confidence issue

[mzk68]

Ok heres one for you girls to help me with.(im hoping!)
I recently met someone from online while i was away.We got on well altho Im horribly nervous meeting new people.Even tho we only met as friends with no expectations.The 2 women i have been in relationships with for a short time,I met under very different circumstances(knowing full well we would sleep together) The stress on my nerves is just too much for me to do that again,even tho i have no regrets at all.
I mentioned how nervous I was in an email to this woman today and she agreed it can be that way but herself wasnt nervous cos she thought my 'personality shines' (I dont see it)
She did tell me she could tell i was nervous,even tho i found her easy to talk to she said i dont look people in the eye when im like that.And that i need to!
I know its a confidence thing and my ex tells me all the time I need to be more confident and tell myself im awesome,but if i dont see myself that way I dont know how to 'fake it'
Any advice on how to overcome the fear so I can look at women and hold a relatively sane convo,without seeming like a complete fool?
Im fine when its a straight woman and they know Im just kidding with them (cos its safe of course!)
help???:confused:

[Happy to be me]

Hey hon,
Its hard when you are new at anything!
Im pretty new too..

Seems from your post you are quite confused still about what you want in this new relationship?
"faking it" only ends up hurting you..

best advice is go slow and get to know her more...then you will get less nervous and it will get easier..

Hope you are enjoying same same!

Hugs xo

[mzk68]

Hey hon,
Its hard when you are new at anything!
Im pretty new too..

Seems from your post you are quite confused still about what you want in this new relationship?
"faking it" only ends up hurting you..

best advice is go slow and get to know her more...then you will get less nervous and it will get easier..

Hope you are enjoying same same!

Hugs xo

Hi,thanks
Not really confused about what i want from this relationship.More than happy to just see what happens there.
More worried in general about when i meet someone new next time, for friendship or whatever.
By faking it i mean,I have had other people say to me in the past how nervous they were too but to me they seemed pretty cool.Just wish i could get it together enough to be able to be like that (maybe stop shaking long enough to make them a coffee without spilling half!!) :o lol

And yes thanks im loving this site!!:D

[gold_femme]

alcohol.

or just stay nervous, nervous girls are kinda hot.

[mzk68]

alcohol.

or just stay nervous, nervous girls are kinda hot.

Haha some say that but isnt confidence spose to be a turn on??
And yes alcohol always helps! I remember being at the bar of the airport for 2 hours before i met my first g/f. I should have been smashed by then,but was soooo nervous it didnt even seem to affect me!

[gold_femme]

confidence should be a turn on..unfortunately im yet to meet anyone truly confident. i used to be attracted to confident women but everyone of them turned out to be more insecure then anyone else and were just putting on a stupid act..confidence and arrogance are often confused.

these days i much prefer someone either balanced (not over confident - not too shy) or someone who is a bit nervous and shy upfront because it is really cute, and you also know they are being genuine.

[mzk68]

confidence should be a turn on..unfortunately im yet to meet anyone truly confident. i used to be attracted to confident women but everyone of them turned out to be more insecure then anyone else and were just putting on a stupid act..confidence and arrogance are often confused.

these days i much prefer someone either balanced (not over confident - not too shy) or someone who is a bit nervous and shy upfront because it is really cute, and you also know they are being genuine.

Thanks,I never thought of shyness that way.I certainly would rather them know I was genuine than be seen as arrogant!
But geeeez its hard on the nerves!!lol

[cilipadi]

I also find nervousness to be endearing. People who are too polished can actually be a bit intimidating, and you can never be quite sure if they are for real.

[velvety]

Howdy....i so get what your saying.....the few that do know me from here..would know...im exactly the same as you.....I too dont look people in the eye when im nervous or intimidated...but i counter act that by delibratly making myself do it. It sounds a bit wierd from an outside point of view, but i think you know what i mean. Its okay to look away from someone every so often...just try to a few minutes at a time at the start looking directly at her eyes...

I also get told alot im easy to talk to but all i need is self confidence....( see mental note of Lisa on stage at a guitar performance and hating herself for a week after for fucking a note three times) Though i do what star said, i tell myself im awesome and i believe it.( sometimes heh) It doesnt matter weather i have know one around to bask in my awesomeness, or that im totally alone in this world...i know im okay....( as i said before sometimes....) its still a working progress for me.......

I must say i also find it hard at a nightclub or a gay event, without the booze to loose my inahibition to chat freely ( Me bieng sober at events sadly is a common occurance that i cannot seem to shake from my ex) i find it really hard to just be me and laugh and joke like i normally would with someone i know. Some input on how to be me at these sorta events would be awesome...

Yup straight girls know your just kidding...its safe.....pain free...you have nothing to prove to them......

Hope i helped a tiny bit

Lisa

[mzk68]

Howdy....i so get what your saying.....the few that do know me from here..would know...im exactly the same as you.....I too dont look people in the eye when im nervous or intimidated...but i counter act that by delibratly making myself do it. It sounds a bit wierd from an outside point of view, but i think you know what i mean. Its okay to look away from someone every so often...just try to a few minutes at a time at the start looking directly at her eyes...

I also get told alot im easy to talk to but all i need is self confidence....( see mental note of Lisa on stage at a guitar performance and hating herself for a week after for fucking a note three times) Though i do what star said, i tell myself im awesome and i believe it.( sometimes heh) It doesnt matter weather i have know one around to bask in my awesomeness, or that im totally alone in this world...i know im okay....( as i said before sometimes....) its still a working progress for me.......

I must say i also find it hard at a nightclub or a gay event, without the booze to loose my inahibition to chat freely ( Me bieng sober at events sadly is a common occurance that i cannot seem to shake from my ex) i find it really hard to just be me and laugh and joke like i normally would with someone i know. Some input on how to be me at these sorta events would be awesome...

Yup straight girls know your just kidding...its safe.....pain free...you have nothing to prove to them......

Hope i helped a tiny bit

Lisa

Thanks for replying and Yes i think every little bit helps.Also helps to hear how other people deal with it.
And hey,at least you learnt the guitar !! I had both accoustic and electric when i was young and quit learning both times thru the boredom of it all being too slow.Still kicking myself!:mad: grr

[velvety]

yea....ive been playing for ten months...and finally plucked up the balls to hop on stage and have a go...only to dispoint myself cause it didnt go how i wanted it too....mind you i was comparing myself to those who had played at least three years and onward....still....go on and re learn it...your never to slow or too old!!!!

[mzk68]

yea....ive been playing for ten months...and finally plucked up the balls to hop on stage and have a go...only to dispoint myself cause it didnt go how i wanted it too....mind you i was comparing myself to those who had played at least three years and onward....still....go on and re learn it...your never to slow or too old!!!!

Its a thought! my son is teaching himself at the moment,maybe i should do that:)

[mzk68]

Hey there!

I think it all boils down to learning to love yourself, and then this will naturally shine through to others, I don't think it's just a matter of being nervous (IMO) it's a self love thing.. and there is nothing wrong with telling yourself you're awsome, and BELIEVING it.. Because your personality does shine through.. You just have to work on that self doubt, and learn to love yourself a bit more.. and the rest will fall into place.. only my opinion of course:-)

Thanks yes i know i need to love myself more.Working on that:)

[velvety]

Its a thought! my son is teaching himself at the moment,maybe i should do that:)

yea! well get him and sit down with him and im sure you can work on it together!!!!

[mzk68]

yea! well get him and sit down with him and im sure you can work on it together!!!!

Thanks!! Thats the kick in the butt I needed! Im gunna do it!!!!! :D

[velvety]

Cool! when your the next Orianthi and all famous an shit remember i was the one who encouraged you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I believe that even if you dont play for anyone, just for you and your son, it will help with your self confidence, you never know you may just meet someone ( friend or otherwise) who will love guitar as much as you!

[roogirlmania]

Howdy....i so get what your saying.....the few that do know me from here..would know...im exactly the same as you.....I too dont look people in the eye when im nervous or intimidated...but i counter act that by delibratly making myself do it. It sounds a bit wierd from an outside point of view, but i think you know what i mean. Its okay to look away from someone every so often...just try to a few minutes at a time at the start looking directly at her eyes...

I also get told alot im easy to talk to but all i need is self confidence....( see mental note of Lisa on stage at a guitar performance and hating herself for a week after for fucking a note three times) Though i do what star said, i tell myself im awesome and i believe it.( sometimes heh) It doesnt matter weather i have know one around to bask in my awesomeness, or that im totally alone in this world...i know im okay....( as i said before sometimes....) its still a working progress for me.......

I must say i also find it hard at a nightclub or a gay event, without the booze to loose my inahibition to chat freely ( Me bieng sober at events sadly is a common occurance that i cannot seem to shake from my ex) i find it really hard to just be me and laugh and joke like i normally would with someone i know. Some input on how to be me at these sorta events would be awesome...

Yup straight girls know your just kidding...its safe.....pain free...you have nothing to prove to them......

Hope i helped a tiny bit

Lisa


This is soooooo true i have the same problem as well. Its nice to know I am not the only one that does it:)

[velvety]

Yay! theres three of us!!!

Hope you feel less alone too Mkz68

[mzk68]

Yay! theres three of us!!!

Hope you feel less alone too Mkz68

Yes starting to but still have no idea how to fix it!:confused:

[VladTheImpaler]

Ok heres one for you girls to help me with.(im hoping!)
I recently met someone from online while i was away.We got on well altho Im horribly nervous meeting new people.Even tho we only met as friends with no expectations.The 2 women i have been in relationships with for a short time,I met under very different circumstances(knowing full well we would sleep together) The stress on my nerves is just too much for me to do that again,even tho i have no regrets at all.
I mentioned how nervous I was in an email to this woman today and she agreed it can be that way but herself wasnt nervous cos she thought my 'personality shines' (I dont see it)
She did tell me she could tell i was nervous,even tho i found her easy to talk to she said i dont look people in the eye when im like that.And that i need to!
I know its a confidence thing and my ex tells me all the time I need to be more confident and tell myself im awesome,but if i dont see myself that way I dont know how to 'fake it'
Any advice on how to overcome the fear so I can look at women and hold a relatively sane convo,without seeming like a complete fool?
Im fine when its a straight woman and they know Im just kidding with them (cos its safe of course!)
help???:confused:

I totally know how you feel.

Acting is difficult, but it's a good way to get through a situation that you're not comfortable with, and the more often you put yourself in these situations, the less stressful they will become. Acting doesn't have to involve being fake or acting confident.

For example, if you experience mind-blanks when you're nervous, you can think of a few subjects to talk about prior to the date so that you have them on hand. As another person said above, forcing yourself to maintain a certain amount of eye contact is important as it helps build a connection with another person, and particularly when they are speaking - as it shows you're listening. You try coming up with a plan that you feel would help you maintain short periods of eye contact.

Getting through difficult situations with behavioural techniques isn't fake - not everyone is good at everything and it doesn't mean you're not being genuine or yourself.