Ha! I've just learned a new word... thanks Stephla! The perils of dating women of ill repute, hey?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bar Wench

So I was staring off into space contemplating boobs today (odd, I know), and I got to thinking about that weird farty noise that occasionally happens when two sweaty girls are getting *ahem* intimate and boobs are being pressed.


Am I the only one that finds this freaking hillarious? Or is it polite to just act like it never happened and carry on?

It sounds hilarious...maybe im so carried away or loud myself ....bcos i admit ive never noticed that noise lol

I've never heard the term queef before! Learnt something new!

I'm usually too loud to hear noises...

Hello all...How many times do you think about sex with your girlfriend in a day?

On an ordinary day where I don't have too much on the go/on my mind I probably find myself thinking about it half a dozen times a day.

Cool...how long have you been dating this person?

A few months.

As a single person I sometimes get quite overwhelmed with sexual thoughts

In a relationship though, I find that the first twelve months is pretty intense, then things start to slow down a bit. But i've had relationships where the intensity can last for years. It just depends how satisfied I am emotionally, I guess. I had a pretty rough experience in a ltr where my gf just stopped being affectionate in general, that made my libido go off the richtor for the twelve months I managed to put up with it.

I very much subscribe to the adage 'you can look at the menu as long as you eat at home'. As lovely as it is to believe in fairy-tales, one person gets old pretty quickly in a purely sexual sense.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bar Wench

As a single person I sometimes get quite overwhelmed with sexual thoughts

In a relationship though, I find that the first twelve months is pretty intense, then things start to slow down a bit. But i've had relationships where the intensity can last for years. It just depends how satisfied I am emotionally, I guess. I had a pretty rough experience in a ltr where my gf just stopped being affectionate in general, that made my libido go off the richtor for the twelve months I managed to put up with it.

I very much subscribe to the adage 'you can look at the menu as long as you eat at home'. As lovely as it is to believe in fairy-tales, one person gets old pretty quickly in a purely sexual sense.

Can't imagine one person getting pretty old

If you keep changing locations and settings and get your girlfriend to wear different enticing outfits it will never be boring.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bar Wench

As a single person I sometimes get quite overwhelmed with sexual thoughts

In a relationship though, I find that the first twelve months is pretty intense, then things start to slow down a bit. But i've had relationships where the intensity can last for years. It just depends how satisfied I am emotionally, I guess. I had a pretty rough experience in a ltr where my gf just stopped being affectionate in general, that made my libido go off the richtor for the twelve months I managed to put up with it.

I very much subscribe to the adage 'you can look at the menu as long as you eat at home'. As lovely as it is to believe in fairy-tales, one person gets old pretty quickly in a purely sexual sense.

hmmm this had been on my mind.. not quite sure how i feel. in the past iv gotten bored sexually quite fast.. but with the mrs 3 years on theres still that intense sexual pull... sure theres been lulls here and there but theres been thrills too. i guess will see in another 5 yrs lol :-)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby Baby

Can't imagine one person getting pretty old

I can only speak for my own experiences.

I'm not suggesting that it's something that can't be kept alive through fancy tricks and such.

Perhaps I'm talking about the difference between objectifying a lover, rather than the respect and appreciation on an emotional level that tends to grow from a more meaningful relationship. Why is it so threatening that your partner is excited by somebody else? I tend to think it's only human

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bar Wench

I can only speak for my own experiences.

I'm not suggesting that it's something that can't be kept alive through fancy tricks and such.

Perhaps I'm talking about the difference between objectifying a lover, rather than the respect and appreciation on an emotional level that tends to grow from a more meaningful relationship. Why is it so threatening that your partner is excited by somebody else? I tend to think it's only human

1. maybe because we live apart and I hope she'd miss me rather than something else?
2. maybe because we've only been together just over a year
3. maybe because I already share her with other people (non sexual) I hope for any bit that's left
4. maybe because we are still building our foundations and still familiarising ourselves with our communication styles which is a lovely discovery process now...

Probably be more relaxed about things if we lived closer or were engaged.

unfortunately....beginning to envy people that have lifetime ties ...through marriage, engagement or child caring....
Even using the word engage was IMPOSSIBLE before ..God!

Suddenly wanted to experience what its like to have a partner who would love me enough to commit that way ... I feel bridget jones dagginess coming on...

Transforming from commitment phobic to pro commitment...
Hence greater protectiveness over my relationship now.

All my ex's had affairs despite having me believe I was their ultimate lover and sex god.
Allegedly they never watched porn or hardly self fulfill either. Go figure.

Perhaps watching porn is better, they don't leave you for another person

Anyway am not jealous or possessive type unless my partner withdraws affection.

It's okay for my girlfriend to like movie stars and be excited by other people... e.g. celebrity crushes and porn. Not a threat.

It's pretty hot fantasizing about my girlfriend playing with herself using dildos watching porn actually. I kept hinting I wanted to watch. So HOT! may that happen one day

My girlfriend says she won't act on fantasies and being the mature respectable woman that she is... I believe her.

From PAST experiences though..my porn indulgence made me disconnect from my partner sexually. So I associated it with disconnecting relationships...but i am learning it means different things to different people.

[/color]
Also Want to be enough for my partner for a change. So ...porn is okay in moderation. I watch porn...but 10% of what I used to watch because I'm in love. So again I probably wrongly associate people who need more porn as people not being In Love.


EXAMPLE ONE: POSITIVE DELIVERY OF MESSAGE

If a partner said, "baby I am missing you but you're not here so I'm taking option 2 (dildo and porn)"...I will only focus on the fact that they are missing me and I am number one and could not care less about the rest. I would just associate the porn bit with her being so wild and SEXY.

EXAMPLE TWO: LESS POSITIVE MORE DISMISSIVE DELIVERY METHOD

If a partner just says " I need porn tonight..".that comes across very differently...

....if its an off day when support is needed OR just plain stupid day ...that can arouse rejection

Am fortunate to have a very intelligent and sexy girlfriend that appeal to many...Her being in public is more a threat than porn... Just kidding...

My point is...it was at first disheartening ...haven't been affected since ....but with good levels of affection and openness to talk about it...it has only positive responses from me.

jeez, that was a mouthful!

I agree with what you're saying re: the level of affection can skew one's experience of sexual rejection. As i mentioned earlier, I had somebody withdraw physically from our relationship, and in my mind it would be somewhat akin to having a long-distance lover. It can expose similar feelings of neediness and abandonment, which I personally found crazy-making and heartbreaking. I can relate to your insecurites.

But imho, a girl would have to be a saint not to occasionally find somebody other than their partner attractive from time to time. Is it fair to associate that with cheating? Is that not a little suggestive of the thought police?

I guess part of making a relationship work is being able to reassure your partner that they're special to you. If they are able to do that, and you take that as meaning they never have sexual thoughts about anyone but you, then I guess everybody is happy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bar Wench

Why is it so threatening that your partner is excited by somebody else? I tend to think it's only human

BarWench you absolutely hit the nail on the head with this question!

Why is it seen as a threat? Isn't it human nature to find many people attractive and exciting?

I think if we were realistic, MM, of course it's human nature. Unfortunately it is also in our nature to be sexual hipocrites. I know I can be at times, especially if i'm feeling neglected.

It's a pity we can't be more honest about these thoughts within our relationships without fearing it might cause an argument. As i mentioned before I think it may be the arbitrary association that gets made between 'looking' and 'acting'.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bar Wench

jeez, that was a mouthful!

I agree with what you're saying re: the level of affection can skew one's experience of sexual rejection.


As i mentioned earlier, I had somebody withdraw physically from our relationship, and in my mind it would be somewhat akin to having a long-distance lover. It can expose similar feelings of neediness and abandonment, which I personally found crazy-making and heartbreaking. I can relate to your insecurites.

But imho, a girl would have to be a saint not to occasionally find somebody other than their partner attractive from time to time. Is it fair to associate that with cheating? Is that not a little suggestive of the thought police?

I guess part of making a relationship work is being able to reassure your partner that they're special to you. If they are able to do that, and you take that as meaning they never have sexual thoughts about anyone but you, then I guess everybody is happy

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE LEVEL OF AFFECTION....EVERYTHING STEMS FROM THAT
LACK OF IT = STUPIT THOUGHTS AND QUESTIONS ARISE
PLENTY OF IT = CAN FOCUS ON OTHER AREAS OF LIFE LIKE CAREER ETC AND NOT DWELL ON RELATIONSHIP UNKNOWNS

Its been good hearing everyones point of view on this.... im of the thought that having attraction to another is exciting and refreshing. we both admit to our attractions and fantasies as they arise and it kind of stirrs things up between us...it keeps us on our toes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by undawundawoman

Its been good hearing everyones point of view on this.... im of the thought that having attraction to another is exciting and refreshing. we both admit to our attractions and fantasies as they arise and it kind of stirrs things up between us...it keeps us on our toes.

The key is being open

UWW, yay for that!

Admittedly, finding out what your girlfriend is attracted to can be a little like meeting their ex-girlfriend. It can make you start to reflect on what it is they find so great about you.

I guess sometimes it's hard to think about those things if we're feeling less than fabulous.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bar Wench

UWW, yay for that!

Admittedly, finding out what your girlfriend is attracted to can be a little like meeting their ex-girlfriend. It can make you start to reflect on what it is they find so great about you.

I guess sometimes it's hard to think about those things if we're feeling less than fabulous.

lol...oh thats a whole other can of worms....meeting the ex!! If i were to see my ex i wld duck and if it were my GF ex i wld dive lol... meeting one would be my worst nightmare...iv been told by others its soooo nonlesbian of me and perhaps a bit hard nosed too but i read that book 'its called a break up cos its broken' many moons ago and the hardline approach that has stuck with me ever since.

I'm sure we could all bang on for the next ten pages about the ex-girlfriend thing

My point is that sometimes it can be hard to know where you fit into your partner's fantasy world, especially if you can't recognise yourself in their old lovers or attractions, etc.

I'm guessing this is reason enough for some people to feel insecure and jealous.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bar Wench

UWW, yay for that!

Admittedly, finding out what your girlfriend is attracted to can be a little like meeting their ex-girlfriend. It can make you start to reflect on what it is they find so great about you.

I guess sometimes it's hard to think about those things if we're feeling less than fabulous.

Well when you meet the ex and you're nothing like the ex its great! That's why they left the ex.

When they fantasize about someone way more attractive than you with greater body, brains, money whatever, only than do you go...shit I wish I had some of those qualities than you picture them in bed with that person...eek. Until you remember they come home with you and sleep with you only than you feel good

So we better be at the top of our game and keep ourselves feeling and looking fabulous so insecurities don't set in...because we won't have time for it

I better go get some personal grooming done, neaten hairdo, work harder, eat less, use more anti wrinkle cream, more sit ups

Talking about being on top of my game...i said to my GF after work today...did you really mean it last night when you said it was one the best climax you had? her answer...i cant remember saying that..wtf?? Talk about shot down ...lol.

aahhh sex my old friend. I miss you!

@Steph - how you doin'?

Quote:

Originally Posted by madamemoloch

@Steph - how you doin'?

I chose to read that this way, even if it wasn't intended:


Can't complain, can't complain.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stephla

I chose to read that this way, even if it wasn't intended:


Can't complain, can't complain.

That was exactly how it was intended, ah Joey, simplest pick up line ever.