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Need some advice...

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Default Need some advice...
Hi there,
I'm new here. I would really appreciate it if I could get some advice.
I'll just get straight to the point. I'm a married woman in my 30's with a 4 year old boy. Recently I have found myself being attracted to women quite strongly. Out of curiosity I've been watching lesbian videos on youtube and found myself very turned on.
I guess in the past I've had inklings of attraction to women but just ignored it thinking it was normal for most women. My husband and I have been having some relationship problems recently and we're certainly not as close as we used to be after 16 years.
So I'm wondering whether that has anything to do with my recent preference for women? Is being with a woman something that I need to try, so that I can get it out of my system? Or is there a possibility that I might be gay/bi? I'm very confused and very distracted about it all. Not quite sure what to do.
Can anyone help me?
berty +

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Hi there,
I dont know how much help I would be but have been going through the similar for quite some time now, it has been very difficult for over 12 months, and while it settled for a while, here I am again.
Some advice I can give is, work on your relationship with your husband, it is worth a committed effort first. Try not to fall for a women, particularly not a friend, and if you do fall for someone try to keep your distance while you are giving your marriage a dedicated try, and until you sort out what your attraction to women means to you. Adding relationship pressure to the situation just makes it all too complicated!
I dont know that your attraction to women will fade, but at least if you remove as many of the questions through elimination, the whole situation will hopefully be clear enough for you to understand.
I am not saying not to be true to yourself, because I do believe everyone deserves to be happy in a loving sexual relationship - including your husband. But I think you need to work out whether your mind would be straying anywhere if you were happier in your current relationship.
I hope that has made some sense - it has been a long tiring day.
Dont rush down this path, try to take things one step at a time.
faeriegoddess +

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first step: talk to your husband about it. If you can't talk with him about how you're feeling 100% openly and honestly, then you're probably in the wrong relationship, regardless of gender/ sexuality.

He might even be okay with you experimenting with women, and yes, going down that road might end with you realising you're a totally dyed-in-the-wool lesbian, and that shakes your life up a bit, but it also might end up with you answering your questions and being closer and more in love with your husband than ever. Possibly even in a bi-sexual polyamourous relationship. But ultimately for the best no matter how it comes out, just be honest. =)
good luck!

and don't be shy to come on here and talk with us all about it, or about totally random nonsense. we like that sort of thing.
"Hear my soul speak. Of the very instant that I saw you, Did my heart fly at your service" --- The Tempest, Act 3, Scene 1
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