New and Excited But Worried

[Ronin101]

Hi, so I'm a 35 year old professional who has whacked off for sometime thinking about having sex with men but never done it. Lately I've been considering that it's my life and I can be who I want to be, and it's my choice. I don't think I'd ever be out there so to speak, I'm straight acting and a realist with hetreosexual obligations, but I've been thinking about the passion that could be involved with having sex with men.

My issue is that I'm not sure I could take a man. It's a physical thing, I think about how it would feel to have someone nice ejaculate in my butt but then I wonder if it would hurt. I seem to get sensitive in my bowels and I often have the runs. Sometimes I notice blotches of blood in the toilet paper, and my doctor says its ok but I need to eat more fibre. And I worry about who it might be the first time and how I might meet someone nice where I live in Canberra. I'm overweight and don't fit the six pack abbs with muscle and personality category but then again I've been round the block and I'm no fool, and I have real insights into life and am a passionate and caring person. Plus I have the worry of diseases because I know same sex intercourse is more dangerous and I've never been one to like rubbers.

It's not like me to ask for help and generally in life I have a confident approach but with this I accept I am a child in the wilderness.

I have no idea how I could meet someone in Canberra, and I keep being worried about how it might appear professionally and personally if it got out I was experimenting, so I usually end up just whacking off fantasizing about it.

Umm, so I've kinda spilled my guts but I'll just say Hi, and any advice is good :) Thanks

[bascia2]

Hi Ronin

I only came to realise my sexuality at 36. You are not alone in this and being inexperienced is no excuse to give up. You only need do whatever you want to, as it is your decision as to how you want to have sex. Sex is different for everyone and not all people like the same thing. Also there are lots of guys who like heavier-set men so this too is no excuse. In the end you will have to decide. Is it just sex you are after or do you also seek companionship? Being gay is not just about sex.

Search these forum and you will find many threads discussing these issues.

[Mann]

I'm straight acting

You're plain, not straight "acting." Effeminacy and flamboyance are not standard traits of gay guys.

passion that could be involved with having sex with men.

Heh, plural. "Men." Incoming orgy?

My issue is that I'm not sure I could take a man. It's a physical thing,

Are you tough enough for it? Comedian:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in9SiDtJLaU

butt but then I wonder if it would hurt. I seem to get sensitive in my bowels and I often have the runs.

Butt but. Chances are, unless you're taking a monster cock, its not going to hurt. You've probably taken some bigger dumps in your lifetime than the cocks you'll take. Good anal sex is massaging the prostate. Use lots of lube and a condom and you'll be fine. The pain comes from improper anal sex - ie, a relentless jack hammer of a penis wearing away your rectal lining. Lube and communication fixes this.

And for the most part, your ass is quite clean. Have sex at the furthest point away from your regular shits.

Sometimes I notice blotches of blood in the toilet paper, and my doctor says its ok but I need to eat more fibre.

That's normal. If you're a healthy male, anal sex won't rip you apart. Unless you want it to. You live in Australia, you eat an Australian diet - stop worrying.

And I worry about who it might be the first time and how I might meet someone nice where I live in Canberra. I'm overweight and don't fit the six pack abbs with muscle and personality category

http://www.gaydar.com.au

You're called a "chub." So you're either looking for a chub4chub or a chub chaser. Either way, there's plenty of each one. A lot of gay guys feel the same way. Not everybody is that stereotypical image. If you're looking for gay guys that are like you - plain, fat, normal guy - go hang out with the bears.

http://www.samesame.com.au/gallery/14461/Furry-Friday.htm

The Sydney bear community is one of the strongest in our gaydom. Seriously, what you think "gay" is, is only the visual tip of the ice burg.

Plus I have the worry of diseases because I know same sex intercourse is more dangerous and I've never been one to like rubbers.

Learn to love rubbers. Don't ever have unprotected sex. Most STDs don't have visible symptoms. If you do have unprotected sex, go have a sexual health check up within 72 hours. If within 72 hours, they can nuke the aids out of you, maybe. Don't put it off. And then there's crabs and stuff to worry about. Just be smart.

I keep being worried about how it might appear professionally and personally if it got out I was experimenting, so I usually end up just whacking off fantasizing about it.

Its not that big of a deal to be gay any more. I think professional people are more concerned at being racist/homophobic than you being yourself.

One thing though - you need to broaden what you think being gay is. Your constant referencing to the stereotypes just shows that you're unaware of how far spanning the gay community really is. I'd suggest having a better comprehension before making any big moves.

[Edward The Shy]

Hi Ronin

I only came to realise my sexuality at 36. You are not alone in this and being inexperienced is no excuse to give up. You only need do whatever you want to, as it is your decision as to how you want to have sex. Sex is different for everyone and not all people like the same thing. Also there are lots of guys who like heavier-set men so this too is no excuse. In the end you will have to decide. Is it just sex you are after or do you also seek companionship? Being gay is not just about sex.

Search these forum and you will find many threads discussing these issues.

A nice reply to a very personal issue.