In recent history I made some new friends however what wasn’t instantly noticeable to myself and others was 1 of these people seemed to have a, how you say” temps de laisser” for messing with peoples heads, stealing, deceit, back stabbing and all the garden varieties of malicious and very self serving behaviours. It seems to me that these sort of people generally have a short shelf life within any friendship circle. It also had come to light during my experiences that this person had slashed and burned other unsuspecting friendly cliques under a different name. Makes me wonder how long someone like this would last before they had to move on as you would if you had burnt so many bridges.

Has anyone ever experienced people who have a pathological motivation to create chaos and mistrust for what ever selfish end?

Its almost like a kind of sociopathic behaviour, or the behaviour of someone who lacks insight into social cause and effect.

did you meet this person through SameSame?

irrelevant

Not as bad as that !

have had 2.

1 no longer with us but back then just appeared in our group of friends after leaving another group of his friends behind. Never understood that one. They did cause some arguments but I stood my ground so never had a problem but they passed away and my group was there for them.

1 just seems to totally change a group of friends every so often . Hangs around in that group for years though and I have seen him switch from group to group but had always been included etc then last year - poof ! my calls not returned and none of our group hears from him now. We used to have so much fun going out and he and I
had the same sense of humour. We still run into at parties and still chat etc but absolutely nothing malicious about him. No fights etc.

The problem with these creatures is that they are their own undoing and they show themelves for who they really are. It will get to the point where they will have no one to turn to. These type of people end up either harming others or themselves.

Happy to say that I have not personally encountered anyone like this in my life so far *touch wood*.

One of my good friends is that kind of toxic. I'm one of the only people actually capable of reigning them in before something bad happens.

Quote:

Originally Posted by datkindagal

irrelevant

PMSL

Yeah, have come across 2 people like that....

One was actually a girl I was kinda seeing and she tried to create chaos in the house I was living in with the rest of the members of my band by telling them all individually false facts about what I thought of them and what I thought they thought of me. So we spent about 3-4 weeks all tiptoeing around the house, it was very strange. We were all like 20/21 at the time too and doing rock n roll, booze, late nights too. One night, it all came tumbling out what had been said and the truth of the situation was re-established. The other three lads encouraged me to give her the heave-ho, which I was more than ready for (also I was ready for some more boy action by this time too haha). So I did that but she did not react well and managed to break into the the house and trash my room and spread food and drink all over it too. Nice kinda girl.... beautiful on the outside but psychokiller inside.

Quote:

Originally Posted by datkindagal

1 of these people seemed to have a, how you say” temps de laisser” for messing with peoples heads, stealing, deceit, back stabbing and all the garden varieties of malicious and very self serving behaviours. It seems to me that these sort of people generally have a short shelf life within any friendship circle.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phazz

The problem with these creatures is that they are their own undoing and they show themelves for who they really are. It will get to the point where they will have no one to turn to. These type of people end up either harming others or themselves.

i have been one of these creatures in my youth

the last 17 years has mellowed me somewhat - actually a complete personality change has happened in many respects - and it needed to

Quote:

Originally Posted by datkindagal

Its almost like a kind of sociopathic behaviour, or the behaviour of someone who lacks insight into social cause and effect.

or while the insight might exist, it is over-ridden in practice by primal desires of other forces, which creates guilt and shame, and the need to over-ride those feelings, which seems to demonstrate lack of insight into social cause and effect, which ........

ever decreasing circles

Have had a lot of this in my life. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt until they really prove themselves. What I've found is that often people like this are not told about the impact of their behaviour and are as a result often oblivious. The response of those around them is to simply withdraw as its easier. What I have been doing of late is actually calling them on it and giving them an opportunity to fix things. If that fails I feel free to detach and move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by datkindagal

In recent history I made some new friends however what wasn’t instantly noticeable to myself and others was 1 of these people seemed to have a, how you say” temps de laisser” for messing with peoples heads, stealing, deceit, back stabbing and all the garden varieties of malicious and very self serving behaviours. It seems to me that these sort of people generally have a short shelf life within any friendship circle. It also had come to light during my experiences that this person had slashed and burned other unsuspecting friendly cliques under a different name. Makes me wonder how long someone like this would last before they had to move on as you would if you had burnt so many bridges.

Has anyone ever experienced people who have a pathological motivation to create chaos and mistrust for what ever selfish end?

Its almost like a kind of sociopathic behaviour, or the behaviour of someone who lacks insight into social cause and effect.

Try growing up with a mother like that. Really!

Quote:

Originally Posted by marky markywicz

PMSL

what's PMSL?

Yes, but I like to think I'm 'insightful' enough not to let them impact too greatly on my world. I don't look so much at the outer wrapping, but look more at whats going on on the inside. Usually my focus is more on where its coming from rather than WHAT someone is saying or doing. If its coming from a dark, toxic place I tend to run for the hills.

I've had a couple of instances where I've gone against my gut feel only to regret it later. We live and learn.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wysiwyg_syd

what's PMSL?

pissing myself laughing

Quote:

Originally Posted by marky markywicz

PMSL

Quote:

Originally Posted by sneakos

i have been one of these creatures in my youth

the last 17 years has mellowed me somewhat - actually a complete personality change has happened in many respects - and it needed to

nice analogy below,

I wasn't an angel either however there comes a time when the child must put childish things away.

I totally understand- and as of last year took active steps to cull the toxic people from my life, starting with my then boyfriend.

The hard part is not letting toxic people back in.
They are extraordinarily good at manipulating people and situations, so some can sneak under the radar easily.
The most important thing to remember- is to keep an eye on what these 'friends" actually "do" as opposed to "say"

Their natural character will be betrayed through their subtle actions.

And as the old addage goes, you may be able to fool some of the people some of the time, but never all of the people ALL of the time.

Oh and I love you Cindy you great big honker,

sometimes it pays to be selfish.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wysiwyg_syd

sometimes it pays to be selfish.

It always pays to be selfish.

But then you can't complain when all you are left with is the "self"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Light-Bearer

It always pays to be selfish.

But then you can't complain when all you are left with is the "self"

that's why i said 'sometimes'

Stop your yabbering and take off your pants.

you're way too over dressed for this conversation

My dad calls these people "No Hopers".
I have a cousin like this, everyone runs a mile when they see her coming.

I had a little old lady neighbour who kept losing her keys. I eventually relented and lent her my keys. She subsequently, got copies of MY keys and gained access to my flat, bank accounts and identity, the dear. Expect the best in people but trust no cunt, diddums.

Pathological liars, etc, become pathological, in my opinion, as a coping mechanism to shield themselves from intimacy due to an underlying, unexpressed fear or insecurity .
('I have to live in a fantasy world {ie lie, cheat, steal} to be happy because I'm scared people will reject me for being boring/stupid/poor/weak/silly/myself...')

'Toxic people' are essentially lacking in confidence to simply be themselves.

Toxic people are toxic.

Just like a poisonous substance, only with arms and a mouth.

They can also ambulate.