The Gayby Issue

[rodneycruise]

Great Article! Thought I would alert Victorian readers to a Community forum coming up for Gay Men interested in becoming Dads via Surrogacy. It is free and being held at 7pm on 30 September 2008. You can find out more information by visiting www.gaydadsaustralia.com.

[kaypea2007]

Thanks for writing about this, Paul. It's funny, most of my gay friends I know would make awesome parents [and some are very connected to the babies from within their own families and are suitably adored!] and then you see some straight couples getting it so wrong and having babies for all the wrong reasons... when will people see that being a good parent has nothing to do with who you sleep with and everything to do with the love and care you have for your child. Nothing more nothing less...

[genkij]

GREAT article !!

[yesiam]

I have a baby on the way. It took a year to work out the agreement between me and the mum. This was a really valuable process to work through issues, feelings and expectations before getting to the actual "trying" bit. The laws are under a lot of review at the moment. I recommend people read the documentation available from the Gay and Lesbian Rights Lobby, Talking Turkey - a document from the Inner City Legal Centre, and join groups like Gay Dads NSW through Yahoogroups.

I'm looking forward to seeing my baby arrive in late February - just in time for Mardi Gras!

Happy parenting everyone.

[sharni]

great article! i don't know whether my partner and i will ever become moms and co-parent with some dads but its nice to know we have the option

[Hudson08]

It's no so rare as it was ten years ago that's for sure. My partner of seven years has three kids which I helped raise when they would visit on weekends and through the week. They are the most well-balanced, polite and switched on kids I know (and no I'm not being biased...well ok a little).

Their worst enemies from my experience is other kids parents who like to gossip on the sides of the soccer fields about the kids 'gay' dad. But their love for their dad is unconditional and they have an amazing sense of maturity to deal with these situations.

Hopefully in another ten years it will be even more common and accepting by society!

[inbound]

Congratulations!...

[lanimae61]

I don't really want one but I'd like the right to choose. Secretly taking a little nipper to the park would be great. At least he/she would be dressed well and have a well rounded gay/str8/guy/girl mix of adult influences. There'd be lots of books, Kylie and pets. SIGH.........

[Christian Taylor]

i don't want to tell other people what to do, but speaking for myself, i can think of nothing worse than having a child. it would bring me absolutely no joy at all. for me, not having children is one of the best things about being gay.

[rodneycruise]

i don't want to tell other people what to do, but speaking for myself, i can think of nothing worse than having a child. it would bring me absolutely no joy at all. for me, not having children is one of the best things about being gay.
Christian
Being a Gay Dad myself I can say it brings me immense joy. But I totally get what you say and that is a wonderful approach to take. Children are not for everyone, straight or gay. I might add, one of the best things for me about being gay is having children :)

[Christian Taylor]

yeah, it takes all types - we're all different and i wouldn't want it any other way. am glad others find joy in it, am glad that laws are catching up and are making it easier for these people... but yeah, i'm happy to leave children to someone else.

:)

[akkaz]

Amen to that Chris (a well written artecle BTW, Paul)!

[darrard]

Thanks for the article Paul. Both my partner and I are gay parents and grandparents. In both our cases we were deeply closeted in early life in a much less open era. We both got married and had children before coming out, in my case not until I was 54. I have two boys/men (34 & 31)and one of them has three step children and one natural child.

I am interested in your reflection that it is possibly a myth that gay men are not parent material. I agree that this is a myth and a learned thing. While the right wing family first kind of people might not like it I actually think many gay men would, could and should make great parents if that is what they want. While there are many gay men who might not want children there may also be hetero men who would prefer to not have children, but sadly often do not get that option once married.

In my own case I enjoyed having children as I now quite enjoy being a second Dad to my partners two girls who are in their twenties. My own children live in one case on the other side of the world and in the other in another state. Its also true that as an ex teacher and a sexagenarian I am over having children around for too long and willingly hand grandchildren back once I have had my fill. But, in my sixties I am not Robinson Crusoe in that sentiment whether gay or straight.

I would not recommend my method of having children but there are many gay men who have been down that path and greatly enjoy their children and that can be very mutual with children loving their gay Dads. Sadly when I was in my early twenties I had no access to role models or even discussion about being gay or gay alternatives to getting married. I sometimes reflect on this and realise that if I was not so closeted I too would not have had the joy of my children. But nobody can live their life over and I don't want to do that.

My now partner and I were much amused, when he first went out with me and stopped over at my place for the night. On arrival at his own place where his eldest daughter lived with him, he got the third degree about where have you been and who have you been with! (I was 56 and he was 48 at the time) I passed, however, and I have the nod of approval ! ;) .

I think it is great that more and more guys might now be seeing parenthood as an option.
:)
D

[JustJames]

This is such an interesting read.

At the moment I have no desire, but I think when I grow up a bit my ideas and values may change and the questions you raise and the things that have always gone though my head.

Sending lots of love, respect and kudos to all the gay and lesbian parents out there! No easy task I'm sure.

x

[mindstar]

Great Article! Thought I would alert Victorian readers to a Community forum coming up for Gay Men interested in becoming Dads via Surrogacy. It is free and being held at 7pm on 30 September 2008. You can find out more information by visiting www.gaydadsaustralia.com.

For the Central Victorian samesame members - I think there might a mini-surro forum being organised for the near future if there's enough interest (we know its not easy for everyone to come into Melbourne).

[rodneycruise]

For the Central Victorian samesame members - I think there might a mini-surro forum being organised for the near future if there's enough interest (we know its not easy for everyone to come into Melbourne).

Yes....Mindstar is right. We are looking at doing a forum for Surrogacy for Gay Men in the central Victorian area in the near future. We are also hoping to organise one in Sydney in the coming months.

Cheers

[gayogler]

Interesting; I have 4 children who are now aware of my lifestyle; whilst it may have given me ease of mind, I don't know that it has brought any such benefit to my children or their families.

[burgjo]

Personally just starting this journey (should be a dad by this time next year) in my own right via surrogacy so interesting read Paul and I have firmly made the decision to let others keep their own opinions.

[A N Journey]

I totally respect your opinion, if being a dad is the life style you want to or vice versa.
Personally I believe that the most beautiful gift you can get in life is being a dad!!!
This is my only wish in life.. I hope that one day my dream come true.

[annasue]

Great article Paul. If I were 10 years younger I'd keep doing the surrogacy thing ! There's a little girl lighting up her two dads lives now !
Your readers may be interested in the following link : http://donorsearch.webs.com/index.htm

[B_rad1456]

This was a great article and close to my heart as I am already a new dad and also just come to terms with who I really am....It has inspired me and also made me realise that I will still be a great dad no matter what

[luwizs77]

Wow, interesting article Paul. I have been in a relationship with a guy who has 3 young children and loving it. Having these 3 beautiful young children in my life has change the way I look at life and in fact changed my thinking about having my own child/ren.

[zharmad]

It's satisfying that I'm finding some kindred people in this regard.
I' looking forward to the day when I'd be a dad - I don't know, I just like to raise my own kids.
Have no ideas though about how surrogacy works in legals terms - anyone?

[Comingout]

Great article.... As a father of 3 boys through a heterosexual relationship. I have started a group called "GLOCKIDS" Gay and Lesbian Of Co-parent Kids. It is a support group for people who have had children through a heterosexual relationship and have come out afterwards http://www.glockids.org