Children

[just_dance]

Does anyone else feel like women are overly pressured to have children? Less relevant to us, I know. But these days its easier and easier for same sex couples to have children. And I've found that no one that I talk to will believe me when I say I will never have children!

I've experienced 'motherhood' in a milder sense, with looking after my siblings in my mums place. And I know that I just don't have the patience or motherly feelings necessary for having children. I would also feel resentful towards them for having to give up most of my life in order to have them. I just know this in my heart.

Why do people not understand that? I literally had to give up arguing with a friend of mine, because she wouldn't let up. She was dead certain that I would change my mind one day and wouldn't take no for an answer!!

Has anyone else encountered this?

[tweety]

a colleague of mine and i are exactly the same: everytime a colleague would come to the office to show off her newborn baby, all our females colleagues would be hanging over the pram and praising her bundle of joy. my colleague and i would force ourselves to go look and then force ourselves to say something nice but afterwards, we would always say the same thing to each other....now if that woman would have come here with a litter of cats or a litter of dogs, then she would have had our undivided attention!!!

i love kids but just like JD, i could not give up my comfortable life.
i understand the brooding feeling's a very strong one but i can honestly say: i never felt it.

thank god for peeps like us coz our planet's flipping full!

[pho3nixphir3]

Does anyone else feel like women are overly pressured to have children? Less relevant to us, I know. But these days its easier and easier for same sex couples to have children. And I've found that no one that I talk to will believe me when I say I will never have children!

I've experienced 'motherhood' in a milder sense, with looking after my siblings in my mums place. And I know that I just don't have the patience or motherly feelings necessary for having children. I would also feel resentful towards them for having to give up most of my life in order to have them. I just know this in my heart.

Why do people not understand that? I literally had to give up arguing with a friend of mine, because she wouldn't let up. She was dead certain that I would change my mind one day and wouldn't take no for an answer!!

Has anyone else encountered this?

oh my goodness! i feel the same way! as does my friend. i'm not saying it's impossible that i'll have children, i just don't have the patience. and watching my mum...yeah, you do sacrifice a lot for your children. definitely your peace of mind.

another thing is that our world is waaaay too packed. why bring another person, and strain resources even more? i like the idea of adoption- taking someone who has nothing, and giving them a share of your life. i do understand the pull of having a child that truly is yours, but i think i'd go through adoption before ivf. maybe. i can't say though, i'm too young and inexperienced.

[Happy to be me]

Totally wise Pho!

I agree about adoption too so many beautiful babies need parents and the IVF (IN MY OPINION ONLY)
Is selfish :(
I also beleive foster care is a great way for us to help with out having lifelong commitment of raising a child.

JD i wanted a hysterectmy at 18 so i could never ever have children but was talked out of it..

I have only ever wanted to be an aunty and am too set in my ways to have a child.

I may foster short term for teens when i am older but never imagine having them...

And since i smashed my Pelvis i have a medical reason too!

Lily x

[weathervain]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh2sWSVRrmo

Sex Cauldron!... I thought they shut that place down???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npYwYXDeNUg

[TeganM3]

Totally wise Pho!

I agree about adoption too so many beautiful babies need parents and the IVF (IN MY OPINION ONLY)
Is selfish :(
I also beleive foster care is a great way for us to help with out having lifelong commitment of raising a child.

JD i wanted a hysterectmy at 18 so i could never ever have children but was talked out of it..

I have only ever wanted to be an aunty and am too set in my ways to have a child.

I may foster short term for teens when i am older but never imagine having them...

And since i smashed my Pelvis i have a medical reason too!

Lily x
I do want kids.. always have.. when i am at a family function i am constantly playing with my younger cousins and am always told how much of a mother i look like... a lil scary to be honest but i love the compliment!

But i cant have kids coz of a severe back injury from my professional basketball days, which in my mind is a god send because i would much rather adopt a baby and take them from a less than ideal situation and give them a better start 2 life! Its just like dogs i refuse 2 pay hundreds of dollars 4 dog from a breeder when i can go 2 the pound or thru an adoption agency and get a perfectly gud dog! obv i know kids arnt dogs but same concept in my mind lol!

[bellsforher]

I always thought I was a bit subnormal for not wanting kids. I'd always get the "oh, but you feel like that now, just wait a few years!"
But, no, still not inclined.....I love kids, i love my niece and nephew, I love the things kids come out with and all the humour the bring into the world but I know I couldn't have one of my own. i don't feel like a "mother". Never have. But as soon as you say this to some people, they look at you as though you are less of a woman.
Lately though i get the "ah, but you're a lesbian, so that figures", which is just as insulting.

Fortunately/unfortunately the decision is already made for me, having a child could potentially kill me so, yeah. I don't have to think about it.

[cilipadi]

JD i wanted a hysterectmy at 18 so i could never ever have children but was talked out of it..



lol... I wanted exactly the same thing... until it occurred to me that I didn't need to worry since sex with girls was highly unlikely to result in pregnancy. Although I still live in fear of immaculate conception.

[cilipadi]

I always thought I was a bit subnormal for not wanting kids. I'd always get the "oh, but you feel like that now, just wait a few years!"


Mothers always say that. It is only slightly less irritating than, "oh, you just haven't met the right boy yet."

[Dash80]

Im too selfish to have kids. I like the idea of having them.. just not yet...

[trina2004]

lol... I wanted exactly the same thing... until it occurred to me that I didn't need to worry since sex with girls was highly unlikely to result in pregnancy. Although I still live in fear of immaculate conception.

Haha but if you do have an immaculate conception you can start your own religion, and then you get to live tax-free! :)


I was very anti-children for a long time. It's only in the last year or two that I've sort of gone, yeah I could do that. Maybe. If the right person came along and she wanted kids.
I'm still anti- the idea of ME actually being pregnant and giving birth to a child freaks me right out, but I would like having a child some other way, like adoption.

But yeah, even if I never have kids I don't think it makes me any less of a person, and I don't think its necessarily an integral part of being a woman.

[cornflakegirl]

I have 2 boys, I grew up in a family that expected me to get married and have kids and thats the way of life was. So that's what I did. If I had the chance to go back to be honest I would have had 1 or maybe none... now being single with 2 boys is extremely hard.... I think everyone who haves kids deserves a medal, they should have some sort of camp or course before you venture into it so you can know if you are ready or really want them LOL I think there is a pressure to have kids especially from the parents and older generation. But then again I guess its who you are, where you come from and how you have grown up and been subjected to. It's a personal decision and don't ge me wrong I absolutely love my boys...it's just very hard right now, this is not how I wanted my life to be. But we all have our own path and we get there in the end i think. Geez sorry when off topic a bit. :o

[TeganM3]

Haha but if you do have an immaculate conception you can start your own religion, and then you get to live tax-free! :)


I was very anti-children for a long time. It's only in the last year or two that I've sort of gone, yeah I could do that. Maybe. If the right person came along and she wanted kids.
I'm still anti- the idea of ME actually being pregnant and giving birth to a child freaks me right out, but I would like having a child some other way, like adoption.

But yeah, even if I never have kids I don't think it makes me any less of a person, and I don't think its necessarily an integral part of being a woman.
hahahah.. yes well i already know that you cant stand the thought of having kids urself... lol...

Now get back 2 class and stop trying 2 get me all worked up! ;)

[pho3nixphir3]

I do want kids.. always have.. when i am at a family function i am constantly playing with my younger cousins and am always told how much of a mother i look like... a lil scary to be honest but i love the compliment!

But i cant have kids coz of a severe back injury from my professional basketball days, which in my mind is a god send because i would much rather adopt a baby and take them from a less than ideal situation and give them a better start 2 life! Its just like dogs i refuse 2 pay hundreds of dollars 4 dog from a breeder when i can go 2 the pound or thru an adoption agency and get a perfectly gud dog! obv i know kids arnt dogs but same concept in my mind lol!

i totally agree with the dog thing! i love going into pet shops to look at dogs, but id rather save one from the pound, even if it's damaged. i don't really like the idea of breeding dogs and selling them for a grand or two, when there are some lovely ones just waiting to be rescued, who don't have a home or a friend.

[TeganM3]

i totally agree with the dog thing! i love going into pet shops to look at dogs, but id rather save one from the pound, even if it's damaged. i don't really like the idea of breeding dogs and selling them for a grand or two, when there are some lovely ones just waiting to be rescued, who don't have a home or a friend.
yea every dog i have gotten and that is totalled 7 in my life time have been pound puppies of adopted... and my dogs are my babies i spent 50 grand on 1 alone... lol!

[just_dance]

I love you guys!! It's so nice to know that there are people who share my viewpoint :) I have nothing against people who want children, I think it's lovely. I definitely agree that more people should adopt though! THere are so many children without loving families, that if I ever changed my mind, I would definitely be adopting!!! I'm on Trina's side lol. I could never go through with pregnancy!! No thank you! My mum's had 4. that's more than enough for my family!

[pho3nixphir3]

I love you guys!! It's so nice to know that there are people who share my viewpoint :) I have nothing against people who want children, I think it's lovely. I definitely agree that more people should adopt though! THere are so many children without loving families, that if I ever changed my mind, I would definitely be adopting!!! I'm on Trina's side lol. I could never go through with pregnancy!! No thank you! My mum's had 4. that's more than enough for my family!

it is! i'm glad there's people who aren't intent on living that lifestyle- not that there's anything wrong, it's just nice to have people who understand. go adopt! at least a puppy =P. i could be pregnant, but i don't feel the pull to be so, i wouldn't handle it well and would be one of those bullying wives sending their...wife hehe....running around for snacks and things xD. i have low pain tolerance, and i have enough stretch marks, thanks!but i can understand wanted a child that's your own.

[cilipadi]

Haha but if you do have an immaculate conception you can start your own religion, and then you get to live tax-free! :)



I think I would still rather pay taxes ;)

I have 2 boys, I grew up in a family that expected me to get married and have kids and thats the way of life was. So that's what I did. If I had the chance to go back to be honest I would have had 1 or maybe none... now being single with 2 boys is extremely hard.... I think everyone who haves kids deserves a medal, they should have some sort of camp or course before you venture into it so you can know if you are ready or really want them LOL I think there is a pressure to have kids especially from the parents and older generation. But then again I guess its who you are, where you come from and how you have grown up and been subjected to. It's a personal decision and don't ge me wrong I absolutely love my boys...it's just very hard right now, this is not how I wanted my life to be. But we all have our own path and we get there in the end i think. Geez sorry when off topic a bit. :o

That really sucks! It's amazing the way that having children fucks so much up for women. I mean, I know a lot of straight women who have kids, and much as they love them, their own lives pretty much go down the drain because the brunt of the work always falls on them, not their partners. It must be even harder being single.

Btw, I tried to shorten your name and only came up with CFG - which made me think of the BFG :p

[cornflakegirl]

I think I would still rather pay taxes ;)



That really sucks! It's amazing the way that having children fucks so much up for women. I mean, I know a lot of straight women who have kids, and much as they love them, their own lives pretty much go down the drain because the brunt of the work always falls on them, not their partners. It must be even harder being single.

Btw, I tried to shorten your name and only came up with CFG - which made me think of the BFG :p

LOL......er I'm afraid to ask....what does BFG mean? :o

[cilipadi]

LOL......er I'm afraid to ask....what does BFG mean? :o

I was really tempted to make you think it was some secret gay code... but no, it just stands for Big Friendly Giant - a kid's book. Seemed kind of appropriate given the thread topic ;)

[cilipadi]

And now that I think of it, the "big" element of that name seems redundant. Aren't giants always big? Damn, that's a childhood classic spoiled for me now.

[cornflakegirl]

I was really tempted to make you think it was some secret gay code... but no, it just stands for Big Friendly Giant - a kid's book. Seemed kind of appropriate given the thread topic ;)

LOL some gay code ....funny I just found out not long ago what LBD was....Lesbian bed death....now that's a bit scarey! :eek:

[Baby]

I think there are a lot of gals who feel like just_dance, but they end up having kids because it's the done thing. And a lot of them shouldn't. That's not to say you won't change your mind (You are very young Sez!), but if you feel that way when you are older there's no reason to have them just to have them.

Also some good points about overpopulation and adoption. Adoption is next to impossible in Australia, with costs and red tape and I'm not even sure lesbians are allowed? Which is goddamn ridiculous, there are millions of kids who need a home and millions of people who would love to have them.

[tweety]

Also some good points about overpopulation and adoption. Adoption is next to impossible in Australia, with costs and red tape and I'm not even sure lesbians are allowed? Which is goddamn ridiculous, there are millions of kids who need a home and millions of people who would love to have them.

and then you should listen to straight ppl discussing the topic of gay couples adopting....my word! :eek:
adoption by gay couples is allowed in my country but the discussions....a lot of straight ppl think it's cruel to give a gay couple a baby. it's unnatural when you have to go the sperm donor route etc....i wonder what they'd have to say about straight couples that can't get conceive...

it shocks me deeply to hear ppl talk about our community like that. like they know from the start that the kid will be utterly unhappy with gay parents! fuck (excuse my french) if i had to feed the straight ppl that don't treat their own flesh and blood with respect, i would be a flipping pauper!

[just_dance]

it is! i'm glad there's people who aren't intent on living that lifestyle- not that there's anything wrong, it's just nice to have people who understand. go adopt! at least a puppy =P. i could be pregnant, but i don't feel the pull to be so, i wouldn't handle it well and would be one of those bullying wives sending their...wife hehe....running around for snacks and things xD. i have low pain tolerance, and i have enough stretch marks, thanks!but i can understand wanted a child that's your own.

exactly! lol. sooo good to see like minded people!

and then you should listen to straight ppl discussing the topic of gay couples adopting....my word! :eek:
adoption by gay couples is allowed in my country but the discussions....a lot of straight ppl think it's cruel to give a gay couple a baby. it's unnatural when you have to go the sperm donor route etc....i wonder what they'd have to say about straight couples that can't get conceive...

it shocks me deeply to hear ppl talk about our community like that. like they know from the start that the kid will be utterly unhappy with gay parents! fuck (excuse my french) if i had to feed the straight ppl that don't treat their own flesh and blood with respect, i would be a flipping pauper!

honestly, having 2 mums/2 dads is sooo much better than having a parent/s that abuse you, or having a broken home etc. At least a same sex couple *know* they want children!! There's no accidents!! (apart from my friends who both tried IVF at the same time and both got preggers... lol)

I think there are a lot of gals who feel like just_dance, but they end up having kids because it's the done thing. And a lot of them shouldn't. That's not to say you won't change your mind (You are very young Sez!), but if you feel that way when you are older there's no reason to have them just to have them.

^^^prime example of what I'm pointing out

[Happy to be me]

I was really tempted to make you think it was some secret gay code... but no, it just stands for Big Friendly Giant - a kid's book. Seemed kind of appropriate given the thread topic ;)

Oh i love Roald Dahl - BFG was great! lol!
I thought LBD was little black dress?
Thanks Cornflake girl 4 the info!

Lily x

[tweety]

honestly, having 2 mums/2 dads is sooo much better than having a parent/s that abuse you, or having a broken home etc. At least a same sex couple *know* they want children!! There's no accidents!! (apart from my friends who both tried IVF at the same time and both got preggers... lol

one can't say with a 100% certainty that a child will be happy with gay straight parents. but what surprises me is that straight ppl do seem to be 100% sure of the fact that kids WILL be unhappy with gay parents. :mad: that kind of thinking upsets me deeply.

love is love, no matter who gives it to you. even if it's the family dog. love is love.

i haven't been gay all that long and i have not come across homophobic ppl (not that i was aware of anyway) but this topic (gays adopting) came up on a forum somewhere and man, the reactions shocked me. i had no idea straight ppl felt like that and i had no idea straight ppl seem to have a crystal ball and can predict the future!!!

i could go on about this for hours and prolly repeat myself numerous times...it's just so shocking to hear ppl talk that way about the love gay ppl feel and have to give to a child.

[just_dance]

Unfortunately Tweety, people don't realise that it's gonna happen anyway, and the more they let it, the more normal it will become and the less people who will care if someone's parents are gay! It frustrates me and I could go on for hours, and pages!! lol. If SS had a character limit, I'd soon find it! :o

As for discrimination, I never came across it until my first day in Sydney with Bells and a guy harassed us on the train. If he had of continued, I'd have punched him! I really would!! I was about ready to get up when he finally left the carriage! It makes me sooo angry!

That said, I can't recall anyone reacting badly to me coming out to them. Just last night, I started my new job and I made 2 new friends. One is also a lesbian, and the other is a guy who's been immersed in gay culture and is great with it! I'm pretty lucky generally :)

[Happy to be me]

one can't say with a 100% certainty that a child will be happy with gay straight parents. but what surprises me is that straight ppl do seem to be 100% sure of the fact that kids WILL be unhappy with gay parents. :mad: that kind of thinking upsets me deeply.

love is love, no matter who gives it to you. even if it's the family dog. love is love.

i haven't been gay all that long and i have not come across homophobic ppl (not that i was aware of anyway) but this topic (gays adopting) came up on a forum somewhere i had no idea straight ppl felt like that and i had no idea straight ppl seem to have a crystal ball and can predict the future!!!

i could go on about this for hours and prolly repeat myself numerous times...it's just so shocking to hear ppl talk that way about the love gay ppl feel and have to give to a child.

Horrible!!
People treat people badly no matter what gender,race religion...

I think fostering would be a rewarding but heartbreaking job?

Giving the baby/teen back to the parent would be hard and u just have to hope it works out!

If u r cruel to an animal u get a fine $$ and may get the animal taken from u ..
But Kids get sent back to the crappy house again and again..

Bit off tangent sorry...

2 'straight' people get married then divorced with kids its ok??

2 'glbt' People try to adopt and people throw a hissy fit?

The worlds screwed up!

Being a kid is hard enough ...with out all the added crap by society for having 2 mums or dads...

Peace....
Lilyxo