Should I could I?!

[death666]

Okay how do I start?

Oh yeah I think i'll start by saying that now the hatred runs deep!

What do I mean by this...
well, basically I get treated like shit! I do not know why but apparently I am fare game for anyone and everyone.

A little background may help.

For some reason, I have no idea why? People wont sit next to me on a bus! At uni most other students wont do group work with me! I get called all the offensive names under the sun!

What have I done to precipitate this? NOTHING.

I have basically had it literally. The last episode got me so angry I wanted to kill them! I do mean this! I was even looking at the knife on the table thinking should I or shouldn't I?

If you want to know I didn't! It's called being human and having a conscience.
So, okay this is what I cop, day in day out.

Before...

I used to care about other people, even if I didn't know them even after...

My father busted my ribbes at age 5. I was pack raped by three guys who then decided to try to rip my cuts out but twisting a knife up my You know where plus the 279 stitches at age 15. Having to go through an abusive relationship with my now ex-boyfriend. Being under threat of death and having to walk 150 km to escape in 40 degree heat only to finally collapse by the side of the road.

yet...

still I cared about other people, but...

now I have had enough! I propably never will know why i'm treated like this but I cant cry anymore, when I see people only anger and contempt do I feel.

Maybe it helps to write this, I doubt it will change other people?!

[chad_74]

Dear death666,

You are not alone in how you feel people act towards you.I know i have felt similar feelings at times and am sure others have too.
There are some pure evil people, but alot do care but alot of these kinda keep their feelings boxed in.
Keep up caring and the way I look at it is the trials and tribulations we face make us able to appreciate good things more and define our character.
keep writing buddy, it helps to get things off your chest.

[death666]

Yeah I will definately agree with that "There are some pure evil people".
I'm not feeling as bad now but something set me off.
It was good to see guys in chat having pvt chat with me five at once it was fun trying to juggle that not saying the wrong thing to the wrong guy.
I'm still pissed off at the way I'm generally treated but there is still a but?!
"it helps to get things off your chest". I think thats why I wrote what I wrote.

[ecclipse83]

i have been pondering over this for a few days now and in my mind writing a reply.

I think what you are experiencing is general fear of diversity, i obliviously do not know what you look like, but if your in any way alternative, you are seen as different to normal, no one is normal this is just complete bullshit stemming from people who cannot be themself in the way they want to, the person they want to be.

i say, if your happy with who you are FUCK the idiots who judge and continue being yourself.

i do want to touch on a few other things that have happened in your past, that you have seemed from the confident wording of you post put behind you and are continuing to move forward with your life, at a young age (14 as your profile states, but i think this is incorrect somehow and that you do not live in an airport) you are holding yourself well and i congratulate you on this.

As for caring for people you must care for yourself before you can care for other, never stop caring, it is the best thing in the world, by the way once you start you never stop caring!

If a personal has a problem with you its there problem not yours so they have to deal with it no you - so they can get fucked too.!

Enjoy everything about yourself - Embrace yourself, Be confident, Just be

[waterrat]

death...with all of the trauma in your life, you MUST get some professional help or you could find yourself with BPD (borderline personality disorder) or something equally unsettling. You need to see your doctor and get a referral for a psychologist or psychiatrist immediately!

If you don't you may find yourself acting out on your impulse one day and then things would rapidly get out of control for you.