Getting a phone call at 5am and seeing the caller ID as ‘mum’ is never a good thing. And she had rung to tell me that my dad – well, foster dad really, they took me in as a kid and I spent most of my childhood years with them so I call them mum and dad – who had been away on a bowls trip up north, had been admitted to the mater hospital in Newcastle earlier in the morning with heart and breathing trouble. My dad is 76yo and hasn’t been in the best of health over the past few years – already has had a double bypass and now has a leaky valve on his heart, yet he still plays bowls 3 or 4 times a week and goes away on trips with his bowls mates. I’ll say now, that iv just spoken to mum and the doctors are running tests with results due back later tonite and hopefully only a viral infection that is compounded by his heart condition rather than anything more serious, however, he’s on a ventilator and wont know too much more for a few hours yet. So iv kinda been reflecting a lot about my dad since this morning. We had a really stormy relationship when I was growing up, but I always looked up to him. He played grade football, and I kinda came from a footy family – all boys, and we all played, and mum was one of them mums who’d be at the canteen or on the bbq at the local footy ground each weekend. Maybe that’s where my love of football came from – who knows. But I fell into some trouble as a teen, and despite the storms we had, whenever I was locked up, he’d always be there to visit, and pay my court fines and get me bail, etc etc. I remember in my early 20s mum and dad decided to put me on a plane to a rehab in Brisbane cos I couldn’t seem to stay clean in Sydney. They let me come home for a few days prior to going in, and I was really really sick at that stage. On th way to th airport, I made them go via cabra so I could get on and then I will never ever forget walking down the gangway to the flight and turning around to say goodbye and I noticed a tear in my dad’s eyes. I had never ever seen any kind of emotion form him and seeing that that day tore me apart inside – knowing what I had done to him, and I guess I felt at that point that he also really loved me. its strange how those ‘knowings’ happen at the oddest times. A few years later I had a break-up with a bf, and it was y dad who was there for me. fuck that was so surreal – it was honestly like one of those corny father-son moments from some US tear-jerker movie, only it was me and my dad who were the stars – and him comforting me and us talking about the bf id just lost. It was just fucking surreal – but so so warming at the same time, knowing I could talk to my dad like that. Over the last 17 years or so, iv managed to heal a lot of the damage done and we have a great relationship now – even if I ring home now and he answers the fone – he’l stay and chat for a bit instead of his usual ‘mums not here at the moment’ or ‘il just get ur mum for you’ – which was how he always answered the fone. But now we talk. About all sorts of shit – tho often about football too – we both still love it my brother went up with my mum to newy this morning, and hopefully dad will be back home in Sydney (Hornsby) by early next week. Il prolly go up tomorrow – I just spoke to mum then and asked if she wanted me to come up – and of course she said no its fine wait till tomorrow, tony’s here, il be fine. There’s a part of me that feels guilty that im sitting here in Sydney and not up there – and I haven’t discounted the idea of heading up there tonite.
I know death is inevitable, and I hope im not dramatising it too much, but when it comes to family members, its just something id rather not think about. It will happen - I know that, especially when his health isn’t the best – but I just don’t wanna go there in my mind.
And today im remembering some of the special moments, specially the footy grounds as a kid, he took me fishing one nite – the only time I remember doing that - when I was about 6 or 7 and it was just me and him and we stayed out till what seemed like way past midnite tho in truth it was prolly about 8pm – hahaha he was always there to visit me when I was in trouble, and we had that father-son moment when I had a break up that was just priceless.
Im glad we have had the chance to heal a lot of the damage, cos even tho I don’t say it nearly enough, I do really love him – lots.
Someone mite ask me next week how ur dad is, and he mite be back on the bowling green and running around with his buddies – I hope so – and I mite then be a lil embarrassed about posting this, co sim not trying to sound dramatic, just whats happening and where im at with him today.

No it isn't a dramatic post - it's an absolutely beautiful, very real post about family and what they go through and what they mean to each other.

I hope your Dad gets better and you have more years to enjoy with him.

Thanks for writing this.

Hey Sneakos, not melodramatic at all, I wish you and your family all the best of luck ok? I know how long each day seems at these times, I hope your dad is back on that bowling green asap!

xoxoxox

Don't be embarrassed about it. I really hope your dad is going to be ok. In my opinion, if you are feeling guilty about not being there, then you should go. Please make sure when you do travel up to Newcastle that you do so safely. Don't rush yourself (if you are driving that is).

Yes, very wise words Phazz. Please go with what your heart says, you know what to do. And do it safely and take time to collect yourself.

thx guys im sure he'l be fine

i guess at these times, i kinda do some reflecting and what iv been doing is reliving some of the moments with him growing up etc

there's some fond memories there

and yep - he'l be back bowling again im sure

Hugs Sneakos. I hope all is well and everything works out for the best. You deserve it dude and by the sounds of it so does your dad.

Always remember you rock

hugs babe.. !!

Lovely post. Thinking of you both.

I hope your dad gets better before it's his time so you can have a few more memories. Good luck.

* HUGS* Hope everything turns out OK.

I've spilled my guts on here when I lost my Mum 18 months ago. So post all you like.
Unfortunately most of will go through this.

Big hugs.

Sometimes screaming into the ether is good therapy.

Hope all works out Sneakos and from my heart to yours- mucho love.

Take care baby. Much Mama love to you xxxxxxxxxx

Nana says you have come a long way from the little cunt who used to steal her milk money out of the bottles on the front veranda Fridays nights!
*Bless*

Big hugs bra

Thinking of you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheOldie

Unfortunately most of will go through this.

I try to remind myself how much better it is for a child to lose their parents, than it is for a parent to lose their child.

And I find that helps me cope better with the fear of my parents getting older and losing them.

Because the only other option is the reverse, which I would never want to put them through.

Hope things get better sneakos. Sending some virtual hugs your way

Quote:

Originally Posted by ammonite

I try to remind myself how much better it is for a child to lose their parents, than it is for a parent to lose their child.

It's actually true, it was even harder to watch my best mate's Mum than it was to handle my Dad dying, then again sudden occurances are harder because you feel robbed.


@Sneakos
Take care Pete, use the time wisely that you've got with your Dad and don't hold anything back, I didn't and I'm happier for it.
xoxox

holy shit, what an awesome post
at first i was like, tldr, but then i started to get into it and
wow
i read a lot of people's posts and that was fucking amazing - easily the best i've seen on this site
good luck to you [and your folks]
:>

Quote:

Originally Posted by marky markywicz

Nana says you have come a long way from the little cunt who used to steal her milk money out of the bottles on the front veranda Fridays nights!
*Bless*

Lol! Laughter is good medicine!

Hang in there babe.... Life throws us curve balls when we least expect them!!

What great memories to have!

I'm glad u made up with him and hope he is back on the green A.S.A.P,

Hugs,
Lily xo