View Full Version : over it.
28th November 2006, 03:14 PM
I have spent the last four and a half years in a relationship and this week have been dumped. Like a hot brick. I just don't know what to do.
I feel really stupid - didn't see it coming at all. Over dinner - in a restaurant (in a public place so I wouldn't lose the plot - so sneaky) he said he was moving out. He wants to try new things. I'm too stifling - even though I let him do whatever he wanted, all I ever wanted was a place in his life, I didn't need to be everything.
I hate it. I feel like half of my life is missing.
Friends are all like "you don't need him" and I know I don't, but seriously he was a part of every part of my life and now it just feels like he's taken it all with him. I just want to curl up and cry. I wish I could hate him... I have all of these thoughts running through my head - do I scream and yell at him? Stalk him? Go out and sleep with a thousand men? Become a total recluse?
I don't know. Right now I barely feel like getting out of bed. Wish I knew of a shortcut to feel the way I used to feel...
30th November 2006, 04:37 PM
4 1/2 years? Man that's a looooong time. My advice would be to grab a couple of mates, hit the town and have a bit of fun - d'ya know what I mean? sometimes the best way to get a guy's smell/taste/body out of your mind is to just replace it with another. does the trick for me.
hope ya all ok now though?
16th January 2007, 10:58 AM
Gee, that's tough. In my experience, there are no shortcuts. Losing a long term partner means grieving - and that can take months, even years. You might always have the scar, but it will heal.
I find it helpful to write LOADS of letters which I never intend to send. (Personally I don't feel the need to burn them, but I guess that depends on how incriminating the contents might be :D ).
That forces me to wallow in the pain and anger. It helps to REALLY feel it intensely for up to a few hours at a time. After that I feel like I've moved on a few paces through the grief process. It's all about assimilating the pain, rather than pretending it isn't there, or letting it control you.
It helps to have good friends around who you can talk to. But remember you alone can take yourself through it, no one else can carry you or take it on for you.
I see a few weeks have passed so I hope you are starting to feel better now.
19th January 2007, 11:18 AM
Hey - how are you coping now? It's a hard thing and Ariadne is right, it is a griveing process. It's taken me a long time to get over my ex but now I know that I definitely deserve much better. Grab your mates, go out on the town, enjoy the freedoms of being single. Go to the movies on your own and eat as much crap as you want without having to justify it to anyone. My personal fave it taking a day to treat myself, have a lie-in and make choc-chip pancakes for breakfast, go to a lazy lunch with good food, wine and a great book, then head to the hairdressers/beauty salon for a bit of pampering followed by an afternoon of retail therapy before a night out with my bestie. works wonders!! Treat yourself! Get to know you again as you - not as a half a person. Good luck!!
19th January 2007, 05:21 PM
that is so sweet of all of you to write! just logged on and saw it all sitting there and felt all warm and fuzzy. i love the internet!
am feeling much better now, although there is that low level anxiety that sits there... sydney is not a big place, and i am sure i will bump into him sooner or later. i am dreading it - my face gives me away everytime, so i'm sure it will be obvious how i am feeling when that does eventually happen.
you're all right though - there is no shortcut when it comes to healing and learning and getting over things. from pain comes wisdom (hopefully), i should never have let myself fall so hard for someone... next time i will let myself fall in love, but i will make sure i balance it out with love for myself as well (as cheesy as that sounds!)
mia - i am so going to do what you said - sleep in late, eat something fattening, hang around the house in my underwear without having to justify my behaviour to anyone...
thanks guys. really appreciate it.
24th January 2007, 01:16 PM
What a great attitude! Sounds like you will be just fine. Way to go Taylor-Dayne!
8th August 2007, 03:41 PM
Ur friends in one way are right, but yeah might not feel that way. The thing about it is if its not meant to be its just not meant to be. U need to understand that yes u have spend so much with one another but when its time to move on u cannot stop the desteny. Part of the life may seem really hard for a while but u get used to handling so much, because someone down that desteny line ir u are really meant to be with one another somewhere in the future u might meet again. But right not what u need to concetrate is on ur self and working out of this pain. Because one person that might be there for u is a closest friend. Life is meant to live on and so are u, but beeing heart yeah it takes time to get over it. But u cannot let it get the best of u. Live life while u can accept that things have not worked between u to for a reason and if ur meant to be trully together see where desteny takes u.
Im sure that u will find somene that will treat u right till the day u die. but sacrafices are meant to be made in life to find the true happiness. know that for a fact.
Kind regards................ and lots of care friend online anytime u need a chat.....
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