Insecurities?

[klaus89]

Deleted.

[weathervain]

How about you just tick a none of the above box, honestly it's your life and you live it as you choose at least then you know if people like you they like you for who you are.

I'm going to just assume you are in Sydney and say, you don't have to move to Osaka just because it's writhe with horror here. Isolation can be a detrimental thing when constructed for the wrong reasons.

Read, for every 100 stupid people's whose opinions don't matter yet are shoved in your face there are many more authors who are published with ideals and ethics that mirror your own. Ditto for music.

I think you're awesome regardless of whether you are the pic you have up there, I think all of us think and feel this way sometimes the test of a real individual is decisive contemplation and exactive decision making. After all it is your life, people will come and go in it but it's you who has to live through and with it.

Good luck, and if you ever want to unimpose the exile and do normal things pm me.

[klaus89]

Cheers weathervain, lol. I'm sorry, what's your real name?

Yeah, I live in Sydney but I don't really have a personal life. Uni, work and sleep take up 99% of my time.

That is my pic up there. Why wouldn't I be? I do hope to give the impression i'm ethical or at least I attempt to be.

I like to wear big sunglasses to keep the world from looking in... jokes. Haha.

What you have said is logical and i'm utterly embarrassed reading back on what I said. I sound like an idiot and whinger. It's just sometimes I get a heightened sense of things which are totally out of perspective and order. I lose my zen, for lack of a better word. lol. It just seems sometimes everyone is having fun doing all these things I don't like while i'm left behind in the cold and real world.

I'm 20 soon. I better quit acting like a teenager, I think. Haha.

[weathervain]

Hah I don't think you grow out of feeling like this until you are at least 31 from my observations but surrounding yourself with good people often helps to combat these feelings.

19 can be a really horrible year of your life too, mine was pretty bittersweet upon recollection.

There is no need to feel embarrassed, everyone feels this way sometimes, it's the really weak people that can't admit it.

Also when you are studying all your chakras are raw and open, like a sponge. So some ocassional isolation can be a good thing to clear your head every now and again.

I'm at UNSW myself at the moment doing my second degree in social work, and first year was an absolute shock to the system, more so than adapting to my first degree was.

[chilligarlic]

The scene is there, and can be quite useful. But don't let it consume you, don't let it dictate to you.

We're a diverse bunch - the club scene is there to use when you need it, but won't collapse if you step away. Have a look at my photo albums - none of these events required fashion, drugs, or attitude. They're fun, supportive, and affirming.

As you come out, try all on offer and see which suits you. We've all been there and so won't begrudge your attempts to find your own path. The "scene" can get a bit vapid - but that's just one part of it.

Some people do go a bit crazy when they first come out or find the scene - years of being in a closet will do that to you.

Have you heard of "gay years?" Sort of like Dog Years, but different. Some people come out whilst young, and so mature in line with their physical age (ones hopes, anyway). Some come out much older - and go through all of the things they missed as young people. They fashion it up, dance, get attitude, carry on a treat - in a huge and explosive celebration of their new-found place.

All cool, except the drugs can get a hold of you - mustn't let that happen. You lose control then, and are right back in another closet, only this time darker and scarier...

[nu_archer]

The scene isn't for everyone. I don't profess to be an expert on it, but I've found that it's not really my thing. This doesn't mean I never go anywhere, but I'm kinda choosy about where/when/with whom i do go.

Secondly, you are you're own person. Being gay doesn't mean you need to fit every stereotype there is (or any for that matter).
If you don't feel the need to wear certain brands, do copious amounts of drugs and go to the gym, then don't. It's more important to be happy with who you are, than it is that you try to please your friends.
Also, if your friends are trying to pressure you into doing stuff you don't want to do when they know how you feel about it, perhaps you need new friends. I'm not and never have been into doing drugs and shit and was at a party the other day where a guy who I considered a good friend kept trying to force me to take stuff. I left. I don't care what he thinks of me now. He knew I wasn't into it and I figure a good friend wouldn't keep on at me to do stuff I don't want to.

If you ever want to talk to someone about crap, feel free to pm me.

[Phazz]

I go clubbing pretty frequently and never take drugs (well aside from alcohol). I don't wear brand names that are in vogue. That being said, my group of friends is pretty casual. Some choose to do drugs, others not. Some wear brands, others don't. I know many people that go to the gym of different gender and sexuality.

Getting to the point, if you don't want to take drugs, then don't. If you don't want to wear labels, then don't. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do. It's your life, not theirs. You can go out to have a good time and still have good ethics.

Going on the scene at first can seem scary and many of us would have had some insecurities on our first time out. My advise is to do it slowly. One or two places with people that you are comfortable with. Get them to show you a few of the bars/clubs. Give it a chance before dismissing it and submitting yourself to a lifetime of unhealthy isolation.

Feel free to pm me also if you want to chat.

[synergism]

I remember when I was in the same position, being hesitant at taking those first steps into the scene by going to a gay nightclub. The fear of fitting in and feeling as if you belong does take a little while to get used to.

Anyway, as the other guys have said, don't feel that you need to change to fit in. Get into the scene when you feel ready for it. That way when you are ready, you'll be able to enjoy yourself without having to worry.

The gay scene is very image conscious, but don't let it get to you.You just need to find somewhere where you feel comfortable being who you are without feeling the need to change who you are to fit in.

And one last thing. Try and bring a friend along, preferably one that won't get smashed off their face or high on drugs. Just to keep you company and make you feel comfortable.

[bellsforher]

I HATE clubs. Maybe because I'm sensitive to flashing lights, maybe I'm allergic to the noise and idiots.

No, it's there for those who want it. What's hard is realising that it's perfectly ok if you DON'T want it. I'm almost 30 and I still feel inadequate because I don't go to meatmarkets, to clubs, to loud freaky things that would give me a panic attack. It's upsetting, you want to like it but you don't want to....conundrum stuff.

I don't fit in either - i'm a nerdy art girl who likes girls who look like girls, i love dresses but I'm not Femme, I like a quite drink with mates and trivia nites in Newtown. I'm just me. That's ok. Look, I'm trying to convince myself of this as I write it, but it IS ok. It just seems to take longer to find those other girls like me.

[djp2011]

BE NICE. SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY. :)

I haven't been to any club on the scene yet. I have plans to in a month's time but I think I might cancel because of a few reservations I have. After i'm finished with uni, I might move to Okinawa and live in solitude. Haha.

I've got a mate who got into the scene late last year and he has changed dramatically. His personality has changed into a totally different person.
I believe each to their own. It's not my place make judgements on people's lifestyle because it is their choice. He is doing various drugs every weekend on the scene. He actually told me that being apart of a "scene you have to have a few pills."
I honestly don't want to be in a situation or with collective-minded group of people where i'm forced to do shit I don't agree with (i.e - drugs). Most of all, I don't want to be in a situation where I don't want to be the fuck there because i'm alienated because I won't do drugs. I'm into going back to High School thanks!

I've also across a few things as well:
1:
Friend: "You shoud wear [BRAND] and [BRAND] because everyone wears it"
Me: I don't really give a shit. My band shirts and levis do me fine.
Friend: "You have to fit in sometimes. I mean, you'll have to if you want someone decent looking to go with you. "
2:
An article I read somewhere ages ago went something like "going to the gym is a MUST for being a gay man."

There are a few more but I couldn't be bothered. lol.

Is it normal to have the reservations and insecurities I have? I mean, I feel pressured. I'm happy with who I am. I couldn't give a shit about the gym, lacoste or special k but this shit keeps coming up - especially with my friend and his stories and it's questioning my ethics and who I am and it's making me want to disconnect from everything related to my sexuality.
Hey
I think that you would benefit greatly by reading a book called "The Velvet Rage" by Alan Downs.
I won't make any other comment than that, this book is very powerful and I think it may be of great assistance.

[GenesisInVain]

BE NICE. SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY. :)

I haven't been to any club on the scene yet. I have plans to in a month's time but I think I might cancel because of a few reservations I have. After i'm finished with uni, I might move to Okinawa and live in solitude. Haha.

I've got a mate who got into the scene late last year and he has changed dramatically. His personality has changed into a totally different person.
I believe each to their own. It's not my place make judgements on people's lifestyle because it is their choice. He is doing various drugs every weekend on the scene. He actually told me that being apart of a "scene you have to have a few pills."
I honestly don't want to be in a situation or with collective-minded group of people where i'm forced to do shit I don't agree with (i.e - drugs). Most of all, I don't want to be in a situation where I don't want to be the fuck there because i'm alienated because I won't do drugs. I'm into going back to High School thanks!

I've also across a few things as well:
1:
Friend: "You shoud wear [BRAND] and [BRAND] because everyone wears it"
Me: I don't really give a shit. My band shirts and levis do me fine.
Friend: "You have to fit in sometimes. I mean, you'll have to if you want someone decent looking to go with you. "
2:
An article I read somewhere ages ago went something like "going to the gym is a MUST for being a gay man."

There are a few more but I couldn't be bothered. lol.

Is it normal to have the reservations and insecurities I have? I mean, I feel pressured. I'm happy with who I am. I couldn't give a shit about the gym, lacoste or special k but this shit keeps coming up - especially with my friend and his stories and it's questioning my ethics and who I am and it's making me want to disconnect from everything related to my sexuality.

Hey Klaus, I was totally in your situation when I wanted to hang out at all the queer venues. I never really liked the whole taking drugs thing associated with the scene nor the gay tribe fashion sense. Have always believed in dressing for yourself. And have never done drugs. Clean as.

Yes its normal to have insecurities like what you have but you should never compromise who you are and what you are just to 'fit in'. That is the ridiculous notion. You are perfect just the way you are :)

And to note, there are queers that are outside of the Lacoste-clad, special k lovin, gym junkie norm. I tend to not go to Arq and Stonewall because of this. You'll find me at gay friendly places like Purple Sneakers on friday nights, where your band t-shirts and levis (levis are my favourite denim....good on you :) ) are absolutely perfect and club 77 on saturday nights oreven the fringe in paddington.
hope this all works out for you.
you seem cool :)

[naughtylion]

Hey Klaus,
Looks like the worst of the scene has grabbed your mate by the nuts.
I'm with Weathervain - come out and party with anyone on here and dip ur toe in, then you can decide if it's for you or not.
But all the brand naming and the compulsory drug taking... personally, I don't know anyone like that, and I can't really remember an age I or my friends were our minds worked that way. But there are some out there I suppose, none of which I bother to get to know, but yeah - as a whole the scene isn't all like that. It can be daunting, and a little intimidating I suppose, but its not that pathetic.
:)

[Christian Taylor]

i will echo what some people have already said - the scene is diverse, and just cos some people slotted into one archetype, doesn't mean you have to.

the great thing about the scene, and the gay community in general, is that there are so many doorways you can walk through - it's out there to explore. it's not all superficial and vapid. i have had nights out that have changed my entire life. i am not being dramatic either! seriously...

you sound like you have your head screwed on straight. my advice to you - explore the scene not with what you don't want front of mind, go into it in search of what you do want.

and the community is bigger than the scene, and you'll find all that out on your own. if you go to a venue and it feels wrong for you, go somewhere else. it took me a long time to find my place, but i have the most beautiful bunch around me - i couldn't ask for better people, and the scene has been gorgeous to me.

so keep your options (and mind) open!