I have struggled with my sexuality for so many years, im still living a straight life. Im actually in a long term relationship still which is very rocky at the moment. We are having a 'break'. When i was 19 i used to go clubbing a lot on oxford st and was always very sure i was straight, i never had doubts about that but then one night this girl picked me up, we kissed and danced at the club and then she asked me to come home with her which i denied. We kept in contact though and became really really close friends. We then started sleeping together but i still was so sure that i was straight, i just felt a bit bent for her. Then i fell in love with her and started to accept that maybe i do love this girl and might be at least bi. I then moved away and an came to accept i was gay but it sucked because i moved home with my parents and had no one around me that i could talk to about this so i kept it in and thought i would just switch that flick off and be straight again. But i havent been able to do that. I met my currant boyfriend over a year ago and 4 months ago i cheated on him with a girl and he found out. I brushed it off and said i was so drunk and it was a mistake i didnt know what i was doing but the truth is i was out to find a hook up (he was away in another country at the time) i wanted to have fun while he was away. I hung out with my gay friends and made more and i just felt so at home and free, i felt like i could be myself, i also felt happier in myself. But when he found out and i saw how much it had hurt him, i was heart broken, i love him so much and seeing him so hurt killed me. So i patched things up pretended it never happened and again pushed those feelings away. Then our relationship got better and we had a great few months but now it has come back. I just want all that back again being with like-minded people (he is totally dead against homosexuality) but im scared because i keep going back and forth. I dont know what i want and i dont really want to be labelled either. I just want to 'be'. But i know that whatever way i go if my friends or family find out im attracted to girls i will be labelled gay and they may not accept me. I just want to run away from ym friends and family start again where no one knows me and just be myself...I have no like-minded people around me and im finding it so hard.......

hugs to you. It's a rough place to be, but you know the truth in yourself.

You are queer. Congrats bi or lesbian, doesn't matter. Check out some LGBTQ orgs in your area.

Thanks...its really hard...im need to meet people around here....where do you find LGBTQ orgs??

Thanks for sharing at the end of the day you need to be true to yourself. Do what makes you happy. If people who you are friends with now don't accept you well they ain't your real friends. In this day and age friends come and go unless they are REAL friends. You don't need a label to justify who you are just be it. You will find like most people who struggle to just break free and eventually do that most of your concerns were not warranted. Even families come around eventually. I've walked the walk like many before me and faced some huge struggles. Everyday I know I can lay my head on my pillow being happy and glad I have the people in my life I do now and can barely remember the struggles before. Good luck I'm sure you will do what's right for you.

Thanks dreadcircus...it seems like it may be a long road ahead lol

One day at a time and remember to breathe. Not sure where you are from but you should be able to find some LGBTQ orgs on the web for your area. If you give some indication of where you are from I can have a look for you. Take care.

Hey Bellie im on the Gold Coast, yes i would love to know about some!!! thanks

Quote:

Originally Posted by TriiGirl

Hey Bellie im on the Gold Coast, yes i would love to know about some!!! thanks

Hi - good luck on your journey. You only have one chance at life - why be unhappy? Be the woman you want to be.

Gold Coast Gay Links:

http://gayonthegoldcoast.com/page2.htm

http://www.opendoors.net.au/?page_id=267

http://www.qahc.org.au/sex