1982]

You know, in Jewish culture they consider gossip to hurt three people: the person being talked about, the person who listens, and perhaps most of all, the person who gossips. It's an interesting perspective.

You've been outed at work (happened to me too, actually, via a customer). That must be really annoying, and was insenstive. of her (mine was an accident). But the bigger thing, I'd like to think, is that your collegue outed herself as an insensitive, grandstanding gossip of the first water - hunting for pictures of you on the club's website is extreme intrusive of her!

I think people will have lost some respect for her, and even those who like her will hopefully be sensible enough not to trust her with anything important or sensitive.

[Baby]

Thanks guys, it seems to have blown over for now. The problem is that in my line of work, I have to keep a certain image and while being gay should not be an issue for any job, it could be for mine. My other collegue who was with me the day the Gossip burst in screeching "So did you pick up any chicks at the gay bar" said to me the next day she was quite upset for me (even though being gay doesn't bother her one bit and she even offered to hook me up with a friend of hers!) because she thought it was inappropriate to announce it the way she did, especially in front of customers who might pass it on.

[ToraHymen]

If your her superior then you need to let your superior know what happened and if there are witnesses who will vouch for you there are grounds to dismiss this girl.

A few years ago some staff who worked under me were in a very similar predicament and the person who outed the other in a similar was dismissed and this sent a very clear message to the rest of the department that gossip of that kind, true or not would not be tolerated. The company, mangement and HR departments took it very seriously.

Sounds like your workplace would benefit if this 'huge gossiper' was removed from the work environment.

[naughtylion]

IMO going to a superior would just make things worse. Another slice for people to gossip about. People are always going to gossip, whether you know about it or not, AND weather you like it or not. Rather than waste energy fighting it, although it's unfortunate that if affected you so badly, I think the best thing to do would just be to, not ignore it, but don't let it phase you. Because people gossip, it's what we do and it's been proven it's in our nature. Anyone that doesn't is a deluded liar.

I am sorry you got hurt by it though honey, and by all means if people start to actually harass you about it, I'd advise you to escalate it through the appropriate channels.

And off the record, it sounds like the people you work with are fuckwits.

[Timor_Sea]

I am so sorry to hear that. Now that it is out in the open, why not lodge a complaint at work with your supervisor? If she was apologetic and sincerely didnt mean to out you, you could brush it off. But it sounds like she was motivated out of nastiness. Don't take it.

[Baby]

It all seems to be ok for now, which is good. It all depended on this customer who heard it, whether she decided to make a fuss or not. In my line of work it's something customers could actually kick up about. Luckily this customer kept it to herself. I think naughtylion is right, making more complaints would only push the rumour forward. If she got fired she might go around saying she was fired for outing me, thus outing me to more people.