Age Matters

[hurricane]

Okay, so I'm 16 currently. I've known I've liked both the girls and boys since I was a little girly myself. I uncovered the term bi in yr 7 and finally told my closest friend in yr 9. Since then I've been slowly telling my various friends. Earlier this year I realised my attraction to men had faded away and I relabeled myself appropriately.

However, when telling my older friends (mostly straight) I usually get reactions like "You're too young to make decisions like that" and "It's probably just a phase". I find that somewhat insulting for others to think that I'm just going to up and change when I hit adulthood and so do other of my out gay friends my age.

So, I turn to you. Is there an appropriate age to figure out your orientation? Is it something you always know or something you grow into?

[Mama Catastrophe]

Sugar - theres no right age to work it all out. Some crew say they knew really early in life, some dont realize till later and some may realize but never accept and stay closeted for thier lives - its different for everyone honey.

If Mama could just suggest one thing - when they say You're too young to make decisions like that" - just remind them that being gay isnt a decision - its not something we choose.

Just hang in there honey - they'll come round eventually. A lot of us older crew understimate you younguns and your ability to know yourselves- I guess its a phase we old folks go through

[weathervain]

16 is probably one of the worst times to come out, your little hormones are still racing all over the shop so no one is going to trust what you say at the moment, but if you have the strength of conviction to keep being honest with yourself don't worry about how other people construe your sexuality; it's not the whole of your identity, that said I'm not telling you to hide it either, just don't confuse sexuality for identity, you are you and will find you'll have it a whole lot easier with this knowledge if you don't try to fit anyone else's mold, and I'm talking about in the long run.

Oh and be wary of lipstick dykes, it's probably the worst time to be coming out as a lesbian, alot of straight girls want to do the whole Tatu/Katie Perry thing. You can't turn a straight they'll just use you to work their boyfriends up, find yourself a nice girl.

Good luck
xoxox
KD

[camiseta]

My earliest memory is thinking "Hmmmm that boy's cute". I think I was 4. You're never too young. They'll get used to it. Just smile to yourself, you know deep down they are jealous ;)

[hurricane]

Thanks for your helpful words and support :)

[Thatguy]

hmmmmm

The only danger I would really point out is that it is a pretty big topic. Your circumstances might be different, but for some people, they can't tell anyone about their feelings because they are worried about being thrown out of home. Being financially independent (or at least about to support yourself for a bit) will be an important consideration.

Also, it is not something that you can take back - once you say it. It is a bit like a first kiss - you will always remember it, so my advice is to think about it, not to rush anything and treat everyone (including yourself) with respect.

[beatricec]

I think the longest coming out journey would have been the one i took to come out to myself. People say many things and too many people want a say in something. but babe you sound like you know yourself better than they do, so try telling them if you want to but know that ultimately you aren't asking for anyone's permission nor approval for anything. if they love you as a friend, they'd love you as a person first and foremost :)

[Ash Rehn]

Okay, so I'm 16 currently. I've known I've liked both the girls and boys since I was a little girly myself. I uncovered the term bi in yr 7 and finally told my closest friend in yr 9. Since then I've been slowly telling my various friends. Earlier this year I realised my attraction to men had faded away and I relabeled myself appropriately.

However, when telling my older friends (mostly straight) I usually get reactions like "You're too young to make decisions like that" and "It's probably just a phase". I find that somewhat insulting for others to think that I'm just going to up and change when I hit adulthood and so do other of my out gay friends my age.

So, I turn to you. Is there an appropriate age to figure out your orientation? Is it something you always know or something you grow into?
I have met people of all ages who are considering their orientation. There is a dominant idea out there that our orientation or identity is something that is fixed and doesn't change but I haven't found this to be supported by the stories people have told me about their lives. Some people 'always know' their orientation, other people talk about growing into it, finding it, having it shift on them at different times in their lives or even changing it to something that was more 'true' for them.

What questions might you have for these people who are saying these things?
How would it be for them if it was not a phase?
What is it that concerns them about you making decisions about your own life?
What is it about making a decision at your age that leaves them reacting like this?

I wonder what they would say in response to some of these questions?

[Chancethegardener]

You can't help who you're attracted to or seek out for desired intimate relationships. Some are drawn to the opposite sex, others the same sex, and others still, either sex. It's the diversity of human experience.

The best piece of advice on this topic you should take away is that it doesn't matter a jot what others think. Your sexuality is yours, and yours alone. If you have a need to seek out experiences with either sex then I say go for it. To hell with the condescending types who say,"Oh, you're too young etc..." Everyone's experience is different, there're no set rules.

As far as I'm concerned there's nothing to 'figure out' as it were. Merely, we just become aware of how we're geared from the outset - some experience this earlier than others. You sound like you're more of an early awareness-type person. Either way it's about being comfortable with who you are in the world, and if that means homosexual, bisexual etc, it doesn't matter at what age you become aware of it - as long as you're comfortable is all that matters.

If you're planning to embark on a journey of self discovery (or self-confirmation), keep posting at SameSame! There are many people here who will support and take an interest in you, no matter what questions you have to ask or venting need be done along the way. This is what I like about SS.

please keep us posted about how it all goes for you!

Jim

[whatsinaname]

Hey,

16 is not that young at all I was heavily attracted to a boy a school when I was 15.
The funny thing is I felt it was quite normal. However, I also knew at the same time that many people would not accept this and even be hostile towards me. actually I have started to become attracted to girls too, I am having difficulty accepting it!
It's funny, I never every had an issue being gay. It is now strange accepting being bisexual and being attracted to girls too and am still struggling with this.
Whether a person is 4yo or 40 yo, whatever that person feels is the most important, and anyone saying you don't know you're too young is deluding themselves and not doing themselves any favours.

jc.

[GenesisInVain]

its a great age to discover and explore!

i say: young heart run free

you seem to know yourself so much more than anyone else (as it should be), so go for it!

[Dash80]

I agree with everyone who has already said it, only you know yourself and what you feel.

Everyone has a different coming out experience, time and place, so when you know, you know..