OK, so the story goes...............

Started chatting online. Many of the same quirky interests. Simply had to meet each other. When we did it felt like we had know each other forever. Instant connection and instant feeling of calm and comfortability. Sex is AMAZING

We have only spent a few nights apart this entire time. She has practically moved in. I am madly in love with her.

DILEMMA

I am in my mid 30's. I have only been out for about 8mths, previous relationship was with a man. Had been with him since highschool (two children later, currently living with their dad)

If this was anyone else i would tell them that it is too soon, you couldn't possibly know each other well enough to make such a decision etc etc.

I have heard of very similiar relationships that are still going strong. Am i scared? I'm in love with her, we have a chemistry that just "is". She is so amazing and is the wonderful butch woman that i have secretly been longing for.

OH, I should note that i said YES

Please post some feedback, we haven't told anyone yet, but i know my parents will no doubt think its too soon and will criticize the situation. I am torn between my heart and the feeling of just knowing that she is the one and my logical side which is based on a generalisation that most of these relationships will not work in the long term.

I'm scared, elated, fearful, over the moon....... *sigh* for once i do not know what to do..... i clearly think too much about things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RokChik

OK, so the story goes...............

Started chatting online. Many of the same quirky interests. Simply had to meet each other. When we did it felt like we had know each other forever. Instant connection and instant feeling of calm and comfortability. Sex is AMAZING

Ok. At the risk of sounding like a bitch, of course everything is great. It's your honeymoon period and you should enjoy every moment of it, and hope that it does last.

But trust me when I say that it takes at least twelve months before shit gets real enough for you to really make an informed decision. What's the rush?

No not bitchy at all. I am not in a rush. I understand that its the honeymoon period, that is why my i am fighting with myself. I got swept up in the moment, it was beautiful and yes, i do want to marry this woman, but it doesn't have to be in the next two weeks iykwim.

I am more in favour of a long engagement and she is happy to wait till i am ready. I feel like i am making a mockery of the fight that we are having about equal marriage rights. Is it acceptable to have made the pledge/committment to each other, having a long term engagement 2-3 yrs and then walk down the aisle.

There are no rules... enjoy the moment... yes the honeymoon stage and those intense feelings are overwhelming ... but for now you have said yes.. your happy, shes happy your in a love bubble so just enjoy and try not to let family or friends bring you down. It could be too soon, you can wait for a year or two to marry or you could do it in 6 months.. only you know when its right. Sometimes we get so caught up in what others or society would think is right that we stop trusting ourselves and dont follow our heart. Congrats... I am so happy for you.

I think the correct term for this is "u-hauling."

I had the same with my girl. Met online, instant connection which was just as strong in real life. We talked marriage, even named our kids.

Then the honeymoon stage ended, and almost overnight she decided she didn't love me anymore. I've asked her, friends asked, even her ex she didn't know I knew asked her: she has no reason, I did nothing wrong. She just got bored.

Now I'm not saying that will happen to you, but just saying that having an instant bond and talking marriage early on doesn't guarantee anything. I think women do have a tendency to be too intense too early, gay or straight. It's just in lesbian relationships both women can get intense while a man would be heading for the hills. Hence the term u-hauling!

lol Baby reminds me of a post on pink sofa about 'the lesbian years'... will try excavate it out but maybe someone here will know? I think women do tend to jump the gun a bit.. so much so they get where they thought they always wanted to be and suddenly its boring or not what they thought... so onto the next conquest. Very general of course but so many friends str8 and gay seem to just want more more more even though they have what they thought they wanted.

I think you got that right unda. I know many long term committed and happy lesbian couples so of course it can be done, but I do see a lot of lez couples go too fast too soon and I was one of them. The fact that theres an expression for it says a lot!

I know this is not the same thing but my folks got engaged after 7weeks and they've now been together for over 30yrs. I think some people just know, and when it's right something just clicks.

Wow thats cool Zimmo! My parents have been married 27 yrs and their love story is the weirdest i know!! i guess the one thing about love is it knows no boundaries... follows no rules.

Zimmo I know a couple who were engaged after a week and still happily married 21 years later. My friend Georgia married within four months of meeting her man and they're still happy. It can be done! But personally I think if it's going to work, it will still work if you wait to get married. If you rush in and realise it was horribly wrong, it's harder to get out of a marriage! If I'd married my girl (assuming it was legal) she would now have half my money just because she woke up one day and fell out of love!

u have a valid point baby... its much easier jumping in than it ever is to get the fuck out... unless i guesd your heartless ... or was in it for wrong reasons to start with.

Back in the day people were married at age 15.

So really getting married at 35 is nothing new.

I mean at your age you don't really have any choice.

They also died by 30 MBIG so it's not like you had to spend 40 years with anyone.

Since gay marriage isn't legal, you can always have a ceremony and call yourselves married and get out easily. But if you get the option to legally marry, I'd wait. You need at least a year to wait for the honeymoon stage excitement to end before you really know if there's a solid base for a relationship. And like I said, you just signed over half your money if you marry.

I don't know how far half of nothing would go mwahahaha

I'll sure as hell be asking for a pre-nup.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chimpy

I don't know how far half of nothing would go mwahahaha

If you get made to pay alimony you get less than nothing! My friend almost had to pay it to her deadbeat husband because she worked and he was unemployed most of the marriage! So you don't need to be rich to get screwed in a divorce.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby

If you get made to pay alimony you get less than nothing! My friend almost had to pay it to her deadbeat husband because she worked and he was unemployed most of the marriage! So you don't need to be rich to get screwed in a divorce.

Not saying it was her fault at all, but don't you think hard working is a quality you'd be looking for in a life partner?? And surely not having a job wouldn't be acceptable for a grown man of "marriage potential". I dunno personally I think being hard working is a really important quality and I wouldn't marry someone who wasn't hard working, I don't care in what field or job but you've gotta work at it, earn your pennies help people out where possible etc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zimmo

Not saying it was her fault at all, but don't you think hard working is a quality you'd be looking for in a life partner?? And surely not having a job wouldn't be acceptable for a grown man of "marriage potential". I dunno personally I think being hard working is a really important quality and I wouldn't marry someone who wasn't hard working, I don't care in what field or job but you've gotta work at it, earn your pennies help people out where possible etc.

You'd think so, he was kind of a bum before the marriage so I can't even say he was hard working in the beginning. I think she thought she could change him...classic story really!

Quote:

Originally Posted by undawundawoman

lol Baby reminds me of a post on pink sofa about 'the lesbian years'... will try excavate it out but maybe someone here will know? I think women do tend to jump the gun a bit.. so much so they get where they thought they always wanted to be and suddenly its boring or not what they thought... so onto the next conquest. Very general of course but so many friends str8 and gay seem to just want more more more even though they have what they thought they wanted.

3 guys I know met their wives and decided on 1st dates they would marry them.

That was before sex and intimacy happened.

Sometimes marriage is a decision to love, make things work and to enjoy a lifetime getting to know one another and how to bring out each others best. Romance naturally comes and can even last way longer because of that devotion or approach.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bar Wench

I'll sure as hell be asking for a pre-nup.

Always. Always. Always.