sex in relationships

[ausairmax747]

Hi just want some direction here, after being in a relationship with a guy for a few years is it normal for the sex to be non-existant, almost an effort. Have other people experienced this??:confused: :( :confused:

[Cheetah77]

It doesn't have to be non existent or a chore ausairmax... I find if you make time for each other and make sure you have quality 1:1 time together, rather than letting life get in the way of everything, that helps too! Of course a little imagination helps as well...

[robbie]

listen to Cheetah ausair, Cheetah has been in a r'ship for what? 80 years? :-)

[Cheetah77]

Almost Robbie... 9 years last week actually!!

[robbie]

Congratulations buddy! I wasn't trying to be a smart arse by the way.. Just jealous!

[robbie]

What is a few years ausair? I was in an 18 month relationship and did my head in because my partner thought I was weird that we weren't getting jiggy with it more than 3 times a week! I guess he was 23 and I was 27 at the time but still, I thought 2 - 3 times a week in any 1 - 5 year relationship would be top notch!

[ausairmax747]

3+yrs

[Cheetah77]

Is cool Robbie, didn't think you were being a smart arse... believe me, sometimes it feels like 80 years! :)

[peeter]

hmmm.. and you're 27... are you in love? have you discussed it with the boy? is he older? is he still sexually attracted to you? come on, tell us some more info mate.

[Thatguy]

I am sure there are many different ways to look at this situation - and I don't think there is any perfect answer. But two thoughts might be useful - the first is the idea of going on a date - just because your in a relatioship doesn't mean you don't need any romance. Take him to the movies, plan something - the same way you would if you were just getting to know someone. In my last relationship we had a dedicated night of the week as "date night" where we don't make plans with anyone else, just to spend time with each other, go to dinner or even just stay at home and watch a dvd. It was great, and worked really well to keep the spark!.

The other thougth that occurs to me when reading your post, is that often when there are problems in the bedroom, there are problems outside of the bedroom as well. So, make some time for each other, but also be honest with yourselves and each other. I am sure you can work it out.

xxx

That guy

[taylor-dayne]

i have nothing to suggest in this dept. i have never really had a relationship so have no idea how to combat things getting stale... my suggestions would be to introduce drugs or third parties to the bedroom. of course, this isn't really good advice. ;)

[Tim D]

Ha ha, love your advice Taylor-Dane.

[taylor-dayne]

Ha ha, love your advice Taylor-Dane.

glad someone appreciates me.

[Cheetah77]

That Guy, i think you're onto something there with the date thing. After 9 years, we still have regular dates where we'll go out to a "nice" restaurant or go and see a show or something, just the two of us.

We're always eating out with other people besides these, but these ones are just for us. Bday's and Anniversary also get their own special dates, aside from the group things with everyone else...

As you said, it helps keep that spark and helps you to re-connect without any other distractions.

Good luck ausairmax, let us know how you go!

[Brad]

Im with Cheetah and That Guy as well, Graham and I are coming up to 6 years together, they key is time together without other people involved.

Sounds easy, but can be really hard. I really like Friday nights for a few drinks with friends after work, then dinner and a weekly catch up and old fashioned chin wag with just Graham, generally followed by some "business" later in the night. ;)

[Tim D]

Always working Brad, eh?

Doing business late at night etc...

[Brad]

yup always working Tim! Always some sort of "business" to atend to, and after being overseas for 5 weeks there was certainly some to catch up on!

[taylor-dayne]

i recommend amyl. everyone turns me on after i've had a bit of that.

(again - such good advice)

[Tim D]

Taylor-Dane you really crack me up sometimes, such insightful comments. Lol.