How do you change homophobia?

[Meltite]

I was kept up late thinking last night, I think reading these forums just before going to bed gets you thinking! That's a good thing....

I have a couple of lost friends, and my uncle and aunty, who just didn't accept the whole lesbian/gay thing. They just couldn't get their heads around it and I really want them to.

Are there any ways that people have to help people get over their homophobia? Anything I can say or do to help them come around?

[robbie]

IMO, I don't think you can convince homophobes, through debate, that we are "normal" human beings. I think the only way for them to eradicate their homophobia is to befriend a gay person or for one of their old friends to come out of the closet. It has to hit close to home for people to change their stereotypical view of homosexuals.

My dad and brother were clearly homophobes in the 90's - "fag" "gay" and "poof" were common derogatory terms used by younger bro and his mates. Probably because they didn't know a gay person but knew of the stereotype portrayed in the media. When I came out, it took them a while, but they slowly changed their perspective on gays. Now my brother will gladly come to a gay club with me and jump up on the podium with his shirt off, and my dad loves catching up with me and my gay mates when I am down in Melbourne.. we all go to the footy!

I love meeting new people who have some homophobic tendencies or haven't formally met a gay person before. (and there are heaps of people out there that still have not!) It gives me the chance to change their mind set, to show them that we're not all queeny "oh la la" types.

It's a slow process for many to accept, you can't change a traditional line of thought overnight. Best of luck Meltite.

[Ruskin]

Maybe the Ford Focus add will help. it shows the "average" buyers and one scene is two 40's men and two dogs!

I personally think its a win for gay standing in society as companies are embracing pink dollars. Even though the add was made in progressive germany and the scene is only seconds long the notion that this is a normal segment of society will surely sink in quicker with broader society and influence subsequent advertisers.

[peeter]

How you ask? Take them to go see that Harry and Larry movie starring Adam Sandler.. NOT...
Ugh, is anyone embarrassed and annoyed as I am that the breeders try and portray us with such pathetic stereotypical acting?

[peeter]

Maybe the Ford Focus add will help. it shows the "average" buyers and one scene is two 40's men and two dogs!

I personally think its a win for gay standing in society as companies are embracing pink dollars. Even though the add was made in progressive germany and the scene is only seconds long the notion that this is a normal segment of society will surely sink in quicker with broader society and influence subsequent advertisers.

Hey Ruskin, what Ford Focus ad, can you find and post dude?

[Mr J]

I agree Peeter. One of the best ways to combat homophobia is to show that we are no different to anyone else. And one of the best ways to do that would be to advertise and show in mainstream media normal nonstereotypical gay guys and couples.

[jackie87]

I think if Holding The Man became a movie it will change a few homophobes

[Cheetah77]

I agree that dumb movies like Larry and Chuck and that horrid one a couple of years ago with Michael Caton and Paul Hogan pretending to be gay for the insurance (or whatever it was - i didn't actually watch the thing) does nothing except perpetuate the idea that we're all mincing, lisping queens.

Agree w Robbie - the best way to bring homophobic people around is to show them that we're everyday guys that you wouldn't necessarily know were gay just by looking at or talking to. I've been "the first gay guy I've ever met" to a lot of people and it's always really nice to hear that you've changed people perceptions - always gives me a little thrill actually!

It's all about respect really, which leads me to my next point... I've noticed a few boys lately (not just you Peeter) refering to straight people in these forums as "breeders" which I think is quite derogatroy towards our straight members.

We certainly don't like them calling us "poofs" or "fags" so I think we should all respect them back - after all, this is a public space even if it is dominantly gay men...

thanks boys! :)

[DanM82]

You can't change homophobia. Only the person with the phobia can change it. It's the same as arachnophobia or acrophobia - can only be beaten by the sufferer. The best way to help them overcome their fear is by acting as you always have. Not changing your attitude or mannerisms... be how you are and be real to yourself.

[Thatguy]

The solution to homophobia is time - and for some people you will need a lot of it.

Homophobia exists in all sorts of ways, I think the worst kinda is from within. I know that for me, when I first came out I experienced a sort of "self hatred" - I didn't want to be gay and it took me a long time to come to terms with it - so, it is reasonable that it can take other people a while to come around to you being gay.

But, why is their a hatred of homosexuality?
Some people set their "moral compasses" based on their sense of disgust. People used to think it was revolting when two people of different races got married. These people think that gays are "icky". This is an additional moral dimension,where they think homosexuality is disgusting, based on the thought of gay sex, this moral dimension is also fueled by misplaced religious teachings.

The bottom line is that you don't need other peoples acceptance or approval, to be gay. What can be addressed is hate and intolerance, and to ask them to dig deeper into themselves.

[Lynda Dowling]

I think if Holding The Man became a movie it will change a few homophobes

I agree... this is a great 'read' & it is written in a very user friendly and honest way. Brilliant.

[Lynda Dowling]

The solution to homophobia is time - and for some people you will need a lot of it.

Homophobia exists in all sorts of ways, I think the worst kinda is from within. I know that for me, when I first came out I experienced a sort of "self hatred" - I didn't want to be gay and it took me a long time to come to terms with it - so, it is reasonable that it can take other people a while to come around to you being gay.

But, why is their a hatred of homosexuality?
Some people set their "moral compasses" based on their sense of disgust. People used to think it was revolting when two people of different races got married. These people think that gays are "icky". This is an additional moral dimension,where they think homosexuality is disgusting, based on the thought of gay sex, this moral dimension is also fueled by misplaced religious teachings.

The bottom line is that you don't need other peoples acceptance or approval, to be gay. What can be addressed is hate and intolerance, and to ask them to dig deeper into themselves.

I love your comments..... so true.
It is so hard initially to come to terms with belonging to a minority group that is not necessarily tolerated and accepted by the majority. First hurdle to overcome....self acceptance.

Also, with male homosexuality, there tends to be more phobia towards males from heterosexual males than heterosexual females.
Curious.
We do love to associate, socialise and be 'more comfortable' in the company of our own gender .... maybe that is because we are more alike and tend to have more things in common to discuss and become involved in....
again not absolute, there willl always be individuals who will disagree here with this comment....
however

I feel that there may be a certain amount of jealousy here with males because of the mateship and camaraderie that builds between males and this is witnessed at ... for example.... a football game. Mates love being together and seem so comfortable with their same gender mates than opposite gender friends.

Is it therefore possible that males are jealous of same sex male partners who can enjoy each other in much deeper physical loving ways?? Heterosexual men have to build these more intimate relationships with women, and this seems to be harder because of gender differences which can lead to a lack of understanding between the sexes.

Also sex drive in genders is different. Same sex males seem to be the most sexually active group because their sex drive matches their partners more so than male/female partners. So again, jealousy?? Heterosexual males do not have as much opportunity to have sex as homosexual males and may have to work much harder to have that connection with a female partner.

The phobia heterosexual males have towards homosexual males may be linked to a lack of tolerance, acceptance and understanding of the different sexual attraction, but when it is directed physically and expressed violently towards homosexual men, perhaps there is an element of jealousy in these behaviours that we have not yet thought enough about when we analyse human relationships and possible expressions of behaviours.

[marly]

You cannot reason with a person who doesnt argue from reason.

[rudeboy86]

How do you beat homophobia? Queer visibility helps but when all else fails and things get nasty, use your boots. I have never had an issue with brawling on with drunk homophobic yobs.

[genkij]

I like to use the opportunity to educate peeps who haven't knowingly me a gay person before and had some guys then flurish at me with a million & one questions...it's cool as long as the questing isnt about wher what goes etc ...I usually reply with well.... we have more options then you do.....

Hatered for anything can quite often NOT be changed.

[weathervain]

I like to think it can Genki.

I like to live my life in such a way that I don't explain anything unless someone has first grasped the concept of their own accord. What this means in relation to your initial questions Meltite is I think you should just be you and not try to convince them or hate them back. Eventually they will see that eating pussy(tactful I know) doesn't make you an evil person or limit your life choices, and they miss out, make sure you don't miss out on living your life by wasting time explaining to them why you want to live it this way!

Basically there are three mantra phrases you need to get your head around:

"People fear what they don't understand"

"If you have to ask you'll never know"

"By their deeds you shall know them"

[meezon04]

I think if Holding The Man became a movie it will change a few homophobes

OH how I agree!!!

Just gotta try to get em to watch it in the first place :)

I think the only thing you can do is keep being yourself - show that being gay is you and just because you are, it doesn't change YOU.
That's all I do, and everyone who knows me accepts me.

[mikee]

I had an interesting experience with this last night.

I'm not out to all the people I work with but there are a few guys at work that are. One girl I was speaking to at dinner last night (just a small group catching up with an ex-work mate) expressed her surprise when she found out that one of the other guys was gay.

She commented that she "just couldn't look at him the same way" and that "she imagined him in leathers" when she looked at him. Now I'm not sure if it was the few wines talking or that she didn't really think before she said it. It certainly didn't make me feel comfortable.

Whilst she didn't necessarily say it in a derogatory way or even intended it to be so, it just showed her level of understanding (or lack there-of) which is pretty much the basis of homophobia. As weathervain has already pointed out, people fear what they don't understand.

This guy might be into leather, who knows :p, but she just needs to understand that not everyone who is gay wears assless chaps... ;)

[weathervain]

What a stupid woman... an equal amount of us wear crotchless ones, jeez those stupid breeders, if everyone was wearing assless ones there'd be none of that gay sex happening :|

[Anthony Mahera]

OK here we go.

When working in branch land I was apart of a branch with a total of about 7 guys and 9 girls but I might awel have said 15 girls cause everyone of the boy's was gay. Yep totally gay bank branch. One day my manager asked me to be in an interview with her as she was interviewing a guy and wanted to ask him if he had issues with gays but didn't want to go about it the wrong way, hence me being in the interview. Anyway...............my manager went through the interview asking the standard questions when half way through she looked at me to indicate for me to ask the question............are you a homophobe. After asking the question, the interviewee look quiet lost and confussed as to why we would ask it untill we explained to him that there was 7 gay guys working in the branch and we would not take him on if he was uncomfertable around homosexuals. His reply was that it didn't bother him.

WELL..............................a day later I find out he is one of the biggest homophobe and was in the closet about it (LOL).

After a couple of weeks turn over in the branch was high and evetually we where left with a whole bunch of new staff and only two of us where gay (me and my best friend). This guy was extremely paranoid about gays hitting on him and he also stated that he didn't know what to do if and when it did. After explaining to him that it doesn't work like that, and over time he came to realise it. I actually asked him about a year later as to why we became friends (his thoughts) and his response was, "once I got to know you for the person you are, your sexuality didn't matter to me, oh plus I knew you and your bud wouldn't hit on me. You two are the only gay people I really trust".

Even though he might not trust all gays, aleast he has the idea that we are not all bad and, yes you can be friends with a gay person without them hitting on you or having any sexual advances.

The only thing that can cure a homophobe and an actual gay person spending time with them or becomeing friends.........................and I stress the word FRIEND, cause there would be nothing worse then getting a homophobe to actually like and accept gays only to have some small minded horny poof crack onto them and spoil it.

In saying that.............I would not force anything, just be the person you are and if they respond to you, I'm sure eventually your sexuality will become null and void to them (hopefully).

But...........................When it comes to homophobes in the country (where my mother lives) it's totally a taboo subject which is a no go zone, not unless I wana get bashed & possibly killed.

[genkij]

Innit funny how str8 guys all think that everyu gay guy wants to sleep with them ..... Ego ??My str8 girl friends talking about dating say the same thing .... I think that str8 Aussie guys just think that they are gods gift to women & Gays ..... OH DEAR got some BAD news guys ...YOU AIN'T !!

OH imagine that some gay guy .... forcing himself on a strong healthy str8 guy who says no ???? ummmm I know I would have trouble trying to over power most gay guys ..... too funny that line of thought .... I must admit the Gen Y's that I work woth are FAR more relaxed about it ....... lIke what efer your into Dude.. As long as your happy.

[Hudson08]

I took my parents and sister to the Albury years ago as their way to understand me when I had just come out. They LOVED it and still can't believe the place has closed down! My mum now almosts insists gay guys work at her pharmacy and my sister's two best friends are gay. It's weird to see the change in their attitudes now and feel so lucky to have their support.

I wouldn't usually recommend throwing people into the deep end like I did though as it could easily turn into a disaster! Small steps are usually best advised.

[MomijiTMO]

Who cares? As long as I can do my business and you can do yours I don't give a hoot if you don't understand why I like a penis and why you don't. I don't see how what I do with my butt directly affects you in anyway so let's just move on people.

Unfortunately you get an even more reject level of homophobia where they feel the need to get violent. Too bad if you become their wife.

[eleven 11]

I dont think homophobia is best tackled with heterophobia. I am a homo, and a breeder. I don't appeciate either label, but call a spade a spade if you will. If you watch Chuck and Larry without the chip installed on your shoulder, you will notice that ultimately it sends a message of acceptance, despite the stereotypes, and is pretty bloody funny.