Quote:

Originally Posted by Recreated355

like posting?

LOL Yes, do you think I may have an addiction?. Its just that I have so much to share...
So how are you really diddums??

People can (mis) use sex in many ways : to fill voids, to forget, to rebel, to boost self esteem, for status....

Of all the vices: drugs gambling etc, lots of sex is relatively benign?

Mother says: all things in moderation. Get it while you're young...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt Akersten

I think sex addiction certainly exists. People can get 'addicted' to all sorts of things in all sorts of ways, and there will be those for whom the pursuit of sex wrecks havoc with other important things in their lives.

This topic is contentious though, as gay people have, decades ago, been branded 'sex addicts' and made to go into therapy etc. So the idea of 'sex addiction' is still a fraught one for those who lived through those sorts of things. xx

do you have sex addiction matt?

Yes.No.Perhaps.Maybe.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shazzboy

Yes.No.Perhaps.Maybe.

Quote:

Originally Posted by badamj2000

LOL Yes, do you think I may have an addiction?. Its just that I have so much to share...
So how are you really diddums??

People can (mis) use sex in many ways : to fill voids, to forget, to rebel, to boost self esteem, for status....

Of all the vices: drugs gambling etc, lots of sex is relatively benign?

Mother says: all things in moderation. Get it while you're young...

The worst addictions to treat are gambling addiction, food addiction, alcohol addiction and smoking. The latter 3 are the most socially acceptable and all 4 are legal.

Difference between just beign perpetualy horny and addicted. I have sex with randoms even when I dont want to, just because they are there. I was taken totally for a ride by someone - Im older, so I as a sugar daddy, and spent nearly $300 k over 3 years for someone who just continually screwed me over and I kept on going back - not normal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by badamj2000

So how are you really diddums??

not well, tonsillitis sux

Quote:

Originally Posted by cruzing4fun

Difference between just beign perpetualy horny and addicted. I have sex with randoms even when I dont want to, just because they are there. I was taken totally for a ride by someone - Im older, so I as a sugar daddy, and spent nearly $300 k over 3 years for someone who just continually screwed me over and I kept on going back - not normal.

Are you looking for love in the wrong places?

I was a extremely pernicious as a lad. I dare not quantify. I may be jaded now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Recreated355

not well, tonsillitis sux

Oh is that what they are calling it nowadays? Diddums are you having them out? Im not sure If Ive been done. Apparently we don't need them, which strikes me as rather odd... however Im not a doctor. So stay in bed and rest dear and scratch around on the interweb or sleep or watch TV all day.

If my sex addiction were that prevalent, I wouldn't be home by myself on a Saturday night.

awww cain... when i move to the north shore... u will rock out with ur cock out always!

Whether 'sex addiction' does or doesn't exist obscures another important question: what actually is addiction? Is it a behavioural pattern? Is it a brain disorder? Something to do with chemicals in the brain? Or is it just something we struggle not to do? Because there are numerous definitions of addiction it can be very confusing for someone who starts thinking of him or herself as “an addict”. Perhaps 'sex addiction' isn't just one thing as it is being so conveniently made out to be. Perhaps it is just an expression that is being used as a catch-all to cover many different situations which have little in common except that sex is involved in all of them. As a therapist who works with people concerned about 'sex addiction', this is my experience.

Can this idea of 'addiction' result in a person thinking they cannot be responsible for their actions? Is it a helpful idea to build on, or more of an unhelpful idea?

The idea of sex addiction tends to make people feel bad. In a therapeutic context, this is often called the ‘internalising’ of a problem. Shame can trap a person and leave them afraid to talk about problems for fear of judgement. So the problem becomes bigger and more influential than it was before.

When people contact me wanting to talk about 'sex addiction', its the unique aspects of their situation that catch my attention. The differences from person to person are much greater than the similarities.

Are not all addicts compelled in some way to "fix themselves"?
With mostly no success.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cain9ine

Are gay people, men in particular, only branded sex addicts because we have it on tap?

What I mean is, because we're hornier than women we can have sex for sex and not always have to have any emotional support to accompany it?

R u serious Cain9ine!? i'm a 45 yo bi woman who can certainly have sex for sex's sake and has done many times over the years-humans are not just biology and primal urges-we can make choices/have freewill-and women (and men) can have sex with or without an emotional connection, depending on their desires and needs at the particular moment. I've also been in long term heart-connected relationships and am a mother so i know all the dimensions-let's not let stereotypes define us

i want to have sex with emotional connections from now on. I want to feel connected on all levels.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ernesto_1

i want to have sex with emotional connections from now on. I want to feel connected on all levels.

Who freakin cares?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ernesto_1

i want to have sex with emotional connections from now on. I want to feel connected on all levels.

You should look into 'Electro sex' then Eugene! It's big down there in Melbourne!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ash Rehn

Whether 'sex addiction' does or doesn't exist obscures another important question: what actually is addiction? Is it a behavioural pattern? Is it a brain disorder? Something to do with chemicals in the brain? Or is it just something we struggle not to do? Because there are numerous definitions of addiction it can be very confusing for someone who starts thinking of him or herself as “an addict”. Perhaps 'sex addiction' isn't just one thing as it is being so conveniently made out to be. Perhaps it is just an expression that is being used as a catch-all to cover many different situations which have little in common except that sex is involved in all of them. As a therapist who works with people concerned about 'sex addiction', this is my experience.

Can this idea of 'addiction' result in a person thinking they cannot be responsible for their actions? Is it a helpful idea to build on, or more of an unhelpful idea?

The idea of sex addiction tends to make people feel bad. In a therapeutic context, this is often called the ‘internalising’ of a problem. Shame can trap a person and leave them afraid to talk about problems for fear of judgement. So the problem becomes bigger and more influential than it was before.

When people contact me wanting to talk about 'sex addiction', its the unique aspects of their situation that catch my attention. The differences from person to person are much greater than the similarities.

Has anyone ever told you Ash you have a resemblence to the actor Luke Wilson?

i dont like attaching electrodes to my nipples

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrAsh

You should look into 'Electro sex' then Eugene! It's big down there in Melbourne!

sounds like wired sex

i dont do drugs u guys all know that!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ernesto_1

i dont like attaching electrodes to my nipples

I was thinking somewhere a little closer to the bone?

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackbirdwitch

R u serious Cain9ine!? i'm a 45 yo bi woman who can certainly have sex for sex's sake and has done many times over the years-humans are not just biology and primal urges-we can make choices/have freewill-and women (and men) can have sex with or without an emotional connection, depending on their desires and needs at the particular moment. I've also been in long term heart-connected relationships and am a mother so i know all the dimensions-let's not let stereotypes define us

Didn't mean to stereotype. I realise there are swings either side of the pendulum–but that was the pendulum I was after an answer for...

which bone? my funny bone?

Yes, in my opinion it does still exist. Case in point... beat/public toilet/park sex. Even though we are no longer criminalised and can go to legitimate places to hook up (bars, saunas, cruise clubs, etc) not to mention the innumerable internet sources of casual/recreational sex, the beats and the public toilets/parks are STILL going strong.

Why? There shouldn't be a need for this kind of contentious activity if the only drive was the procurement of pleasure. However, as any behavioural pyschologist will tell you, the most powerful behavioural reinforcer of all is that of intermittent reward. And this is the case with beat/public venue sex.

You NEVER know from one incident to the next a) if anyone will be there, b) if you will be attracted to whoever is there and c) if some really, really HOT HOT man (who never does the more legitimate gay places for fear of being identified) will participate.

Subsequently, for all the lowering of self-esteem implications of this behaviour (as a society in general and as a subculture, 'we' all typically tend to frown on this activity) the fact that every once in a very sporadic while some really sexy, horny man will come along and participate in a few sordid seconds (minutes if you're lucky) of hedonism is enough to keep the protagonists of this cultural subset 'at it'!

Then add in the s-exciting effects of adrenalin (as any long distance runner will tell you) once those endorphins kick in... you're a goner!

Do I sound too knowledgeable on this subject? :-)

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrAsh

Has anyone ever told you Ash you have a resemblence to the actor Luke Wilson?

Yes, I get that quite regularly!

Also the singer from Maroon 5 apparently

Quote:

Originally Posted by orsman01

Yes, in my opinion it does still exist. ...

Why? There shouldn't be a need for this kind of contentious activity if the only drive was the procurement of pleasure.

Just because someone choose to have sex in a toilet, or meet in a cruising area, does it mean they are acting on a 'need'?

If someone chooses to buy clothes from Louis Vuitton, it does not necessarily mean they have a 'need' to buy clothes there. Of course they can purchase all the clothing they need from Kmart or Target. But they might just prefer to wear designer clothes.

If someone chooses to go out to restaurants every night instead of cook at home, it does not mean they 'need' to eat out.

There are many reasons, not just one or two, that men choose to go to particular places to meet their sexual partners. These reasons may vary from one man to the next.

I just remembered I read a parable when I was researching Buddhist sexual ethics. It went along the lines of a student went and asked all these teachers about sex and he found that none of them wanted to answer him or acknowledge his question, then he came across the last teacher who said they don't talk about sex, since sex isn't the problem. It is desire and other attachments which are the problem.

Yep. I'd say sex addiction is a thing.

However, I think the difference between addiction and sex addiction is that sex is something you can do lots of but not become addicted or experience negative outcomes. If you drink 3 bottles of wine a night, invariably you will experience these outcomes.

One day i will experience this wonderful thing called sex. I cannot wait till i am living in the cities, i have not errm...... Played with myself in nearly 4 weeks