OK I have Aspergers Syndrome. What is it you ask? It's a high functioning form of Autism. How does it affect me you wonder? It impacts on my ability to socialise effectively in social situations and everyday life, such as understanding unwritten social rules and non verbal communication.

Since most of GLBTI culture is heavily socially orientated, for a person like myself it's can be hell just to function at a social level which is acceptable to most people on the scene without coming across as a complete oddball. Also it is difficult to develop and maintain friendships and relationships.

It's not that I don't want to socialise and have a good time, refuse to have friends or develop a romantic relationship. The fact is that it's more work for me to do this than the majority of average people and it takes time. I'd love to go to music festivals etc... (haven't done so as yet) and have friends so it's definitely not that I don't want to be social.

And yes when you meet me in person I am able to converse with you one on one or in a small group, I may come out with something random or go off on another tangent. Yet I am 33 yrs old and I have learned over the years from experience the required skills to do this and I'm still learning. Big crowds on the other hand require more effort, yet it's something I'm learning to conquer and be able to manage to enjoy myself in these environments.

I'm interested to know of any other GLBTI people living in Sydney with Aspergers Syndrome (or Aspies as we like to be known as) or if your GLBTI and have friends and family with Aspergers or who are on the Autistic spectrum of your experiences and views in dealing with them.

Being gay and on the autistic spectrum is hard, just like being gay and a part of other minority groups. And having been on various gay scenes over the years I've had all types of comments made to me about being peculiar, not fitting in and anti-social. I'm also excluded a lot due to my difference and rejected when people discover I'm mildly autisic and this experience is common for many people with visible and non-visible disabilities.

And heck no I'm not wallowing in poor me. I mean yes at times I do feel a excruciating sense of isolation and wonder where and how I belong. It can be like you're more an observer in social situtations than a fully included participant. Yet this has just fuelled my need to self advocate and also work at being more socially aware and no I'm not changing to fit in or compromising to be accepted, I'm evolving and we all need to give and take. And through my learning and example I know there are others out there who I may meet or never will know who will benefit from it.

So let me know if you're on the spectrum, think you are or if not feel free to ask me questions if you want to.

Ashley

Ash. I applaud you for starting this thread. The problem with Aspergers is that there is a basic lack of knowledge in the broader community. most people don't know anything about it and don't know how to recognise that someone is Aspergic.

I don't live in Sydney and I am not an Aspie but my partner John is a consultant in Special Education in Queensland and deals a lot with students with Aspergers and other variants on the spectrum and with other disorders. Through my relationship with him I have come to be aware and consider I am able to recognise the signs of Aspergers in people.

In the last year and a half I came in contact with a gay person who was clearly Aspergic. His behaviour in social situations caused most people to react negatively and either avoid him or actively taunt him. He was constantly complaining that he could not get a date with anyone and hadn't had one for 5 years. He was a member of Same same but his behaviour here also caused him eventually to be banned from the site.

I think that the problem in his case was that he is undiagnosed and I didn't know how to broach the subject with him. Eventually he left the country back to whence he came. At least in your case you are aware of being a gay Aspie and you are taking steps to deal with it and also raising the awareness in the community.

People need to look past the odd random or tangential behaviour and deal with you as you are. So just be aware that some people in this forum have reacted badly in the past to strange posts while not being aware that the poster was Aspergic. At least you have given them warning and asked for understanding and awareness.

Hugs to you from John and I. (he may read this thread and join the discussion).

Ash, this is a wonderful thread!
Thank you for taking the time to write it.

My elderly aunt offered a room in her home to her 45 yo handyman around three years ago after his boarding house burnt down.
He has Aspergers possibly undiagnosed but he ticks all the boxes so we are certain he has it.
A great guy and very intelligent and takes great pride in his work.

Also a dear friend's son who is 21 has it.
He had a very bad time at school with the teachers marking him as disrruptive until someone recognised the symptoms and went through them with his mother.
it all fell into place and he was able to get assistance and a better understanding from people.

We also have a beautiful guy on SS in Brisbane who has Aspergers and more than likely add to this thread.

All I can say, is that if you look back through history, most people who would have been 'diagnosed' with Aspies (as the experts like to call it) were the most spectacularly interesting and creative people that gave humanity more than they could ever bargain for.

I wonder how much of your 'diagnosis' has been written by you or by others.

Be yourself, feel comfortable in who you are and what you have to offer. If that means you have the odd annoying tick or social difficulty, then you are special because you articulate it> It's not bad because you do. It is actually bad because all the others don't.

It's a bit like going to the supermarket.

Great post Ashley. I have borderline aspergers and have gone through much therapy to address it. Your posts were really interesting. I know hardly anyone else in the GLBT community let alone the community at large who has it or even understands it. It's played a huge role (mostly negative) in my relationships with partners (particularly) and with friends (less so). It has caused me a lot of sadness and loss of trust in myself as a human being with value and worth. Recently, I have tried to harness these things that make me this way and try and use them positively. It's hard though and I often become overwhelmed with negative thoughts... I especially have lost a great deal of confidence when it comes to the idea of having a partner. I have been single now for 18 months and my AS behaviors played a major role in my last relationship failing. My experience is that it is easy to get lost and difficult to build up trust in yourself. This is a sad and lonely thing to live with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrAsh

And heck no I'm not wallowing in poor me. I mean yes at times I do feel a excruciating sense of isolation and wonder where and how I belong. It can be like you're more an observer in social situtations than a fully included participant.

I 100% relate to this... a daily reality.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beau

All I can say, is that if you look back through history, most people who would have been 'diagnosed' with Aspies (as the experts like to call it) were the most spectacularly interesting and creative people that gave humanity more than they could ever bargain for.

I wonder how much of your 'diagnosis' has been written by you or by others.

Be yourself, feel comfortable in who you are and what you have to offer. If that means you have the odd annoying tick or social difficulty, then you are special because you articulate it> It's not bad because you do. It is actually bad because all the others don't.

It's a bit like going to the supermarket.

Thanks for the positive comment Beau, it's appreciated. When I found out about the diagnosis a lot fell into place. It was only after showing my complete psychological history with personal imput from my parents about my developmental behaviours to a psychiatrist then a lot of reading and discussions with other professionals and people very close to me that we realised I was on the Autistic spectrum.

One thing I have been told and get reminded from people is that I musn't live under the diagnosis, I have to live to be me. It is hard since it's easy to blame everything on the diagnosis and not take responsibility for your own actions.

As for the annoying tick. I had one when I was a child yet I grew out of it and I still do have some odd behaviours which I'm working at improving. I'd like to clarify I'm changing behaviour because I want to and need to make life a bit easier for myself and it's not for the benefit of others.

I love people with Asperger's (Not just Dustin Hoffman's character in the Rain Man)
I used to teach a child with Asperger's, utterly fascinating stuff. My close friend's son has Asperger's (6 years old).

There are channels on IRC irc.freenode.net #wrongplanet & wrongplanet-alt which are made for people who are Aspie's or Autistic to meet. I used to hang out in these channels religiously and have made several friends from around the world on there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mudley

Great post Ashley. I have borderline aspergers and have gone through much therapy to address it. Your posts were really interesting. I know hardly anyone else in the GLBT community let alone the community at large who has it or even understands it. It's played a huge role (mostly negative) in my relationships with partners (particularly) and with friends (less so). It has caused me a lot of sadness and loss of trust in myself as a human being with value and worth. Recently, I have tried to harness these things that make me this way and try and use them positively. It's hard though and I often become overwhelmed with negative thoughts... I especially have lost a great deal of confidence when it comes to the idea of having a partner. I have been single now for 18 months and my AS behaviors played a major role in my last relationship failing. My experience is that it is easy to get lost and difficult to build up trust in yourself. This is a sad and lonely thing to live with.

Thanks buddy. I wouldn't worry about being single, by choice I've only ever been in one relationship which was very short lived and only recently have I considered the need to have one. Yet I am not rushing to find just any Bruce anytime soon. To me relationships have to be based on friendship and not just lustful romantic infatuation.

The best advice I can give is to take friendships and relationships slowly. I've have a lot of issues with trust and over the years I have developed poor friendships with people who psychologically abused me and tried to control me and really just used me for their own benefit.

In saying this I've learn't not to give up on humanity and the ability to trust people. You just have to go back to the beginning with each new person you meet and develop it slowly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iratei

I love people with Asperger's (Not just Dustin Hoffman's character in the Rain Man)
I used to teach a child with Asperger's, utterly fascinating stuff. My close friend's son has Asperger's (6 years old).

There are channels on IRC irc.freenode.net #wrongplanet & wrongplanet-alt which are made for people who are Aspie's or Autistic to meet. I used to hang out in these channels religiously and have made several friends from around the world on there.

People on the Autistic spectrum are fascinating. I get told a lot by various people that I'm different and interesting. Yet I really don't see it.

It's a totally different way of thinking.

if you use Internet Relay Chat, I really recommend you check out those channels. Quite a few GLBT peeps on there too

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iratei

It's a totally different way of thinking.

if you use Internet Relay Chat, I really recommend you check out those channels. Quite a few GLBT peeps on there too

I've been on a few GLBTI Aspie groups before. Yet Melbourne is the place it seems for GLBTI Aspies.

It is a totally different way of thinking. Yet I believe in the future there won't be any differentation between being on the Autistic spectrum and being neuro-typical. The more we learn about neurology and neuro-diversity the more our society will adapt to different ways of thinking.

hmm interesting

I wonder if I'm a little aspies. I get bored easily. I often walk out of movies. And I remember, back in the days when I was having it off, my mind would start to wander

Quote:

Originally Posted by mark_

I wonder if I'm a little aspies. I get bored easily. I often walk out of movies. And I remember, back in the days when I was having it off, my mind would start to wander

More like... just rude, rude, rude

Lots of people probably have conditions they don't know (or care) about. Most of them, like me, cannot afford the specialists.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrAsh

Quote:

Originally Posted by shysydneyboy

Lots of people probably have conditions they don't know (or care) about. Most of them, like me, cannot afford the specialists.

Being diagnosed doesn't cure you, yet it gives you an understanding of what is happening. There are a lot of ways to get professional help it you need it without paying exorbiant prices.

Go ash ... I am gay & kind of disabled ... kidney pancreas transplant diabetic with osteoporosis .. it does make it hard being a member of the gay community some times but I find the fun in everyday. My Djing helps me connect with alot more people.
Great that you started this thread ...all the power to you man !!

this thread is made of win - and not in a Charlie Sheen kinda way - thanks MrAsh!

Hey Mr Ash. Great thread and thankyou for sharing your story. I have to admit Aspies is something I've heard of but never really understood. Will now have to make the effort to learn more.

Google, where are you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dsquare

Hey Mr Ash. Great thread and thankyou for sharing your story. I have to admit Aspies is something I've heard of but never really understood. Will now have to make the effort to learn more.

Google, where are you?

My Nana says... Google is your friend.

Great thread Mr Ash.

Thanks for posting as I didnt know much about it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by marky markywicz

My Nana says... Google is your friend.

Funny, Google said your Nana is my friend.

Thanks for sharing such personal information with us. I think people tend to not address such issues that do affect our community, rather focus on shallow things.

I think even though big parts of humanity and our community can be rather unforgiving for not being "perfect", the reality is that nobody is perfect yet people still tend to discriminate. That being said, not everyone is like this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phazz

I think even though big parts of humanity and our community can be rather unforgiving for not being "perfect", the reality is that nobody is perfect yet people still tend to discriminate. That being said, not everyone is like this.

I've come to believe the less perfect you are the more perfect you are.

Funnily enough I was observing two young twinks this morning who tried to pull off the alternative masc look with the designer beared and industry clothing etc... yet they were way too stylised and not natural. You always know something is authentic and real when it has flaws and just is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrAsh

I've come to believe the less perfect you are the more perfect you are.

Funnily enough I was observing two young twinks this morning who tried to pull off the alternative masc look with the designer beared and industry clothing etc... yet they were way too stylised and not natural. You always know something is authentic and real when it has flaws and just is.

I suppose there is no harm in trying and to some people that might be an appeal. They are still young and are probably still trying to find themselves (as most people in general would be). Such is life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phazz

I suppose there is no harm in trying and to some people that might be an appeal. They are still young and are probably still trying to find themselves (as most people in general would be). Such is life.

I agree self exploration should be encouraged.

Hello Mr Ash

People sometimes ask me if i have Aspergers.
I don't think i do.
I do score highly on the Autism Quotient test but it is an internet quiz - I also score highly on the 'are you on a boat' quiz.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ammonite

Hello Mr Ash

People sometimes ask me if i have Aspergers...

First of all stay away from the so called psychological quizes on the internet or on T.V. progams hosted by Edie McGuire. They are not accurate and all psychological tests should be administered by a professional in the area.

I get a lot of people tell me they suspect they are on the spectrum. I advise them to read as much as possible about Aspergers and ask parents and close relatives about their childhood developmental behaviours and if they suspect they are on the Autistic spectrum seek professional advice.