jords175
8th June 2007, 09:22 AM
I did this interview for my friend for Uni, it's about coming out in the 'noughties' (200's). I really wanted to share my story for younger people who may be in the same boat I was in. Feel free to abuse me if I've defamed gay culture in anyway! Haha. I'm still a newbie to it all! :)
What's your employment title?
Quality Assurance Representative or Inbound Consumer Sales Consultant, basically a fancy way of saying I work in a call centre and make sure that my team is following my companies quality principles.
What kind of work do you do?
I work in telecommunications focusing on Customer Service and sales for Telstra's mobile phone customers. It really just involves sitting in front of a computer all day and chatting to people, handling complaints, all that kind of stuff. It's pretty good once you get the hang of it, but it still just is call centre work. But most of the people there are great fun to work with, it really makes surviving in an environment where you get abused by customers a lot far more bearable. And after work drinks are always great fun!
How long was the period between when you knew you were gay and when you came out?
Thinking back, there was one point during my early teen years where I realised that I was completely gay. I woke up one morning after having a dream about my best friend (a male) and it just kind of 'clicked' in my head. Suddenly everything made sense. But I'd always kind of known. Even when I was little, probably as young as eleven, I can remember having homosexual thoughts, but it isn't something that you can really articulate at that age. So I guess I realised that I was really gay when I was about 14, and I came out about 7 months ago when I met my first boyfriend. Being almost 19 now it took about 5 years, give or take a few months.
What fears prevented you from coming out immediately?
Well I guess there were a lot of fears - I was lucky in that I went to a fairly accepting High School and came from a really open family that have never discriminated against gay people. But despite these factors I still didn't come out until almost a year after I had finished High School. So I guess I must have had a lot of conscious and sub conscious fears about the whole thing. Being gay isn't something that I think someone can completely and immediately process, I mean, there is a lot that is going on in your head at that time. And it's hard to make sense of your feelings individually, let alone having the confidence and self assurance to tell others! But to be honest, I've always felt comfortable being gay myself, as in I never hated myself for it. I wont lie - it did confuse me for a very longtime but I never got angry at myself or depressed about being gay itself, and I guess that probably came from my upbringing and the changing way society treats homosexuals. I guess the main reasons why I didn't come out straight away were feelings of self doubt, I wanted to be absolutely sure I actually was gay before I went and told everyone, and even just at a basic level, attempting to make sense of everything that was happening in my mind at the time made it more difficult. In addition to the whole 'self' side of the coin, I was concerned how friends (especially male) might react to finding out that I was gay. At that age (about 14-15) most people are pretty immature, especially when it comes to homosexuality - coming out in High School at that age just isn't something that you can just flippantly decide to do, or at least it wasn't in my case.
How and when did you come out?
Well it was really something waiting to happen - I think most of my close friends had guessed that I was gay, or at least suspected it at some stage, so I knew I couldn't keep it secret for much longer. But there was one event that really sped up the process. When I started working for Telstra in July last year, I met (well I knew him from High School, but never properly) this guy called Alex. We originally didn't really talk that much because we were never friends in High School and it was a bit awkward. But soon we started talking and hanging out as mates, he told me that he was gay. I didn't say anything at this point but I started picking up on the fact he was flirting with me. I remember one time we went for some after work drinks, just him and I. And it just kind of came out, I blurted that I was gay and thought I was in love with one of my mates. He was so nice and supportive. Our relationship developed over the course of about 2 months from that point, until it reached a point where everyone at work and even my friends were starting to ask questions about us (at this stage I was still only out to about 2 people). Finally he made a move on me after months of intense flirting and I responded. He was very much so out of the closet. And keeping our feelings for each other a secret was basically impossible, we were well and truly in love - so I kind of had to tell all my friends. But I have no doubt, without his help I never would have come out at the time I did. I told most people wither in person or over the phone. I actually told my best mate at the time via email at work because I was so unsure of what his reaction would be. He always teased gay people and came from a more rural setting than Melbourne (Bendigo), so I was concerned at how he would react. But I told most people in person or over the phone. Someone admitting they are gay is pretty big gossip among friendship groups so everyone who I didn't tell in person found out quickly enough, this was about 7 or so months ago now.
When/after you did, what was the reaction like from family and friends?
Pretty positive, I mean I didn't get that much (well any at all) open rejection or anger. Most people were actually really happy for me. Whether this is what they were actually thinking or not remains to be seen. But my friendships did change significantly when I came out, but I don't necessarily believe that it was their reactions to my being gay, but more my own fear about what they might think about me now. Especially with my more 'macho' male friends. But it turns out most people (as far as I know) are quite comfortable with the fact I'm gay.
Do you think gays and lesbians have achieved more acceptance in the noughties?
Absolutely.
If so, why? If not, why?
Well because of lots of different reasons, I guess the idea of being gay has become more prevelant and 'cool' in popular culture, with TV shows like 'Queer Eye', 'Will and Grace', 'Queer as Folk', and movies such as 'Brokeback Mountain' penetrating into the minds of everyday society the existence of homosexuals in our culture. But this certainly hasn't been the only reason homosexuals are being more accepted, but at least it has exposed to a certain segment of society the fact that we do exist, and that our way of life is moral and acceptable. I guess in a broader sense, more time has past since the gay and lesbian rights movements of the late 1960's and 1970's, so therefore society has had time to adapt to homosexuality being 'okay'. And like many prejudices such as racism and sexism, homophobia is becoming less accepted (in most western cultures anyway).
Has being gay created significant difficulties in your daily life?
None as of yet - however it has always felt harder to show affection to my boyfriend openly in a public setting than if I were straight. But I wouldn't say anything major has become more difficult.
Have you every been victimized/discriminated against because of your sexuality during the noughties?
Never to my face or that I am aware of.
Do you have to worry about public displays of affection with men?
It was something that I found difficult to deal with at first - and to be honest it created problems in my relationship. But after a while I got used to people looking over sometimes, especially older or obviously more conservative people. But It's almost fun now to shock people, which is where I think a lot of gay culture comes from, it's occasionally about shocking people to create our own identity. I know that's what some people think, I personally don't feel I need to be that different from most straight guys in the way I act. But for some people it's an integral part of being gay.
Are you out at work? If so, how do you find it? If not, why?
I am out at work now. I work in a call centre though, which to be honest seems to have an abnormally large amount of homosexuals, so I guess I'm pretty lucky! Everyone is really cool about it, work is heaps more fun now that I'm out because I can joke around about thinking guys are hot and stuff and even hang out with other gays who I would have otherwise had to have met when out clubbing or at specific gay events. So it's been a really positive environment, and was actually probably a catalyst for bringing me out of the closet. It really normalised being gay for me, seeing all these gay people working openly, free from fear of discrimination and just being genuinely comfortable with themselves. I think that's the great thing about call centres, you really get a mix of people from all walks of life. Almost every sub-culture or demographic is present in the call centre environment, which really made it easier for me to come out and truly be the person who I feel I am.
What's your employment title?
Quality Assurance Representative or Inbound Consumer Sales Consultant, basically a fancy way of saying I work in a call centre and make sure that my team is following my companies quality principles.
What kind of work do you do?
I work in telecommunications focusing on Customer Service and sales for Telstra's mobile phone customers. It really just involves sitting in front of a computer all day and chatting to people, handling complaints, all that kind of stuff. It's pretty good once you get the hang of it, but it still just is call centre work. But most of the people there are great fun to work with, it really makes surviving in an environment where you get abused by customers a lot far more bearable. And after work drinks are always great fun!
How long was the period between when you knew you were gay and when you came out?
Thinking back, there was one point during my early teen years where I realised that I was completely gay. I woke up one morning after having a dream about my best friend (a male) and it just kind of 'clicked' in my head. Suddenly everything made sense. But I'd always kind of known. Even when I was little, probably as young as eleven, I can remember having homosexual thoughts, but it isn't something that you can really articulate at that age. So I guess I realised that I was really gay when I was about 14, and I came out about 7 months ago when I met my first boyfriend. Being almost 19 now it took about 5 years, give or take a few months.
What fears prevented you from coming out immediately?
Well I guess there were a lot of fears - I was lucky in that I went to a fairly accepting High School and came from a really open family that have never discriminated against gay people. But despite these factors I still didn't come out until almost a year after I had finished High School. So I guess I must have had a lot of conscious and sub conscious fears about the whole thing. Being gay isn't something that I think someone can completely and immediately process, I mean, there is a lot that is going on in your head at that time. And it's hard to make sense of your feelings individually, let alone having the confidence and self assurance to tell others! But to be honest, I've always felt comfortable being gay myself, as in I never hated myself for it. I wont lie - it did confuse me for a very longtime but I never got angry at myself or depressed about being gay itself, and I guess that probably came from my upbringing and the changing way society treats homosexuals. I guess the main reasons why I didn't come out straight away were feelings of self doubt, I wanted to be absolutely sure I actually was gay before I went and told everyone, and even just at a basic level, attempting to make sense of everything that was happening in my mind at the time made it more difficult. In addition to the whole 'self' side of the coin, I was concerned how friends (especially male) might react to finding out that I was gay. At that age (about 14-15) most people are pretty immature, especially when it comes to homosexuality - coming out in High School at that age just isn't something that you can just flippantly decide to do, or at least it wasn't in my case.
How and when did you come out?
Well it was really something waiting to happen - I think most of my close friends had guessed that I was gay, or at least suspected it at some stage, so I knew I couldn't keep it secret for much longer. But there was one event that really sped up the process. When I started working for Telstra in July last year, I met (well I knew him from High School, but never properly) this guy called Alex. We originally didn't really talk that much because we were never friends in High School and it was a bit awkward. But soon we started talking and hanging out as mates, he told me that he was gay. I didn't say anything at this point but I started picking up on the fact he was flirting with me. I remember one time we went for some after work drinks, just him and I. And it just kind of came out, I blurted that I was gay and thought I was in love with one of my mates. He was so nice and supportive. Our relationship developed over the course of about 2 months from that point, until it reached a point where everyone at work and even my friends were starting to ask questions about us (at this stage I was still only out to about 2 people). Finally he made a move on me after months of intense flirting and I responded. He was very much so out of the closet. And keeping our feelings for each other a secret was basically impossible, we were well and truly in love - so I kind of had to tell all my friends. But I have no doubt, without his help I never would have come out at the time I did. I told most people wither in person or over the phone. I actually told my best mate at the time via email at work because I was so unsure of what his reaction would be. He always teased gay people and came from a more rural setting than Melbourne (Bendigo), so I was concerned at how he would react. But I told most people in person or over the phone. Someone admitting they are gay is pretty big gossip among friendship groups so everyone who I didn't tell in person found out quickly enough, this was about 7 or so months ago now.
When/after you did, what was the reaction like from family and friends?
Pretty positive, I mean I didn't get that much (well any at all) open rejection or anger. Most people were actually really happy for me. Whether this is what they were actually thinking or not remains to be seen. But my friendships did change significantly when I came out, but I don't necessarily believe that it was their reactions to my being gay, but more my own fear about what they might think about me now. Especially with my more 'macho' male friends. But it turns out most people (as far as I know) are quite comfortable with the fact I'm gay.
Do you think gays and lesbians have achieved more acceptance in the noughties?
Absolutely.
If so, why? If not, why?
Well because of lots of different reasons, I guess the idea of being gay has become more prevelant and 'cool' in popular culture, with TV shows like 'Queer Eye', 'Will and Grace', 'Queer as Folk', and movies such as 'Brokeback Mountain' penetrating into the minds of everyday society the existence of homosexuals in our culture. But this certainly hasn't been the only reason homosexuals are being more accepted, but at least it has exposed to a certain segment of society the fact that we do exist, and that our way of life is moral and acceptable. I guess in a broader sense, more time has past since the gay and lesbian rights movements of the late 1960's and 1970's, so therefore society has had time to adapt to homosexuality being 'okay'. And like many prejudices such as racism and sexism, homophobia is becoming less accepted (in most western cultures anyway).
Has being gay created significant difficulties in your daily life?
None as of yet - however it has always felt harder to show affection to my boyfriend openly in a public setting than if I were straight. But I wouldn't say anything major has become more difficult.
Have you every been victimized/discriminated against because of your sexuality during the noughties?
Never to my face or that I am aware of.
Do you have to worry about public displays of affection with men?
It was something that I found difficult to deal with at first - and to be honest it created problems in my relationship. But after a while I got used to people looking over sometimes, especially older or obviously more conservative people. But It's almost fun now to shock people, which is where I think a lot of gay culture comes from, it's occasionally about shocking people to create our own identity. I know that's what some people think, I personally don't feel I need to be that different from most straight guys in the way I act. But for some people it's an integral part of being gay.
Are you out at work? If so, how do you find it? If not, why?
I am out at work now. I work in a call centre though, which to be honest seems to have an abnormally large amount of homosexuals, so I guess I'm pretty lucky! Everyone is really cool about it, work is heaps more fun now that I'm out because I can joke around about thinking guys are hot and stuff and even hang out with other gays who I would have otherwise had to have met when out clubbing or at specific gay events. So it's been a really positive environment, and was actually probably a catalyst for bringing me out of the closet. It really normalised being gay for me, seeing all these gay people working openly, free from fear of discrimination and just being genuinely comfortable with themselves. I think that's the great thing about call centres, you really get a mix of people from all walks of life. Almost every sub-culture or demographic is present in the call centre environment, which really made it easier for me to come out and truly be the person who I feel I am.