How do you get over it?

[Husky-D]

Ok it's actually "how do you get over him"...

I know this probably sounds silly and schoolgirl-ish but I was just wondering how you do it.

I mean sometimes you just can't help yourself but thinking what he's doing now, is he wearing warm enough in this cold weather, or looking at his Facebook profile again and again hoping he comes online but when he's online you can't bring yourself to speak to him.

And then you find yourself start listening to those sad love songs...booooo

Seriously sometimes I'm shocked at how quickly and dramatically people can change. They just become a total stranger in a just blink of eye.

[Gloomis666]

you don't

[Phazz]

Unfortunately there is no instant fix, it takes time and some self control. Reminders just make things harder.

[Lukie]

This is too sad!!! I agree how do you stop your mind and heart going loopy? Is it just time?

[andrewc]

That is your answer... they have changed... they are no longer the person you fell in love with!

A friend of mine has a theory... you don't get over someone until you find someone else to become your next someone! Or at least distract you long enough to stop thinking about the ex!

[Husky-D]

A friend of mine has a theory... you don't get over someone until you find someone else to become your next someone! Or at least distract you long enough to stop thinking about the ex!

This theory makes sense...

[andrewc]

This theory makes sense...

Yeah it sucks I know!

[sesame]

Knit a jumper, write a novel, suck a dick, watch a movie, etc etc etc

[ernesto_1]

husky did u breakup with matte friend from nz?

[Husky-D]

who? -_-

[jamze]

A friend of mine has a theory... you don't get over someone until you find someone else to become your next someone! Or at least distract you long enough to stop thinking about the ex!

This is so true!

[jaychou]

Welcome to the club Husky:(
I been doing exactly what u r doing atm..it sucks!
Guess that I'm stuck!

[MrAsh]

A friend of mine has a theory... you don't get over someone until you find someone else to become your next someone! Or at least distract you long enough to stop thinking about the ex!

What you're saying is that the obessive cycle continues and the real reason's why someone is fixated on an ended romantic/lust relationship are not addressed.

I've always found people who excessively rue over ended relationships for long periods of time to be very insecure, lacking in confidence and a bit emotionally unstable. It's normal to be upset about the end of a relationship, yet to drag it on and let it overwhelm your whole life is just ridiculous.

Also if the relationship 'broke up' or 'ended' it's a clear sign it was there for a purpose and what lessons needed to happen, have happened and it's time to move on. Real relationships evolve on, like amicable friendship since there is respect and there is no real end, you accept lives have changed and get a bit upset and get on with living.

[MrAsh]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKeulwZ3sGE

[andrewc]

What you're saying is that the obessive cycle continues and the real reason's why someone is fixated on an ended romantic/lust relationship are not addressed.

How nice and supportive of you to say!

[TheOldie]

Ok it's actually "how do you get over him"...

I know this probably sounds silly and schoolgirl-ish but I was just wondering how you do it.

I mean sometimes you just can't help yourself but thinking what he's doing now, is he wearing warm enough in this cold weather, or looking at his Facebook profile again and again hoping he comes online but when he's online you can't bring yourself to speak to him.

And then you find yourself start listening to those sad love songs...booooo

Seriously sometimes I'm shocked at how quickly and dramatically people can change. They just become a total stranger in a just blink of eye.


Hugs

but as per Phazz.

Stop looking at the reminders ie Facebook etc and STOP listening to sad love songs !

Easy said I know but dont.

Only healer is time and a new love.

[marky markywicz]

That is your answer... they have changed... they are no longer the person you fell in love with!

A friend of mine has a theory... you don't get over someone until you find someone else to become your next someone! Or at least distract you long enough to stop thinking about the ex!

This is the correct answer and todays winner :D
You need a major distraction.
Sorry to read your heart is heavy with this.
You are in no way alone happens to everyone, often more than once :(

[sesame]

Travelling overseas would be a good distraction. ;)

[poodlepower007]

Don't ignore your feelings but take responsibility for your own mental health and well-being. Pamper yourself and repair your heart as quickly as you can as life is short. Some people easily flit from one encounter/relationship to another with ease, others invest more emotionally and tend to suffer more when the wheels fall off. At the end of the day the only person who is responsible for your own happiness is yourself so be kind to yourself - which includes acknowledging that your are feeling bad but being aware that it is up to you to do something about it.

I always found when I was at my lowest points that exercise was the best medicine, and I am no exercise junkie believe me... but there is something to be said for the positive effect of those endorphins (or whatever they are).

Building a relationship that is going to last takes a very long time and it's not uncommon for break-ups to occur after a few or several months when you really get down to the nitty-gritty of finding out about each other. Mr Ash might have put it a bit harshly, but if it's ended then it was probably meant to end. Sometimes people get back together, but I think that's pretty rare.

enough rambling from me. take care of yourself. do things that will 'fix' you

[MrAsh]

I always found when I was at my lowest points that exercise was the best medicine, and I am no exercise junkie believe me... but there is something to be said for the positive effect of those endorphins (or whatever they are).



I couldn't agree more! There is so much positivity about keeping fit.

[faeriegoddess]

Travelling overseas would be a good distraction. ;)

worked for me. every break-up I moved to another country.
(I've been in over 50 countries now :o )

[Iratei]

Yeah you don't really.

Especially if it was a love you wanted for so long but never pursued.

Then it's too late.


and the world goes on.


Take faith in that really, there's not much else...

life goes on

such is life

c'est la vie

[poodlepower007]

worked for me. every break-up I moved to another country.
(I've been in over 50 countries now :o )

The funny thing about this sort of move or just going on an OS holiday is that you take yourself with you!! :)

[chad_74]

You cannot force yourself.Firstly you have to deal with all the emotional crap and pride issues then one day you'll wake up and be over him.If it continues past a year I suggest professional help as you've become fixated on him.Which is not healthy for you.

[neal james]

am a bit disturbed by how many people feel a new bf is the answer..
if you race into something new with unresolved issues you'll just poison your new affair.

in general, whenever i'm feeling sorry for myself or focussing too much on what is missing in my life, the trick is to count your blessings.

there are other parts to a happy life. pay attention to the good things you have: career, health, friends, freedom to travel, etc.

in time, you'll gain the necessary perspective & distance to see why this part of your life had to come to an end. stalking & obssessing won't get you anywhere.

[Doolander]

am a bit disturbed by how many people feel a new bf is the answer..
if you race into something new with unresolved issues you'll just poison your new affair.

in general, whenever i'm feeling sorry for myself or focussing too much on what is missing in my life, the trick is to count your blessings.

there are other parts to a happy life. pay attention to the good things you have: career, health, friends, freedom to travel, etc.

in time, you'll gain the necessary perspective & distance to see why this part of your life had to come to an end. stalking & obssessing won't get you anywhere.

+ 1,000,000!
the best thing to do is to utilise this time you have and put it into something positive in your life.
Excercise is great!
Getting out and seeing your friends and spending time with them will help.
Realising that this person does not complete you, and that only you can complete you is the goal. Once you can decide this, you will have a new take on what a relationship should mean, and what it should bring to you. :)

[Anthony Mahera]

Become so obsessed with the guy, so much so that you can not live without him.

Then kill yourself.

Worx for me everytime :)

[chad_74]

its better if you take down a few innocents with you (ie become a gunman or suicide bomber)otherwise no one notices.

[jimmy08]

If you need some positivity in your life, I suggest you to read and follow up this wonderful blog called, "positivelypresent" dot com. It's a free blog with wonderful tips for people who feels down all the time.

[jimmy08]

Ok it's actually "how do you get over him"...


1) Exercise
2) Distractions / keep yourself busy
3) Listen to happy music
4) Go out and meet someone. Do you see yourself staring at other men on the streets?
5) Watch the Japanese anime called, '5 centimeters per second'. It's even available on youtube. In one segment, this girl has finally convinced herself that the guy she's been having a crush on - has never been into her. That guy was friendly to her, but he never looked into her or call her etc.

Plain and simple: You can not force someone to like you just because you liked that person.

[NewFarmer]

Time helps the most. Finding a good counsellor is also pretty sensible.

This always sounds a bit counterintuitive but my counsellor reccomended it and it worked for me at the time. Often you're not pining for the person you broke up with, you're pining for an idealised version of that person. Their faults, or the things they did that hurt you tend to get airbrushed out a bit. It doesn't hurt to remind yourself of those things, because they were part of that person as well. Doesn't mean you have to think of them as a complete arsehole, unless they were, but thinking about the person in the full context of what happened is healthy.

There are often two things going on, missing that person as seperate from learning to be alone and / or single again. I actually think that as time moves on that's the bit that can get harder.

Also, be forgiving of yourself. We all do funny and strange things during a break up and probably a lot of things we're not proud of. The sooner you can forgive yourself for that and realise that you did them because you weren;t yourself at the time the better off you'll be.

[Husky-D]

wow thanks guys. I do appreciate it.

Been much better now. Time indeed is the best healer at most occasions.

I'm currently trying to go to gym more often, looking for a place to move out to and focus more and my work and friends.

Still think about him once in a while but it's fading away. Guess it's not worth it hanging on to some one who now treats you coldly.

[ernesto_1]

husky d why don't u flame this guy so we can all avoid him in the future. Let's begin with his name and asl?

[jaychou]

i know u just joking but thats not neccessary Ernie =.=
no offence but if I were the guy i wouldnt be so happy when knowing that im being known by a bunch of strangers :D

Heres the hugs for Husky :")

[bobbyandmimmi]

I have some news, does everyone know that guy that I had a long distance thing with???, well anyway I met a guy onlineearly this year, of course he was different, special, fell in love with, we had fun but then I broke up what ever it was so he could find someone to make him happy where he lives, as It was too hard for me to do long distance, he tried to make me jealous, I ginored it, but I couldn't get over him, and I told him how I felt and he and I weren't back to where we were but we took it slow, kind of mates and then I fell for him AGAIN, and I kind of knew that he was not as keen, so I diddn't show it, and then he tells me that he is straight, and that this was all a phase :( I honestly don't beleive it, but I told him whatever makes you happy :)

and then all of a sudden, I have a taste for all these songs,
Love is a loosing game - amy whinehouse
Forever, without you - Mariah carey (yes I know some of you want to cull me for this)
anything by james blunt, coldplay, celine dion,
I am finding to get over him a bit easy, but if he came back I would go right into him

HUSKY-D have you gotten over him yet??

[Lazzarus]

Unrequited love is a bitch but not as bad as thinking you have it and then losing it.
It took me years to get over my first true bf, I was so in love I think I spent every waking moment thinking about him so when he dumped me and ran off with a bitchy little drag queen from Melbourne I was devastated. I still think about him, I don't think you ever really get over someone you've loved but you have to get on with life as obsessing about someone you can't have isn't very healthy and will only stop you from being happy.

[Husky-D]

I have some news, does everyone know that guy that I had a long distance thing with???, well anyway I met a guy onlineearly this year, of course he was different, special, fell in love with, we had fun but then I broke up what ever it was so he could find someone to make him happy where he lives, as It was too hard for me to do long distance, he tried to make me jealous, I ginored it, but I couldn't get over him, and I told him how I felt and he and I weren't back to where we were but we took it slow, kind of mates and then I fell for him AGAIN, and I kind of knew that he was not as keen, so I diddn't show it, and then he tells me that he is straight, and that this was all a phase :( I honestly don't beleive it, but I told him whatever makes you happy :)

and then all of a sudden, I have a taste for all these songs,
Love is a loosing game - amy whinehouse
Forever, without you - Mariah carey (yes I know some of you want to cull me for this)
anything by james blunt, coldplay, celine dion,
I am finding to get over him a bit easy, but if he came back I would go right into him

HUSKY-D have you gotten over him yet??

Um...thanks for bumping this up -_-

Yeah 99% over. The 1% is just me being a missing sentimental I guess :p

You'll be able to to get over your guy eventually.

[KuujiryoClark]

'the best way to get over someone is to get under someone'

[Eltharion]

I am going through the process at the moment. I have been so upset and angry and frustrated all at the same time. The hardest part was the dogs, I put them on a plane to Brisbane (his mothers place where he is now) this morning. It is likely I will never see them again. I got home and destroyed anything I could lay my hands on I even cut down/ripped out two banana trees. I was trying to vent my hurt in anyway I could. In all honesty getting over him will take time but I think it will be easy, getting over the dogs....now that will be the hard part.

[silver_lavender]

Oh, my bro just broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years. Now no one's allowed to mention her name or he'll throw a fit. It's all very funny to me. I don't understand any of this. It's almost like someone died and he's going through the 7 stages of grief.

[Iratei]

My sister let me know by sms that her BF broke up with her.

I said i would take her out shoppign tomorrow and pay for everything.

She sent back an "OK :-)"

easy!

[Totka]

I say cry, listen to sad songs and really let it all out. I really believe that one of the reasons people have such trouble getting over breakups is that there is too much pressure to move on. You will move on when its time or when you get sick of feeling sad, which ever comes first.

BTW - being sad is not the same as depressed. If you're depressed then its a different ball game, but, there are other posts for that.

[Roses]

I listened to " I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor" about 50 times to get over him.

[bobbyandmimmi]

Roses!!!!!!!, hey how are you and william ?? whats the latest update?

[Roses]

That name fails to ring a bell.

[shazzboy]

Break his legs, burn down his house and kill his cat.

[ernesto_1]

ugh. i told roses that he should make the most of unrequited love. now he won't even get an invitee to will's summer beach hang out. i mean summer + beach+ booze + just rosie and will... = hot summer sex by the ocean.

yet he chooses to throw it all away and refuse to even be with Will. Its a shame. and for wot! pride!

fuck the pride coz the pride won't fuck you mmkay!

[MrAsh]

Isn't WIll straight?

[neal james]

like this

http://static.baubauhaus.com/assets/36202_415.jpg

[VladTheImpaler]

Nightmares, anxiety and avoiding certain places and certain people for good six or seven years.

[RunicBronze]

.
Realising that this person does not complete you, and that only you can complete you is the goal. Once you can decide this, you will have a new take on what a relationship should mean, and what it should bring to you. :)

Bumping an old thread I know....but this is spot on. Finding another guy right away to fill the hole (pun intended) means there is still a hole to fill...healing (God I hate that word by now) and learning is not done yet .

[bobbyandmimmi]

I have a problem, I am still not over the brittish guy, I thought I was over him, trying to meet new people. then I saw him on a webcam chat thingy and his new bf, and I just get ignored, I am just wondering, ifhe is still thinking about me? or what the go is, but infortunetly I won't know,so I have been listening to whitney, mariah and celine today.............

[seaman]

are you in london?

[Wonderland]

I have a problem, I am still not over the brittish guy, I thought I was over him, trying to meet new people. then I saw him on a webcam chat thingy and his new bf, and I just get ignored, I am just wondering, ifhe is still thinking about me? or what the go is, but infortunetly I won't know,so I have been listening to whitney, mariah and celine today.............

If he ignored you...you have a good head on your shoulders, you know what that means.

I understand you never had a relationship with him IRL? So your view of him is more than likely as out of tune with reality as Madonna's live singing.

You created this perfect picture of him and he really doesn't seem to deserve that.

Love yourself a bit more B&M and a real nice guy should be on the horizon real soon.