Introduction and confusion...

[char]

Well,
I guess I'll start with who I am.
I'm new here, this is my first post, and I just wanted some advice on...
I'm not sure, I guess just homosexuality as a whole.
My name is Charlotte.
I am 16 and live in Sydney.
I've been thinking about my sexuality alot lately.
I just don't know where I am.
Recently I lost my virginity to a guy.
Other than that I hadn't had any contact with guys.
I've had boyfriends, but just holding hands and kissing on cheek type of things.
Before I lost my virginity I had been further with a girl than I had with a guy.
But when I was with girls, I just thought it was a whole...experimental thing that everyone goes through.
I didn't think I would be seriously thinking about if I am a lesbian or not.
When I walk down the street, I am not attracted to guys or girls.
Sure there are features of girls that I think are gorgeous, but that's the same in my opinion for guys.
I don't want to be a lesbian.
I know that sounds horrible.
But I just couldn't tell my mum.
I couldn't tell anyone.
I just don't want to be singled out of...everything.
When I have dreams, or 'sexual fantasies', the other person is indistinctive.
No features to tell what sex they are.
I don't know what that means, perhaps I just have a lazy imagination.

So, hopefully someone reading this will have gone through something similar.
I just need to figure out everything.
Homosexuality isn't really something you can supress from yourself or other people...but maybe I just need time to think.

xx

[waterrat]

welcome char...

I guess at 16, none of us really want to be something percieved as 'not normal' especially when we don't really know what others will think. I remember when I was about your age, I used to think 'if I can just be bi, I'll be ok'...of course this wasn't the case, but hey! who gives a bibble? ;)

Don't rush to label yourself just yet, you'll know who you are soon enough :)

and remember....'normal' is only a cycle on washing machines :D

Take care

Rat

[weathervain]

Awww sweetheart.

Look don't stress on it too much, what will be will be, your sexuality isn't a major part of your life and doesn't have to dominate it if you don't want it to.

You're 16... concentrate on what you want to do as a career and focus on your studies, once you've got your focus sorted you will attract the right kind of people, one of these people you will feel real love for in a way you can't comprehend yet, because from the sounds of things it hasn't happened yet.

For some people it's not about the sex it's about the love and attraction, when you meet this other person you will finally have an answer to your gender dilemmas, but unfortunately the universe doesn't work in a way that we get what we want, eventually we get what we need... you'll see

Don't upset yourself over this or dwell on it alot of things seem alot bigger to you now than they actually are. Be young and be happy and enjoy having your friends and your parents around you all the time, you won't have these things for much longer so make the most of them now.

As for your Mum, it's not the case with everyone because some people's mother's have major mental problems but trust me when I say she has loved you from the womb, she will love you no matter what as long as you are yourself and aren't compromising for anybody else she will find happiness in your happiness.

[weathervain]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZHAx17rVHU

[dreadcircus]

Enjoy yourself hun. As the others have mentioned you are young and sexuality does not control every ounce of your life. Being gay,lesbian, bisexual or transgender is not a death sentence. I guess it all how you approach it. You are already a strong person for tackling this issue in your teens so you should be commended. I wouldn't worry about the what ifs? in the future, just make sure your present is happy and healthy and continue to challenge and grow as a human being. At the end of the day people don't remember you for who you sleep with but the character of person you are.

Congrats on having the guts to actually put it out there how you feel at present for it shows a strong character with the potential to grow into anything your heart desires... :)

[Hudson08]

If puberty and high school weren't enough for you to deal with hey? This time of your life is never easy, but being confused about your sexuality can only make you feel more lost and alone, thankfully you aren't!

I agree with the advice from above, don't force your feelings either way and try to just focus on enjoying your friendships and having fun. Whatever your spirit chooses for you will come in time.

Having said that, I actually know of someone who is asexual. Asexuality describes individuals who do not experience sexual attraction and is sometimes discussed as a sexual orientation in itself. Asexuality is not the same as celibacy, which is the deliberate abstention from sexual activity; some asexuals do have sex but I guess their attraction to either male or female may not be that strong that they feel the need to pursue it.

The Kinsey scale of sexual orientation apparently ranges from 0 (completely heterosexual) to 6 (completely homosexual) with sexual orientation and since you do have sexual dreams, I'm sure you are on that scale somewhere! Do some research on the internet if that helps, but try not to overwhelm yourself as man is still trying to find the answers!

But more likely so, your sexuality just hasn't evolved fully yet and over the years I'm sure you'll become more aware of who you are and what makes you happy.