they're taking her away from me...

[FreedomPetal]

I've been with my Girlfriend for about 10months now and prior to that she was my bestfriend and well of course still remains my bestfriend.

im having a really hard time dealing with the way life is throwing us curve balls.

i am so happy in my relationship, i love every single second of it, even if we are fighting.

recently she was offered a job, a really amazing opportunity that she has been waiting for, the only catch is, this job is based in Sydney, and of course we live in melbourne.

i know it seems obvious, that if im that in love i should cart myself up there with her, but i have a year left of nursing at university and its not really possible for me to move.

she seems to think that long distance will work and of course she plans to visit every weekend or once a fortnight!

i was wondering if anyone has found themselves in the same situation? if so, how the hell do you cope with knowing you may lose this person forever...

:(

[naughtylion]

Every situation's different hun - but they all suck just same when a loved one has to relocate and following them may prove difficult. Personally, I tend to think that if I was that sure that this person is something special and absolutely had to move then I'd follow, but I'm not one for following any old someone around the country - for me to relocate they'd have to be pretty special.

I think if you wanna do it, do it. Nothing is stopping you. I'm sure your study can be managed somehow - weather you do the last bit via correspondence or even if the move would cause the course to run 6 months longer. If she's worth the relocation, she's worth the pain in your backside it'll be to get your course wrapped up.

Don't leave your course though... one dream shouldn't dash another.

However if you think you guys could handle a long distance relationship - by all means do that too, but only if you're prepared make it work. Going into a LDR doubtful and with negative energy is not good in the long run. If you're gonna do it, rock it. :)

Good luck with everything - I really hope it works out for ya. x

[jojjie]

Hey FreedomPetal!

My girlfriend and I have been together for four and a bit years, and for this year we've been in a long-distance relationship. It's been up and down, good bits and bad bits, but if you want to be together then you just do what you need to do to make it work :) Like naughtylion says though, don't either of you give up your study or work; you might just end up resenting the other person.

Seeing each other every weekend is cool, plus there's skype / phones / etc, it's doable :) my girlfriend and I basically live as far apart as it's possible to do while remaining in the same country so we've only been able to see each other every few months cos of money and time factors. But if you make the decision to manage, you manage.

Anyway good luck with everything!!! <3

[FreedomPetal]

thank you so much for your support! :)

[marky markywicz]

FP,

Some good advice there from the cat that licks its balls.

Don't lose site of your personal goal of Nursing.
I'ts only a year more.
There are some amazingly cheap fares now that Tiger is flying between MEL -SYD.
Book as far a head as possible for the best fares, some of the other carriers are sometimes matching the Low tiger fares.
Use skype or similar.
Not forgetting some of the great home and mobile plans allowing free calls between certain times and others which are mobile to mobile... look into theses.
IT CAN BE DONE.
Don't be drawn into the saying of "long distance relationship do not work"

They can as long as there is a clear time frame of how long you will be apart and that there is a means to an end i.e a plan to be together at the end of say 12 months.
And regular set shared visits.
If you can both agree on terms and communicate this well
you have eveything to gain by going down this path.

I wish you both insight and happyness.

[Flaneur]

You can't do nursing at a sydney uni??

[sTaRiA]

Aw this breaks my heart to read :(

I hope it all works out.

I was in a similar situation just one year ago... I had plans to move to Melbourne. I had a job, a place, everything lined up down there... But then the unexpected happened. I fell in love. I ended up changing my plans just one week before my flight to Melbourne. I figured, if love isn't worth taking a chance on. What is? I have faced a number of challenges this past year but as far as my decision to stay goes, I haven't looked back. I am happy to say things worked out and we are still together and very much in love.

So my advice is, if it is at all possible to go with her... GO!

But it depends on the person. I couldn't do long distance purely because I am quite paranoid and jealous in nature. It would drive me crazy. But if you are both strong, I'm sure you will make it work.

xo

[FreedomPetal]

You can't do nursing at a sydney uni??

its really hard to transfer universities with nursing, because they all focus on different content etc and have different requirements for practical placement that would be hard to figure out.

i would follow her anywhere in the world, i just don't know how to do it, its happening all wrong and im not sure what life is trying to tell me :(

its so difficult, we spend out nights in bed just crying about it. its an awful feeling but we both know it can be done if we work hard and stay loyal.

i am also a very paranoid and jealous person, and i know i will have a tough time wondering what shes up to, because im stupid like that!

:( your advice has been amazing, im very thankful that i have access to a network full of strong minded people. love you all xoxoxoxoxo

[jojjie]

figured, if love isn't worth taking a chance on. What is?

Absolutely.

Hang in there FreedomPetal, things will get better- it's probably the hardest it's going to be right now, when you haven't made a decision yet. Once you have things will be calmer and you can get a plan in place about how things are going to work.

Don't be drawn into the saying of "long distance relationship do not work"

They can as long as there is a clear time frame of how long you will be apart and that there is a means to an end i.e a plan to be together at the end of say 12 months. Totes. And of course, you must do what is right for you but for me and booshy it was the right thing for us to do to have a year apart so we could further our study / careers, and it has worked really well for us actually, even though at times it's been lonely and crap. Just need all those wonderful things like communication, trust, positivity, and sometimes saying to ourselves, "Ok, this is a crap feeling, but it won't always be like this so suck it up and move on." hahaha

Anyway good luck, sending lots of nice thoughts your way :)

[Baby]

I love Marky's advice, some great stuff in there. Yep - stick with the nursing course, it would be messy to transfer. If the relationship is strong, it will survive the distance and as Marky said, take advantage of those cheap flights. Tiger can be as cheap as $50 return if you book in advance, take turns flying down on weekends.

Maybe the distance will also be good for the relationship, because without the physical part your whole relationship will be about communication. You will also have to learn to deal with that jealous side of yourself, and learn to put it aside because it's unhealthy and will become an issue later on whether she moves or not.

[Asherbella]

You can get another girlfriend but you career is for life. Sounds rough, yes, I know this. One year separation will not prove to be hard if you both make the effort to endure the absence of physical intimacy & immediate closeness.
Priorities.
Your future livelihood, your capacity to take care of yourself financially, your identity, self-esteem - all comes from your job.
You can't support or appreciate a girlfriend if you're broke with no career. Stick to studying nursing where you are. Only one year to go. Like you said, she can visit you; you can visit her. It'll be tough for you both, it sounds cliche, but, you'll get used to it. You will cope. No. Make that thrive. I can tell.

[Asherbella]

i am also a very paranoid and jealous person, and i know i will have a tough time wondering what shes up to, because im stupid like that!
People aren't what they do, it's who they are inside. If your partner flirts with other girls it means that she has the human need to feel validated in that very moment.
Partners flirt with other people. Everyone does; to some degree.
Set your limits about what is considered OK.
What do you need your partner to say to you?
What is an acceptable way for her to reassure you?
How are you going to 'fill the void' of her absence in a meaningful way that solidifies or honours your relationship?

[FreedomPetal]

so we get the final word today, is she staying or going.

ive done my best to be strong, promise to support her and do my best to contribute to the relationship so we remain strong and happy.
i just really hope im strong enough for the both of our sakes.

you would not believe how helpful the advice each and everyone of has given- has helped! its really calmed me down and helped me to see that yes in reality this can work and it is possible to remain together and still be happy.

im just going to take each day as it comes, it might fail helplessly, and if so, then thats they way it was meant to be right?

*deep breath*

we can do this!

i hope that you can all look inside of yourself and take your own advice when you may need it because you are all so wise and compassionate and i cannot thank you enough for your honesty

well, ill phone in with the verdict a little later.... here goes nothing

<3 Petal

[marky markywicz]

PF,

Think positive thoughts that it can and will work.
Sending this message out to the universe will bring back to you what you have requested/created (natural law)
Let it be known what it is you desire and if this desire is for your higher good then it will surely materialise.
Trust in the answer yet always be aware you have free will to make your own decisions from the many possibilities life offers.

Thinking of you.

[Baby]

im just going to take each day as it comes, it might fail helplessly, and if so, then thats they way it was meant to be right?

If it does fail, just remember then that the relationship was not as strong as you though and was not meant to be. Relationships are always great as long as everything is running smoothly, the real test is when something happens that may divide you. If being separated ends your relationship because one of you cheats or can't handle it, it wasn't a good relationship anyway and better that it ends after 10 months than 10 years of being with the wrong person.

Either way, you will be ok. Whether she stays or goes, whether you stay together or not you will be ok.

[marky markywicz]

If it does fail, just remember then that the relationship was not as strong as you though and was not meant to be. Relationships are always great as long as everything is running smoothly, the real test is when something happens that may divide you. If being separated ends your relationship because one of you cheats or can't handle it, it wasn't a good relationship anyway and better that it ends after 10 months than 10 years of being with the wrong person.

Either way, you will be ok. Whether she stays or goes, whether you stay together or not you will be ok.

Yes true Miss M... how are you BTW xx

Hun, whatever the outcome you will survive and life goes on.
Most of us have been where you are and those who have not as yet more than likely will at some point in their life.
It's up to you guys to make it or break it.
No one will tell you the road ahead will be easy.
These life lessons make us what we are in the future.
Learn, grow, be hurt, be happy, be in the moment, love or let go.
Be thankful you met her whether for a month, a year or for 10 years.
Tomorrow is in your hands today!

[tweety]

so we get the final word today, is she staying or going.

ive done my best to be strong, promise to support her and do my best to contribute to the relationship so we remain strong and happy.
i just really hope im strong enough for the both of our sakes.

you would not believe how helpful the advice each and everyone of has given- has helped! its really calmed me down and helped me to see that yes in reality this can work and it is possible to remain together and still be happy.

im just going to take each day as it comes, it might fail helplessly, and if so, then thats they way it was meant to be right?

*deep breath*

we can do this!

i hope that you can all look inside of yourself and take your own advice when you may need it because you are all so wise and compassionate and i cannot thank you enough for your honesty

well, ill phone in with the verdict a little later.... here goes nothing

<3 Petal

there's a nice expression in my language which goes as follows: soup is never eaten as hot as it is served; maybe there's an english version of the expression but i think you know it means and it most certainly applies to your situation.

if you both want the LDR to work and you give it your all, it will work, i can promise you that. if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be.

i wish you all the best!!

[Baby]

Yes true Miss M... how are you BTW xx

Hun, whatever the outcome you will survive and life goes on.
Most of us have been where you are and those who have not as yet more than likely will at some point in their life.
It's up to you guys to make it or break it.
No one will tell you the road ahead will be easy.
These life lessons make us what we are in the future.
Learn, grow, be hurt, be happy, be in the moment, love or let go.
Be thankful you met her whether for a month, a year or for 10 years.
Tomorrow is in your hands today!

I'm good Mr M, will have to catch up with you one of these days!!

Relationships are work, that's for sure, and if the relationship is worth something you will work for it. You guys have been together 10 months and are still in that "everything's lovey" stage and this is your first real test. Even if she doesn't go away, another one will come along especially since as you say you have an issue with jealousy. That will find a way to raise its ugly head one day either way!

[FreedomPetal]

i can think of 1million reasons as to why this is happening, im trying to remain possitive about the reasons, trying really hard not to 'carry the worlds weight' by being over dramatic.

we got the final word. and its all cars go! many tears and sobby nights lingering around us!

She has to be in Sydney by Jan 19th. no time at all! trying to plan an impromptu holiday to spend our final days entangled in eachothers limbs and warmth!

ive come to realise, you are all right! if this fails despite our deepest love and hardest work- it simply wasnt mean to be! however, if successful, we will be blessed with amazing strength and appreciation for one another!

thank you again for all the wise words everybody! its so very comforting.

<3 xoxox

p.s im sure ill be back to whine in 2010. haha

[jojjie]

Good on ya FP ^_^

[Baby]

Oh no sorry to hear that Petal!!!

Well, Marky's already come up with the best advice, I think his ideas were great. Get skype hooked up, look into those free call mobiles, book yourselves some weekends together with the cheap airlines.

I know it will hurt but there will be some perks...think of the love letters you can write and the fireworks when you do see each other!!! I really do think you can make your relationship stronger!! Lots of couples make it work, my coworker Nikki has a boyfriend who lives quite far, every weekend they take turns driving down to the other one. They are quite happy with the situation and it means they never fight!

[iexela_28]

Hey :-)

Hope you are starting to sort things out and feeling more confident in your situation.

You must get some priorities set, before uni starts again in Feb. One year is not that long especially if you are able to keep in touch and maintain some sort of a line of communication going.

Like someone said get Skype and you could see each other everyday :-) I am getting my mum on it, and trust me it makes such a huge difference.

Get on Virgin Mobile and you can call each other for free 24/7!

Your first priority should be the uni degree, and then you can do some prac/rotation in sydney...yay!

Your relationship will be very special to you both- every time you see each other...x

[FreedomPetal]

thank you my lovies :)

i do have skype!! my gf was in America for 4 months this year- skype was a life saver... an an internet drainer haha!!!


thanks for the advice once again, but its easy for me from this point out!!! snapping into 'supportive girlfriend' mode and out of 'whimpy girlfriend' mode! haha


<3

[Baby]

Oh well there you go, you've done it for 4 months already so that was a little practice, now you're going for a year!