Late night drunken phone calls

[Marko]

I just got off the phone with a guy I've been fooling around with for a while. He said the usual drunken bravado followed with "I love you", it actually made me think about the feelings I have for him, and I know I'm starting to become attached to him.

So my question/s, Have you ever had one of these phone calls before? How did you handle it? or just any advice inbetween I wouldn't mind. :]

I know he was drunk, and I know from personal experience that people do tend to talk shit when they're under, but I've had the impression over the last few weeks that he really does feel that way about me. I'm thinking it could lead to a relationship, but the snag is he's heavily closeted mainly due to his "religious beliefs" (he's muslim). There in lies my problem, I don't care about what religious practices he follows. It's really just how heavily closeted he is that bothers me.

[qazwsx]

I never have tried to force somebody out of the closet, but I've always told people that the truth sets them free. I guess the best thing for you to do for now is ignore it as drunken rambling - admitting that as a Muslim he shouldn't be drinking in the first place - and speak to him properly about it when he's sober. He will be better able to communicate with you and make a decision. If he does come out, but, you may need to be there for him in the case of family rejection. Almost every religious family with a gay member has to deal with this, his will probably be no different, and if it turns out for the worst and you've egged him to come out, you should be there for him.

[Marko]

I don't intend on forcing him out, he can stay in the closet, my problem is that I can't see how a relationship would work in the circumstances whereby he's closeted and I'm out. I do see where you're coming from though, I would be there for him if he intended on coming out. Cheers :]

[qazwsx]

You're worried that in public you can't be too affectionate let it be known that he's around a gay guy and therefore must be gay? Or more that he'd see it like that and attempt to keep it cold between you two in all places where you weren't alone?

[Marko]

Pretty much the second question. I know he'll be like that. it's not like I'll be slamming my tongue down his neck every 5 minutes, I'd just like to know that I have freedom, if that makes sense. lol

[Husky-D]

Drunk calls? No. Drunk texts? Been there done that.

Some people actually are more like to tell the truth when they're drunk (myself included) so he might have meant it ;)

If you think you can bear with the "sneaking behind" thing then go with it.

[Marko]

Lol yeah I'm usually more truthful when under the influence.....sometimes a little too honest lol.

[wysi]

are you sure it's nit just for the sex?

[TheOldie]

Def dont force him to come out.

Just take little steps. See what he is like today when he is sober, if he brings up the subject.

A lot of people will never come out to their families and thats his call. They will prob realise eventually and just stop asking the when are you going to meet a nice girl/get married questions.

Sure people babble on when drunk but it also lets them open up about subjects they find hard to talk about when sober.

Sounds like he has some hurdles to get over just dont push too hard. And of course dont sit around for years waiting either !

Good luck !

[bascia2]

I'm sorry but "I love you" said while drunk does not count. It may give you some idea of his thinking or it may not. The idea of a relationship is that both people are happy in it. As you are already expressing concerns then I would advise caution. Its fine to have feelings for someone or even love them. But that does not necessarily lead to a mutually rewarding relationship. It takes more than just love.

[Iratei]

just have sex it's a better way of communicating of what you want than belabouring over the fine details in a dialogue type communication.

[fjmac]

I just got off the phone with a guy I've been fooling around with for a while. He said the usual drunken bravado followed with "I love you", it actually made me think about the feelings I have for him, and I know I'm starting to become attached to him.

So my question/s, Have you ever had one of these phone calls before? How did you handle it? or just any advice inbetween I wouldn't mind. :]

I know he was drunk, and I know from personal experience that people do tend to talk shit when they're under, but I've had the impression over the last few weeks that he really does feel that way about me. I'm thinking it could lead to a relationship, but the snag is he's heavily closeted mainly due to his "religious beliefs" (he's muslim). There in lies my problem, I don't care about what religious practices he follows. It's really just how heavily closeted he is that bothers me.

Yes, I've been in that situation myself, it doesn't matter the religion really; I think that in the end it comes down to the individual in making up their own mind and if they are going to be strong enough to survive with only partial family or no family support. In my case it was a chap who came from a strong Dutch catholic background. There was interest there and believe me a person can become psychotic in times like these. The only thing you can do is be there for support; when they need it. Although it screws up your own mind...should there be any added bonuses. It also helps them at times to make that break. I do have standards myself though not high ones, so when it comes to alcohol induced words of love, just take it lightly although most cases they are more prone to speak the truth. It's just that when pissed your ideals of protection can be challenged. I hope this helps. btw, he did eventually make the break and is now a very happy person, and has the full support from his family

[Totka]

Hmmm. Its ok to be drunk and Muslim, but, not to be gay and Muslim? Its a tangled mess for this man, are you sure you are ready to help him untangle it?