Coming out!

[scope]

Hey guys, so I was just wondering how hard it was for you to come out!!
i wanted to come out to a friend but i could not do it, i was so freaking scared.
how was it when you came out?and how do you know whether it is the right time or not? :confused:

[thatgreyguy]

I came out to my first friend the day I came out to myself. And, thinking back, I have not actually told anyone that I am gay face to face, it always seems to be either through a text or on the internet but Hey, that works for me.

[Brightside05]

When I want to tell someone I just get drunk and do it, so much easier.

[bobbyandmimmi]

Hey,
I have came out to most of my friends. I got so so sick and I was shaking terribly and I finally told my friend and she was in aww. after that I tiold 2 more friends that night, the next day another and I told my bro and I am so lucky to have axcepting friends and mother, My bro is iffy about it, but he has stopped with the insulting stuff.....................for a while.


(to those who don't think I cannot paragraph ;))
It can be hard, but u will find ur true friends, who will support you when no one else does. You may not find everyone axcepting but the ones who are, are truely great people :)

Hope this helps

[thatgreyguy]

Especially in a school environment, you have to know who to tell and who not to tell. The word gets around so that everybody knows but they havent been told for sure so you then have to know how gay not to be which I think is half the fun.

Some people don't like gay shoved in their face for example, a group of people in my year sort of exiled a friend of mine from their group probably about his sexuality, he's now at another school (its a performing arts high school so everyone's gay ;)), but they would have to know I am too but we are cracking friends anyway.

It's all a game. And I enjoy it....

[moviefan84]

I was the same, I was physically ill and I was shaking uncontrollably I couldn't stop when I told my mum a couple of years ago, that I was gay, then it turned out she didn't worry her at all, apparently she told me she had known for ages, which afterwards I regretted not telling her sooner.

[gocrazy]

Hey,
I have came out to most of my friends. I got so so sick and I was shaking terribly and I finally told my friend and she was in aww. after that I tiold 2 more friends that night, the next day another and I told my bro and I am so lucky to have axcepting friends and mother, My bro is iffy about it, but he has stopped with the insulting stuff.....................for a while.


(to those who don't think I cannot paragraph ;))
It can be hard, but u will find ur true friends, who will support you when no one else does. You may not find everyone axcepting but the ones who are, are truely great people :)

Hope this helps

mines similar to bobbys minus the telling the family, i was shaking a sweating and all sorts of stuff when i told the 2 guys i had known for ages i was gay, especially the awkward silence that followed right after, but they were cool about it, i dare not tell my other friends though because my friend group is male dominated besides bbspo, i told her not too long ago and she was waaaaaayyyyy more excited than i was and she even made a same same account, i guess you have to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Besides, you wouldnt consider telling someone if you feared they would upright reject you, right?

[thatgreyguy]

I don't know if this is related or not but after my coming out untill now, two other friends in my group have identified as bisexual and my other friend who has left and in our group was gay before me, it seems to me like this was an extreme case of gaydar as we had all been friends for many years before these relvelations...

I'm trying to say that, coming out can present man suprises and empower others with the confidence to come out.

[scope]

i dont know how my friends will react.i think that some of them might take it well not too sure about the others.A similar story happened at my school once too thatgreyguy,the guy left school and we never heard of him again,he might have moved to a different suburb. But i know that it will mean the end of the world for my mother.

[thatgreyguy]

well, afraid to say the guy at our school to follow his calling for acting and we are still in regular contact and great mates.

[gocrazy]

i dont know how my friends will react.i think that some of them might take it well not too sure about the others.A similar story happened at my school once too thatgreyguy,the guy left school and we never heard of him again,he might have moved to a different suburb. But i know that it will mean the end of the world for my mother.

in my case my close friends had an inkling i was gay,well atleast one of them did, you sort of have to trust them, you also have to know them enough to believe they wont have a problem with it or enough to know they will keep it a secret

[Husky-D]

Hey Scope welcome to SS.

All I want to say is don't rush and do things on your own pace. It takes time for you to be more and more comfortable with yourself. I remember when I first came out I wrote a long email to my friend and was so horrified after sending it out that I didn't pick up her phone.

So yeah take your time and you will feel it when the time is right.

[scope]

i doubt that my friends think that i might be gay. i dont usually care what others think about me but this is kind of a big deal..

[gocrazy]

i doubt that my friends think that i might be gay. i dont usually care what others think about me but this is kind of a big deal..

same here, the fact that i am the dominant figure in the group helps that also

[thatgreyguy]

same here, the fact that i am the dominant figure in the group helps that also

Agreed.

[Husky-D]

I understand.

My friends totally didn't know I was gay. I guess you must value your friendship a lot. Don't worry. You're probably be surprised by how accepting your friend may be.

[wysiwyg]

I hope one day I'l have the courage to come out of the closet. :( I'm jealous of people who've come out.

[marky markywicz]

I hope one day I'l have the courage to come out of the closet. :( I'm jealous of people who've come out.

One day.
But difficult for Catholics :)

[gocrazy]

wysiwyg you must be a pretty old catholic to still be in the closet am i right?

[wysiwyg]

wysiwyg you must be a pretty old catholic to still be in the closet am i right?

lol it's not abut the religion.

[gocrazy]

indeed not, just saying, you get alot of opportunities to be out to anyone

[gocrazy]

also my main point is age because holding religious values in families are diminishing also

[scope]

True gocrazy, thats pretty much my situation right now.
One of my friends has also told me that if someone came out to him, his relationship with the person will not be the same again..which kinda scares me even more to tell him.

[scope]

One day.
But difficult for Catholics :)

i am catholic too but i do not think that religion would stop me.

[gocrazy]

LOL scope, i suppose you arent a regular at church either.
i suggest you make more friends, especially in the gay community when possible, your old enough and things can be discrete also, that way you can forget about this friend of yours who wont accept you completely, and also have fun/explore/do what ever

[bbspo]

i told her not too long ago and she was waaaaaayyyyy more excited than i was

hell yea i was =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D still am

i practically blurted out to everyone that i was a lesbian and i dunno if anyone believed me. i always wanted to have a gay friend and there he was all the time :)

i dunno, from my personal opinion i don't have anything against gays :) i used to feel a bit frightened when looking at gay kissing and intimacy but i actually like it now :) as long as its not enlarged

point is, i'm sure there are plenty of people out there who are accepting of gays and homos and it takes a bit of time to adjust in some cases.

i guess maybe women are more accepting for some odd reason so maybe that could be on your priority list.

[prezben]

Hey scope - good to meet you on here.

I can really only talk of my experience. I made the somewhat odd decision to come out to a relatively new friend and a work colleague. In retrospect it was a strange decision because the lack of deep ties between us and the work space meant that I could have easily been "outed" and I suppose ridiculed...

However that didn't happen at all. He did have the worst reaction of anyone I've told including my family but his reaction was an odd one anyway. He was more pissed that I had given him the information first, that he was the bearer of such a piece of information...

In any event, we are still great friends, he never revealed it to others until I had revealed it to others and I haven't had a bad experience almost at all.

I will say this though - your friend isn't wrong about the relationship changing. It won't change the way you think it will though. From my experience the relationships you had will become more meaningful and have less barriers. You also instantly seem to gain some people's immediate confidence and avenues open up that you didn't even consider...

I left coming out until I was 27 but I knew since I was 11 or 12. I don't regret that delay as I think it genuinely took that time to set myself and know enough about myself to be confident that I could handle what the world might throw at me.

All I can say is - the first step seems like going off the edge of a cliff but sometimes life is a risk and the greater the risk the greater the reward. You'll lose some people and not with fireworks and vitriol but through silent change most likely in yourself. But once it's out there and the shock and awe is done with my personal experience has been nothing but life changing for the better.

:)

[VladTheImpaler]

I came out to my first friend the day I came out to myself. And, thinking back, I have not actually told anyone that I am gay face to face, it always seems to be either through a text or on the internet but Hey, that works for me.

It's hard to offer this kind of advice to guys. I think men often have a different experience. I think butch women do too. Coming out for me was relatively non-eventful because no one believed me. I think (a) because I'd had relationships with men and (b) I didn't "look" gay. I came out about 7 years ago now, but even recently I received an email from an old friend who asked: "Are you still a lesbian?". I think my Mum just rolled her eyes. I've had to come out to her countless times, because she "forgets".

[moose6969]

Im still in the closet, cos im not sure how family and friends will react, but i do want to come out, im just not really sure how to go about it.

[bbspo]

same here, the fact that i am the dominant figure in the group helps that also

LOL

[Lazzarus]

I had a go at dropping the "S' word here once as well McBender but they're a tough bunch at SS and I didn't get a single sympathy friend request :( *hint*

Suggestion: don't tell your parents while you are living with them and while there is a chance of them paying off your cc debt for you ;)

[McBender]

I had a go at dropping the "S' word here once as well McBender but they're a tough bunch at SS and I didn't get a single sympathy friend request :( *hint*

Suggestion: don't tell your parents while you are living with them and while there is a chance of them paying off your cc debt for you ;)

1. But but I was trying to be funny. D'oh.

2. I like the way you think. Smart and practical.

[mark_]

…they're a tough bunch at SS and I didn't get a single sympathy friend request :( *hint*…
We can't request you because your profile is private :(

[sum_random]

Im still in the closet, cos im not sure how family and friends will react, but i do want to come out, im just not really sure how to go about it.

Well if you are confident and ready to come out, start with one person, maybe your closest friend, or sibling, or someone you think will take it well. The first person is always the hardest, I think anyways, once you have told one, and have that initial support, sure it's still hard, but at least you know you can do it and you have at least one friend supporting you! Then just go from there, when I came out, I knew who I wanted to tell first, and who I wanted to tell myself and made sure I did it, and once I did, I was all the happier for it, and have been ever since :)

But good luck, I know it's hard, but in the end, it really is for the best, coz then you can start living the life you want without having to hide anything, and if it doesnt go all positive, just remember there are always people who are there to support you, or help you along the way :)

[moose6969]

Gday sum_random, im going to try coming out on Monday, hopefully it will go well, but thanks for ur words and support.

[sum_random]

No problems, good luck :)

[MotherRaven]

I havnt come out yet.. But that's because I don't know "what" I am.... So I don't think I should say anything until I know all the facts and proper terms .

I think it's when you are ready is the best time .. :)

[McBender]

I havnt come out yet.. But that's because I don't know "what" I am.... So I don't think I should say anything until I know all the facts and proper terms .

I think it's when you are ready is the best time .. :)

Good thinking, but as I said in the other thread, if you do realise you are gay I hope you do have the ability and the support to leave an unhappy situation.

[moose6969]

Gday sum_random, but i have decided not to wait until Monday, but ive decided to do it today, i dont want to live a lie anymore, im going to tell my best mates. I just hope that it wont affect our relationships.

[silver_lavender]

Gday sum_random, but i have decided not to wait until Monday, but ive decided to do it today, i dont want to live a lie anymore, im going to tell my best mates. I just hope that it wont affect our relationships.

I will always love my cousin because of the way she reacted when I told her. She was very supportive and was the right person to tell first. And it’s bought us closer, closer than me and my brother, because now she knows about this huge part about me.

[runic]

LOL I did not really come out I just kind of got to a point i got sick of hanging around at home drunk that I decided to go to a gay club and get drunk there then people where just like oh he is gay

[Mac181]

My mum said "Really, I thought maybe your brother was, but not you!"

Then after reassuring she still loved and supported me, she asked if I was a top or a bottom.

[runic]

lol did you ever share that with your brother :P I would have :P but I am an evil bastard

[silver_lavender]

she asked if I was a top or a bottom.

lol well that's just awkward. And she needed to know this because....?

[runic]

Cause she knows this cute boy at the local store but he only bottoms what ever that means :P

lol

[Mac181]

lol did you ever share that with your brother :P I would have :P but I am an evil bastard
Immediately. He thought it was hilarious.

lol well that's just awkward. And she needed to know this because....?
She wanted to know if we had something in common.

[badamj2000]

I came-out once or twice you know...

[VladTheImpaler]

I would love to have the opportunity to respond with "ew" when someone comes out to me. But no one ever does.

[runic]

So moose6969 umm.. What was the result with your Coming out to your friends

[moose6969]

Thanks for asking runic, but i tried yesterday to send a couple of texts to my mates, but i didnt put what i wanted in them, and they havent replied to my sms yet, so if they dont reply by wednesday, i might try again.

[Mac181]

SMS? Do it in person.