80% of Lesbians don't need or like sex? SAY WHAT???

[sputnik sweetheart]

So a lesbo friend of mine told me today that she predicts that 80% of lesbian couples very rarely (if ever) have sex. This 80% of ladies are satisfied with companionship and spooning. According to her 'statistics' only 20% of lesbians like and/or need sex? What's your thoughts? I think this is crazy.


I know that if my gf had to go more than say 2-3 weeks without some serious lovin' from me she would be burning my dresses and throwing things that I love out our apartment window!!

[ItsAllInTheEyes]

As long as she isn't a clarvoyant....or we could be in trouble!!!

I'm with you, thats crazy! I have an isatiable appetite and I highly doubt I'm in the minority ;)

[bellsforher]

That is the most ridiculous statement I've ever heard!!!!! God, sex is fabulousness...the first question I always ask if going on a new medication is "this won't decrease my sex drive, will it?" Lol!
I am a voracious girl - you only have to look at me funny and i'm all over the place!
I don't wish to offend....but is this friend trying to justify her lousy sex life?

[sputnik sweetheart]

That is the most ridiculous statement I've ever heard!!!!! God, sex is fabulousness...the first question I always ask if going on a new medication is "this won't decrease my sex drive, will it?" Lol!
I am a voracious girl - you only have to look at me funny and i'm all over the place!
I don't wish to offend....but is this friend trying to justify her lousy sex life?

No, I think she is being serious! She said that most of her (other) friends fall in the 80% !

[bellsforher]

this worries me greatly.

[ItsAllInTheEyes]

That is the most ridiculous statement I've ever heard!!!!! God, sex is fabulousness...the first question I always ask if going on a new medication is "this won't decrease my sex drive, will it?" Lol!
I am a voracious girl - you only have to look at me funny and i'm all over the place!
I don't wish to offend....but is this friend trying to justify her lousy sex life?

I was thinking the same thing Bells.

Maybe suggest your friend go toy shopping or something to liven things up sputnik ;)

[just_dance]

I think your friend is referring to LBD (lesbian bed death). A lot of couples find that after a few years together, their sex drive greatly decreases and the have sex less and less often. A couple that I'm friends with has been together for 11 years and they haven't had sex in months from what I gather. One of them is gettin a little antsy though so hopefully they can work through it!

I'm definitely one of that '20%' though! I have an extremely healthy appetite, and I doubt it'll go down!

[paxie]

I am being forced on 80% of don't need/like sex out of my will ....lol...all because I'm single

I was with someone for 8.5 years and while we are not at it everyday or every hour like when we first met...We still haven't got sick of making love is all I'm saying...

I can't imagine relationship without sex...it is such an intimate act that kind of bond you together ...isn't it?

So I'd have to say...I think the statistic is inaccurate...we can be content with the companion but I don't think I could ever say I don't need/like sex lol

[sputnik sweetheart]

Single does not equal no sex

But I think she is saying that she doesn't 'need' it.

[just_dance]

Single does not equal no sex

But I think she is saying that she doesn't 'need' it.

Not everyone likes to have sex with randoms either. I've never seen the appeal myself, so single = no sex for me

[sputnik sweetheart]

Not everyone likes to have sex with randoms either. I've never seen the appeal myself, so single = no sex for me

Yeh good point!

[Tails]

It doesn't help when your in a relationship when one has a high sex drive & the other can happily do without sex. It's hard to find a middle balance.

[paxie]

Not everyone likes to have sex with randoms either. I've never seen the appeal myself, so single = no sex for me

YaY spot on...on that :)

I find it hard to have sex just for the sake of it. I wish I could do it lol (funny thing is I realise I have done it when I was younger but that because I thought that was what everyone doing. It seems everyone I bump into are not looking for relationship...oh to be young and foolish).

Definitely haven't done random since I broke up from my long term relationship. Maybe one day when I am desperate enough lol. It's not that I haven't got the opportunity to do so if I want to.

[just_dance]

It doesn't help when your in a relationship when one has a high sex drive & the other can happily do without sex. It's hard to find a middle balance.

that definitely makes it far harder. differing sex drives can make a relationship very hard! I hope you do manage to find your middle ground

YaY spot on...on that :)

I find it hard to have sex just for the sake of it. I wish I could do it lol (funny thing is I realise I have done it when I was younger but that because I thought that was what everyone doing. It seems everyone I bump into are not looking for relationship...oh to be young and foolish).

Definitely haven't done random since I broke up from my long term relationship. Maybe one day when I am desperate enough lol. It's not that I haven't got the opportunity to do so if I want to.

You do a lot of things when you're young that you don't realise til later! I tried it once, but I don't like the lack of emotion in it. Sex to me has to have meaning to it or it doesn't feel right. If I don't love the person I'm with, it just feels empty. Hence I preferred to stay celibate til I met someone :)

[Tails]

It's not the same when you sleep with randoms, you don't feel anything & you don't really enjoy it. It's much better when your in love with someone.

[Baby]

I can believe that statistic, maybe your friend has exaggerated a bit but I can believe there are a lot of women out there who are not so interested in sex, especially if they have been in a relationship a long time. I think men are more likely to be pushy when it comes to sex than a woman. If one partner is not so interested, I think a female partner would be more understanding. That's generalising of course, but I wouldn't worry so much if it wasn't all the time.

[gold_femme]

what a load of shit.

stereotyping women yet again, makes me angry.

ps random fuks are freaking awesome.

[Baby]

Not really stereotyping women since it was a lesbian who said it. If a dude said it, then yeah. It's just a random comment from a person, not like a real statistic or anything. Why get angry about it?

[trina2004]

what is sex? Probably a dmb question, but everyone seems to define it differently when its between two girls! I like to make my partner come, I like going down on a woman, but I am fine if they don't wanna reciprocate. I sorta prefer it if they don't do it. Is that weird? They can do other stuff, but just that I'm not too keen on. I don't know why.

[paxie]

ps random fuks are freaking awesome.

Hmm now that I get older, I get picky of who I sleep with...who knows where they've been lol.

I'm glad I didn't catch anything when I had my wild adventure when I was young and naive.

Is it just me or don't you get worried about STD with randoms?
And I wonder how many out there would actually use dental dams?

[gold_femme]

Hmm now that I get older, I get picky of who I sleep with...who knows where they've been lol.

I'm glad I didn't catch anything when I had my wild adventure when I was young and naive.

Is it just me or don't you get worried about STD with randoms?
And I wonder how many out there would actually use dental dams?


if i had this approach to life i would never leave the house..ie what about the food you eat - where has that been? the clothes you just bought - who made them, who touched them - where have they been? what if i have a car accident? what if someone spikes my drink.....blah blah

fear will never hold me back

and lesbians have such a low chance of catching STDs - and its pretty easy to take precautions.

women should stop putting obstacles in their life and learn to drop the baggage and have fun....just ask the boys - theres more to life then worrying about shit that may never happen.

[gold_femme]

what is sex? Probably a dmb question, but everyone seems to define it differently when its between two girls! I like to make my partner come, I like going down on a woman, but I am fine if they don't wanna reciprocate. I sorta prefer it if they don't do it. Is that weird? They can do other stuff, but just that I'm not too keen on. I don't know why.


hon you do whatever you like doing and do or dont have whatever you like being done to you....you own your body and dont think you're weird for liking or not liking certain things. everybody has their favorite flavours and you should be proud that your self aware enough to realise what you dont like as well as do.

plenty of women (and men)take a passive role and dont enjoy sex because they are too hung up on body issues and too afraid to speak up and say 'this does nothing for me - can you try this instead?'

ofcourse if you dont like girls going on down of you because your uncomfortable with your body dont worry about that either - just focus on what you do like and your confidence will grow in time, if you want it to.

and what is sex? good bloody question...try being with someone and set a limit to not going 'all the way' - you'll soon find out what you define as sex and its often different for everyone.

[gold_femme]

Not really stereotyping women since it was a lesbian who said it. If a dude said it, then yeah. It's just a random comment from a person, not like a real statistic or anything. Why get angry about it?


you dont think lesbians can stereotype each other? we do it alot.

[paxie]

if i had this approach to life i would never leave the house..ie what about the food you eat - where has that been? the clothes you just bought - who made them, who touched them - where have they been? what if i have a car accident? what if someone spikes my drink.....blah blah

fear will never hold me back

and lesbians have such a low chance of catching STDs - and its pretty easy to take precautions.

women should stop putting obstacles in their life and learn to drop the baggage and have fun....just ask the boys - theres more to life then worrying about shit that may never happen.

I don't think I go to that extreme lol. While it seems that it was fear of STD that stopping me but it is more because I have different view on sex after I had been in a long term relationship. I don't find random sex is fulfilling (I'm saying this because I have experienced that as well and I know what I prefer to have). My mate would say just let loose and do it....but I know it is just not me. I don't think I am missing out on life by not having sex...my own personal choice of course....others may say differently...but each to their own. Then again, I have met gay guys who vent how meaningless random fks are.

Maybe one day I can appreciate random fks and say it is awesome :) Who knows where life takes me...always full of surprises.

I think I was cautious of STD because one of the girl that I kissed asked me to get tested for glandular fever because she has it and it flared up...lol...true story. I actually went to the doctor for a test & i'm fine. I know it is no STD but it just always make me think. I agree with what you are saying though that it is easy to take precautions.

As for lesbians have low chance of catching STD....while it is true, but I have met many gay girls who has been with a man before...I'm just saying. http://www.avert.org/lesbians-safe-sex.htm

I love your approach of life that fears will never hold you back gold_femme ...that is the way only way to be ;)

[gold_femme]

thanks paxie - you know im not judging you for how you choose to live your life - definitely each to there own ..im just extremely encouraging of women to stop holding back.

and yes extreme...well thats me really isnt it ;)

besides, it depends what type of meaning you are looking for....

[Baby]

what is sex? Probably a dmb question, but everyone seems to define it differently when its between two girls! I like to make my partner come, I like going down on a woman, but I am fine if they don't wanna reciprocate. I sorta prefer it if they don't do it. Is that weird? They can do other stuff, but just that I'm not too keen on. I don't know why.

Yeah I'm a bit the same. Never been too into that. Slimy...ugh... :D

[Baby]

you dont think lesbians can stereotype each other? we do it alot.

Yeah but why get angry because someone thinks a high number of lesbian couples aren't banging each other senseless every night? That's her opinion, we'd need a proper survey to find out, but I think she's not too far wrong judging from a lot of couples I know.

[trina2004]

hon you do whatever you like doing and do or dont have whatever you like being done to you....you own your body and dont think you're weird for liking or not liking certain things. everybody has their favorite flavours and you should be proud that your self aware enough to realise what you dont like as well as do.

plenty of women (and men)take a passive role and dont enjoy sex because they are too hung up on body issues and too afraid to speak up and say 'this does nothing for me - can you try this instead?'

ofcourse if you dont like girls going on down of you because your uncomfortable with your body dont worry about that either - just focus on what you do like and your confidence will grow in time, if you want it to.

and what is sex? good bloody question...try being with someone and set a limit to not going 'all the way' - you'll soon find out what you define as sex and its often different for everyone.

Thanks goldfemme:) It's not a confidence issue, I don't think, its just never really floated my boat:D

[gold_femme]

Yeah but why get angry because someone thinks a high number of lesbian couples aren't banging each other senseless every night? That's her opinion, we'd need a proper survey to find out, but I think she's not too far wrong judging from a lot of couples I know.

I think a number (I don't know high or low) of straight and gay male couples don't have sex.
Some people just don't, and not just specifically lesbians just because people assume that two women together is all about hugs and cats and being supportive (the stereotype I was referring to).

I always get angry about ignorance baby, it a very dangerous thing.

[bellsforher]

"hugs and cats and being supportive" lol GoldFemme!

god, how frigging boring! I understand where you are coming from. I think sex is an intrinsic part of any relationship - no, it doesn't have to be full tilt sex every day, that'd be tiring! But it is an important component of a full and loving relationship.

[Baby]

It's hardly dangerous that one random person thought that a high number of couples don't have sex. There's worse things to be angry about in the world, save your rage for that.

[bellsforher]

oh I'm not angry about it ;) everyone of us has to find what we need and that takes many different paths.

[Baby]

LOL not you bells, gold_femme was getting a little hot under the collar about a pretty mild statement. Who knows what the real stats are, 80% might be a little high but from the couples I know, she's not that far off. Like any couple straight or whatever, some go at it all the time and some don't!

[bellsforher]

woops! thanks Baby!

[gold_femme]

im always hot under the collar, thanks.

if you think thats a mild statement, youve missed out on a few thousand years of perpetuating the myth that women dont or shouldnt enjoy sex.

ill feel however i want about that statement, and write about it how and wherever i want.

[trina2004]

im always hot under the collar, thanks.

if you think thats a mild statement, youve missed out on a few thousand years of perpetuating the myth that women dont or shouldnt enjoy sex.

ill feel however i want about that statement, and write about it how and wherever i want.

I think I get where you're coming from. Write about it all you want darl- education is always a good thing.

[ammonite]

there is no such thing as lesbian bed death.
it is a misnomer.

it was an idea created by one sociologist (aka useless pretend scientist)
and published in her book (not a peer reviewed journal).

her methodology was flawed - her entire study consisted of a survey where she asked how often the participants had sex. but she didn't define sex.
so the lesbian couples in the survey came out the lowest.

but in actuality it happens to gay and straight couples just as much as lesbian couples.

[trina2004]

there is no such thing as lesbian bed death.
it is a misnomer.

it was an idea created by one sociologist (aka useless pretend scientist)
and published in her book (not a peer reviewed journal).

her methodology was flawed - her entire study consisted of a survey where she asked how often the participants had sex. but she didn't define sex.
so the lesbian couples in the survey came out the lowest.

but in actuality it happens to gay and straight couples just as much as lesbian couples.

I always wondered about that because it just seems so foreign to me, the idea that you would lose interest in sex. Sex is too much fun to just go "I'm too tired for more than once a year on your birthday" which seems to be part of the stereotype.:D

[Dash80]

im always hot under the collar, thanks.

if you think thats a mild statement, youve missed out on a few thousand years of perpetuating the myth that women dont or shouldnt enjoy sex.

ill feel however i want about that statement, and write about it how and wherever i want.

Fantastic to say dee you havent changed!! ;)

I dont think one night stands/ sex with randoms is bad at all - what about those that are phobic of commitment?? Forever sexless???

As long as its fun, and you experience from it there aint no problem.

Obviously there are going to people who have different opinions on the topic, and so be it.

Everyones different, thats what we all have in common.

[Dash80]

Actually, seeing it is about sex and randoms etc, I have a friend who is opening an escort agency for women only in Sydney (not a 'friend' as in myself, but a real one)

- how well do you all think that will go?

Take in consideration that it need not be for sex, but companions as well.

[Mister]

I don't think I'll ever stop wanting to sex my lady 2 1/2 years in I think I want her more. I have nightmares about lbd :/

[gold_femme]

Fantastic to say dee you havent changed!! ;)

I dont think one night stands/ sex with randoms is bad at all - what about those that are phobic of commitment?? Forever sexless???

As long as its fun, and you experience from it there aint no problem.

Obviously there are going to people who have different opinions on the topic, and so be it.

Everyones different, thats what we all have in common.


you know i will never change! although im very phobic of commitment - but enjoy sex and continue to have it.

in terms of escort agencys..i would say your friend would have a great business - but that the PR piece needs to be strong and try other mediums to get to women that are a bit cagey or shy...can she advertise in cherry mag - lotl - pink sofa etc?

theres definitely a market for it, she'll make heaps if she hits the right places.

[xxxVioletxxx]

you know i will never change! although im very phobic of commitment - but enjoy sex and continue to have it.

in terms of escort agencys..i would say your friend would have a great business - but that the PR piece needs to be strong and try other mediums to get to women that are a bit cagey or shy...can she advertise in cherry mag - lotl - pink sofa etc?

theres definitely a market for it, she'll make heaps if she hits the right places.

There's also BOUND as well.

[gold_femme]

There's also BOUND as well.


oh yeh totes! great mag

[sputnik sweetheart]

I don't think I'll ever stop wanting to sex my lady 2 1/2 years in I think I want her more. I have nightmares about lbd :/

^^^^ My girlfriend!! <3

[Light-Bearer]

Sorry to weigh in on this late- but every lesbian I know, LOVES sex.

It's fucking ridiculous to believe that women (lesbian or straight) only live for the cuddles.

One of my best friends is a straight chick and she has the biggest porn collection I've ever seen. And let's not count the various dildo's and vibrators.
She enjoys sex so much- that at times I envy her vagina but suggest she has it reinforced.

One of my lesbian friends is known for emerging after her shower and annoucing to everyone that she had " The most amazing wank while in there".

Bless.

Another one- can't stop eating women out- she lives for it. " A muff a day keeps Marissa gay" is her motto.

[trina2004]

Actually, seeing it is about sex and randoms etc, I have a friend who is opening an escort agency for women only in Sydney (not a 'friend' as in myself, but a real one)

- how well do you all think that will go?

Take in consideration that it need not be for sex, but companions as well.

lol I saw the ad for that in the classifieds section.

I'm too Scrooge Mcduck to pay for sex.

:D

[Dash80]

you know i will never change! although im very phobic of commitment - but enjoy sex and continue to have it.

in terms of escort agencys..i would say your friend would have a great business - but that the PR piece needs to be strong and try other mediums to get to women that are a bit cagey or shy...can she advertise in cherry mag - lotl - pink sofa etc?

theres definitely a market for it, she'll make heaps if she hits the right places.

AHAHAHA, spelling mistake!!!

[Baby]

Keep in mind that the comment was just made by some random chick, the "80%" isn't a real statistic or a magazine poll. Just one person's opinion, a person who is not even on this forum to clarify her statement. So before we jump all over her, it's just an opinion.

light-bearer: I wouldn't mind meeting this Marissa chick lol :)

[gold_femme]

AHAHAHA, spelling mistake!!!


you're mistaking me for someone that cares...someone like you.

did you go back and edit your posts?

[gold_femme]

Keep in mind that the comment was just made by some random chick, the "80%" isn't a real statistic or a magazine poll. Just one person's opinion, a person who is not even on this forum to clarify her statement. So before we jump all over her, it's just an opinion.

light-bearer: I wouldn't mind meeting this Marissa chick lol :)


using that theory isnt mine 'just an opinion' too? then dont jump all over me either. :p

[sheerheartattack17]

So a lesbo friend of mine told me today that she predicts that 80% of lesbian couples very rarely (if ever) have sex...

HAHA!!! this is good news for me and bad news for all of you :p :rolleyes: :D

[sheerheartattack17]

Keep in mind that the comment was just made by some random chick, the "80%" isn't a real statistic or a magazine poll...




...oh yeah. damn. :D

[Baby]

using that theory isnt mine 'just an opinion' too? then dont jump all over me either. :p

I didn't, I told you to calm down and stop overreacting to such a simple comment. Everyone was carrying on because some chick said she believes 80% of lesbians don't need or like sex. Not even a big deal IMO, but apparently that means we're being stereotyped and discriminated against because some girl thought so. It's not a commentary on our patriarchal society keeping women down by spreading the message that women don't need or enjoy sex, it's a comment - probably a mindless throwaway comment - by some ordinary person talking to her friend. If she were actually here to clarify, it's maybe not even exactly what she said or how she meant it.

Back on the original topic, it would be interesting to do a real poll on the matter and see how close she was. Keep in mind the girl said 80% of COUPLES - not 80% of lesbians as the thread title says. That stat is probably not far off for all couples, gay or straight, after a few years in any relationship things can die off whatever the gender. Most of the gals I see screaming "I LOVE SEX!!!" are single girls, so the "statistic" of 80% does not apply to them. And again, that was not a real statistic to begin with.

[gold_femme]

This has been such an awesome thread, Great to see women unafraid to disagree !!

Power to the ladies lounge x

[Happy to be me]

I agree lots with this post both Pro and Con sides..

My ex was the first guy id slept with and i had a vivacious sexdrive i couldnt get enough he loved going down on me and that was my fav bit!;)

Then it dwindled...

Marriage for me = no sex ...
Divorce = The same!

I had a one nite drunken stand with a total random...
(thank god i didnt get pregnant or catch something!!)

Now im totally fine...
Have yet to enjoy being with a gal but i cant just"Fuck" N GO!

I love romance anticipation slowly consuming their scent taste and exploring their lovely body...

Since i came out im more sexually aware of myself and am happy to wait...

Dont get me wrong i'm a big PERVE!!

But maybe im getting older?

Hugs to all,
Lilyx0

[Baby]

This has been such an awesome thread, Great to see women unafraid to disagree !!

Power to the ladies lounge x

Hear hear gold_femme!!

[xxxVioletxxx]

Well, this queer woman who's partner is a lovely lesbian woman definitely has a healthy appetite and romantic sexual life! It's only when we're tired from work that things wane a bit....but not for too long thankfully! ;-)

[TeganM3]

OMG i am such a sexual deviant that if i have the opportunity to have sex with some1 then i am there before you can even say LBD!

I dont think that LBD really exists more so the lesbian community than in the straight world! I think ppl need 2 look at the rships where sex has become a low priority if not one at all and see that these rships are no longer 2 ppl madly inlove but two ppl co-existing with each other! It happens in all types of rships!

But as for me i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE sex and when im in a rship my appetite is even worse coz its always there! i hate being told that i can not please my girl! lol...

[trina2004]

Haha the enthusiam. To be young again.

Except I think you are older than me.

Lol.

[gold_femme]

Haha the enthusiam. To be young again.

Except I think you are older than me.

Lol.


it gets better with age - women over 35 are gagging for it.

dont forget that

[TeganM3]

hahahah.....

Yes i am 24 soon to be 25 and i tell ya my appetite has not deminished one bit.. lol!
I love sex and sex loves me... we have had a great rship over the years all be it there has been some disasters heheheh!

I could never ever see me being in a rship where i wasnt having sex atleast 4-5 times a week! Is that bad?

[trina2004]

it gets better with age - women over 35 are gagging for it.

dont forget that

cool I've always wanted a cougar of my own;)
older women are sexy.

[TeganM3]

ahh i like mine younger!!

lol i guess i like 2 be the cougar hahahhah!

[sputnik sweetheart]

I'm the cougar! My gf is 5 years younger that me. :)

[trina2004]

That's cool sputnik! I don't believe in setting age limits or anything like that (except for the ones enshrined in law).
I've always been the older in relationships so far but its not really what I would choose. I mean, if we're talking fantasy woman, she's always a few years older than me.

[boozehag]

i like beans
i like sauce
i like sexual intercourse

yeahhhhh

im on a diet
no sex
but thats not by choice its just my misfortunes and incredibly unsmooth moves

[gold_femme]

cool I've always wanted a cougar of my own;)
older women are sexy.

purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr



to qualify as a cougar you need to be 35 plus, dating women/men under 30, usually under 25.

[Baby]

cool I've always wanted a cougar of my own;)
older women are sexy.

Oh a big hell yes to that. I've spent the last 3 years in love with an early 40's woman. And is it just me or is Ellen DeGeneres suddenly hot?

[boozehag]

ellen degeneres is made of plastic
no self respecting 50 year old would look like that
fake fake FAKE yuck!

[trina2004]

ellen degeneres is made of plastic
no self respecting 50 year old would look like that
fake fake FAKE yuck!

Its not her looks. its her personality, I think she looks good for 50 but more importantly she's funny, she's nice, she's charismatic.

[sheerheartattack17]

agreed

[trina2004]

purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr



to qualify as a cougar you need to be 35 plus, dating women/men under 30, usually under 25.

Hmmm...my age= 21.

LOL:D

[Happy to be me]

Ellen is hot inside n out!!
At least she uses her plastic lifestyle to good use!
She supports underpriveledged and has a voice for lesbians everywhere..Like oprah who ever knew a black woman would be so influencial in society today?

Go girls!!

i'm 31 but look like im 20 so the whole cougar /puma scene sounds interesting though im more into falling for a person for their smile,humour,passions,kindness and outlooks on life... Not age

I also think maybe living as a couple with a older gay man may be fun?
Good taste in clothes and older people have so much to teach us...
just a 3am thought..lol!
xx

[bellsforher]

purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr



to qualify as a cougar you need to be 35 plus, dating women/men under 30, usually under 25.

So I'm NOT a cougar? My 30 to her 18?:confused: :D

[TeganM3]

Hmmm...my age= 21.

LOL:D
heheheh... 21 is the perfect age for me! hahahah!

the worst i ever did was when i was 22 i slept with a 16yr old but in my defence i thought she was 18! i did after all meet her in a club! OOPS

that'll teach me not 2 check her id! hahahhaha

[Baby]

How is Ellen plastic? Like surgery plastic? She doesn't look like that to me, and she doesn't seem like the type to do it.

[sputnik sweetheart]

So I'm NOT a cougar? My 30 to her 18?:confused: :D



I'm confused too! Aren't you dating happy to dance??

[Happy to be me]

No thats 2 people babe!!
Just dance is 18
Happy to be me is 31!

Im glad the gals r finally in the same state!!!
x

[ammonite]

i like older women
my first crush was in her 30s
i was 9

but i have since fallen for girls my own age also

[djak]

I dont think the word cougar should exist in our society. Its a name used by heterosexual men to denigrate older women. It makes me cringe.

[xxxVioletxxx]

I like Ellen when she is Dory.

Fuck I love that movie!

[ammonite]

I like Ellen when she is Dory.

Fuck I love that movie!ME TOO! caaaaaaaaaaaan yooooooooooooooooou speeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaak whaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllle?

I shall call him Squishy, and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Squishy.

[bellsforher]

I'm confused too! Aren't you dating happy to dance??

What the?
:rolleyes:

No thats 2 people babe!!
Just dance is 18
Happy to be me is 31!

Im glad the gals r finally in the same state!!!
x

And Just Dance is 18 and
Me, Bells, is 30!!!! Confused much, girls?!! lol!

[sputnik sweetheart]

What the?
:rolleyes:



And Just Dance is 18 and
Me, Bells, is 30!!!! Confused much, girls?!! lol!


Hahahahaha!!!!


OOps ok so just dance and Bells are together??

[just_dance]

Hahahahaha!!!!


OOps ok so just dance and Bells are together??

*claps* yay!! she's got it!! lol well done :)

[sputnik sweetheart]

Hahaha I got there eventually!

[just_dance]

yes, yes you did!! hence you can see why neither of us have been posting much ;) Though I head home tomoro :( don't wanna go!!!! Sooo wish I could stay!!!

[gold_femme]

I dont think the word cougar should exist in our society. Its a name used by heterosexual men to denigrate older women. It makes me cringe.


agree that it is used by hetero men to denigrate women, who are older and powerful in that situation. this is why i like to use it and call myself that and take the power back..just like words like queer or bitch etc etc.

when i own the word i throw it back in their face, and i like that.

[Happy to be me]

lol!! :))

[gold_femme]

and yeh bells, 30 to 18 is definitely cougar territory - even though you dont quite 'officially' qualify (by whose definition? the internet.lol)

you are whatever you want to be hon

[bellsforher]

and yeh bells, 30 to 18 is definitely cougar territory - even though you dont quite 'officially' qualify (by whose definition? the internet.lol)

you are whatever you want to be hon

:D as I said, I'm Amy.

[just_dance]

and yeh bells, 30 to 18 is definitely cougar territory - even though you dont quite 'officially' qualify (by whose definition? the internet.lol)

you are whatever you want to be hon

I'll be 19 in a month? lol :D I like my older woman ;) cougar or not!

[djak]

I shall just continue to cringe on my own then :P

[xxxVioletxxx]

agree that it is used by hetero men to denigrate women, who are older and powerful in that situation. this is why i like to use it and call myself that and take the power back..just like words like queer or bitch etc etc.

when i own the word i throw it back in their face, and i like that.

I completely agree gold_femme. That's why I now use the word cunt. I used to worry about offending people, but now I don't care. I'm sick and tired of being nice all the time, to have women (of all sexualities) treat me like shit or try to dominate me, thinking they are superior. I get enough of that from heterosexual men (like most women do). I'd rather take the power back and be true to myself.

All women need more confidence and to encourage each other in this world.

[djak]

you may own the word - but they own it too and unfortunately and continue to use it in their verbally abusive vocabulary. There is no education or accountability in the "I use it too so now I own the word" system.

[xxxVioletxxx]

you may own the word - but they own it too and unfortunately and continue to use it in their verbally abusive vocabulary. There is no education or accountability in the "I use it too so now I own the word" system.


I know and it's terrible. I guess it's the only thing I can come up with to cope.

How can anyone educate the verbally abusive and ignorant? I've tried my hardest at work and with others I thought I knew.

Oh well, time for an icy pole or zooper dooper.

[gold_femme]

im going to disagree with you there djak, i can only speak for myself - but i take on accountability and im committed to educating and i express and act on this in a few different ways.

i recently disagreed with some folk about the use of the word bitch - they were young gay men telling me its oppressive for me to use it...its oppressive of them to tell me not to.

not a fan of censorship or oppression within our subculture. i use words that the patriarchy use (and use them to describe myself not insult others) and will continue to in a way that makes me feel empowered.

its an interesting point tho..and as its off topic..wondering if theres another thread in this?

[trina2004]

I completely agree gold_femme. That's why I now use the word cunt. I used to worry about offending people, but now I don't care. I'm sick and tired of being nice all the time, to have women (of all sexualities) treat me like shit or try to dominate me, thinking they are superior. I get enough of that from heterosexual men (like most women do). I'd rather take the power back and be true to myself.

All women need more confidence and to encourage each other in this world.

Yeah I say 'cunt' too. I don't see why a word referring to female genitals should be treated as so much more offensive than 'dick' or 'cock'.

Although I suppose it doesn't make much sense for a dyke to use 'you're such a cunt" as an insult.;)

[just_dance]

When I was a kid, I always thought a 'cunt' was an offensive name for an aboriginal... ahhh the naivety of children... :rolleyes:

[bellsforher]

oh Sara!!!! Lol! Unfortunately there is still a cheese brand that DOES offend the Aboriginals!http://blogs.warwick.ac.uk/images/hsirhan/2006/12/20/coon.jpg

cunt is a bad word in some situations...good in others ;)

[just_dance]

yes, the coon cheese can be rather controversial! I've never called them coons personally. Their names are usually the best way to get their attention! But cunt was what my grandfather always called them, so I thought that was a common word used forjust them! My grandfather isn't racist, it's just aborigines. *rolls eyes* but then, my whole family is nuts. As you are beginning to find out! lol

[gold_femme]

yes, the coon cheese can be rather controversial! I've never called them coons personally. Their names are usually the best way to get their attention! But cunt was what my grandfather always called them, so I thought that was a common word used forjust them! My grandfather isn't racist, it's just aborigines. *rolls eyes* but then, my whole family is nuts. As you are beginning to find out! lol



um....wow.

i dont know what to say...

'them' and 'their' ?

yikes..there's so much here im afraid of.

[gold_femme]

i really need to stress here that the reference to cheese etc is completely different to what i am talking about...

i use words like queer, cunt, cougar, bitch etc about me - because i am these things..

i dont use racist slurs, or ageist or just any words that represent a group i dont belong to...



this stuff crosses the line completely as owning words is about words used against you and claiming back the power - not using words against others...

does that make sense? i think its important to clarify this.

[djak]

It makes sense to me gf. You have to choose words carefully and pick your battles.
Which is not always easy!
I try not to use the word "cunt' because it offends my partner. For whatever reason she does not like the word so I respect that and don't use it.
I think the Coon cheese thing offending blackfellas is a whitefella myth used to exaggerate the sensitivity of a normally easy going peoples.

[tweety]

coz my native language is dutch and my wife's is english, i can say cunt and bitch and all those words i would never ever say in dutch coz in english, they don't mean anything to me...i understand them perfectly well but they just don't have the same meaning as they do in my own language...if you catch my drift.

you are all cunts! and i say that in a loving way!! see, i didn't shock myself..hope i didn't shock you girls! :p :D

oh and btw, lack of name research: cock's fresh sausages.
made and sold in belgium.

but that's all a bit off topic now isn't it.....

[boozehag]

but if you have to fit into a certain category to use a certain word
couldnt that encourage seperatism?
which is going to increase dividing people?
depends which way you look at it i guess...
i just like using politically incorrect words because taboos are stoopid and at the end of the day we all shit fuck piss and sleep
maybe not in that order

[undawundawoman]

So a lesbo friend of mine told me today that she predicts that 80% of lesbian couples very rarely (if ever) have sex. This 80% of ladies are satisfied with companionship and spooning. According to her 'statistics' only 20% of lesbians like and/or need sex? What's your thoughts? I think this is crazy.

I know that if my gf had to go more than say 2-3 weeks without some serious lovin' from me she would be burning my dresses and throwing things that I love out our apartment window!!

Cant sleep..cant think for myself so my mission is to revive old threads.
This caught my eye...am i weird or what cos i think lesbians generally are highly sexual and kinky (yay for us). I cant see 80% of us happy with a hug goodnight.

what do u think??

[madamemoloch]

I couldn't exist in a relationship without sex.

[Bar Wench]

Ugh. What is it with people who don't enjoy sex deciding that nobody else can or wants to enjoy it? Enough to send a girl nuts ;)

Segue: A friend of mine was recently in group therapy when something came up about how people are always mistaking her for a boy while out in public. An older man asked the facilitator what androgynous meant, as he he was unfamilliar with the word. The licenced therapist replied 'Androgynous means the same as asexual- she doesn't want to have sex'. WTF?!

[flounder]

Ugh. What is it with people who don't enjoy sex deciding that nobody else can or wants to enjoy it? Enough to send a girl nuts ;)

Segue: A friend of mine was recently in group therapy when something came up about how people are always mistaking her for a boy while out in public. An older man asked the facilitator what androgynous meant, as he he was unfamilliar with the word. The licenced therapist replied 'Androgynous means the same as asexual- she doesn't want to have sex'. WTF?!

A licenced therapist said that, fuck thats terrible. :confused:

[Zimmo]

I couldn't exist in a relationship without sex.

bodes well for me!

[MaggieB]

Wasn't sure where else to put this - saw it in brisbane mx news today :|
http://24.media.tumblr.com/9ed7bc22aad7363ec5d38f8411cc949e/tumblr_mk231vZYvd1rutxy1o1_500.png

[undawundawoman]

^^^ holy crap !!

[VladTheImpaler]

How is that assault? Pahlease.

[trina2004]

So they musta had sex in total darkness, they've never felt a dick before and they never attempted to touch it?

Seriously, surely even a legally blind naive virgin who wore rubber gloves throughout would realise when they're getting fucked with a sex toy?

[Bar Wench]

Well the girl must have been pretty damn conservative to say she wanted to get married and have kids before she would consent to sex (presumably). I wonder who went looking through her backpack?

[ammonite]

so are trans people legally obligated to tell people they are trans before they have sex with them?

[lonelyeastside]

So a lesbo friend of mine told me today that she predicts that 80% of lesbian couples very rarely (if ever) have sex. This 80% of ladies are satisfied with companionship and spooning. According to her 'statistics' only 20% of lesbians like and/or need sex? What's your thoughts? I think this is crazy.


I know that if my gf had to go more than say 2-3 weeks without some serious lovin' from me she would be burning my dresses and throwing things that I love out our apartment window!!

BULLSHIT!!! Sounds like something that someone who aint getting any would say

[Bar Wench]

so are trans people legally obligated to tell people they are trans before they have sex with them?

I would have thought (at least pre-op) it would be common sense, especially to maintain trust and personal safety?

I struggle to see how that really relates to this case though, considering this girl was willfully mislead - or so it would seem.

[ammonite]

i was mostly just curious. the convicted girl said she wanted sex reassignment surgery. she stopped dressing like a boy when she was charged. i don't know if she realised she wasn't trans, or was pretending as an excuse or because she was afraid or homophobic, or if she is but was told to pretend not to be by her legal advisors.

why do you say she seems willfully mislead?

[Bar Wench]

Well by the sounds of it she told this girl she was a boy while they were chatting online, then not only kept going with it, but also led the girl to believe that 'he' was capable of having kids etc, which sounds to be the reason the girl consented to sexual intercourse.

Do you have a different take perhaps?

[ammonite]

not really i thought you meant that the other girl had gone along with it

[SeaMist]

so are trans people legally obligated to tell people they are trans before they have sex with them?

That is what is being read into the judgement. Quite scary stuff, and I know the British & Scottish trans people are up in arms about it.
It frightens the hell out of me. I assume everyone can tell, which most can but I have been in situations when apparently they couldn't.
The entire situation is complex as it always is with trans dating.
Could you imagine being required by law to say the equivalent of "Oh Hai, I'm lesbian" to all potential partners short term or not. Because that's what this judgement means.
It is requiring trans people to be defined by a single aspect of their being. I am trans but I'm also a musician, geek, gardiner, cook, witch, femme, traveller (just love the outback), environmentalist, polyamourist, and lesbian. I'm intelligent, gentle, loving, sensual and sometimes remote. I am all of these things. Yet in a dating situation I'm required to wear my trans status almost like a tattoo? I hope only in Scotland. I know Great Britian trans folk are pretty much up in arms over the whole thing.

The case itself is complex. Firstly the girl concerned was underage. Why he (as a transman) wasn't charged with carnal knowledge (or the equivalent) I don't know. He should have been. Secondly he did offer marriage as a possibility. Now that (whether against the law or not) is clearly unethical. Having a long term (or medium term) relationship without sharing the detail that you are trans is not the way to build a relationship based on trust or to approach any relationship really. A strategy doomed from the start.
Thirdly by suggesting children he is committing fraud. He knows he cannot father a child.

Lets' postulate a moment a situation where a sterile man with a micropenis makes the same offers. What would he be charged with? Rape? I don't think so. The transman should have been treated in the same way.

Instead we have a precedent where any trans person having a one night stand with someone can now be charged with rape if they fail to declare their trans status. Post op / pre op no distinction. It makes trans dating from a trans perspective a total nightmare.

[SeaMist]

And back to the original topic: My long term partner is asexual. She simply doesn't need (or really want) sex. I'm the opposite. We have a beautiful intimate relationship but there is no real sex life to speak of. It's why I'm polyamorous. I openly and honestly seek my sexual thrills elsewhere, preferably in a loose (meaning very flexible) medium / long term relationship. She knows I'm not leaving her for anyone. Just out on loan lol.

[undawundawoman]

Seamist your partner is one special lady... i couldnt loan out my other half .. asexual or not. I think your very lucky in that respect.

I think its hard to spot transgender people.. i have only met a few back home and i wouldnt have known these days its getting harder to distinguish gender.

Interesting points you make. i guess we all hope that when you are dating or involved with someone new any major details are forthcoming from the beginning...more simple courteousy rather than law.

[SeaMist]

If I'm dating (as in on a date hoping to build some sort of relationship) I'm certainly going to be upfront about it. I AM openly trans. Which is only recently possible BTW (last 15 years maybe). Prior to that you were stealth (as they call it), new identity, new town, new employer, often new friends and few people if any knew. Even a new set of lies to cover your background.
But if someone says "Hey, I want you in bed right now" I really feel reluctant to say "Oh I'm trans" like I have some kind of disease. In my case most people can tell so it's not usually an issue. One person who I had a one night stand with and told later (I didn't know they didn't know) said OMG I think I have to re-evaluate what I though trans was. And that's the other trouble. The trans label comes with all these other myths, false labels and sometimes just crazy beliefs. One crossdresser once told me that post op transwomen had no sex life and just waited for the boyfriend they were never going to have. I had great pleasure in snogging the hostess, not actually to prove them wrong although I enjoyed that too, but she and I had history and just enjoy snogging lol. So that's what happens practically when you say you're trans. You get all this other crazy stuff sort of dumped on you. Like expecting all lesbians to be butch.....or how can you have sex without a penis....you know....just plain ignorance.
Having said all that I don't hide my trans status. I'd rather know up front if that's an issue because if it is I'm not interested either. If someone isn't into me, as me, really what's the point. But like I say if it's the instant 'c'mon lets do it situation' I'll just go with the flow and enjoy. So will they *blushes*.

[SeaMist]

Seamist your partner is one special lady... i couldnt loan out my other half .. asexual or not. I think your very lucky in that respect.



She is special and I adore her. Poly means talking through all the issues, determining the boundaries and sticking with them. Jealousy is the number one issue and I talk with her all ther time and make sure anything I do is ok. She is honest enough to tell me if it isn't too lol.
Not an easy road but very rewarding if it works for everyone.

[beckvee]

If your in a relationship, then that would be annoying, especially if one girl gets wants it more than the other. Sex is important in a relationship, well for me anyway, i guess everyone likes different things. But 80%??!! Comon girls....where's the love...i dont believe it, in denial :(