The Truth About Denial

[rodkand]

Nice one Paul. Good article, to the point and accurate. It is all about the emotional component when homophobes start to feel something different. Maybe it has to do with empathy - a thing that is lacking when they hate and present when they start to experience from the gay man or woman's point of view. If they can feel close instead of emotionally distanced at least once in a while, another small step for gaykind may have been taken!

[avb7]

excellent article Paul.....not everyone understand the psychological hoops one must jump through continuously when in denial or the impact it has in many areas of our lives.....mentally, emotionally, behaviorally and sometimes physically as well.

I think another insight i could add is that in moment when you realise your secret is out there is the most basic of human needs kicks in SURVIVAL. In order to survive we lie. Lie to protect the marriage, career, reputation, income and secure world we've created around us.

I know I did.........and normally I wasn't prone to lying.....just deceiving myself.

[John35]

I don't think we can just blame fundamentalist Christianity. Even mainstream Christianity has nor sorted itself out on the morality of homosexuality. The Roman Catholic Church accepts the "tendency of homosexuality" but describes homesexual acting out as being "instrinsically evil".
So it's OK to be gay - as long as you don't express it physically - How can anyone in their right mind reconcile that as being healthy? If sexuality, sexual feelings and physical expressions of that are part of human nature - a gift from God - how can a church still call people to suppress that? It might be the fundamentalist Christians who openly condemn gay life - but even the more liberal section of the Catholic Church hasn't worked it out yet. And either have I. They have remained silent - maybe not out of bigotry - but because maybe it's a mystery.

[jimjazz]

fantastic article, paul, and lets extend the idea to the gay community's denial about drug use that is linked not just to self loathing but a raft of human frailties that create subtle methods of medication or escape. as a smoker, ask yourself, when you know what it does, what really is at the heart of your habit. i'll wager denial of something fundamental is the key.

[robbie]

I have a friend who is in denial at their workplace, and their ACTING shits me to tears. He works in the media/graphics industry, and is surrounded by poofs, but he seems to think if he outs himself to work, he'll miss larger managerial opportunities and roles because of his sexuality.

And when I say ACTING, he really is.. puts on the deeper voice, talks about girls., won't take a look at a website like this. It's ridiculous.

[Christian Taylor]

i couldn't be friends with someone capable of selling themselves out like that on a daily basis. probably a horrible thing to say, but i just couldn't respect someone who didn't respect themselves enough to be honest.

[Craig67]

i couldn't be friends with someone capable of selling themselves out like that on a daily basis. probably a horrible thing to say, but i just couldn't respect someone who didn't respect themselves enough to be honest.

One needs to understand the reasoning behind selling oneself on a daily basis... its good to see you having a good respect for yourself and these people who do this don't have anything positive nor do they have a healthy respect of themselves. They are damaged ones that will continue to live in denial because of what they experienced growing up.

Religion has a lot to answer - sure. But there are so many people in religious settings who are very supportive of Gay people and quite understanding. So where is it coming from, its way way up there in the high places of politics, in media, in coporate structures, its in the playground, in general community who are totally misinformed.

I know at work I am completely out to my colleague so there are no shady areas about me and what I am. But there are certain members of the public that I do not want my identity revealed because they are not ready - judging from their comments about Gay people... I will stick up or have a debate about it presenting the other side of perspective they haven't thought about. So in some ways I am not out to those people, not that I love them any less... they are not ready yet. One day.

Then we have this discrimination issues which went unchecked in the John Howard's new workplace law which pushed us back into the closet. For me, I couldn't care about what other thinks... I'd like them to know issues that affects me... sometimes I see them kiss their partner and I would say "oh that's so cute" and sometimes I can say that "gee, I wish I could do that to my partner but its not safe?"... bringing back the reality of homophobic issues. I always seek to bring up issues in the appropriate time that will make them remember how bless they are to be able to kiss or do things that's normal and perhaps they will stand up and argue for us to have the same privledge such as same sex marriage, removing discrimination in entitlements etc.

There are many many oppressing issues that forces us into denial and I have only listed a few.

Ta

Craig.

[hazyinseptember]

Religion has a lot to answer - sure. But there are so many people in religious settings who are very supportive of Gay people and quite understanding. So where is it coming from, its way way up there in the high places of politics, in media, in coporate structures, its in the playground, in general community who are totally misinformed.

the whole basis and structure of modern society stems from religion .. almost all of our current laws and beliefs have ties back to the bible..

so that little sentence in the bible that says " a man shall not lay with another man, to do so is an abomination. Their blood will be on their hands" has pretty much lead to 1000's of years of oppression and hate, its the root of homophobia...

[Craig67]

the whole basis and structure of modern society stems from religion .. almost all of our current laws and beliefs have ties back to the bible..

so that little sentence in the bible that says " a man shall not lay with another man, to do so is an abomination. Their blood will be on their hands" has pretty much lead to 1000's of years of oppression and hate, its the root of homophobia...

Yes, I can agree to some length... if you look at where it is from... Leviticus - its a book totally focused on priesthood duties... for these group it was prohibited because it affects their duties in the holy parts of the temple. Then you have man having sex with another man like a woman... in this its talking about penitrating a male bum with the penis. Not all Gay people fuck men in the bum. There are other ways of getting gratifications, you know the 1001 other erotic zones hmmmm :) .

The second thing is that God knows what we do with ourselves so that's what it should be, between the person and God... it is none of anyone else business how we have sex with mankind or what we do in private.

What about emotion and love with the same sex...acting on love making through normal means of mutual agreed activities between two consenting male... and again, everyone is at different point in their lives and where they are with their own sexuality. I'm a fully fledge Christian who is also Gay and have been with a partner for 13 years solid. I have very little hang-ups about being Gay and Christian. I think I have married the two together... its the people with limited understanding or knowledge that presents the problem as a problem were I see them as solutions.

Bible can be mis-interpreted because of the language, cultural and historical issues... and we could argue scriptures to support both sides of the coin till we go blue in the face. Take it from me, God is awesome about Gay people. God is more concerned with the hate issues, the senseless bashing, killing, the trauma brought about by mankind and the damage we do to the environment and animals, the lies and deciet we all do in the name of God.

Yes Religion has alot to answer for the homophobic issues... that is true. These were done in God's name and God really had no say in the matter. Its up to us to challenge them through love and understanding and if they want to mandate their campaign against Homosexuality... they can explain to their maker why they spent more time spreading wrongdoing in God's name ... I am not going to waste more time trying to make them see sense when I can spend time working with others and looking at the positive side of life. Living a life that supports the wider community and that pleases God.

I hope that throws a different light on the subject... its an interesting subject that can become deeply intensive and time consuming. If you want more information or talk to others... there is a another website www.freedom2b.org that has lenghtly discussions about these issues about Christianity and being Gay and resources that you can read up to get other perspective on what the Bible says about Homosexuality. You might be surprised with some facts and get to meet so many amazing people who have been through so much in their lives that they have taken time to discuss and support us. It is a site that prides itself on free of harrassment and provides a safe haven for people to discuss things. You may find these people are pretty upfront and don't beat about the bush and will have their opinions and they are also good listeners and will present opinions based on experience or use references to support a particular view.

Another thing, our consitution and society does not based itself on the bible... there are many many instances where it conflicts with the bible... the law does not support the bible 100 percent... if it did then if a person gets evicted, the community is responisble to make sure the the welfare of the person is taken care of.... in Australia a person gets evicted... basically has to fend for itself... hense the homeless people... bible would not support that at any length... the landlord would have more responsibility to ensure the safety and welfare of the evictees. That's just one small example to demonstrate that our country's consitution does not always do what is right biblically so you can accuse the government of not following the biblical way of addressing issues in the community.:)

ta.

Craig

[pkjk]

Everyone has their reasons for doing things like this which we might see as silly. But remember, this guy comes from a different time to most of us. He has years of denial on his shoulders, and a nation watching. Give him time. He will eventually tire of living a lie. Most of us were in the closet at one point. You know how scary it can be. He will change his tune soon enough.