Hi guys.

Kinda come to a bit of a dilemma. Basically for the past couple years ive been hanging out and stuff with guys ive met online or on grindr. Thing is for the last couple years I had no social life due to being broke and unemployed on/off all the time, and only started to really make new local friends in the last 2 years and go out more.

I came out to my mum a year ago, so she knows but we hardly ever talk about it, but I feel she's kinda over-protective of me; even when I want to go out with my regular friends on the off chance theres something on a fri/saturday night, she wants to know who im going with, where I'm going, ("oh thats a bit far to drive") and sometimes even gets annoyed that Im going out and leaving her alone.

Now I'm turning 24 in April, and Im starting to think this is getting a little ridiculous for someone of my age, and as much as I love mum and can see she just wants me to be safe, Im quite frankly sick of the cottonballing and unfortunately it dosent look like I can get out on my own for a while yet - this behaviour even extends to where I apply for a job - like 'Oh I don't like you going there at night, its a bad area' or whatever.

So anyway back to meeting guys online.. ive been doing this behind her back for a while now (although I did go to oxford street with a mate a couple times when she was away in europe last year and told her about it - "oh be careful, you didnt go to the cross did you") but recently Ive started to make some really good mates online, and met up with them a few times.

Now one of them has asked me to a flatwarming in North Sydney. Its gonna be from 5PM-8Pm, so Im looking at getting home around 10:30-11ish. The problem is I could continue lying to mum and say im goin to a local party or something (with the offchance she'll call me or want me home earlier for something) or I could finally be upfront with her cause its getting harder and harder to be sneaky about it - and why should I, really. It's not as if Im a slut and hooking up with guys from online - thats not me, and even if I was, I think Im adult enough by now for that to be my decision and be responsible about it.

There's just this whole stigma of psychos and stalkers or even the hook-up aspect associated with online dating that I just know she's not gonna approve of - even though I've met all these guy a couple times now and gotten to know them - it wouldnt be much different to if i met them at a social club or whatever.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is if anyone else has ever been in a similar situation to me what did you do and for those who have come out but are still living at home - do you tell your parents you met such and such online/grindr or do you lie about it?

any advice much appreciated.

hey bro, thx for sharing your experience

fwiw, my suggestion would be to contact twenty10, a service for young (14 - 26) gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people that runs out of newtown

http://www.twenty10.org.au/

i guess th primary reason for suggesting that is the hope that u will meet other peers who may have been through similar circumstances that can empathise with ur position

also, i would hope that there are some of th young uns on here that will contact u for similar reasons as above

as for what i used to tell my parents? (pre-internet days lolz ) - i just didnt go into details about who/where i was going i kinda figured that they didnt need to know

Im with Sneakos, dont tell her details, no good will come of it

I find that moms tend to snoop and clutch when they feel you are witholding something from them. Mine was like that anyhow. So I gave specific - but not greusomely detailed - information about what I was up to. For example "I'm going out in town, it will likely be late, so I will probably just crash at Kevin from work's place so I don't have to worry about driving. " I found the proactive approach cut out a lot of worry/suspicion and demonstrated that if there were somethign to share, that I would and that I could be trusted to make reasonably sound judgments in my actions.

Maybe you could tell your mum that you started chatting online with "Steve" and discovered that you had a shared interested in XYZ and then decided to meet up for a coffee/day at the beach/visit to the museum, etc, etc one day while you were in the city and got to know eachother on a bit more real face-to-face level.

That way she knows its not a totally random psychopath hookup, that you've taken to time to get to know someone a little and aren't running into an evening with them totally blind.

If you give her evidence that you're being responsible for your own well-being, she might see that she doesn't have to and that will be better for the both of you.

Afterword be sure to give her some followup about how the party was, what the new apartment looked like, what you'd like you're first place to be like. Eventually she'll see that all's good and you won't have to file the report each time you go out. Its a process of weening and confidence-building.

hell no.. U meet guys at the local library n that's how it'll always go

So, given the massive range of online networking sites and general interactions, is there still a stigma attached to meeting people from them? This sounds like a very early 1990s Dawn-of-the-Internet phobia, but wouldn't rule it totally out. The advent of Linkedin, Meetup, Facebook, myspace, ISP profiles etc, etc, etc, etc Surely add some 'legitimacy' to the media?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ernesto_1

hell no.. U meet guys at the local library n that's how it'll always go

Mr Ernesto_1, Freaky thought that new "meeting places" were in supermarkets?

Could you please enlighten this old Freak? ..........................

Or are supermarkets as "hook-up joints" too 90's?.................... Just wondering?




(Mental Note To Self: This could explain why the only things being felt up in the produce section in Woolies are the fruit n' vege. )

I had similar issues with my mum and in retrospect I should have been more frank at times.

Another thing to consider perhapse, Is your mum lonely?
I think sometimes parents can take an excessive interest in their kids lives if they don't really have anyone else to talk to and if they don't get out much live vicariously through their children, so if their kids aren't doing what they themselves would do then it does bring on anxiety.