Being Bi - journey or destination? [Archive]

Christian Taylor

29th March 2007, 09:34 AM

What do people think about bisexuality? Stopover on the way to gaytown? Middle of the road? Genuine sexual preference?

How many of us have sipped from both cups? How many of us make a decision based on that? And how many of us still decide we like a bit of both?

It's always a less than ideal situation when someone finds themselves a minority within a minority. Bisexuality has little place within rigid straight and gay sexual boundaries. It's the fringe within the fringe - and more often than not, it's regarded with scepticism. "They're greedy, they're deluding themselves, it's all an act..."

What do you think?

avb7

29th March 2007, 12:48 PM

I think it depends whether you define bisexuality as an activity or an orientation. As a married man for 16 years I was a 'situational heterosexual', in the process of coming out I thought I was bi. Today I know that my orientation is homosexual. I really dont think I have honestly ever been anything else.

If sexual orientation includes love, affection, devotion and intimacy and not just sexual behaviour then, from my observation, there are few men who are genuinely bi, but there are a lot very horny heterosexual men who don't mind who is on the end of their dick or where they are putting it.

Women though are different and research suggests that their sexuality if quite fluid. I know of a number of lesbian couples who originally were best friends and then fell in love. Either both or one of them never ever considered themselves to be lesbian before this. Can't imagine that happening to a guy unless he is actually gay.

hazyinseptember

29th March 2007, 07:45 PM

while i think its VERY important to define our sexuality, it is something that can be very fluid.

while you might have been "bisexual", maybe now you are "homosexual".. i dont see why there is no reason that it could change as we define and become more comfortable with ourselves

i think the acceptance of ones sexuality has more to do with culture than gender.. maybe less men consider bisexuality because its something that they feel they could never be? And like AVB7 said.. there are plenty of men who sleep / have sex with men who would never consider themselves gay/bi .. its just to get a load off..

meezon04

2nd April 2007, 09:03 AM

I am very much undecided. If I was bi I could answer this... well duh lol

taylor-dayne

26th April 2007, 04:03 PM

i think bi is much more plausible for women than it is for men - that's a big sweeping statement, but from what i've seen it's true. women seem to be able to have that fluid approach, whereas men will normally pick a side...

Tristianity

4th May 2007, 10:24 AM

danny corvini

4th May 2007, 03:33 PM

I think it's people who think they stand to be hurt by others being bisexual that seem to be in denial of it being a genuine state. And having won the sexuality wars for themselves in their own coming out as gay, they don't seem to be able to maintain an open mind any more that there might be a bit more variety to the human experience than any of us can individually grasp. How the fuck should we know how another person should feel within their sexuality? Why is it so hard to accept that some people are bisexual for reasons beyond their own comprehension: Ie If you enjoy sex with both sexes and the gay lifestyle doesn't make you happy, then you live your life as a straight? ; Or, if you get different things out of different sexes, ie you're a guy who can have whole relationships with women, but think they can only experience men sexually?
And who here is so fucking happy being gay that they should try to cut short anyone else's experiece of happiness on this planet, but denying that it can possibly really exist in the form that they choose, when we're all already used to being denied by others such as religious groups?
The problem extends to the fact that so few people who really actually are bi (Ie can enjoy sex in some form with either sex) actually identify as bi, such as the "horny heterosexual men" that avb7 identified. I think if you're a gay man who occasionally sleeps with women, and to some extend enjoys it, and does it again, then baby, you are bi.

danny corvini

4th May 2007, 03:48 PM

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Bisexuality is just for people who can't come to terms with their homosexuality. They feel that they need to claim themselves as bisexual because they think society will look more upon them then if they were homosexual.

"Straight guys don't care if they have sex with guys"??? God isn't that every gay mans fantasy? Has anyone actually achieved this?

Sorry this just makes you seem so YOUNG and CLUELESS. You obviously haven't been around long enough and met enough "different" people to have seen that there is more than one type of person.

Tristianity

6th May 2007, 02:34 PM

Sorry this just makes you seem so YOUNG and CLUELESS. You obviously haven't been around long enough and met enough "different" people to have seen that there is more than one type of person.

ohhh, i think i pushed someones button. ouch girlfriend. This forum is for peoples opinions and that is what mine is, if you don't like it fine. As for being young and clueless, i may be young but i'm definitely not clueless.

Mia F

8th May 2007, 01:23 PM

Oh I hate this debate - and usually because although I don't 'do' labels I sometimes define myself as being bi but then as most bi's will tell you, you cop shit from breeders and from lesbians and to be honest bi's don't really seem to fit in anywhere. I do however agree that sexuality is fluid - especially with females. I prefer to see it as a fluid scale and on that line I would put myself closer to lesbian than bi. I date women more than men but I still admit that occasionally I do sleep with guys.

danny corvini

8th May 2007, 05:01 PM

I think it's a doubled edge sword for bi guys, who might sometimes be viewed as studly, but then would get attacked by gay guys who view them with suspicion. And I imagine everyone who you date would try to get confirmation that you're the same as them (gay/straight), in part for confirmation of their own sexual brilliance (and the threat of losing you..)

Mietta

14th May 2007, 11:56 AM

New to this website and these forums, but will offer my post as a perspective.

Until very recently I would have identified as definitely Bi... I felt perfectly comfortable with a 'foot in both camps' and felt that it was a legitimate option. I have described it to others as like being ambidextrous (which I also am), it doesnt really matter too much which hand you use to pick something up, both options are fine. I believed that it was more about the individual than the gender and I felt I was lucky to be broadminded enough to embrace that.
I can just imagine how many of you are sitting there shaking your heads at how deluded I sound...
Anyway, I have been in a relationship with a woman for 2.5yrs now and we recently split up, though we are still sleeping together (she is too hot to give up easily lol) and I was married some years ago. My relationship and orientation are no secret. A former (male) workmate recently made it pretty clear he was interested in something so I thought I would see if I was still interested in that side of the fence.... oh dear. Hes nice looking, lovely guy but kissing him left me cold and there was no way I could have slept with him. In previous times he would definitely have been my kind of guy but as much as I found him good company and interesting, there was just nothing there.
I now find myself asking what this means? Previously I would have honestly said that I liked girls more than boys, but boys were still on my list, but now I am not so sure...
So, while I cannot answer the question about whether being bi is a journey or a destination, I can say I'm on the journey at the moment. I will let you know when I get there, though I think maybe in my heart I already know the answer.

denieal

17th June 2007, 09:28 AM

But lately I am thinking that the term is somewhat out dated. Saying bisexual only acknowledges that there are two genders and it invalidates the transgender or gender fluid community as an option. Personally I have dated mostly woman and one transgender man. I feel like it is entirely possible for me to fall in love with a bio man or a trans woman so I just identify as queer.

Politically I think people worry about those with more fluid sexualities because they worry that we'll have less queer people on our 'side.' They worry that well ultimately become straight and just want to have our queer love affair on the side. I think that is probably true for some people but unfair to assume for everyone. Besides even if that is the case what is it any of our concern how people want to express their sexualities? By using statements like 'having their cake and eating it too.' 1. my first response is like 'yeah if i had cake of course i would it eat' but also 2. why do people care if people are carrying on multiple relationships with different genders if everyone is open honest and consenting? All my relationships have been monogomous and in every one it is important for me to identify as queer. When I had a trans partner I came out a lot just because I didn't want to assume the priveledges of a straight partnership. And if I were in a relationship where I could legally marry I would opt out in support of everyone I know who cannot legally marry.

Mr J

30th July 2007, 04:40 PM

I consider myself bisexual ... and although some of his work is flawed I quite like Kinseys scale. I consider myself mainly on the homosexual side of bisexual ... the only two relationships I've had have been with guys. Why then do I consider myself bi ... well I have had a strong crush on a girl before. I never wanted anything sexual with her ... but I still cannot call myself 100% gay because of it.

peeter

30th July 2007, 05:58 PM

Mr J, you're young, you're going through the bi-journey before you reach the Homosexual station. Bisexuality means you are attracted SEXUALLY to both sexes - and you've just admitted you never wanted anything sexually with the girl. Stop hanging on, release! :-)

Mr J

30th July 2007, 09:36 PM

robbie

31st July 2007, 09:52 AM

It's ok Mr J.. whenever you're ready mate.

Michaelbourke

31st July 2007, 02:06 PM

I have been has been exclusively sexually active with males, I have had girlfriends in the past and got to BOOB stage but that's about it. So NO aside from some bisexual porn someone left at my house (don't ask me to explain) I have never ever been with a woman. BUT if I was to fall in love and i mean REALLY fall in love with a person and they happened to be a woman and my bits and pieces worked. I would definitely pursue that relationship. Does that make me bisexual or sensible?

Mr J

31st July 2007, 03:44 PM

Micheal that sounds like me ... except for the girlfriend parts.

robbie

31st July 2007, 05:02 PM

I would say sensible Michael.

chad_74

17th October 2007, 07:18 PM

Being bisexual doesnt really exist.You are either gay or straight. It is about lifestyle not sexual choice.You could say a man whom is married but plays with men is kinky as with a married woman whom has woman on woman action.Plenty of obviously gay men I know of sleep with women , and some women prostitutes that sleep with men are lesbians.A man who gets his lady to penetrate him with a strap on dildo is still straight. However if your gay or straight it is not set in stone.Some change preferences .

burgjo

19th October 2007, 07:43 AM

Wow chad_74 thats a pretty bold statement.... Quote "Being bisexual doesnt really exist"..... where exactly does that leave men who are attracted to both sexes? Cause it is out there and it is real. Are you really saying they should just pick one or the other?

Nevarro

19th October 2007, 10:04 AM

ok well im not really sure about this, I mean im 100% gay boy thru and thru.
Never been there with the other side and dont want to.

But I do know ppl that do... like an X BF - he dumped me for a Girl, it was horrible, well for the 1st 5seconds then i got over it as i had the power, his Dad was head hontcho at the Local cop shop and didnt know his boy was dilly dallying with other boys LOL

i think that there are ppl out there that can like both and have no idea why, i mean do we know why we prefer the hims over the hers?

robbie

19th October 2007, 12:08 PM

as i had the power, his Dad was head hontcho at the Local cop shop and didnt know his boy was dilly dallying with other boys LOL

Don't tell me you outed him to his cop dad because he dumped you?

Nevarro

19th October 2007, 12:34 PM

oh please ... who am I Paris Hilton?

no I didnt do that... it just eased my pain to know that he knew i could if i wanted to...

chad_74

19th October 2007, 08:29 PM

no burgo what im saying is yes you are either gay or straight .Just cause you go through the motions of sex with either doesnt determain your sexuality.(if you stick you dick in a lump of meat ,apple pie or other inanimate objects or animals and cum what does it make you?)
A married man whom roots his wife alot but also does beats is not gay or bi.He is just useing men for sexual releif.He is hetrosexual cause he has a relationship with women.Or say a paedaphile whos married but molests young boys is he bisexual? no just a deviate.

Mr J

20th October 2007, 09:13 AM

Chad what you've described is MSM or men who have sex with other men ... but they don't feel any emotions towards the other. But what about those who have not only sexual desire for both but can feel the emotions of love towards both as well. You know those who have happy relationships between both sexes.

chad_74

20th October 2007, 02:57 PM

How many people freely admit in public theyre bi-sexual?
Apart from websites you dont hear it used much. In a committed relationship you cant be bisexual its either a gay or hetro one.I havent heard of anyone going home to mum and dads and saying this is my boyfriend or girlfriend changing frequently from one sex to the other.
And please dont throw the george micheal or darren hayes situations at me.They were gays living a lie and try to justify it in the end so to not hurt those they used as cover.

dreadcircus

2nd November 2007, 06:57 PM

I say that I'm bisexual only because the gender of the person dont really matter to me as long as they are decent and have morals and goals..

so yeh before my transition I dated mostly women and slept with a few guys and trans here and there (does that mean im trisexual?).. but these days I've been with my bf for over 3 years.. he's my 1st male partner.. I guess if that ends at some stage down the road I make my next choice and dont really give two craps what people think... I guess it's the individuals choice to do as they please if it makes them happy..

In conclusion.. for some a journey and others a destination we are all unique no matter what..

Mr J

2nd November 2007, 07:21 PM

from what i've read that makes you pansexual dread

dreadcircus

3rd November 2007, 12:45 AM

coolies another label i can add to my ever growing list.. look out guiness book of records here I come... ;)

I have read about Pansexuality, in the end it's just another label somebody has formulated and several people align with it. In my band to avoid me labeling myself Transsexual. I created my own label.. it sums things up nicely I believe..

As a male my life floundered and I was miserable, transition came along and things have been stellar.. so "Gender Optimized" came about... I look at it like an upgrade package for XP only I actually work ;)

Basically at the end of the day it's hard to align with any one group for myself and I'm happy for that as there are good people in all communities and sexual preference. All I'm thankful for is having the chance to come out and finally experience some quality in life no matter what label I am regarded as by people.

avb7

3rd November 2007, 01:51 PM

Maybe one day we will see each other as human beings and not sexual orientation, gender, race etc etc.......I wonder what that would take to achieve that.....or even if its possible.

Shame about the questions to vote on as I think male sexual fluidity is less fluid than female........if it was divided then the answers might be different....research certainly indicates that.

Mr J

3rd November 2007, 05:31 PM

avb7 ... i agree it would be a great day when a guy could go to his parents and say this is my boyfriend without causing a stir. A day when saying your sexuality is as boring and pointless as saying today is saturday. And who knows maybe someday society will be like that ... we can only hope.

Oh and dreadcircus i agree about your view on labels :D

avb7

3rd November 2007, 09:42 PM

I think its a great goal for us to work towards at least Mr J......even something to devote our lives to because any difference we make for people now will also make a difference for many more in the future. You might like this quote from Paul Newman is applicable to what you say.

I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant. ~Paul Newman

Mr J

3rd November 2007, 10:44 PM

thats absolutly correct ... i'm a fan of quotes and have seen that one before and its true. When i am contemplating about what to tell someone about myself my sexuality is very low on the list (unless it's relevent) ... there are more important things about who i am. This is why having sexuality out in the open and having correct unstereotypical representations through the media is important. Because if people can see that sexuality doesn't make the man or woman then in their minds hopefully the amount of importance placed upon it will fall rapidly.

shygirl

19th November 2007, 10:22 PM

I'm an out bisexual. yes I love men and women and don't have any problems with how I feel.
I've been in relationships with guys and girls and been just as hurt when they don't work out.
It would be easier if I could just say I'm a lesbian or straight, people understand these terms and there is little misunderstanding. but as bi I've had Bf who think I'm up for a treesome or Gf who think I'll leave them for the first guy who comes along. why would anyone put themselves through this if these feelings didn't exist!

illy

21st November 2007, 09:54 AM

Being bisexual doesnt really exist.You are either gay or straight.

see, i'd love to come out to friends and family as being bisexual, but hearing you're deluded doesn't exactly inspire confidence

In a committed relationship you cant be bisexual

i don't get this
would being single then make you asexual?

danny corvini

21st November 2007, 12:43 PM

So what about guys who have relationships with other guys but have sneaky sex with girls for 'relief'?

sweetnothings

4th December 2007, 07:41 PM

I think it doesn't really matter whether or not bisexuality exists. As long as people are comfortable being who they are, I don't see any reason why they can't be whatever they want/choose to be.

danw

4th December 2007, 10:06 PM

Here here

Aries Fairy

7th December 2007, 01:24 PM

Halfway house. It's a halfway house. Just pick one team and get the uniform.

Mr J

7th December 2007, 01:57 PM

The concept of their being only two sexualities discriminates and puts undue pressue on people to conform and makes them constantly second guess themselves. All studies i have read are in full favour of bisexulaity and a bluring of the lines in sexuality. We as a community and We as a society should accept everyone.

Christian Taylor

7th December 2007, 07:32 PM

bisexuality is a funny debate. i can't imagine it myself, although i have been with both men and women in my lifetime. and i totally fall in love with women, there's no doubt.

i have seen many of my female friends swing both ways - i don't doubt that it's very real for them. i have heard them say "i fall in love with people"... and i guess that's true to an extent.

Conn1e

28th September 2010, 07:12 PM

ARGH. This crap just makes me so angry! I'm bisexual and that's it! Nobody's going to tell me, that when I'm having good sex with my partner that I'm not attracted to him! Nobody can tell me that I'm not distracted in physics by the hot guy in front. The same DEFINITELY goes for women. To have the gay community get their claws in on the bisexual minority is just plain evil and makes you more narrow-minded and backwards than the straights.

"You're just doing it for attention/social benefits"
"It's not natural/normal"
"You're confused and going through a phase"

Where the hell have you heard that before? I dunno, maybe your own homosexual community! I'm so tempted sometimes to tell people I'm lesbian because I actually get LESS crap by being homosexual than bisexual, so don't you dare say that it's reaping any god damn benefits. I didn't see the benefits when I spent sleepless nights sobbing, thinking I was lesbian and had to break up with my boyfriend because YOU small minded people said I was!

You can't say Bisexuality's unnatural. If anything it supports the argument of homosexuality, questioning that concept of sexual attraction, that it's not clean cut.

I'm also sure as hell not confused. I've spent too many hours having sex with both genders, masturbating and thinking to know where I stand.

Homosexual/Heterosexual's who say they're bisexual straight off the bat, then change their mind and take a side were NEVER bisexual to begin with. Along with cheating partners who're in reality just so bored of their sexual experiences they want to sleep with the other sex in the same way people buy new sex toys or new fetishes aren't either.

(For anyone not so narrow-minded, please disregard this rant)

ernesto_1

29th September 2010, 04:29 PM

ur sexuality isnt defined by who u sleep with but who u fall in love with.

Conn1e

29th September 2010, 06:14 PM

ur sexuality isnt defined by who u sleep with but who u fall in love with.

I disagree. That implies that you can be attracted to your best friend, or your brother, or anyone else you love. It undermines bisexuality.

flounder

30th September 2010, 04:57 PM

Con sweety dont stress there are as many disbelievers in gay ranks as the straight, disappointing as that may be.

No one, straight or gay has the right to deny the existence of another individuals sexual orientation. For some reason this shit comes up every few months on this site and we all have to scramble to justify ourselves.

Im so fucking over it. :mad:

Conn1e

30th September 2010, 07:01 PM