Fall out with Best Friend

[coreyfrench]

Hey All,
late last year I had the biggest fall out with my very best friend and it effected me very badly to the point I could not work properly and even went on stress leave over it. But after about 3 months of not seeing each other and the occasional text message conversation we are back as friends better than ever.

Last weekend we have a big falling out again over something minor, this time we both had the biggest sms fight over the weekend. This only lasted the weekend and we are back as close friends again.

I learnt a lot from the first fall out and the second time it happen I didnt let it get to me as I knew it would be all right in the end.

So I was wondering have people had the same experience, a big fight with there best friend and then making up and being stronger than ever, or had a big fall out and the friendship is gone for ever,

[weathervain]

http://www.cineclub.de/images/waterboy3.jpgSMS is the devil!

When it comes to your best mate you should call or best case scenario talk face to face, things can't be conveyed properly in text and it's probably just making the situation worse.

[coreyfrench]

yeah I know what you are saying I hate sms fights as they are taken the wrong way, but friend won't talk face to face sometime he rather sms,

we both can touch type sms these days,

LOL

[weathervain]

No one knows about love and conflict better than miss Tina Turner

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2rRyfzPPgg

[mjm078]

Yup,

This is me - I had a fall out with a friend (we had been friends for 15 years) two years ago she basically had cried wolf to many times and was bitching about everyone to everyone.....so as a friend I thought I would try and talk to her about it because her whole circle of friends has started to figure it all out - that she was bitching about them all behind their backs to all the other friends (me included I found out later)......

Anyway i confronted her in a nice way and she basically threw it all back on me as "my fault" (I wasn't even in the close group of friends that she hung out with) and hasn't spoken to me since......

I figure I am not going to ever get through to her so I figure its her loss not mine - she still carries on with the crap and everyone else is still putting up with it but i have had no contact with her since....

The clincher story was her other good friend Sally who would literally go out of her way for this girl all the time met a boy , fell in love and was getting married......Sally asked this girl to be bridesmaid but this girl refused to answer or say no because she was upset that Sally was getting married and basically cut off all contact with Sally....and actually muttered the words "she does not deserve to get married before me I am better than her".....

[David DC]

yep. happens once in a blue moon. sometimes friendship comes back. sometimes it doesn't. always hard. but yes, as one gets older it gets easier to learn how to handle and cope. going through a tricky patch with 2 of mine at the moment. again.

[andrewc]

My best friend and I used to have big D&Ms and end up making each other cry and saying nasty stuff to each other. All over the phone mind you. Then would make up a few days later on email.

We have only lived in the same city for a few months now, so the dynamic has changed from being mainly email based to actually face to face. We've only really had one falling out since, and it was more a miscommunication between her, the girlfriend and me.

We came to know each other so well when we helped each other deal wtih relationships, coming out and life in general that it would take a major idealogical difference for us to not speak for a few weeks. We both know that in the end we are great friends and we would miss each other too much.

So no massive falling out... but little squabbles along the way, have taught us a lot about what is and isn't important in our relationship!

[coreyfrench]

Yup,

This is me - I had a fall out with a friend (we had been friends for 15 years) two years ago she basically had cried wolf to many times and was bitching about everyone to everyone.....so as a friend I thought I would try and talk to her about it because her whole circle of friends has started to figure it all out - that she was bitching about them all behind their backs to all the other friends (me included I found out later)......

Anyway i confronted her in a nice way and she basically threw it all back on me as "my fault" (I wasn't even in the close group of friends that she hung out with) and hasn't spoken to me since......

I figure I am not going to ever get through to her so I figure its her loss not mine - she still carries on with the crap and everyone else is still putting up with it but i have had no contact with her since....

The clincher story was her other good friend Sally who would literally go out of her way for this girl all the time met a boy , fell in love and was getting married......Sally asked this girl to be bridesmaid but this girl refused to answer or say no because she was upset that Sally was getting married and basically cut off all contact with Sally....and actually muttered the words "she does not deserve to get married before me I am better than her".....

My god makes you think,

It is funny when you hear stories from other people, it is like same problems different players

[sammiejo]

Its always - well i know it is for me - gut wrenching when I fall out with my bestie, I hate it - can't sleep, can't eat, and I lose focus on even daily tasks. We always make up, and the huge fall outs are rare. We have had a couple and whether its a few hours or a day or two, we always end back up where we were - incredibly close. I think everyone in our lives is there for a reason and purpose, even the people who we feel have/had a negative influence on us. To teach us something - help us to grow into better people, help us see things more clearly, let us know we are loved - regardless of if we are in a relationship or not.

My favourite quote is from a book called 'Illusions' by Richard Bach and I think it sums friendship up nicely:

Every person, all the events of your life, are there because you have drawn them there.

What you choose to do with them is up to you

[coreyfrench]

I am always reminded of something my mother once said to me when I was young

"a true friend is someone you have had a fight with and made up later" the people who are close to me this is true we have had our fights and made up,

Thanks Mum

[jimmy_]

Yup,

This is me - I had a fall out with a friend (we had been friends for 15 years) two years ago she basically had cried wolf to many times and was bitching about everyone to everyone.....so as a friend I thought I would try and talk to her about it because her whole circle of friends has started to figure it all out - that she was bitching about them all behind their backs to all the other friends (me included I found out later)......

Anyway i confronted her in a nice way and she basically threw it all back on me as "my fault" (I wasn't even in the close group of friends that she hung out with) and hasn't spoken to me since......

I figure I am not going to ever get through to her so I figure its her loss not mine - she still carries on with the crap and everyone else is still putting up with it but i have had no contact with her since....

The clincher story was her other good friend Sally who would literally go out of her way for this girl all the time met a boy , fell in love and was getting married......Sally asked this girl to be bridesmaid but this girl refused to answer or say no because she was upset that Sally was getting married and basically cut off all contact with Sally....and actually muttered the words "she does not deserve to get married before me I am better than her".....

I have a story very similar to this one, one of my best mates who I went to school with from about year 9 and have been good friends since is basically a selfish, immature, irresponsible coward. He lies, steals and cheats. I can't remember the amount of times I let him off the hook just because we had been good friends for so long.

Very much the story of the boy who cried wolf. He's always playing the victim when in fact it's always his fault. He never takes responsibility for his actions and eventually I said 'enough'. My little group of best friends (2 girls and he) were very tight for a while, I've basically got a new bunch of best friends who I see all the time, and still see the 2 girls quite often. The basis is he was always fighting with one of us, and he knew he could rely on the other 2 to fix things for him. He never apologised or took responsibility for his actions and so I've simply cut him out of my life.

Now he's gone around telling everyone his story and acting as I'm the coldest person on Earth and he is the victim. I was willing to make things right if he could sincerely apologise but he refuses to. Ultimately it doesn't matter to me anymore because he's simply not worth the effort. He was a negative influence on my life and I've been much happier without his dramas.


So I think you've got to weigh up the good and the bad of your friend. Don't let your history with her keep you connected, if she's a bad person I feel she's got to realise that and she never will if people keep going back to her after she's been b!tching about them.

I believe simply that there are some people want to see you succeed and others want to use you to help them succeed.

[sydney_guy83]

I've had both, and man it teaches you ALOT.

...Sometimes you realise that they are just pricks, and you had been turning a blind eye because they were mates
...sometimes you realise it doesn't matter who is right or wrong if it's going to mean you never speak again.

Good to here your situation is the latter :)

Hey All,
late last year I had the biggest fall out with my very best friend and it effected me very badly to the point I could not work properly and even went on stress leave over it. But after about 3 months of not seeing each other and the occasional text message conversation we are back as friends better than ever.

Last weekend we have a big falling out again over something minor, this time we both had the biggest sms fight over the weekend. This only lasted the weekend and we are back as close friends again.

I learnt a lot from the first fall out and the second time it happen I didnt let it get to me as I knew it would be all right in the end.

So I was wondering have people had the same experience, a big fight with there best friend and then making up and being stronger than ever, or had a big fall out and the friendship is gone for ever,

[homoraz]

There's this guy I have known since I was a teenager....we came out to each other and for ages were so close that most people assumed we were either brothers or that we were going out. We had heaps of stuff in common, never ever argued, etc etc.....anyway, one day we had a big fight over what else, a guy, and it escalated, and we ended up not talking for YEARS. This guy went from being my best friend to someone I couldn't stand knowing, because I felt like he'd betrayed me completely, and in retrospect I know he felt just as shit as I did at the time, but I couldn't see that because I was too consumed with how I was feeling.

Anyway, eventually we started talking again.....we have since become really close again, as much so as we were before, and I think having that time apart was actually a good thing for us because it helped us to grow into our own people away from each other. We both realise the actual fight that sparked the whole thing off was fucking retarded, and having been there and back, we know that we can trust one another because we've pretty much given each other our worst and come back from it...

There have also been people though whom I have been really close to at one point and had to just cut out of my life altogether because they were negative influences and just weren't good for me. So it goes both ways I think.....I generally feel that if you cut someone out of your life and they end up coming back into it, it's worth examining why they're there because maybe they should be...

[coreyfrench]

There's this guy I have known since I was a teenager....we came out to each other and for ages were so close that most people assumed we were either brothers or that we were going out. We had heaps of stuff in common, never ever argued, etc etc.....anyway, one day we had a big fight over what else, a guy, and it escalated, and we ended up not talking for YEARS. This guy went from being my best friend to someone I couldn't stand knowing, because I felt like he'd betrayed me completely, and in retrospect I know he felt just as shit as I did at the time, but I couldn't see that because I was too consumed with how I was feeling.

Anyway, eventually we started talking again.....we have since become really close again, as much so as we were before, and I think having that time apart was actually a good thing for us because it helped us to grow into our own people away from each other. We both realise the actual fight that sparked the whole thing off was fucking retarded, and having been there and back, we know that we can trust one another because we've pretty much given each other our worst and come back from it...

There have also been people though whom I have been really close to at one point and had to just cut out of my life altogether because they were negative influences and just weren't good for me. So it goes both ways I think.....I generally feel that if you cut someone out of your life and they end up coming back into it, it's worth examining why they're there because maybe they should be...



Very well put,

I am liking that others have had similar experiences and are able to share with complete strangers. One think I like about this forum it is like therapy I am able to share and read other experiences and learn at the same time,

Thanks Same Same

[Asherbella]

Never had a big falling out with a best friend, just drifted a part, though, having them re-appear out of the blue.
I can't really contribute to this thread. Not much to say, except to say true friends put in the effort to understand; and when understanding turns into 'winning an argument for the sake of feeling superior' you always have a choice. Work through it or move on...

[jimmy_]

Meh... Some people are just c*nts.

[dreadcircus]

I've had tons of falling outs with mates but then again I never really had the skills to sort them out in the past and often nor did they so they festered and remained unresolved mostly. Since transition I tried to reconnect with many of them and confront the part I played in it and make amends. Prob cause my ex bf had done similar during 12 step program when he kicked booze in the US and he seemed to be a better rounded person for adopting such methods.

Since being a part of a pagan group also I discovered confronting the issues and resolving them as fast as possible was best. Not by sms or email. but hearing a voice on the phone to begin with then in person. So these days I just try to call and sort a place for resolution as I dont want it to fester. I want to throw my cards on the table and listen in return.

I've been upset with a friend lately and wanted to resolve this but it has not been recipricated so now I'm feeling kind of lost as I don't want to return to my old path and be bitter and angry due to no resolution. I would rather talk and lay the cards out to best move on. By not doing it this way I feel like im cheating myself also because I have developed enough as a person to want to handle it this way but am being forced not to. So until then I remain confused.

[Asherbella]

Jade: Your resolution to your current friend fall-out is that you've opened up a pathway of communication knowing you've tried your best. The outcome is beyond your control, but you can rest on your laurels, trusting the knowledge that you've extended a hand of friendship with the view to at least try to make it work. There should be no confusion as to the fact you're a good friend.

[Chancethegardener]

I fell out with a very good friend of 8 years about 2 years ago now. No fight or choice words, I just realised he was a wanker and told him so. Very condescending, insulting and self obsessed. I realised while he was visiting me here in Melbourne that I just didn't like the person he was anymore. I couched the discussion in terms of wanting to still be mates with him, but he didn't like what I had to say. Too bad. So sad.

We haven't communicated since and I very seldom think about him. No big loss.

[rudeboy86]

Happened to me in Year 8. A very good friend I had, was moving schools and we had a serious fall-out over some issue and I haven't really seen him since or called. He gave me my first pair of Doc Martens (he grew out of them), which as a young punk I quite enjoyed and wore them to death. He fell out with a few people at school before he moved to the other one.

Still don't have his numbers but I poked him on facebook recently and we exchanged a few polite messages.

I said sorry to him to try to make things better although I had done nothing wrong from memory...just wanted him to get over it.

[sTaRiA]

My best friend and I didnt talk for a year and by the time we made up, neither of us could remember what it was over... I blame the astrology. She's a Saggitarius. I LOVE LOVE LOVE saggi's and have this uncanny attraction to them... but I always clash like hell with em. Very love/hate.

[datkindagal]

my best friend and I have had a few, they are a good source of very funny stories.

One particular incident involved dare I say it " a fart".

Another one over same hat etiquette.

the rest I barely remember. I'm still good friends with that Bi artch, she's like herpes.

Life too short and there are bigger problems to attend to.