Gay Guy with Girl Troubles

[thatgreyguy]

OK guys, I need some assistance. My greatest friend is a girl, nothing strange with that. She knows I'm gay etc and we're pretty close. But yesterday she started going out with a guy in the year below us after being his wife in the school musical. I was excited for her and all that but now, even though its only been like 24hours, I am starting to feel like I'm not 'hers'. Yes, yes... I'm jealous.

I really do love her and all that but not in a sexual, I want to go-out-with-you-,-marry-and -have-your-babies kind of way. It's complicated and I keep telling myself that I am going to be left in their wake. I won't, I keep saying to myself that that will happen and I really hope that they break up soon which is an awful thing to say and I haven't articulated this very well but hey, any advice?:confused:

[faeriegoddess]

best friends often take a bit of a back seat when one of the friends gets into a new relationship, regardless of the genders and orientation of said friends. But be assured, best friends are just that for a reason, and you'll still be there for each other over time; NRE fades and love affairs come and go.
Try telling her how you feel.

[Gloomis666]

Congratulations, you are now the third wheel on the bicycle.
but to be serious.

The best you can do is sabotage the relationship and try to sway her into being a lesbian.
But then she would probably just find a girlfriend.

Simply you may have to live with the fact that if you are not in a relationship she will seek one out from other guys.
sooner or later she will want an intimate bf, fact.

[bobbyandmimmi]

urghh, I understand Im a bit diffeerent though I have a friend but she is going out with my bro, and I am a bit jealous. but I said to myself "this does not change anything " that was until my bro told me to back off. and I'm like ???? Im gay lol
so I still talk to her now (we just secretly talk behind his back :D)

[thatgreyguy]

best friends often take a bit of a back seat when one of the friends gets into a new relationship, regardless of the genders and orientation of said friends. But be assured, best friends are just that for a reason, and you'll still be there for each other over time; NRE fades and love affairs come and go.
Try telling her how you feel.

Right, I cannot just tell her how I feel.
(a) I'm gay and that could just get confusing.
(b) I don't want to make her feel bad or guilty or something like that.

And yes, I get that naturally she's going to want intimate relationships and that but I just can't accept that.

[thatgreyguy]

Congratulations, you are now the third wheel on the bicycle.
but to be serious.

The best you can do is sabotage the relationship and try to sway her into being a lesbian.
But then she would probably just find a girlfriend.

Simply you may have to live with the fact that if you are not in a relationship she will seek one out from other guys.
sooner or later she will want an intimate bf, fact.

Lol, I just love your first line. And I would feel awful if I was to sabotage their relationship. I did try to think about what would happen if it was I who had a boyfriend but then I remembered that I don't believe in establishing those sorts of relationships ie. bf/gf, husband/wife. So, empathy didn't work.

[thatgreyguy]

urghh, I understand Im a bit diffeerent though I have a friend but she is going out with my bro, and I am a bit jealous. but I said to myself "this does not change anything " that was until my bro told me to back off. and I'm like ???? Im gay lol
so I still talk to her now (we just secretly talk behind his back :D)

Hmm, none of that here. I think this guy sort of gets and respects the relationship I have with the girl but still...

Before, everyone who didn't 'know' us just seemed to assume that we were a couple (they obviously don't/didn't know that I'm a gay) and it's just all very.... argh. I really can't stop thinking about it.

Today in ancient history, I was getting some help with a question from the teacher and as he was explaining, I just tuned out of everything he was saying and was snapped back when he said, "Got that?" It's getting to be quite a problem...

[faeriegoddess]

Right, I cannot just tell her how I feel.
(a) I'm gay and that could just get confusing.
(b) I don't want to make her feel bad or guilty or something like that.

And yes, I get that naturally she's going to want intimate relationships and that but I just can't accept that.

why can't you tell her how you feel? How is it confusing to be honest and open?
Why can't you accept that she will have intimate relationships?

[thatgreyguy]

why can't you tell her how you feel? How is it confusing to be honest and open?
Why can't you accept that she will have intimate relationships?

I can accept that she is and will have intimate relationships but it just really makes me want hug someone out of frustration.

[sneakos]

any advice?:confused:

yep - deal with it :cool:

she's a mate, be happy for her

she may leave you and move on - thats life thats what happens sometimes, people come in and out of your life

and sometimes it hurts and sometimes its painful

and sometimes ur th one that moves outta someone else's life

and sometimes people stay :)

things change - its th nature of life

[qazwsx]

Right, I cannot just tell her how I feel.
(a) I'm gay and that could just get confusing.
(b) I don't want to make her feel bad or guilty or something like that.

And yes, I get that naturally she's going to want intimate relationships and that but I just can't accept that.

Why not? She might be seeing somebody at the moment, and that person may or may not be her soulmate, but you are her best friend. You'll always be there as a rock supporting her in her life. I guess she's the same for you. A romantic relationship between her and a guy or you and a guy won't get in the way of you two being so close.

This next paragraph is all on the assumption that you are single. Another thing is that now that she's seeing somebody romantically, maybe you need to think about trying to fill the newly created gap with a romantic endeavour of your own? She may be your best friend, but maybe your relationship with her has kept you from looking for a Mr Right (or Right Now) for you.

[thatgreyguy]

Why not? She might be seeing somebody at the moment, and that person may or may not be her soulmate, but you are her best friend. You'll always be there as a rock supporting her in her life. I guess she's the same for you. A romantic relationship between her and a guy or you and a guy won't get in the way of you two being so close.

This next paragraph is all on the assumption that you are single. Another thing is that now that she's seeing somebody romantically, maybe you need to think about trying to fill the newly created gap with a romantic endeavour of your own? She may be your best friend, but maybe your relationship with her has kept you from looking for a Mr Right (or Right Now) for you.

I live in a small country town. And I'm the only gay in the village (as far as I know)

[faeriegoddess]

Statistically, you're not the only gay in the village. unless you live in a village of 10.

[thatgreyguy]

Statistically, you're not the only gay in the village. unless you live in a village of 10.

Well, if that's the case, it makes running for school captain a whole lot easier.

[qazwsx]

I live in a small country town. And I'm the only gay in the village (as far as I know)

The first half of my post still applies.

As for the other part: spend more time with other friends. You should still make time with your best friend too, but she's going to want some more time with her man. If you're feeling lonely because she's not spending as much time with you any more, spend more time with others.

[qazwsx]

Statistically, you're not the only gay in the village. unless you live in a village of 10.

I never trusted the 1:10 ratio.

[thatgreyguy]

The first half of my post still applies.

As for the other part: spend more time with other friends. You should still make time with your best friend too, but she's going to want some more time with her man. If you're feeling lonely because she's not spending as much time with you any more, spend more time with others.

It's not the same, we were/are partners in crime. Associates. Twins (not really but we figured we could pass for them and actually managed to convince this yr 7 kid that we are but this is off topic.). At recess, she give me two biscuits EVERY day. It used to be one but now she just packs extra for me. We have the exact same sense of humour and, oh, etc...

[faeriegoddess]

even if it's a 1:100 ratio, no way the OP is the only gay in the village.

[Fahed]

I wonder what year you're in thatgreyguy?

[thatgreyguy]

I wonder what year you're in thatgreyguy?

I am in year 11.

[Fahed]

I am in year 11.

What are you planning on doing after next year?

[thatgreyguy]

What are you planning on doing after next year?

Not meaning to be rude but this is not the thread to be exploring my career ambitions.

[Fahed]

Not meaning to be rude but this is not the thread to be exploring my career ambitions.

You're not being rude, I was just curious. I'm just thinking back to myself at that time. There are a lot of big changes happening very fast. I think I'm just a little bit confused because you're not attracted to this girl, and it sounds like you want her to have relationships as she pleases, but maybe you just need something to stand still for a second?

I could be completely wrong here, so just feel free to tell me so. But are you coping ok with the fact that very soon everything in your life changes? Sneakos mentioned that people are going to come and go out of your life, I'm wondering how you feel about that.

[thatgreyguy]

You're not being rude, I was just curious. I'm just thinking back to myself at that time. There are a lot of big changes happening very fast. I think I'm just a little bit confused because you're not attracted to this girl, and it sounds like you want her to have relationships as she pleases, but maybe you just need something to stand still for a second?

I could be completely wrong here, so just feel free to tell me so. But are you coping ok with the fact that very soon everything in your life changes? Sneakos mentioned that people are going to come and go out of your life, I'm wondering how you feel about that.

That doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the situation at the moment.

[qazwsx]

That doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the situation at the moment.

Be happy for your friend. Be there for her. Show her that she can confide in you and show her that she doesn't have to worry about what you think because you won't judge. Let her feel that she still can tell you anything and there's no jealousy. Your friend has a boyfriend, she still needs her friend.

[MrAsh]

This reminds me of an article I read years ago and I can't remember whether it was in either Outrage or DNA. Yet it was discussing the issue of when a gay guy get's a boyfriend and how he's best gay friend reacts. It talked about the dynamics of the relationship when the new guy comes in. It was interesting to read.

[ernesto_1]

Mr Ashley u didn't return my calls

[sesame]

Mr Ashley u didn't return my calls

Is the forum now your public address system for a private thingy?
Paging Ash please return Ernesto's call :mad:

[flounder]

Mr Ashley u didn't return my calls

Ernie good to see its still all about you :D

[Fahed]

Thatgreyguy, let us know what you do and how it goes.

[MrAsh]

Mr Ashley u didn't return my calls

I was asleep Jamie! :rolleyes:

[ernesto_1]

at 7 p?

[ernesto_1]

Or was it 9 pm I forget

[TheOldie]

yep - deal with it :cool:

she's a mate, be happy for her

she may leave you and move on - thats life thats what happens sometimes, people come in and out of your life

and sometimes it hurts and sometimes its painful

and sometimes ur th one that moves outta someone else's life

and sometimes people stay :)

things change - its th nature of life

+ 1

if you're not careful you could f..k the friendship royally.

You're at the beginning of lifes lessons. Some you learn and some you dont. Be happy for her and if you dont want to say something then be supportive of her. Yes you may see her less as she goes out with her boyf. Friends will come and go.

Good luck !

[sesame]

Or was it 9 pm I forget

who carez abt ur chitty chatty with ashburgers? take it to the PM you hijacker of threads! :mad:

[TheOldie]

who carez abt ur chitty chatty with ashburgers? take it to the PM you hijacker of threads! :mad:

+ 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000

[sesame]

+ 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

That's one sausage and too many eggggggggggggs!

thatgreyguy should write a novel and knit a jumper and learn to cook italian. to say it bluntly, grow up and let her have a lovely time with the boi! u too should find a boi or do sumthin else to keep ur mind off her, or expand ur circle of frienz so u wont get attach to just one perzon ;)

(if you count i broke some of ur egggggs)

[VladTheImpaler]

Tell her you're straight and ask her to marry you.

[Totka]

Put yourself in her position. If you were her, what would you want your gay best friend to do, and then do it.

[VladTheImpaler]

Write her a letter telling her how you feel using your own blood and faeces.