sneakos
7th May 2010, 02:33 PM
Getting a phone call at 5am and seeing the caller ID as ‘mum’ is never a good thing. And she had rung to tell me that my dad – well, foster dad really, they took me in as a kid and I spent most of my childhood years with them so I call them mum and dad – who had been away on a bowls trip up north, had been admitted to the mater hospital in Newcastle earlier in the morning with heart and breathing trouble. My dad is 76yo and hasn’t been in the best of health over the past few years – already has had a double bypass and now has a leaky valve on his heart, yet he still plays bowls 3 or 4 times a week and goes away on trips with his bowls mates. I’ll say now, that iv just spoken to mum and the doctors are running tests with results due back later tonite and hopefully only a viral infection that is compounded by his heart condition rather than anything more serious, however, he’s on a ventilator and wont know too much more for a few hours yet. So iv kinda been reflecting a lot about my dad since this morning. We had a really stormy relationship when I was growing up, but I always looked up to him. He played grade football, and I kinda came from a footy family – all boys, and we all played, and mum was one of them mums who’d be at the canteen or on the bbq at the local footy ground each weekend. Maybe that’s where my love of football came from – who knows. But I fell into some trouble as a teen, and despite the storms we had, whenever I was locked up, he’d always be there to visit, and pay my court fines and get me bail, etc etc. I remember in my early 20s mum and dad decided to put me on a plane to a rehab in Brisbane cos I couldn’t seem to stay clean in Sydney. They let me come home for a few days prior to going in, and I was really really sick at that stage. On th way to th airport, I made them go via cabra so I could get on and then I will never ever forget walking down the gangway to the flight and turning around to say goodbye and I noticed a tear in my dad’s eyes. I had never ever seen any kind of emotion form him and seeing that that day tore me apart inside – knowing what I had done to him, and I guess I felt at that point that he also really loved me. its strange how those ‘knowings’ happen at the oddest times. A few years later I had a break-up with a bf, and it was y dad who was there for me. fuck that was so surreal – it was honestly like one of those corny father-son moments from some US tear-jerker movie, only it was me and my dad who were the stars – and him comforting me and us talking about the bf id just lost. It was just fucking surreal – but so so warming at the same time, knowing I could talk to my dad like that. Over the last 17 years or so, iv managed to heal a lot of the damage done and we have a great relationship now – even if I ring home now and he answers the fone – he’l stay and chat for a bit instead of his usual ‘mums not here at the moment’ or ‘il just get ur mum for you’ – which was how he always answered the fone. But now we talk. About all sorts of shit – tho often about football too – we both still love it :) my brother went up with my mum to newy this morning, and hopefully dad will be back home in Sydney (Hornsby) by early next week. Il prolly go up tomorrow – I just spoke to mum then and asked if she wanted me to come up – and of course she said no its fine wait till tomorrow, tony’s here, il be fine. There’s a part of me that feels guilty that im sitting here in Sydney and not up there – and I haven’t discounted the idea of heading up there tonite.
I know death is inevitable, and I hope im not dramatising it too much, but when it comes to family members, its just something id rather not think about. It will happen - I know that, especially when his health isn’t the best – but I just don’t wanna go there in my mind.
And today im remembering some of the special moments, specially the footy grounds as a kid, he took me fishing one nite – the only time I remember doing that - when I was about 6 or 7 and it was just me and him and we stayed out till what seemed like way past midnite tho in truth it was prolly about 8pm – hahaha :) he was always there to visit me when I was in trouble, and we had that father-son moment when I had a break up that was just priceless.
Im glad we have had the chance to heal a lot of the damage, cos even tho I don’t say it nearly enough, I do really love him – lots.
Someone mite ask me next week how ur dad is, and he mite be back on the bowling green and running around with his buddies – I hope so – and I mite then be a lil embarrassed about posting this, co sim not trying to sound dramatic, just whats happening and where im at with him today.
I know death is inevitable, and I hope im not dramatising it too much, but when it comes to family members, its just something id rather not think about. It will happen - I know that, especially when his health isn’t the best – but I just don’t wanna go there in my mind.
And today im remembering some of the special moments, specially the footy grounds as a kid, he took me fishing one nite – the only time I remember doing that - when I was about 6 or 7 and it was just me and him and we stayed out till what seemed like way past midnite tho in truth it was prolly about 8pm – hahaha :) he was always there to visit me when I was in trouble, and we had that father-son moment when I had a break up that was just priceless.
Im glad we have had the chance to heal a lot of the damage, cos even tho I don’t say it nearly enough, I do really love him – lots.
Someone mite ask me next week how ur dad is, and he mite be back on the bowling green and running around with his buddies – I hope so – and I mite then be a lil embarrassed about posting this, co sim not trying to sound dramatic, just whats happening and where im at with him today.