Hi,

Just broken up with grillfiend after 9 years 123 days. Freedom. Still consider myself straight but am considering looking for a boyfriend over the 2012-13 summer to satisfy a craving for penis.

What I want is the same partner for maybe 4 months. I am not interested in a new guy every night. Do guys you meet in clubs or saunas agree to be tested for STD first? Maybe I need a low key meeting place instead where we can get to know each other more slowly. I am confused about the committment inthe gay community re std prevention. I absoloutely want to go condom free after my partner and me are tested, and promise to be faithful.

any advice?

Quote:

Originally Posted by oceanjock

…I am confused about the committment inthe gay community …

Silly man! The gay community specialise in commitment. The gay community are now demanding that Gillard embrace our commitment. Are you really sure you just want 4 months? Because the gay community are now demanding something longer than that.


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Quote:

Originally Posted by oceanjock

Hi,

Just broken up with grillfiend after 9 years 123 days. Freedom. Still consider myself straight but am considering looking for a boyfriend over the 2012-13 summer to satisfy a craving for penis.

What I want is the same partner for maybe 4 months. I am not interested in a new guy every night. Do guys you meet in clubs or saunas agree to be tested for STD first? Maybe I need a low key meeting place instead where we can get to know each other more slowly. I am confused about the committment inthe gay community re std prevention. I absoloutely want to go condom free after my partner and me are tested, and promise to be faithful.

any advice?

9 yrs 123 days, good to see you've let it go

Lol @ "currently straight" craving for penis.

I'll try a more serious answer for you. *note this is just my opinion/perspective and not necissarily accurate.


While its good to know what you want, being a bit too specific can make it difficult to find someone.

For instance having an expiry date on a relationship seems a little concerning.
If a relationship built with the intention of being temporary then I would say that you would have a very hard time of finding something monogamous.

Also regarding STD testing, while it is important to be safe, paranoia can scare people off, gay guys are alot more promiscious than the straight world, fooling around a bit on the first meet is fairly normal.

Certainly its good to ask if your partner is healthy, but as long as your practicing safe sex, trying to drag someone off to a clinic straight away to be tested probably wouldn't go down so well.

For example i'm in a long term relationship now but when we started getting together we talked about it at the start of the relationship, played it safe for a couple of weeks, then when the relationship had developed and we knew we could trust each other then things changed.



I don't know how much you know about the gay seen or how much you have experienced.
But I would say it is good to be comfortable with things first, like all things in life there are people out there that will try and take advantage if they can.

picking up in a club or sauna is much more likly to be an instant gratification thing.
getting to know people online can be a good way to start off if you want to try and work out what you want first.

Hey there, private message me?

Hey M8 -

Welcome to the wide, wonderful, and weird world of SS.

I'm sure many of us can appreciate your new-found sense of freedom to discover and explore some latent curiosities you may have been carrying with you for a while now.

I found that establishing a very broad context of what it means to be Bi (or gay or anything else that you're coming to terms with) helped quite a bit.

For example, websites like this and other profile sites can expose you to a range of the people who find themselves within a simliar process as you. Chatting with them can show that there are many, many ways to be on the gay-bi-str8 loop.

Getting out a heap of movies dealing with the theme are another good way of establishing a broad context so you can start to see where along that continuum you best fit and feel most comfortable.

I found that going to places which had bi/gay clientele, but weren't specifically Gay/Bi venues served as a really good 'stepping stone' as well.
Doing regular activities, in a regular/non-targeted location but in the presence of many other people from the LGBTI community helped me feel more comfortable.

For example I would do workouts at Prahran Pool or go out for a pint at the Prince of Wales hotel - an interesting spot since half of it is targetedly gay and the other side is more str8-man-bakcpacker-tradey pub. Its one central bar that separates the two sides, and its easy to move from one side to the other, without making any 'declaration' if you're not ready to. For example, if you really did want to check out the gay side, but not look like it, you can enter from the Pub side and just walk over there on the inside. Red Bennies on Chapel street might be a place as well - it doesn't really target a particular clientele but does manage to attract a particular demographic.

There is an LGBT radio station broadcasting/podcasting out of melbourne that actually is a pretty good radio station which might help you find your feet - although they don't offer much specifically addressing Bi issues.

Other than that, check Meet-up for shared-interest groups with a M2M focus that look interesting to check out.

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Then I guess give the guy-thing a try - if you haven't already - and don't make a decision based on any one experience you have. You might find out that you're really turned on by the THOUGHT of doing something with a guy, or by the visual stimulation of a man, or you may discover that physical contact with another guy is just mind-blowing - or not.

Be willing to accept any combinations - in sex and attraction there's very little mutually exclusivity - you CAN pick and choose different things that work or do not work for you.

Good luck in all of your discoveries!

Try heaps
Be smart about it/safe about it

Its usually a good idea to get a full STI check at the end of a relationship and again when something casual turns into something more enduring - this way you can enter any new encounters with full knowledge of your own status and have the opportunity to clear up anything which may need it.

Do your research on the different nasties - how to recognize them, what they do to you, how easy it is to get/get rid of them, how long it takes them to show-up in your system after contracting - and establish your boundaries of 'acceptable risk'. The general rule is if you don't know for sure, assume the other guy has the thing that you want least to catch and conduct yourself accordingly.

I don't go to saunas or SOPVs myself, but I think that people who do are looking for sex right-then right-there, and are highly unlikely to duck out to the Sexual Health Centre with you to get an on-the-spot test.

If- as you say - you're only after a 'Spring Trial' experience over a few months, I'd suggest keeping the connies handy for that period of time. Although its easy to push it out of your mind, going 'raw/bb/unwrapped' is a BIG ask and implies total knowledge and complete trust if you're both serious about keeping the bugs at bay.

In terms of seeking monogamy and honest committment in a sauna, its not my impression that that is what a lot of patrons of these venues are looking for by being there. I could be wrong, as I am not speaking from personal experience or familiarity. But, it is important to not be naive about expectations. Like any undesireable behaviour, you have to ask yourself "If he'd do it to someone else, what makes me so sure he won't do it to me"