beingurself2
6th September 2009, 08:53 AM
Hi All,
Have you ever been frustrated, angry and damn right outraged by some men who currently identify as being gay?
But please remember the current single "Gay Scene Lifestyle" is all about me and what I can get out of it for me, and any social interaction again is all about (guess who?).
There has only been one person they have had to care for, or be responsible for....
Self centred, egocentric, self absorbed etc the list goes on, these are all typical characteristics of someone in their early adolescence. What has happened to the young gay male’s development, is that due to society’s prejudice and discrimination young gay males have not found been able to find their real identity and become comfortable with it,and this has lead them to be stagnated in personal growth.
Most guys who are/were in the “scene” fall into category, searching for what it is to be who they are, enter this false "gay"environment of insecurity and low self esteme, they feel they have found themselves as everyone there acts and behaves like them.
As the feelings of belonging and togetherness are the strongest under the influence of this environment, people become susceptible to drug addiction, alcohol dependence and other self destructive behaviours to extend their experience and to artificially give them confidence that they really lack. Unless an individual can develop into a skin they are totally comfortable with and not a superficial one they will be stuck in this developmental stage for a long time and some never actually leave it. We need to give today’s young the tools they need to successfully navigate these very dangerous waters and to be less egocentric.
A lot of young guys do finally escape this superficial world and go on to be in real mature relationships and lead safe secure lives with their partners in the suburbs, the average person never gets to hear of these success stories. Their development usually has depended on them finding themselves and then being in an environment to nurture their understanding of others and to be able to empathises.
This is a very very brief observation of a very complex issue. It hasn’t covered many of the possible solutions that are out there.
Remember with any generalised theories there are many exceptions at both ends of the spectrum. This is based on my dealings and relationships with the scene over the last 4 years. On my profile is a very brief outline of what I have had to go through to hopefully become part of a large group of educators that will be there for the next generation to support them to become the beautiful human beings we all have the potential to be. :)
Sean....
For those who want to know more about me read below............................................. ......
My name is Sean. Four years ago I was married with two beautiful children and a fantastic wife, I had a large home and a successful business. January the 5th 2005 I rolled over in bed after many months of depression even though many thought I had the great life and told my wife I liked men.
When those words came out of my mouth I didnt realise the rabbit hole I was about to fall into. I wasnt prepared and didnt know where to turn to for help to understand what was happening to me. After many many casual male experiences I kept feeling more and more lonely. I was on gaydar constantly trying to find what was missing.
After about 8 months living like this I went back to my wife disappointed and disillusioned with gay life. Where were all the nice decent guys? I had not completely left the family, as my wife said if I wanted to return to the family I could after I got my "illness" completely out of my system. When I approached her about returning home she said I should wait a little more to make sure I was "better".
In two short weeks I met a young man of 21 who blew me away, he was caring, decent, intelligent, funny and found me interesting. I was in love...little did I understand.... I had met him in Melbourne on a business trip. I didnt realise it at the time that he was suffering from many mental health issues caused from abuse when he was younger and was using drugs and alcohol to mask them. As I was helping produce a feature film at the time and had to move to Melbourne to help set up production thats where our friendship grew.
Being that I had come from a stable, loving family life with no problems, to suddenly confronting drugs, the scene and the "Gay Lifestyle". I was totally unprepared even at my age and supposed maturity. I didnt have the tools to deal with what was happening in my life and I didnt know where to turn. So my relationship with my ex was very rocky and it slid into a dark place for both of us. Alot happened during this time, enough for a book but lets just say It ended with me having to call the police as I was constantly being beaten up every weekend. Fighting with someone on drugs is a lost cause.
My ex from that day stopped taking drugs and sought help from a psychiatrist. But my ex never forgave me for calling the police and our relationship soon failed. It still hurts today to think he felt I was controlling and manipulating in the bad sense when all I wanted was for him to be mentally healthy and off drugs.
Because I was new to the gay life and drugs I made alot of mistakes in the relationship too. I wasnt an angel either
Now I understand, that once I found out about his mental health situation and drug use I should have stopped our relationship as it could never work and continue it as a friend so he could get the help he needed. Yes we can look back now and see what I should have done. Even after many many months of no contact with my ex I think about him and the mistakes I made so as to never repeat them again.
My exBF thought that being a young gay man meant you had to be part of the scene and take drugs, as to him there was no other way to socialise. With that comment still firmly implanted in my mind I have been wanting to create a safe place for young gay youth to grow outside the traditional scene.
After my break up with my exbf went back to TAFE so, I am currently a qualified assistant in nursing in the community specialising in mental health and disability issues with young men. I am also a Nursing Student at University majoring in Mental Health.
From the ashes of my relationships with my exwife and my exBF comes a man determined to support and help gay youth reach their full potential by providing them with the tools and resources and a safe place to have fun and express themselves.
Have you ever been frustrated, angry and damn right outraged by some men who currently identify as being gay?
But please remember the current single "Gay Scene Lifestyle" is all about me and what I can get out of it for me, and any social interaction again is all about (guess who?).
There has only been one person they have had to care for, or be responsible for....
Self centred, egocentric, self absorbed etc the list goes on, these are all typical characteristics of someone in their early adolescence. What has happened to the young gay male’s development, is that due to society’s prejudice and discrimination young gay males have not found been able to find their real identity and become comfortable with it,and this has lead them to be stagnated in personal growth.
Most guys who are/were in the “scene” fall into category, searching for what it is to be who they are, enter this false "gay"environment of insecurity and low self esteme, they feel they have found themselves as everyone there acts and behaves like them.
As the feelings of belonging and togetherness are the strongest under the influence of this environment, people become susceptible to drug addiction, alcohol dependence and other self destructive behaviours to extend their experience and to artificially give them confidence that they really lack. Unless an individual can develop into a skin they are totally comfortable with and not a superficial one they will be stuck in this developmental stage for a long time and some never actually leave it. We need to give today’s young the tools they need to successfully navigate these very dangerous waters and to be less egocentric.
A lot of young guys do finally escape this superficial world and go on to be in real mature relationships and lead safe secure lives with their partners in the suburbs, the average person never gets to hear of these success stories. Their development usually has depended on them finding themselves and then being in an environment to nurture their understanding of others and to be able to empathises.
This is a very very brief observation of a very complex issue. It hasn’t covered many of the possible solutions that are out there.
Remember with any generalised theories there are many exceptions at both ends of the spectrum. This is based on my dealings and relationships with the scene over the last 4 years. On my profile is a very brief outline of what I have had to go through to hopefully become part of a large group of educators that will be there for the next generation to support them to become the beautiful human beings we all have the potential to be. :)
Sean....
For those who want to know more about me read below............................................. ......
My name is Sean. Four years ago I was married with two beautiful children and a fantastic wife, I had a large home and a successful business. January the 5th 2005 I rolled over in bed after many months of depression even though many thought I had the great life and told my wife I liked men.
When those words came out of my mouth I didnt realise the rabbit hole I was about to fall into. I wasnt prepared and didnt know where to turn to for help to understand what was happening to me. After many many casual male experiences I kept feeling more and more lonely. I was on gaydar constantly trying to find what was missing.
After about 8 months living like this I went back to my wife disappointed and disillusioned with gay life. Where were all the nice decent guys? I had not completely left the family, as my wife said if I wanted to return to the family I could after I got my "illness" completely out of my system. When I approached her about returning home she said I should wait a little more to make sure I was "better".
In two short weeks I met a young man of 21 who blew me away, he was caring, decent, intelligent, funny and found me interesting. I was in love...little did I understand.... I had met him in Melbourne on a business trip. I didnt realise it at the time that he was suffering from many mental health issues caused from abuse when he was younger and was using drugs and alcohol to mask them. As I was helping produce a feature film at the time and had to move to Melbourne to help set up production thats where our friendship grew.
Being that I had come from a stable, loving family life with no problems, to suddenly confronting drugs, the scene and the "Gay Lifestyle". I was totally unprepared even at my age and supposed maturity. I didnt have the tools to deal with what was happening in my life and I didnt know where to turn. So my relationship with my ex was very rocky and it slid into a dark place for both of us. Alot happened during this time, enough for a book but lets just say It ended with me having to call the police as I was constantly being beaten up every weekend. Fighting with someone on drugs is a lost cause.
My ex from that day stopped taking drugs and sought help from a psychiatrist. But my ex never forgave me for calling the police and our relationship soon failed. It still hurts today to think he felt I was controlling and manipulating in the bad sense when all I wanted was for him to be mentally healthy and off drugs.
Because I was new to the gay life and drugs I made alot of mistakes in the relationship too. I wasnt an angel either
Now I understand, that once I found out about his mental health situation and drug use I should have stopped our relationship as it could never work and continue it as a friend so he could get the help he needed. Yes we can look back now and see what I should have done. Even after many many months of no contact with my ex I think about him and the mistakes I made so as to never repeat them again.
My exBF thought that being a young gay man meant you had to be part of the scene and take drugs, as to him there was no other way to socialise. With that comment still firmly implanted in my mind I have been wanting to create a safe place for young gay youth to grow outside the traditional scene.
After my break up with my exbf went back to TAFE so, I am currently a qualified assistant in nursing in the community specialising in mental health and disability issues with young men. I am also a Nursing Student at University majoring in Mental Health.
From the ashes of my relationships with my exwife and my exBF comes a man determined to support and help gay youth reach their full potential by providing them with the tools and resources and a safe place to have fun and express themselves.