An excellent story Matthew, and thanks so much for sharing it. This might surprise you but I think almost all of us feel like this at least some of the time. xox

good article, the white pretty boy twink with the diuretic six pack does nothin for me.

It's refreshing to hear someone honestly and openly share the feelings that a surprisingly amount of people in the community no doubt share. Felt like it could have been lifted from my journal at any point from my teens to mid-twenties. Great work mate!

Brutal, honest and brilliant. I think everyone here just fell in love with you, even just a little bit.

I have felt like this for the most part of my life....life goes on

an inspiration

an inspiration

Hey Matt, Well written, and very honest!
I’m sure you’ve helped a lot of people young and old, who have read your post and related.

Everyone feels that public scrutiny, especially in gay clubs. Even the guy with the 6 pack.
(Naturally these are the words of someone who does not have a 6pack), but you could be the most angelic of hot guys/girls, but looks only go so far. They’re nothing without a personality to match.

If you wear clothes that made you feel hot, and you step out for a night out, sometimes this public scrutiny can edge you on, it can be the base in your strut. But we all have our good days and bad days.
If you don’t feel sexy, why not opt for a night in with close friends? Or a rooftop BBQ?
Your true friends are going to support who you are on the inside, true friendship will transcend vanity.

Please remember, looks fade. Even the hottest guy/girl will one day get wrinkles, or put on weight etc.
Regardless of what you look like Matt, you’ve already got the intelligence to look within and process what’s going on inside your head, and around you. That’s something very attractive. You’ll be fine.

~+~

There will always be people more fortunate and less fortunate then you.....look at comedians, they aren't generally the best looking but I would much rather hang out with a comedian who is so much fun to be around then some stupid go-go dancing twink that can hardly string a sentence together. Don't worry, be happy :)

It's easy to let self doubt get you down. I forgot where I heard this from but it's stuck with me. What you see of others is just the outside and you will always be disappointed when you compare yourself, inside and out, to that.

It gets easier.

It took me about 33 years to like the person in the mirror and to tell you the truth I still avoid looking at myself.
For a long time I didnt even have a mirror in the house.

As you get older- you get less neurotic about your appearance and almost wish you could go back in time and tell the younger you- not to be so hard on themselves.

So much of the pressure we feel as individuals can largely be attributed to forces way beyond our individual psychologies. Overwhelming social forces and social norms apply immense pressure on people to look a certain way, act a certain way, wear certain clothes, or even think in a certain way. The candid concerns you express have much more to do with societal norms to look a certain way than any character flaw on your behalf. The sooner we stop pointing the finger at individuals (and ourselves) and turn our attention to the industries and institutions that have a vested interest in maintaining these norms the closer we will be to relieving the pressure we all feel.

Really heartfelt. Just remember that even the hottest guys have insecurities - even more so in my experience. Not meaning to sound condescending but if it's getting to the point whereby you are running out of a nightclub crying because of this, you may want to consider seeing a counsellor to help you overcoming the negative thought patterns and self esteem issues. Plenty of gay community organisations offer this.

I clould really relate to this article, ever since i first stepped into 'the gay scene' when i was 17 in melb, i always thought i had to conform to a certain look (skinny twink , muscle mary etc) to be accepted and acknoweleged. On friday nights id go out and find many guys wearing the same hairstyle, the same singlets,the same jeans, shoes etc. so the next day I rush out to the shops to try and buy the same clothes and even the same haircut as what i saw the previous night then wear it out that saturday night. I did this quite a few times over and over again, id try to find what the hottest guys of the scene were doing/wearing and id try to copy them in order to make myself feel hot and get thier attention and acceptance. ...It never worked. The most sucess i got was a couple of phone numbers and a one night stand.

A few years on, ive learnt to accept who I am, accept that i can't always be like everyone else and Ive managed to find a man who likes me just the way I am.

wow thank you for that, so honest and raw!

I def can relate to this! Especially since I hit 30. One really has to change their thoughts to create a better feeling of themselves. I find positive affirmations repeated every day can create this change in old thinking patterns which is just habit.

Sadly I think it's getting worse for gay men, the pressure to look perfect I can tell so many who are on steroids and drugs to have those abs or big muscles, the skin care regimes, laser, dermabrasions etc. over priced clothing and fake tans. Its all too much sometimes.

Really good article and I believe a genuine 'reflection' of what goes on inside the head of most gay men. FWIW I too am one of those who will never be a pretty boy-God am well past the age anyway. I had a partner who is still in the modeling industry, heavens knows why he fell in love with me in the first place, but he did, yet he suffered an amazing degree of insecurity about himself. In the five years we were together he persistently self critiqued about his height (as if any has choice over that), his burgeoning chest hair, the size of his c**k, etc, etc. Drove me nuts actually!
The self loathing doesn't rest solely at the feet of us who are less fortunate to fail admiration for anything other than "the person on the inside".

The saddest part about this (really great) article is that so many of us are able to relate to it.
More needs to be done to promote self esteem within the community.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickdisco

The saddest part about this (really great) article is that so many of us are able to relate to it.
More needs to be done to promote self esteem within the community.

any ideas?

Beautifully written. Heartbreaking at the same time. There is hope, though...
The hair on my head is making a slow progression away from my forehead and down my back. *sigh* Not ideal! HOWEVER I ignored my insecurities about that for one night on Sunday and went out without a hat to cover my bald head and without a collar on my shirt to cover my hairy neck.. and guess what happened...? I met a lovely bloke who liked me just for who I was. Sometimes all it takes is to relax and be who you really are.

There is hope for us yet! :)

Hugs Matty.

I am a dog and freely admit it with plenty of self doubt but it never gets me down. Every time a guy takes interest, comes back to my place I think what the fuck do they see in me ?

And at my age that self doubt will probably never go away.

I suppose I rationlize when you see these stunners with a plain boyf and just hope that one day a stunner will make me his plain boyf

WOW

I cant relate to this article at all thankfully.

Those types of thought patterns are absolutely not normal and you should seek professional help. When I see a hot guy on stage I love the perve. Im not thinking about myself (nor are the majority of the other people as you stated in your article).

Get some help buddy so that you can lead an enjoyable life.

x

I agree with the above poster.
There is a big difference between feeling like you're having a 'bad hair day' and the types of repetitive, negative thoughts this author has articulated.
He needs outside intervention from a mental health professional.

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazzymikey

any ideas?

Boys like you should hug more ugmo's or buy them drinks when they look sad.

Hug an Ugmo Day?

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickdisco

Boys like you should hug more ugmo's or buy them drinks when they look sad. …Hug an Ugmo Day?

We must have Will Field to do a Hug an Drag Ugmo Tag Day!

where did this term ugmo come from? its such a bad term. who invented it they need to be shot!

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickdisco

Boys like you should hug more ugmo's or buy them drinks when they look sad.

Hug an Ugmo Day?

aww guys like me? thanks lol

I agree everyone should be a lot nicer and engaging to each other regardless of how hot they are.

LOL this coming from u is RICH

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazzymikey

aww guys like me? thanks lol

I agree everyone should be a lot nicer and engaging to each other regardless of how hot they are.

I think it goes beyond being nicer to each other, maybe recognising that we are all human.

Going out on a weekend is like watching animal planet with glitter. Even the humble soy latte is tainted by having to dress up for a mid morning prowl.
Boys in particular wrap themselves up in these destructive cycles of hunting for man cxxt, whirl wind lustmances & crying over 3 day love affairs. That they lose a sense of themselves, they forget to leave nasty break up texts & catty snipes on Gossip Girl where it belongs.

How about loving yourself for who you are not what you look like or who you do, because all of that fades like your grubby orange tans.


Please ignore my sleepy rant

Correct me if im wrong, but I think the mainstream media might be part of the problem. We are faced with movies and tv shows everyday portraying gay men as being bitchy, vain, shallow and dumb. Sure there are some guys out there who are like that, but not every gay is like that, but becuase thats what mainstream society is shown I suppose some of us feel like we have to uphold those expectations in exchnage for acceptance and become some orange tanned, acid tounge queen with a chip on his shoulder the size of sydney habour.

Like i said in my earlier post in this thread, when i entered the gay scene i tried to be what I thought was 'being a hot gay guy'' but i fell flat on my face. I think there is alot of guys out there , in particular young guys going through the same thing.

bottom line that most gay men have trouble with is loving themselves.