Hi there everyone!

First off, thank you for stopping to read this thread!!

Here is a quick run down of our story!

- We are an engaged lesbian couple who will have been together for four years in September

- After 3 and a half years of kidding ourselves (pardon the pun) that we do not want children; we have finally realised that we both DO.... very much.... and always have... (good communication skills hey?)

- My partner is 34, going on 35 in September and is not keen to be the birth mum.... I am 29 going on 30 in January and my mind, body and soul is screeeamminngg to be the birth mum....

here is where it gets complicated...

- I have crohn's disease (mild and currently in remission) and have had a few other health issues including a kidney problem (resolved) and a close call with an abnormal mass removed from my left breast (resolved three years ago) ... My G.P and gastroenterologist are both happy for me to go ahead with a pregnancy and insist that there is VERY little chance that my baby could inherit crohn's disease (about a 6% chance.) I am booked in to see my renal doctor next week and hopefully will be given the go-ahead from her too... but needless to say I am scared sh$%tless that I wont be able to fall in or carry to term!

- I am doing EVERYTHING possible to ready my body for our first child... I am a healthy weight, I eat VERY healthily, and have gone off all medication. I am also reading EVERYTHING I can find on donor inseminations and IVF.

here is where we run into our next complication...

- We have a LOT of male friends... but have NO idea how we would go about asking them to donate!! Also we are wondering if we would be better off going with an unknown donor, or a donor who is part of a couple as opposed to a single male...

-We are also from a small coastal town on the Surf Coast in Victoria and therefore there are no same-sex parenting support groups down here, the only people I have to talk to are my straight friends (who are gorgeous, but fail to understand the complications associated with lesbian conception, particularly with health complications thrown into the mix!)

And so we come to the questions....

Are there any women or couples out there with crohn's disease (or any health issues...) who have conceived or are trying to conceive using a donor?

Are there any women or couples out there that have been through the donor insemination process who would be willing to part with a few of their tips/tricks or experiences?

Does anyone know of any same sex parenting (or pre-conception) support groups in Melbourne?

What are some of your experiences with....
-Finding a willing donor (where to find a man outside of your group of friends willing to part with such a precious gift)
- Approaching a known donor (how to ask them for a few of their tadpoles!)
- STD testing for your chosen donor
- The donors response when discussion the relinquishing of parental rights to the child
- Home insemination vs IVF

.... and any other info or suggestions!!

I understand that my healthy 34 year old partner would be a better bet than I, but I want this with every fibre of my being (quite funny given the fact that I had always thought I would adopt or foster...) and I would be devastated not to at least try! I have the blessing of my doctors (otherwise there would be no way I would even attempt this!) and a loving supporting partner... now all I need is some advice, some tadpoles, and a whole lotta luck!!!

Looking forward to your responses!!!

Kind regards

JJ

No advice I can give but best of luck!

Hey there guys,
I wish you all the very best with your search. We are a hetero couple who only have gay and lesbian friends. You have mentioned that you have many male friends, and from my experience, you will get many offers of help within that group. We are all adults and you will be surprised if you started asking the closest of friends. Alternatively, there is a site called baby essentials that seem to have many willing sperm donors, maybe worth consideration.

Any sperm donor is expected to undertake, and hand over the results to the mum to be. Don't feel awkward asking the donor for all STD/ STI tests and results as that is always expected. If the donor doesn't want to do this, move on.
As for parenting rights, well this is where it can get all scary. Each biological parent has a responsibility by law for the care and maintenance for that child. It can be a bit of a hit and miss, because if the donor wishes to fight for parenting rights, they are entitled to it. I believe you need to discuss the reason they are wanting to be a donor, and obviously if they already have children.

As for home insemination versus IVF. My understanding of the IVF program is that the donor sperm has to be frozen for a 6 month period so it can be screened for HIV so you end up having a longer waiting period.
I can't comment on your issue with Crohn's disease.

I wish you all the very best of luck in your search. Had you been in Sydney, I would gladly be your donor.

Take care,

Wes

If you two are financially secure, why not consider adoption instead?

Good suggestion :-)

Just a note based on experience.....adoption...forget it, unless you want to wait 8 years. The adoption program in most states of Aust. is in disarray. My partner and I went through the program 5 years ago, and after being accepted, then being told it is a 2 yr wait for the file to be sent o/s, and 2 yrs later being told it would now be a futher 3 - 5 years, that we considered alternative options.

Don't go down the adoption path, it is a long and winding road of frustration and incompetency within the bureaucratic circus. It is a shame, as we all know, there are millions of orphans in inpoverished countries, desperately needing a loving household, yet red tape means they end up living in orphonages, in rather ordinary conditions. In the US, adoption is a process that takes only 18 months.

C

Quote:

Originally Posted by chrissie1970

Just a note based on experience.....adoption...forget it, unless you want to wait 8 years. The adoption program in most states of Aust. is in disarray. My partner and I went through the program 5 years ago, and after being accepted, then being told it is a 2 yr wait for the file to be sent o/s, and 2 yrs later being told it would now be a futher 3 - 5 years, that we considered alternative options.

Don't go down the adoption path, it is a long and winding road of frustration and incompetency within the bureaucratic circus. It is a shame, as we all know, there are millions of orphans in inpoverished countries, desperately needing a loving household, yet red tape means they end up living in orphonages, in rather ordinary conditions. In the US, adoption is a process that takes only 18 months.

C

Couldnt agree more with this comment. The adoption system in Australia would be a joke, if it were actually funny. I work part time in youth services and this issue has come up time and time again, about children who could have had a better outcome in life had they been adopted to a stable family environment. Instead we have a system which currently allows children to remain lost in the system while a bunch of overpaid bureaucrats fumble around with a seemingly endless stream of incompetence. Similarly there are thousands of adults out there who perhaps once considered adoption, and either gave up after being shoved around, or heard the horror stories from others and simply didnt even bother commencing the process.

I wish you luck anyway in your quest for answers, this is something you have clearly put alot of thought into. Personally, Im unsure if I could donate, simply for the fact that I dont know how I would go with not having any visitation rights at all. I think the thought of where "my kid" is now, would always be on the back of my mind and it would drive me nuts.

Hi there,
I don't know if you've already got the answers to many of your questions but I wanted to let you know that there is a support group for women wanting to conceive - prospective lesbian parents. It meets monthly at the aids council in sth yarra. Check out PLP Vic on Facebook. It's a great way to connect with other women going through similar processes.
Cheers!