How did you come out to your family and friends?

[Dash80]

I told 3 friends that proceeded to tell the entire high school, then my homophobic parents found out my accident. I was 17. ( a lifetime ago!)

Seemed bad at the time as obviously i would rather have done it in my own time and my own way.

I have friends who are 40+ and still not out. I think you have to find the right way and time for yourself.

Mine started as a letter I wrote to my parents that I was going to give them when I was 40 just so I had got it out, but they found it early.. oops!

[sputnik sweetheart]

Well with my friends I just starting talking about girls that I was dating\interested in like it was normal (fuck it is normal!) and with my family I waited until I was in a serious relationship with a woman. I couldn't say "hey Mum... so... I'm fucking chicks now..." Instead I got to say "hey Mum I'm in love with the most amazing woman ever! and I haven't been happier"

Everyones family and friends are different BUT my friends and family were supportive, encouraging and happy for me. I have not hit one road block yet.

[pho3nixphir3]

haven't come out to family yet.

coming out to my friends i did very childishly. urgh. i cringe while remembering it. i dunno, i was just all i'm not gay, then would act inappropriately. i kinda wish i'd done the whole sit down and talk about it way, but yeah, it's over now.

[pho3nixphir3]

oh, just checked out the ladies chat thingy, and saw the post which sparked this thread.

well, my suggestions are to act mature about it, and be honest, without being crude. and personally- though i'm not suggesting this- i'm a pessimist, so i expect the worst, and then i work my way up and aren't disappointed. just find a good time, and approach them. or maybe try joking about it, and see their reaction.

how do they respond to other gay people/friends? this isn't always a good guide though, as they may be 'fine with gay people, as long as they aren't in your face', which, if they're your closest friend, might prove problem some.

anywho, hope at least one thing i rambled there is of use. good luck!

[ammonite]

i came out to my sister while we were making pancakes.

[trina2004]

I told my best friend (at the time:( ) when I was 14, in year 9. Did it childishly thru a note which we then burnt.

I think if you are only 13, you might just wanna sit back and wait on telling anyone. Maybe try and suss out how your friends/family feel about gay people, but don't rush into it. (I'm still trying to suss out my parents as its hard to get past the PC things they feel they have to say!)

[foongsta]

i told my folks in the car when they kept asking me why i didn't have a bf...
they weren't upset, kinda just kept asking questions, making sure i wasn't joking.
well, my mum was asking questions, my dad's pretty silent when she talks...haha

[naughtylion]

mum:
broke up with my gf.
was in the car with mum talking about it.
started crying and i said "and i think i might be gay too it's so fucked up!"
she just looked at me and I said, "sorry."
and she said "pfft i don't care so your gay so what i don't care what you are i mean i really don't mind if you're gay"
*awkward silence the rest of the way home*

best day of my life. LOL!!! it was so awkward.


dad and my step mum (same day):
went to his house to announce the break up and to ask if I could crash for a couple of weeks until i found my own place. for an old out of touch woggy man dad said he didn't really understand it but wants me to be happy, which was surprising. step mum said "oh darling I thought so - we knew you used to sneak out of the house to go and see that boy in the park... which was very naughty by the way... but then (gf) came along so we thought okay whatever..."

all my friends knew from about yr7 or 8... that part was easy - they just picked it up.

[sheerheartattack17]

yeah I told my close friends and the whole year group and boarding school proceeded to find out, fortunately everyone was fine with it (which suprised me)

I came out to my parents last year - I think I was very abrupt, because I was freaking out about it, (thats coming out not being gay lol)
Me: "Hey I have to talk to you guys"
Dad: "OK"
...awkward silence
Me "I'm gay"
Mum "I KNEW IT"
Dad "As long as you are happy"
Me "uh. ok. I'm going to my room now"
:D LOL

I havent told them I'm ace though, because I dont think its something they need to know. meh

[gold_femme]

i made my mum and dad sit down and said that i had something to tell them.
they thought i was pregnant (hilarious)

my dad cracked jokes and my mum paced about the house saying "how could i have not known"..took her a year to be comfortable with it, even though she is not homophobic etc.

my friends...my best friend stood on the table at our friends 21 st and yelled 'im not the only one who is gay - she's a big lesbian'..the girl i was sleeping with grabbed him by the collar, threatened to punch him and said ' <insert name> is not a LESBIAN' .....hilarious

i was bi for a few years before i really sorted it out.

[just_dance]

[QUOTE=gold_femme;244822]i made my mum and dad sit down and said that i had something to tell them.
they thought i was pregnant (hilarious)QUOTE]

that's always the first assumption... my cousin would even ask it sometimes. and that was back when I was 15 o_O I was like, 'do I *look* like the type that would get pregnant?!' she always was nuts...

I had the easiest coming out in the world! Cue grandparents coming home from a trip to Bali (I live with my grandparents - they are basically my parents really). They walked in, set stuff down, and I said "Hey guess what! I like boys and girls!" they look at me and say "and...?" lol. They really didn't care! That saud, they did forget about it for a couple of years... my uncle re-came out to them for me by accident lol. We were drunk in the back of the car and we were discussing a straight friend of mine. Cue lightbulb "but you're gay!" apparently being gay means I can't have straight friends... lol. but after that it seems that my grandparents remembered it and it became sensationalised! lol

never had any problems with my friends either... I just talk about it like its normal and if they don't already know, they soon do! lol. For MissMash, if you're sure of your sexuality, then it shouldnt matter. if your friends dont accept you, then they aren't real friends!


ummm quick question... if your laying in bed and the room is slightly swirling, that's not good right?? been up 20 hours after a shite nights sleep and an emotional day... but i cant sleep... have to get up in 1hr and 35 mins anyway...

[tweety]

seeing as my first experience with a woman was with my best friend, there simply was no awkward moment where one tells his or her best friend he or she's gay :D

as for my other friends: i told 'm my best friend and i had spent a very funky weekend away doing extremely funky things. seeing as my BFF was married at the time and seeing as she had affair after affair with guys (she even cheated on the guy she was cheating on her husband with) my friends were so shocked that they forgot about me! :)

i thought it was very funny that two of my FF asked me why i chose the one FF to have sex with and not them...was i not attracted to them??!! that was their ego talking of course coz both are very straight but i still thought it was a very weird thing to ask me especially coz they weren't joking! they were hurt coz i didn't chose them but they would have been shocked if i would've!

because of the poor relationship i had with my mother at the time, i wrote her a letter. yes, stupid and very immature to do it that way but i had enough on my plate at the time, trying to accept the new and improved me so i just didn't wanna deal with her possibly dismissing me or judging me at that point.
my instincts were right coz she had an extremely hectic reaction and didn't talk to me for a very long time.
my father was cool about it.

[trina2004]

i thought it was very funny that two of my FF asked me why i chose the one FF to have sex with and not them...was i not attracted to them??!! that was their ego talking of course coz both are very straight but i still thought it was a very weird thing to ask me especially coz they weren't joking! they were hurt coz i didn't chose them but they would have been shocked if i would've!



Lol that's so typical. Every straight girl friend I've ever had has been like 'so are you attracted to me?'...Is the friend you slept with gay too?

[tweety]

Lol that's so typical. Every straight girl friend I've ever had has been like 'so are you attracted to me?'...Is the friend you slept with gay too?

of course you are attracted to them coz gay ppl are attracted everyone, aren't they? :rolleyes:

so what do you say to those girlfriends when they ask you that question?

well, the friend i slept with....i could write a book about her but in a nutshell: she's a master in bullshitting herself...she's is very gay but will never admit to it.
she hasn't been able to shake the phase in her life where you actually care about ppl's perception of you. she's got the high flying job, a dito husband with dito job, the fancy friends so being gay does not fit into it. pity coz she's selling herself short, not being able to settle down in any relationship....

so is she gay? yes, most definitely.
will she ever be brave enough to accept that part of herself? most definitely not.

[trina2004]

of course you are attracted to them coz gay ppl are attracted everyone, aren't they? :rolleyes:

so what do you say to those girlfriends when they ask you that question?

well, the friend i slept with....i could write a book about her but in a nutshell: she's a master in bullshitting herself...she's is very gay but will never admit to it.
she hasn't been able to shake the phase in her life where you actually care about ppl's perception of you. she's got the high flying job, a dito husband with dito job, the fancy friends so being gay does not fit into it. pity coz she's selling herself short, not being able to settle down in any relationship....

so is she gay? yes, most definitely.
will she ever be brave enough to accept that part of herself? most definitely not.

It depends on the person. Most people I say "Yep. Lets fuck, right here right now." and they just laugh and hopefully realise what a stupid question it was.
Or if they are stupid I say "Of course I think you are pretty, but I'm not into you, you're like family/you're a good friend/I have a gf.

hmm that sucks about your friend. I don't understand how people can deny a huge part of themseleves for so long.
A while, yeah, but eventually surely they will realise that they are missing a key component of their life.

[tweety]

It depends on the person. Most people I say "Yep. Lets fuck, right here right now." and they just laugh and hopefully realise what a stupid question it was.
Or if they are stupid I say "Of course I think you are pretty, but I'm not into you, you're like family/you're a good friend/I have a gf.

hmm that sucks about your friend. I don't understand how people can deny a huge part of themseleves for so long.
A while, yeah, but eventually surely they will realise that they are missing a key component of their life.

LOL!
cool answer!
i still find it a weird question...why would they be interested in knowing whether they are attractive to a gay person...what would it matter in their straight life..to me it really shows the size of their ego.

i don't either trina...and i felt sorry for her but she has to live her life the way she wants to. i couldn't do it. tried but didn't work. she's a master at dismissing certain things in life. her loss...especially coz she was quite excited about sex with a woman! :D

[just_dance]

especially coz she was quite excited about sex with a woman! :D

lmao! gotta love those ones... I feel sorry for her! She really is selling herself short! It's a true pity... But those types have trouble settling in anywhere anyway. It takes a lot to shake that thought process!

[tweety]

lmao! gotta love those ones... I feel sorry for her! She really is selling herself short! It's a true pity... But those types have trouble settling in anywhere anyway. It takes a lot to shake that thought process!

well i learned a few whiskeys turn me into a very good lover :D

tell me about it!!!! went through a good year of shit to accept the new and improved me....wasn't nice but flipping hell worth every day of that terrible time!!!

still feel a bit silly for such a personal meltdown....must be a true drama queen....

that's my friend in a nutshell: she can't settle in anywhere...until she gives in to her lesbian side!!

how are you?? coping?

[just_dance]

sometimes our ideals are just too set to be able to change with out an entire meltdown tweety. it sounds like you're a better person for it, and our experiences make us how we are :) so appreciate what it's taught you!

not coping well at all :( its not very fun being apart!!

[tweety]

sometimes our ideals are just too set to be able to change with out an entire meltdown tweety. it sounds like you're a better person for it, and our experiences make us how we are so appreciate what it's taught you!

not coping well at all its not very fun being apart!!

you can say that again...i'm happy i went through it and came out in one piece on the left side of the road :D
oh i do JD, believe you me! it's taught me that guys think that lesbian couples only exist to give them the pleasure of a good ol' threesome!!! :mad:
and on a more positive note: after swapping teams, i met the most beautiful person in the world and married her *sigh* :)

JD, you and bells will be alright: if you girls are meant to be together, the solution to this distance problem will present itself sooner than later, don't you worry about that. enjoy the bumpy, emotional but yet beautiful ride you and bells are on...enjoy the craving for each other, enjoy the beautiful emails you girls are more than likely writing to each other, be inventive and look for ways to move closer....i know you'll get there, i just want you to enjoy it and realise that these are more than likely the early stages of something beautiful! *hugs* :)

[just_dance]

I already know its something beautiful Tweety :) Bells is my soulmate and I am never letting her go!! I'm just frustrated at being apart, no matter how short a time it is. I'm missing her like crazy!

Thats a really lovely story though :) It's nice to see you appreciate your wife!! she sounds lovely! And I think you've turned out quite well!

[bellsforher]

Oh.........I'm getting all weepy now!!!!!!!!! :)

[just_dance]

:D love you sweety! and miss you like crazy :(

[bellsforher]

uh huh.....:( crap....i better go to bed......:(

[just_dance]

yes, you should! if i cant, then u must! im slowly waking up a little... night! xoxox

[trina2004]

Oh girls. You are so sappy;)

[just_dance]

not that you can say anything! :P

[trina2004]

not that you can say anything! :P

Lol don't know what you mean S!
:D

[just_dance]

uh huh. suuure ya don't! :p

[cornflakegirl]

I came out to my parents a few months ago actually....went quite well, dad said to me he already knew...I talked about my girlfriend alot lol I guess I had that sparkle in my eye everytime I mentioned her hehe....

Dad said to me as long as Im happy thats all that matters....When i told him my heart has never beaten so fast....oh except for when I told my girlfriend I loved her. :)

[Blue-bird]

Im not out to my family. I know my mum wouldnt care but I cant trust her to keep it to herself. I dont think I want my dad knowing something that personal about me and Im not sure how my brothers would take it.
I first told my then best friend early in year 11 I was 16. Me and her got really drunk at my house one night and ended up kissing some how. Then she told me that if I was gay or bi she would be behind me 100% whether I wanted to be in or out. Even though I was stoked to hear her say that, I was such a pussy about it, I was texting her about a week later and said "I dont know if Im entirely straight?". She was great about it and helped me tell my now best friend last year even though she kinda pushed me into it.
We were drinkng at a friends house, I was going to tell her in a few days but I walked and outside they had been talking. She looked at me and said "go" I said "now? fuck!... ok". (She thought I was pregnant). It took me a few minutes to muster the courage and then I just said I am a bit gay and looked at her with tears in my eyes. She said "really!? Oh my god! Thats awesome!" It was the least expected reaction. I knew she wasnt homophobic cos she'd just done an oral on legalising gay marriage but she was so much more than fine with it.
Ive since told 1 other gf over text, she said she kinda thought it already, her bf by accident, he said "yeah you're gay arent you?" I said "you cant tell anyone" he said "wat? are you really?" (whoops!) and a very good guy friend of mine. They're all fine with it.
That was all very very abreviated just so you know

[TeganM3]

i love reading everyones stories very interesting!

as for me well mine was a very quick/ long process.. i was wid my ex fiance (a guy) for 4 yrs.. but about 2yrs into the rship this girl had trans 2 my school and all of a sudden i was insanely attracted to her.. we became best friends and then after a couple of months of shamless flirting i stayed over at her place which was a regular thing and we hooked up! It was the most amazing intense feeling ive ever had.. lol.. then we hooked up a couple more times and then the ineviable happened and i feel for her and talked 2 some friends about it and it got back 2 her that i said something and the friendship ended! So i continued on with my rship with my fiance (btw he knew i had cheated on him not something im proud of but thats a different story 4 a different thread lol)

Flash forward a couple of years.. i refused 2 think i was gay and considered the previous incident a experimental thing.. lol then meet these girls hooked up with them whilst drunk and on drugs maybe 2 different girls still said i was TRI-SEXUAL (ill try anything once and if its good maybe twice ;-) lol) then i finally went on Lesbian Match Maker.. and posted as bi curious... then within a month i was GAY lol.. very quick...

Finally i goty up the courage 2 tell my mum, knowin she wouldnt care but was still nervous and as she was walking 2 the toilet (yes very classy i am) blurted out that i liked girls.. no response so i said mum did u hear me im gay! her response.. (whilst on the toilet lol) yes tegan i heard u and ive known since you were 2! jesus mum u couldve told me lol! She asked all the relevant questions and told me she still wanted kids and me 2 marry rich so i could look after her lol.. then that was it... i didnt tell my family my aunty did that for me but no1 cared!

WOW that was much longer than anticipated sorry!

[Blue-bird]

I have one very good friend who doesnt know yet and I feel rather guilty about it. Its not that I dont trust her or trust her to be ok with it but I just I guess I dont know how to tell her. Its gonna sound immature but we had a marriage ceremony a few months ago and we always talk about how relationship as if we're together and of course its all a joke but I feel if I tell her Im actually gay she'll think Im not kidding about other stuff. I dont want to change our friendship and I know if she was a good friend it wouldnt but it will. Almost everything she says is a joke which sounds shallow but she's hilarious and always so much fun to be around. And we do occasionally have serious conversations like about her brother and my mum and I was the first person she told when she was pregnant (which at 16 is big deal) and I kept that secret for about 6 months until everyone kinda figured it out. I guess Im probably her best friend when I think about it but I dont wanna tell her if it'll serve no other purpose than making her uncomfortable around me.
Any advice?

[TeganM3]

I have one very good friend who doesnt know yet and I feel rather guilty about it. Its not that I dont trust her or trust her to be ok with it but I just I guess I dont know how to tell her. Its gonna sound immature but we had a marriage ceremony a few months ago and we always talk about how relationship as if we're together and of course its all a joke but I feel if I tell her Im actually gay she'll think Im not kidding about other stuff. I dont want to change our friendship and I know if she was a good friend it wouldnt but it will. Almost everything she says is a joke which sounds shallow but she's hilarious and always so much fun to be around. And we do occasionally have serious conversations like about her brother and my mum and I was the first person she told when she was pregnant (which at 16 is big deal) and I kept that secret for about 6 months until everyone kinda figured it out. I guess Im probably her best friend when I think about it but I dont wanna tell her if it'll serve no other purpose than making her uncomfortable around me.
Any advice?
Sometimes u just have 2 bite da bullet.. N if she is ur best friend she will b ok n so will ur friendship!

Shit i use 2 talk 2 my best friend in the shower b4 she knew i was gay n when i told her nothing changed coz she knew that she was my best friend n that me being gay didnt change me or our friendship!

[Dash80]

She is your best mate. You have been there for her through thick and thin so if the friendship is as strong as it sounds, it will be fine.

It may even be a case of "Yeah i thought so" like so many people get when they come out to their mates.

[newbie]

I have one very good friend who doesnt know yet and I feel rather guilty about it. Its not that I dont trust her or trust her to be ok with it but I just I guess I dont know how to tell her. Its gonna sound immature but we had a marriage ceremony a few months ago and we always talk about how relationship as if we're together and of course its all a joke but I feel if I tell her Im actually gay she'll think Im not kidding about other stuff. I dont want to change our friendship and I know if she was a good friend it wouldnt but it will. Almost everything she says is a joke which sounds shallow but she's hilarious and always so much fun to be around. And we do occasionally have serious conversations like about her brother and my mum and I was the first person she told when she was pregnant (which at 16 is big deal) and I kept that secret for about 6 months until everyone kinda figured it out. I guess Im probably her best friend when I think about it but I dont wanna tell her if it'll serve no other purpose than making her uncomfortable around me.
Any advice?



Yeah I'm sorta in the same position, told some close frieds but not my best friend. There's a part of me that thinks that she'll be fine with it, but unfortuantly there's that small part of me that isn't 100% sure, which is why I can't tell her yet. That small amount of doubt makes me worry about our friendship afterwards.

[trina2004]

Yeah I'm sorta in the same position, told some close frieds but not my best friend. There's a part of me that thinks that she'll be fine with it, but unfortuantly there's that small part of me that isn't 100% sure, which is why I can't tell her yet. That small amount of doubt makes me worry about our friendship afterwards.

I had the same problem. Had told many of my other friends but not my best female friend cause I was worried that it would make things awkward.
She came and had coffee with me and I told her and she said, 'oh okay... So what did you want to talk about?'
Lol.
anti-climactic to the extreme.
Its scary, but if they are the kind of person who will be awkward around you for the rest of time once they know, then you are better off without them. I know that prob sounds harsh.

[newbie]

YeahUesh Trina, I agree with you. I sorta think that if she hasn't noticed or isn't at least suspicious then she's not really the best friend anyway. It's wierd, I told friends that I was geniunly worried about before I told her. They surprised me, so maybe I don't have anything to worry about.

Just that small amount of uncertianty that's driving me crazy.

[Blue-bird]

Hmm well firstly she isnt my best friend just a good one but I think Im hers. But its like I very rarely talk about it to my friends who do know and so I dont really know if there's a point? I REALLY hate lying but Im not really. It feels like the only reason I want to tell her is out of guilt. I just keep going round in circles and its starting to piss me off so, your gonna tell me what to do and thats what I'll go with. And go!

[trina2004]

Hmm well firstly she isnt my best friend just a good one but I think Im hers. But its like I very rarely talk about it to my friends who do know and so I dont really know if there's a point? I REALLY hate lying but Im not really. It feels like the only reason I want to tell her is out of guilt. I just keep going round in circles and its starting to piss me off so, your gonna tell me what to do and thats what I'll go with. And go!

hmm I'll tell you but you're not allowed to be mad at me if it goes bad, okay?

Just tell her. Tell her casually so she doesn't think you're coming onto her.
Tell her you are still the same person, you just like chicks instead of guys. Even tell her if you want that you were worried about telling her cause her friendship means a lot to you.

Have you got any gay friends? Do you know how she feels about the whole thing?

I know what you meanabout the lying- it's not exactly lying but it sure feels like it. Trust me when you get it off your chest you will feel heaps better.
I still feel like a liar if randoms ask 'have you got a boyfriend?' and I don't say 'girlfriend, actually'. But yeah, be brave:)

[tomtomz]

When I came out to my elderly mother after years of marriage to a man, singledom and a break-up with my 2nd or 3rd woman, Mum's reaction was, 'I thought you were....but dont tell your father. He might have a stroke!!' Inwardly laughing, I told her to tell Dad when she thought the time was right, knowing full well that Mum couldn't keep quiet about anything for long. The next day she rang. 'Well I've told your father... and he's still alive.'
Mum, with all her hang-ups, was always better about the 'new' me than my younger siblings who turned out to be quite homophobic. Gave them an excuse to look down on their older sister at last. Put up with that for a few years but we are now estranged for this and other reasons. No great loss to me...who needs people like that, related or not?

[Blue-bird]

hmm I'll tell you but you're not allowed to be mad at me if it goes bad, okay?

Just tell her. Tell her casually so she doesn't think you're coming onto her.
Tell her you are still the same person, you just like chicks instead of guys. Even tell her if you want that you were worried about telling her cause her friendship means a lot to you.

Have you got any gay friends? Do you know how she feels about the whole thing?

I know what you meanabout the lying- it's not exactly lying but it sure feels like it. Trust me when you get it off your chest you will feel heaps better.
I still feel like a liar if randoms ask 'have you got a boyfriend?' and I don't say 'girlfriend, actually'. But yeah, be brave:)

Oh fuck ok I'll do it... Gosh I just got soo nervous!! :o
No I havent got any gay friends (which sucks!!) and I havent really heard her say anything one way or the other. Which is really annoying! Thats sorta how I went by telling my other friends. I waited til I knew their opinion on the whole thing then when I built up the courage (between a week and a few months) I told them.

She's a good person tho, I doubt she'll even care to be honest but well you all no how it feels!! Arghhhh :)

[newbie]

Let us know how it goes BB :).
Maybe I'll consider telling my best friend.

[TeganM3]

hmm I'll tell you but you're not allowed to be mad at me if it goes bad, okay?

Just tell her. Tell her casually so she doesn't think you're coming onto her.
Tell her you are still the same person, you just like chicks instead of guys. Even tell her if you want that you were worried about telling her cause her friendship means a lot to you.

Have you got any gay friends? Do you know how she feels about the whole thing?

I know what you meanabout the lying- it's not exactly lying but it sure feels like it. Trust me when you get it off your chest you will feel heaps better.
I still feel like a liar if randoms ask 'have you got a boyfriend?' and I don't say 'girlfriend, actually'. But yeah, be brave:)
you dont tell randoms you have a gf... TSK TSK.... ;)

[tomtomz]

When I came out to my elderly mother after years of marriage to a man, singledom and a break-up with my 2nd or 3rd woman, Mum's reaction was, 'I thought you were....but dont tell your father. He might have a stroke!!' Inwardly laughing, I told her to tell Dad when she thought the time was right, knowing full well that Mum couldn't keep quiet about anything for long. The next day she rang. 'Well I've told your father... and he's still alive.'
Mum, with all her hang-ups, was always better about the 'new' me than my younger siblings who turned out to be quite homophobic. Gave them an excuse to look down on their older sister at last. Put up with that for a few years but we are now estranged for this and other reasons. No great loss to me...who needs people like that, related or not?

Doesn't look like there's anyone here with a similar experience to mine (above)...yoo hoo to anyone who has come out in middle age....

[pho3nixphir3]

i have a friend who i haven't come out to, i'm not sure whether i should. i saw her once a week for several years, and on rare occasions she'll make a note or a joke about me having a boyfriend/husband. i haven't said anything, but i dunno whether i should bother.

[Blue-bird]

Yeah thats a tough call. Im gonna wait til I get through all my close friends before even begin to worry about more outer circles. Do you talk to her about other personal stuff or she more of fun times but not hard times friend?

[pho3nixphir3]

she's more of a light friend. so we don't really talk about personal stuff, but i'm wondering whether she'd want to be told.

[pho3nixphir3]

but wow bb, that's really lucky about how yours turned out, i'm happy for you =).

[Blue-bird]

Yeah I feel the same about a lot of my light friends. Its a pickle.
And yeah I have wonderful friends Im very lucky. I still havent told the last one tho Im going to soon but I chickened out last night. Probably cos she said something that terrified me. We were watching an add for that modern family show with the gay dads. And she says "I'd hate to be adopted by gay parents like two gay guys or two lesbians". While trying to stay cool but dying inside I said "yeah? Why's that?" She says "cos you couldnt not call the more girly dad, Mum or the more dykey mum, Dad. It'd be so awkward." I said "thats the only reson? You wouldnt know wat to call them?" and burst out laughing. She's such an idiot! :)

Have you ever had bad reactions when telling "friends"?

[pho3nixphir3]

Yeah I feel the same about a lot of my light friends. Its a pickle.
And yeah I have wonderful friends Im very lucky. I still havent told the last one tho Im going to soon but I chickened out last night. Probably cos she said something that terrified me. We were watching an add for that modern family show with the gay dads. And she says "I'd hate to be adopted by gay parents like two gay guys or two lesbians". While trying to stay cool but dying inside I said "yeah? Why's that?" She says "cos you couldnt not call the more girly dad, Mum or the more dykey mum, Dad. It'd be so awkward." I said "thats the only reson? You wouldnt know wat to call them?" and burst out laughing. She's such an idiot! :)

Have you ever had bad reactions when telling "friends"?

yeah. maybe i'll just do a: you know i'm gay right? but it'll be awkward. at least i can do it online now, since we don't meet anymore. awww. she's just a little uninformed and unexposed, i guess. do you think she'll make an effort if you tell her?

umm nope. never had a bad reaction, except when i told this girl i liked her...

[Blue-bird]

She's just an idiot she never says wat you expect but is always a riot. Im not sure. She'll probably ask one or two questions (inapropriate of course) we'll both laugh and then go have a smoke. Actually, I'll be pretty surprised if it turns out different Im not sure wat Im woried about now?
I've never told a girl I like her. I told my last bestie that I used to like her (I was crazy in love with her) once I was over her and she said she kinda assumed anyway so that wasnt a big deal

[pho3nixphir3]

i reckon you should go for it. and tell us how it goes.

was this the one you made out with?

[Blue-bird]

Yeah I will :)
Haha oh god I've kissed too many of my friends!! But the friend I loved was the first person I told and yeah we made out and you can imagine how much that raised my hopes :(. But I've also kissed my current best friend as a dare but she knew I was gay well before. lol

[trina2004]

you dont tell randoms you have a gf... TSK TSK.... ;)

:rolleyes:

:)

[pho3nixphir3]

Yeah I will :)
Haha oh god I've kissed too many of my friends!! But the friend I loved was the first person I told and yeah we made out and you can imagine how much that raised my hopes :(. But I've also kissed my current best friend as a dare but she knew I was gay well before. lol

ahaha i've only made out with my friends xDD. i've never kissed anyone i had a crush on though. but i guess it must be a memory that you look back on and sigh. haha.

[Hessy]

i can't remember how i came out to my friends. i don't think i ever did. i just started talking about how hot girls were.
i figured out i was bi at the tender age of 12. i was sort of attracted to a girl in my class, but made the mistake of telling on the bus on A SCHOOL TRIP. she thought i was joking, told her friends, who told their friends etc. by the time we were back at school it had spread, i had these tall tall teenage boys approaching me asking me if i was a lesbian. i got teased about it for the next four years.
when i was fourteen, i told my sister. don't know how. but she was three years younger than me and at the fucking sunday lunch she told my parents
'oh helen reckons she bisexual'
my mum rounded on me, asking me why i thought that. i told her it was because i was attracted to girls. she told me i was going through a phase. when i was seventeen she was still struggling with it, telling me being bisexual was being greedy. 'you just want to have your cake and eat it' she said.
my dad was okay, don't remember if his dad knows don't really care, his mum does. she doesn't mind. my mum still doubts it. i still haven't had a girlfriend. although there was the one fiasco where my mum just glared and me and accused me of using a girl. (true, but she basically bullied me into being her girlfriend).

i'm not out to my mum's side of the family. mainly because her dad's a bit racist and a bit homophobic.

[pho3nixphir3]

when i was seventeen she was still struggling with it, telling me being bisexual was being greedy. 'you just want to have your cake and eat it' she said.


i'm not out to my mum's side of the family. mainly because her dad's a bit racist and a bit homophobic.

i've never heard of the greedy thing! i think of it as lovely, being accepting of a person regardless of gender. i however, am not =D.

yeah, that's why i'm not out to dad. he said once that gay people were 'sick in the head'.

*sigh*.

[Blue-bird]

ahaha i've only made out with my friends xDD. i've never kissed anyone i had a crush on though. but i guess it must be a memory that you look back on and sigh. haha.

Yeah pretty much lol:p I feel kinda guilty when I think about it and go 'that was awesome' but hey she kissed me first! I think? :confused: Haha

[Neptune]

I'm not really out yet, and I don't plan on telling my family in any formal way.. I'll just wait til I get a girlfriend then just casually mention I've started seeing someone. Mum will ask " what's his name" and I'll just say "oh her name is ..."

It really wont be a big deal, I'm still the same person and I don't think Mum wants grandkids either, so meh.

[Happy to be me]

Wow great stories people!!

I tried to 'come out '/test the waters to my brother(6 yrs ago) by making an off the cuff... if i was a lesbian what would you think?' comment and he reacted weird so i just "faked' a laugh and pretended i was joking..

I told my ex husband a couple of times but he just said youre not gay you just like the closeness of females!!(????)

He is controlling and we had sex like 11 times in 7 years so he was an ass!
I don't think my parents would give a stuff..i told them i was separating/divorcing my ex husband and they couldnt care less so why bother?

2 guy friends know and my pyscologist ...

Any way pretty boring..
Lilyx

[sputnik sweetheart]

I have one very good friend who doesnt know yet and I feel rather guilty about it. Its not that I dont trust her or trust her to be ok with it but I just I guess I dont know how to tell her. Its gonna sound immature but we had a marriage ceremony a few months ago and we always talk about how relationship as if we're together and of course its all a joke but I feel if I tell her Im actually gay she'll think Im not kidding about other stuff. I dont want to change our friendship and I know if she was a good friend it wouldnt but it will. Almost everything she says is a joke which sounds shallow but she's hilarious and always so much fun to be around. And we do occasionally have serious conversations like about her brother and my mum and I was the first person she told when she was pregnant (which at 16 is big deal) and I kept that secret for about 6 months until everyone kinda figured it out. I guess Im probably her best friend when I think about it but I dont wanna tell her if it'll serve no other purpose than making her uncomfortable around me.So
Any advice? So you don't trust her to keep your secret? Why does it have to be a secret honey?

[Blue-bird]

I guess I just dont want my family to find out. I want to tell them when Im doing really well and Im in a healthy relationship so they have no chance to bring me down. And I dont want to tell my dad maybe ever cos I dont want him knowing something so personal about me and I dont think he deserves to. Also a part of me doesnt want to prove to all those stereotypists(?) that they were right all along. Me being a tomboy isnt cos Im gay, its cos I have 3 older brothers and I never knew how to be a girl!

So to answer your question, basically out of spite. Thats healthy

[Blue-bird]

I have to be honest. That question really shook me up. Im gonna be lost in thought for days now. Why does it have to be a secret?
Hmmmmmmmmm.....

[sputnik sweetheart]

I'm sorry honey I didn't mean to shake you. I know I was scared coming out but I never actively tried to keep it a secret. It's such an amazing weight off your shoulders once everyone knows.

One day being queer won't be such a big deal and people like us won't have to come out. There will be gays on toothpaste adds on Tv and shows like neighbours and it will be taught in primary school to kids and our sexuality will be just as boring and normal as hetro marriages.

[Happy to be me]

I'm sorry honey I didn't mean to shake you. I know I was scared coming out but I never actively tried to keep it a secret. It's such an amazing weight off your shoulders once everyone knows.

One day being queer won't be such a big deal and people like us won't have to come out. There will be gays on toothpaste adds on Tv and shows like neighbours and it will be taught in primary school to kids and our sexuality will be just as boring and normal as hetro marriages.

Here here!!
I hope so too!
xo

[SapphireRose]

I'm new to all this and still finding my feet. For some reason the easiest person to tell has been a counsellor and she was really helpful. I told one friend and she was the first one i ever told. Recently she asked me why i told her, and i said cos you are who you are and you don't judge. Skip forward in time two months and the people who now know are either in the community plus a couple of friends who are about my age one who accepts me for who i am and the other suggested that i was under stress and its a phase (so wrong).

I recently told the person who is my best friend of sorts. She considers me her bestie and i consider he a good friend. Anyways things have been tense between us for a couple of months so i put it all in a letter for her to read. Her response was i love you as a good friend and you deserve to be loved, to be happy etc and your secret is safe. The one thing i clarified fairly quickly here is that it isn't a secret just not common knowledge. So we are sort of in a honeymoon period tiptoeing around waiting for something to go wrong lol.

I think of this as my journey and i am taking it all as it comes. I am meeting some nice people both online ( in here) and in real time who i can talk to, relax around, be truly myself and not feel like i am being judged. I cannot talk about this with my friend yet, i don't think she gets it yet.

That all said i am doing okay, having fun and travelling well.

Cheers

[Happy to be me]

Awesome Sapphire rose :) !

[Blue-bird]

I'm sorry honey I didn't mean to shake you. I know I was scared coming out but I never actively tried to keep it a secret. It's such an amazing weight off your shoulders once everyone knows.

One day being queer won't be such a big deal and people like us won't have to come out. There will be gays on toothpaste adds on Tv and shows like neighbours and it will be taught in primary school to kids and our sexuality will be just as boring and normal as hetro marriages.

Oh no not in a bad way. More in a why the hell do I even care who knows, way. It was refreshing and a very good question. And although Im not exactly out and proud just yet, I reckon that stage is getting closer every day :)
And I look very forward to those glorious days when gayness is just there. Its not an issue or even interesting its just a part of life. *Fingers crossed*

[Tatsuya]

mine was horrible at the time, but now that i look back on it, it was hilarious i guess...
<insert backstory> My mother and father had just seperated, and it was xmas time 08, mum wanted to be close to her family for xmas so we all went over to Fraser Island (just off the coast of QLD) for xmas day, had an all you can eat buffet by an awesome pool...
now, my brother knew because i lived with him for a while, and he's gay too... he had obviously told my sister (who, ironically enough, her name is Gay) and her husband, as i discovered when they asked me how my GF at the time and I were doing o_O, (my GF was there with us)
<gets to the point>
we were all in the pool, shooting water pistols at eachother, and i jumped in the water and grabbed my GF, she squeeled and started play fighting in the water, just at this point, my niece who was 12 at the time, swims past me and starts singing at the top of her lungs "LOVERS IN THE AIR, Aunty C, get a room" then the 8yro niece started singing "Aunty C and (gf) sitting in a tree", all i could do was swim after them, and hold their heads under the water, i looked up to our table by the pool and mum was giving me the look of "well... confirmed..." mum and I never spoke about it...

it wasnt untill almost a year later i flew to Sydney for a holiday, stayed with a friend [who is now my GF but thats another story of awkwardness], my mother calls me.
Mum:"your father just called me, he was all 'did you fucking know your god damn daughter is in sydney, did you know she wants to move!!! what the fuck is she doing in sydney!"
Me: "well... what did you tell him"
Mum: "i told him you were down visiting a lover"
Me: "mum! he knows im visiting (friend), why would you say lover!"
Mum: "well it shut him up, besides, you have a thing for asian girls, remember (childhood friend)"
Me: "MUM NOTHING EVER HAPPENED BETWEEN US TWO, AND (friend) IS JUST A FRIEND... wait... I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU"
[hangs up]

3 months later i moved to sydney, that friend i had stayed with and I were now together after a series of hilarious events, my mother comes down to visit, i figured "fuck it, no point in hiding it" so behaved like a normally do around my gf, held her hand etc in front of my mum, my mothers only real reaction was kinda "ha! i knew you two would end up"
but my mother loves my GF so all is well...
(fuck i just realised how long this is)

[tomtomz]

mine was horrible at the time, but now that i look back on it, it was hilarious i guess...
<insert backstory> My mother and father had just seperated, and it was xmas time 08, mum wanted to be close to her family for xmas so we all went over to Fraser Island (just off the coast of QLD) for xmas day, had an all you can eat buffet by an awesome pool...
now, my brother knew because i lived with him for a while, and he's gay too... he had obviously told my sister (who, ironically enough, her name is Gay) and her husband, as i discovered when they asked me how my GF at the time and I were doing o_O, (my GF was there with us)
<gets to the point>
we were all in the pool, shooting water pistols at eachother, and i jumped in the water and grabbed my GF, she squeeled and started play fighting in the water, just at this point, my niece who was 12 at the time, swims past me and starts singing at the top of her lungs "LOVERS IN THE AIR, Aunty C, get a room" then the 8yro niece started singing "Aunty C and (gf) sitting in a tree", all i could do was swim after them, and hold their heads under the water, i looked up to our table by the pool and mum was giving me the look of "well... confirmed..." mum and I never spoke about it...

it wasnt untill almost a year later i flew to Sydney for a holiday, stayed with a friend [who is now my GF but thats another story of awkwardness], my mother calls me.
Mum:"your father just called me, he was all 'did you fucking know your god damn daughter is in sydney, did you know she wants to move!!! what the fuck is she doing in sydney!"
Me: "well... what did you tell him"
Mum: "i told him you were down visiting a lover"
Me: "mum! he knows im visiting (friend), why would you say lover!"
Mum: "well it shut him up, besides, you have a thing for asian girls, remember (childhood friend)"
Me: "MUM NOTHING EVER HAPPENED BETWEEN US TWO, AND (friend) IS JUST A FRIEND... wait... I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU"
[hangs up]

3 months later i moved to sydney, that friend i had stayed with and I were now together after a series of hilarious events, my mother comes down to visit, i figured "fuck it, no point in hiding it" so behaved like a normally do around my gf, held her hand etc in front of my mum, my mothers only real reaction was kinda "ha! i knew you two would end up"
but my mother loves my GF so all is well...
(fuck i just realised how long this is)

all's well that ends well Tatsuya. (just thought I'd reply because hardly anyone does)

[munijy]

That was a nice ending.. ^^
Glad all is well.

[sputnik sweetheart]

all's well that ends well Tatsuya. (just thought I'd reply because hardly anyone does)

Do you think that every post requires it's own reply?

[Muki]

blah

I glad your mom likes me.

On topic: I haven't come out to my family. My brother knows but he's so effeminate he may as well be gay and we're very close. However, the rest of my family are the traditional conservative Asian kind so I haven't told anyone yet. I figured I'll slowly ease them into it over the next few years. Get a house, have a good job, maybe have a kid. Tell them when we've settled down and if things are well, how can they disapprove? I mean, I would be lucky to find a guy (and I doubt I would have ever) who is as wonderful as Tatsuya. My parents seem to like her and since she's always with me when I go to visit or when we have dinner together I guess they're getting used to her always being with me. My mom does ask every now and then if I have anyone "courting" (direct translation) me but I always laugh it off and say no.

I wonder what they must think since I'm always with Tatsu and they know that I even share a bed with her (the explanation I gave to them was that we were/are too poor to buy new separate beds).

Oh, my friends all know I'm gay. A good half to two thirds of my friends are either bi or gay. The straight ones are all good and open minded about it. The only friends that might have an issue are my friends group from high school since I went to a conservative Christian private school. However, I rarely talk to them anymore so I don't care of their opinion.

[trina2004]

maybe they know but are in denial?
maybe they don't want to accept what it means that their daughter sleeps in the same bed as her housemate so they keep asking about suitors to try and force you to tell them?

maybe I'm projecting slightly? lol.

good luck with that though:) and hello, since I don't think I've said it before:D

[Muki]

Well they seem to be very comfortable with the fact that my brother might be gay (but then again they have another son who is very much a typical guy) they've been asking him to come out for years which might explain why he hasn't if he actually is. I just don't know what they would think about me however. I don't mind if they don't know. They haven't been pushing me to do everything and have let me make my own decisions. I would rather ease the idea on them and let them get comfortable rather than sit them down and shock them with it.

[Tatsuya]

Well they seem to be very comfortable with the fact that my brother might be gay (but then again they have another son who is very much a typical guy) they've been asking him to come out for years which might explain why he hasn't if he actually is. I just don't know what they would think about me however. I don't mind if they don't know. They haven't been pushing me to do everything and have let me make my own decisions. I would rather ease the idea on them and let them get comfortable rather than sit them down and shock them with it.

you know i would never make you tell them ^^

the fun part would be (the day i actually do it, be it in 1 year or 10) telling my mother that we're legally bound, you know my mother is going to get over excited and go all smothery loving motherinlaw on your ass, lol

[star-seeker]

One of my very good friends I told over a lovely bottle of wine, was shaking like heck when I did, but the sense of relief I felt after that was just amazing! A few other friends know, and I am at the stage, that should anyone ask I will tell them that I am bisexual, although being married and having kids usually throws people off my scent!

I do remember the very first samesame meetup I went to, dinner before Sundaylicious I think it was... Well I got told my someone that I was greedy.. I just laughed... Now we're mates. I figure if someone's got a problem with it, it's their problem, not mine!

I would never tell my parents however, they are in South Africa for a start, and they are highly religious, and my father already thinks I have a one way ticket to hell for being a "heathen":rolleyes: My sister and brother and law are both missionaries, and no doubt they too think I am going to hell.. No doubt my two brothers who have passed over are well aware.. but that's all it is to me, we are just souls having a human experience, it doesn't matter who you fall for.. So many just don't "get it"..

[Happy to be me]

hugs xo

[star-seeker]

For me? Right back at ya!

[Blue-bird]

Woke up positively this morning. Decided to just tell my friend, not text her or anything just go around there and do it. I had my shower got dressed got ready pulled out of the driveway and around the corner. There's Mum. I tell her Im going to wash my car instead of "just going to ***'s to come out, be back soon". Go vacuum my car at the car wash and good god it needed it. Get to her house still with full intention to tell her, deep breath, go inside... Noones home!
NOT FAIR!!!

[star-seeker]

Maybe a sign it's not the right time... seems a couple of things stopped ya.. just for today!!!

[ItsAllInTheEyes]

I've still got my 'Ls" but I found it to be one of the most empowering things I've ever done...telling people! So empowering in fact, I recon I could easily walk into a room full of homphobes and pffft at them now :cool:

I don't do the "i've got something to tell you"....sounds like i'm telling them I have 12 months to live!

I caught up with an old friend for lunch this week (whom I hadn't seen since I was ready to come out) who said, what happened to your nails? you used to have such gorgous, long nails!" I just laughed and replied, "I'm a thoughtful Dyke" :p

After the initial :eek: she literally wet herself with laughter and then asked me if I was happy and getting any! :D

Humor is a great way to share !

[tomtomz]

Well done It'sAll..Eyes.

Do it like she did, Bluebird. The humorous way is best (see my post about Dad not having a stroke) Good luck!!

[trina2004]

I caught up with an old friend for lunch this week (whom I hadn't seen since I was ready to come out) who said, what happened to your nails? you used to have such gorgous, long nails!" I just laughed and replied, "I'm a thoughtful Dyke" :p

After the initial :eek: she literally wet herself with laughter and then asked me if I was happy and getting any! :D

Humor is a great way to share !

That's a fantastic way to come out! :D

[ItsAllInTheEyes]

She'll probably probably refer to me Madam Slasher from hereon in. But I can handle that!

The other thing I found helped ease my friends into it, is jokingly telling them "I have a built-in self-protection mechanism that stops me from falling for girls who are straight, or in a relationship".

One of my straight girlfriends asked me if it was something like one of those venus butterfly thingies....hahahaha bless!! :p

[Blue-bird]

Haha thanks for the advice and I think I am gonna do it like that I just have to word it right so she knows Im not kidding as almost everything we say is a joke. I was gonna go with, "Im gonna say something, Im just gonna put it out there and if you like it take it, if not just send it right back". I just have to wait for the right moment, which is basically anytime were not watching tv in her bed lol which is basically all the time!
Hopefully tomorrow... Yep I've got good feelings about tomorrow :)

[munijy]

Good luck~~

I'm making quite a bit of progress here. I just told 2 friends today... They're all cool with it. One of them even said, "I knew something wasn't 'straight' about you from the beginning."

2 more down! Yayy! XD

[ItsAllInTheEyes]

Doesn't look like there's anyone here with a similar experience to mine (above)...yoo hoo to anyone who has come out in middle age....

*waves*, Hi Tomtomz, I am 41 and I did the straight thing ie. many men (wondering why I couldn't find one that actually "did it for me"), then marriage, kids, etc. I only told my closest friend at christmas time. Didn't say anything again until early February. Now, I'm wondering if there is anyone in my life that doesn't know lol.

I am estranged from my 'birth family', and you are so right...you don't have to have people in your life that don't love you - even if they are related. My family now are my kids and I ;)


I'm sorry honey I didn't mean to shake you. I know I was scared coming out but I never actively tried to keep it a secret. It's such an amazing weight off your shoulders once everyone knows.

One day being queer won't be such a big deal and people like us won't have to come out. There will be gays on toothpaste adds on Tv and shows like neighbours and it will be taught in primary school to kids and our sexuality will be just as boring and normal as hetro marriages.

I had the most interesting discussion with my 5 and 10yo last week. My 5yo asked me how babies are made, and being a lesbian gave me a whole new persective on how to tell THAT story lol. Needless to say, my kids got the run down on how they were conceived, and how Aunty **** kids were conceived (my close lesbian friend who did the donation thing).

My kids were so interested, and accepted it as if I was telling them the sky is blue! Just the way it should be!!!

I wouldn't mind being a fly on the wall when my kids have sex education classes at school. Hopefully the teacher will have it covered, but if not, they soon will!!!

[ItsAllInTheEyes]

...and a very big Hi! to you tomtomz, welcome to SS Ladies lounge :D

[ItsAllInTheEyes]

Haha thanks for the advice and I think I am gonna do it like that I just have to word it right so she knows Im not kidding as almost everything we say is a joke. I was gonna go with, "Im gonna say something, Im just gonna put it out there and if you like it take it, if not just send it right back". I just have to wait for the right moment, which is basically anytime were not watching tv in her bed lol which is basically all the time!
Hopefully tomorrow... Yep I've got good feelings about tomorrow :)

If you accept it as a natural part of who you are hon, then they will likely do the same. Often it not the message itself, but how it's delivered. Go with humor and happiness and the won't laugh AT you, only WITH you. Those that care about you will be happy, because they can see that you are happy ;)

Good luck !

Good luck~~

I'm making quite a bit of progress here. I just told 2 friends today... They're all cool with it. One of them even said, "I knew something wasn't 'straight' about you from the beginning."

2 more down! Yayy! XD

*doin the happy dance * Go girl!!

[Tegan-Marie]

i told my mum first, then told my oldest sister, who proceeded to tell the whole family, not that i knew at the time but they were all very supportive, so it wasnt hard

i found it harder to tell my friends then my family

the first friend i told, actually thought i was going to tell her i was pregnant, and when i said i like girls, she scoffed and said, i alreayd knew that and continued with the conversation we'd been having before lol

i guess i had it easy

[Tatsuya]

tegan, yeah, i guess you did have it easy, it's nice when it's easy though, as long as you're grateful for it ^^

and congrats to the girls who are currently coming out, i'm immensely proud of you ^^

my GF almost outed us to her parents by accident (which would be disastrous) she accidentally called me "Babe" while she was making us all coffee, her parents didnt seem to realise though.

She doesn't want to tell her family just yet, they're very... and i totally understand, i think i'm more scared about her parents finding out than she is. @_@ lol

[Tegan-Marie]

hey it was pretty awesome, im pretty lucky, the first girl i was kinda see, after she told her mum, she got kicked out. im pretty lucky, my mum is awesome =]

and i can understand what you mean about your girlfriends parents, my ex, we werent out to her parents until after we broke up because they are from the country and yeahhhh, that was hard

[Tatsuya]

i think the only reason they didnt pick up on the 'babe' thing was because they were speaking in thai at the time, lawl. /lucky!

my side was easy and they love muki so we only have her side to worry about now =P
pretty typical asian parents really, they work hard, and they worry about their status in public, and having a gay daughter might lower it, and who knows what they'd do if they found out before they need to @_@

[pho3nixphir3]

congratulations all you beautiful ladies =).

those of you who aren't there yet...be strong, we'll do it together.

i kinda like not being out to my family though. i'm guessing if i had a partner and mum knew she would awkwardly try and talk about her, which doesn't interest me.

[The Owl]

I came out to a friend who was quite close to me then in uni. She told me to go to church and stop "reading information on gays and lesbians" because unless I surround myself with something positive, I'd become "dirty" - something to that effect. I was devastated! I cried after that.

My sis already suspected that I was a lesbian. She wasn't surprised when I told her. I told mum who thought that it was only a phase but she wasn't unsupportive. She helped me tell dad so it wasn't too difficult. My close friends were very supportive and even cheered that they now have a lesbian friend! All in all, pretty good. It was more difficult to tell my parents that I'm coming to Australia to be with my girlfriend than to come out.

[Tegan-Marie]

yeah tatsuya i can understand, im half veitnamese. and they are also catholic, stric catholics. i didnt get to tell my father before he passed but i can imagine telling my family on that side that im gay, dont think it would go down very well



and the owl, id be pretty devo after that too!

[weenery]

I just told everyone I know on Facebook - what a strange feeling!

[star-seeker]

Hey Weenery! Did you come out and tell them you were bi or gay? Just curious seeing as we're both bi! I define myself as bi, because I am married to the most beautiful man, but I don't look at any other men, just ladies LOL, some mine find this ermmm weird.. but I dont' need to explain myself to anyone!

If I am asked if I am bi, I will say yes.. I must have a few people scratching their heads on facebook, and have already had one (christian) person remove me after I posted photos from the same sex marriage rally LOL!!

[wynrae]

Out to my friends, they've known for around 10 years since in high school. Not out to my parents, I'm sure they know though because back in the day I did a lot of together with my mum and dad and my then-girlfriend. It would have been very obvious to them that we were together but we don't have that kind of relationship where we talk about those things... Not too sure why.

[The Owl]

Out to my friends, they've known for around 10 years since in high school. Not out to my parents, I'm sure they know though because back in the day I did a lot of together with my mum and dad and my then-girlfriend. It would have been very obvious to them that we were together but we don't have that kind of relationship where we talk about those things... Not too sure why.

Will you be out with them eventually? Cos if they know and didn't react badly, maybe they were waiting for you to say something?

[Blue-bird]

Im so proud and happy for all you girls being so brave and honest! HUGSSSS!! xoxoxox
Im REALLY starting to get annoyed at myself, saying Im gonna do it for wat must be weeks now and still havent. I think the hardest part is figuring out wat to say more than the timing. How do I bring it up? Just throw in a 'so Im gay by the way?' Keep in mind we like never talk about anything serious and if we do it wont last 2 minutes before were laughing about it. I dont wanna say 'I've gotta tell you something' or anything that makes people jump to dying family member, cheating boyfriend or pregnancy, but I want her to know Im not kidding. How do I do that without just dumping it on her?

[datkindagal]

How did you come out to your family and friends?

like a closet full of medicine balls.

[wynrae]

Will you be out with them eventually? Cos if they know and didn't react badly, maybe they were waiting for you to say something?
I will tell them but probably not until/if I ever have another girlfriend again. I just have always been that way with my family, even when I used to be involved with guys in high shool, I never told my parents about them and they never asked. My brother is like that too, he doesn't talk about his girlfriends to them. I don't know why we have this thing between us like that, we just don't seem to want to talk about any type of sexuality really.

[The Owl]

I will tell them but probably not until/if I ever have another girlfriend again. I just have always been that way with my family, even when I used to be involved with guys in high shool, I never told my parents about them and they never asked. My brother is like that too, he doesn't talk about his girlfriends to them. I don't know why we have this thing between us like that, we just don't seem to want to talk about any type of sexuality really.

Fair enough. I suppose if you don't think it's an issue with them and they are happy as things are right now, no point rushing it. GOOD LUCK ;)

[munijy]

My parents' (and extended family's) favourite question everytime I return to Singapore for a holiday....

"Any boyfriend yet?"

*sigh*

[The Owl]

Im so proud and happy for all you girls being so brave and honest! HUGSSSS!! xoxoxox
Im REALLY starting to get annoyed at myself, saying Im gonna do it for wat must be weeks now and still havent. I think the hardest part is figuring out wat to say more than the timing. How do I bring it up? Just throw in a 'so Im gay by the way?' Keep in mind we like never talk about anything serious and if we do it wont last 2 minutes before were laughing about it. I dont wanna say 'I've gotta tell you something' or anything that makes people jump to dying family member, cheating boyfriend or pregnancy, but I want her to know Im not kidding. How do I do that without just dumping it on her?

You can say "the weather is so beautiful, I had a nice brekkie this morning..I'm gay and I'd love to have fish and chips tonight". Jokes aside, I guess like you said, it's all about the timing. Hard to tell when is the right time. Sometimes it comes without you planning for it. Good luck!;)

[paxie]

Im so proud and happy for all you girls being so brave and honest! HUGSSSS!! xoxoxox
Im REALLY starting to get annoyed at myself, saying Im gonna do it for wat must be weeks now and still havent. I think the hardest part is figuring out wat to say more than the timing. How do I bring it up? Just throw in a 'so Im gay by the way?' Keep in mind we like never talk about anything serious and if we do it wont last 2 minutes before were laughing about it. I dont wanna say 'I've gotta tell you something' or anything that makes people jump to dying family member, cheating boyfriend or pregnancy, but I want her to know Im not kidding. How do I do that without just dumping it on her?

Blue-bird, DON'T rush yourself. I wish coming out is an easy process but some have it easy, some have it hard. Make sure you are emotionally (and sometimes financially) ready if things doesn't come out as expected. As happened, some parents goes over the line and kick their kids out of home. Some country put gay people in jail. I think make plan and back up plan, make sure you have friends and support network you can go to if things gone wrong...it is better to be safe than sorry. Be prepared and be ready, you know when it is time...don't kick yourself just because you haven't told your mum yet even if you have been talking about it, there is no due date *hugs*

I came out not long after my 30th bday (born on Christmas) on 2nd Jan just after new years. What a way to start the big three zero lol. It took me a long time but I just need to be ready and even when I thought I was ready, I wasn't. My parents are overseas and I flew back to Melbourne the next day ;o The coming out process is kinda long story but to cut it short. My parents flipped, it broke my heart to see them cry (I don't like to disappoint them) and cut me even more when they said I at least have to try even after I told them I have been seeing my gf for the past 7 years. I broke into pieces and I was in a place I've never been before...not easy...to think that I couldn't smile for few weeks. We still don't talk about it until now but at least they've stopped asking me if I have found a boyfriend or texting me hoping I found the 'right way'.

I'm okay now and glad that I had gone through the hard times. It is so true that what doesn't kill you make you stronger. I look at things in different way now, with a lot more compassion and less judgement because I know what it feels like to be the one who people look differently - just because you are gay. It takes courage to be who you are and to be able to love yourself as who you are. So, I want to congratulate and gives warmest hug to everyone who has come out and my thoughts be with those who struggle to do so.

As for the religious background, you just never know.. I came out to several nuns and priest (true story) and they have been amazing. My dark times during coming out is actually the reason why I came back for my faith and realise that the church is not God. Yes some religious people are righteous but people forgot religion suppose to be all about love not judgement.

One day I hope being yourself wouldn't be such a burden to tell your loved ones.

[noodles]

Blue-bird, DON'T rush yourself. I wish coming out is an easy process but some have it easy, some have it hard. Make sure you are emotionally (and sometimes financially) ready if things doesn't come out as expected. As happened, some parents goes over the line and kick their kids out of home. Some country put gay people in jail. I think make plan and back up plan, make sure you have friends and support network you can go to if things gone wrong...it is better to be safe than sorry. Be prepared and be ready, you know when it is time...don't kick yourself just because you haven't told your mum yet even if you have been talking about it, there is no due date *hugs*

I came out not long after my 30th bday (born on Christmas) on 2nd Jan just after new years. What a way to start the big three zero lol. It took me a long time but I just need to be ready and even when I thought I was ready, I wasn't. My parents are overseas and I flew back to Melbourne the next day ;o The coming out process is kinda long story but to cut it short. My parents flipped, it broke my heart to see them cry (I don't like to disappoint them) and cut me even more when they said I at least have to try even after I told them I have been seeing my gf for the past 7 years. I broke into pieces and I was in a place I've never been before...not easy...to think that I couldn't smile for few weeks. We still don't talk about it until now but at least they've stopped asking me if I have found a boyfriend or texting me hoping I found the 'right way'.

I'm okay now and glad that I had gone through the hard times. It is so true that what doesn't kill you make you stronger. I look at things in different way now, with a lot more compassion and less judgement because I know what it feels like to be the one who people look differently - just because you are gay. It takes courage to be who you are and to be able to love yourself as who you are. So, I want to congratulate and gives warmest hug to everyone who has come out and my thoughts be with those who struggle to do so.

As for the religious background, you just never know.. I came out to several nuns and priest (true story) and they have been amazing. My dark times during coming out is actually the reason why I came back for my faith and realise that the church is not God. Yes some religious people are righteous but people forgot religion suppose to be all about love not judgement.

One day I hope being yourself wouldn't be such a burden to tell your loved ones.


1 so respect where u coming from..

[Blue-bird]

Your so wise paxie, like a miniture Budha shaped like a penguin. But its not my mum Im planning on telling its a friend of mine. Telling my mum wouldnt be worth it, I doubt it'd end badly I just dont see a plus side, especially while Im living with her!

[star-seeker]

That is so beautiful Paxie, to read that bit of your journey, that has made you the beautiful person you are, although I suspect you have been like that for a loooooooong time! mwah xxxx

[Cosmopolitan]

Hi all,

When I was at Uni I met this girl and we became instant friends. She had a BF and I didnt (I couldnt figure out why I was never much interested in guys lol). Anyhoo..time went by and we got closer and closer and we moved in together and everything that goes with it...one day we just looked at each other and both though heck....I love you and I guess we are gay. It felt like the most normal thing in the world for me, like the sun comming out from behind the clouds!
We were together for 7 years.

[Happy to be me]

Hi all,

When I was at Uni I met this girl and we became instant friends. She had a BF and I didnt (I couldnt figure out why I was never much interested in guys lol). Anyhoo..time went by and we got closer and closer and we moved in together and everything that goes with it...one day we just looked at each other and both though heck....I love you and I guess we are gay. It felt like the most normal thing in the world for me, like the sun comming out from behind the clouds!
We were together for 7 years.

Wow what a great story!!
Glad you had that experience hon!

[Blue-bird]

After weeks and weeks of, waiting for the right time, trying to set up a time that would be right, figure out a way to say it using humour, figure out a way to avoid it being awkward and failing at every step... I FINALLY came out to my friend last night!! And has this is the thread for stories haha I guess I'll tell it..
I wanted to do it yesterday and tried to all day but the words just wouldnt come out. I opened my mouth to speak and just nothing.. And so I decided what time could possibly more appropriate than when her and I are getting stoned in my car? :p It was tricky to keep her focused and speak over her continuous laughter during the lead up speach (wanting to tell you for while but timing, words, nonawkward bla bla). But once she stopped I went with "So Im gay?" The majority of the conversation was laughter but she got out a few questions like Really? How'd you figure that out? Who else knows? After that we went inside, ate some pineapple and watched tv. The usual. Neither of us have said anything about it today but she is exactly the same and we spent most of the day in her bed watching skins so I guess she musn't mind?
So all in all, ahhh yay for me? :)

[pho3nixphir3]

congrats blue bird! sounds like one of the most enjoyable coming out experiences =P. what season of skins?

[munijy]

YAY for Blue-bird!! :)

[trina2004]

After weeks and weeks of, waiting for the right time, trying to set up a time that would be right, figure out a way to say it using humour, figure out a way to avoid it being awkward and failing at every step... I FINALLY came out to my friend last night!! And has this is the thread for stories haha I guess I'll tell it..
I wanted to do it yesterday and tried to all day but the words just wouldnt come out. I opened my mouth to speak and just nothing.. And so I decided what time could possibly more appropriate than when her and I are getting stoned in my car? :p It was tricky to keep her focused and speak over her continuous laughter during the lead up speach (wanting to tell you for while but timing, words, nonawkward bla bla). But once she stopped I went with "So Im gay?" The majority of the conversation was laughter but she got out a few questions like Really? How'd you figure that out? Who else knows? After that we went inside, ate some pineapple and watched tv. The usual. Neither of us have said anything about it today but she is exactly the same and we spent most of the day in her bed watching skins so I guess she musn't mind?
So all in all, ahhh yay for me? :)



You and your friend sound awesome. I'd love to spend the day getting stoned and watching skins!!

Yay for you bluebird!

[Blue-bird]

congrats blue bird! sounds like one of the most enjoyable coming out experiences =P. what season of skins?

Hahaha it was certainly different... And oh oh!! Season 4 we got it last night SO excited, we're almost too into it but I dont know if Im ready to talk about it just yet cos the second last episode ends so.... WTF just happened! And we didnt get the last episode. Im not gonna lie we both cried and feel dead inside :(

[Blue-bird]

You and your friend sound awesome. I'd love to spend the day getting stoned and watching skins!!

Yay for you bluebird!

Hahaha thanks we do know how to have a killer time! She's like the funnest and funniest person ever, its an excellent combo! She makes doing nothing fun and we dont ever just do something, we go on an adventure or a mission usually down the street or to safeway lol good times

[MCLuva]

I define myself as bi, because I am married to the most beautiful man, but I don't look at any other men, just ladies LOL, some mine find this ermmm weird.. but I dont' need to explain myself to anyone!


We're spirit sisters!

[tomtomz]

good on you BB. After your friend has digested it all, she'll probably come on to you...look out!!

[Blue-bird]

Hahaha oh I doubt that she's pretty straight nice thought tho lol :D
And thanks!! The whole team knows now which is pretty liberating I guess (we're not a group of friends, we're a team) :)

[star-seeker]

We're spirit sisters!

Indeed!

[newbie]

After weeks and weeks of, waiting for the right time, trying to set up a time that would be right, figure out a way to say it using humour, figure out a way to avoid it being awkward and failing at every step... I FINALLY came out to my friend last night!! And has this is the thread for stories haha I guess I'll tell it..
I wanted to do it yesterday and tried to all day but the words just wouldnt come out. I opened my mouth to speak and just nothing.. And so I decided what time could possibly more appropriate than when her and I are getting stoned in my car? :p It was tricky to keep her focused and speak over her continuous laughter during the lead up speach (wanting to tell you for while but timing, words, nonawkward bla bla). But once she stopped I went with "So Im gay?" The majority of the conversation was laughter but she got out a few questions like Really? How'd you figure that out? Who else knows? After that we went inside, ate some pineapple and watched tv. The usual. Neither of us have said anything about it today but she is exactly the same and we spent most of the day in her bed watching skins so I guess she musn't mind?
So all in all, ahhh yay for me? :)

ahh I'm so happy for you! Finally after all this time. Maybe i should get my mate stoned then tell her? LOL. I have a bit more confidence after reading this, gotta say. Congrats :D

[Blue-bird]

ahh I'm so happy for you! Finally after all this time. Maybe i should get my mate stoned then tell her? LOL. I have a bit more confidence after reading this, gotta say. Congrats :D

Oh yay Im glad I had a possitive effect :) and thanks even tho I took my sweet time. Haha yeah who ever said drugs aren't the answer must've been on crack!

[Bon91]

Without a doubt :P ... so drugs don't solve anythin... ? *WRONG* haha :D
Is it a massive release BB?

[Blue-bird]

Yeah its strange cos nothing has changed but I feel different sort of like I can relax now :) its a nice feeling