Quote:

Originally Posted by Marko

Hahahahaha omfg Wunderland omfg I damn near died of laughter hahahaha!

Would it be immature and dramatic to post that on her Facebook wall? Hehehehe.

It may not be easy to have a long distance relationship because you have to be more patience and more understanding in circumstances because you get to see each other only when he comes to visit. So its good if the woman stay for good and travel to his man's place.


Motels in Melbourne

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby

Would it be immature and dramatic to post that on her Facebook wall? Hehehehe.

Yes
A waste of your precious time really

Ugh. I just saw she wrote on another site she's got a crush on someone already. Quite a little player huh?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby

Ugh. I just saw she wrote on another site she's got a crush on someone already. Quite a little player huh?

A serial offender baby, should make it a bit easier to digest everything, no?

I feel for you though, you went in it with an open heart and she went in it with an open...I don't know...wallet maybe?

At least I know it's nothing I did, it's just her M.O. Her ex tells identical stories about things that happened between us. I think she wanted an excuse for a trip and have some fun, and when she got home suddenly all the fun was gone. Now she needs to chase more fun.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby

At least I know it's nothing I did, it's just her M.O. Her ex tells identical stories about things that happened between us. I think she wanted an excuse for a trip and have some fun, and when she got home suddenly all the fun was gone. Now she needs to chase more fun.

I think you're right and I think it's weird people like her don't realise what they're up to and the effect they have on people.

The saying 'if it looks too good to be true, it probably is' must have been invented by someone who met Lee

Good riddance baby! Live and learn...

Yeah I don't think I want someone like her. She's either a very good actress or has a personality disorder. All of a sudden her Facebook is full of "Ohhh I'm so drunk" when she never touched alcohol when I knew her. I also saw her on another site bitching about a friend and saying she couldn't be bothered listening to her, she was never one to slag her friends before and called herself Agony Aunt because she was the first to rush to a friend's side for listening and advice. It's like she flipped a switched and became someone else!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby

Yeah I don't think I want someone like her. She's either a very good actress or has a personality disorder. All of a sudden her Facebook is full of "Ohhh I'm so drunk" when she never touched alcohol when I knew her. I also saw her on another site bitching about a friend and saying she couldn't be bothered listening to her, she was never one to slag her friends before and called herself Agony Aunt because she was the first to rush to a friend's side for listening and advice. It's like she flipped a switched and became someone else!

Personality disorder or a very selfish person. It seems to be a lot about what Lee needs. Like I said, a serial offender, there's no cure.
Difficult to spot them though coz they are good actors/actresses, they should be coz they've been doing it for a long time!

It's sad when genuine people run into not so genuine people...never works out but in the end, Lee will always lose and you won't Baby.

I feel sorry for the next person. I think when she calls herself a people pleaser, what she means is she will become the person she thinks you want. So maybe the new interest likes party girls so she's becoming one. And the next one she might become sporty.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby

I feel sorry for the next person. I think when she calls herself a people pleaser, what she means is she will become the person she thinks you want. So maybe the new interest likes party girls so she's becoming one. And the next one she might become sporty.

Absolutely! Sociopath comes to mind....

Yeah that word popped into my mind. I actually called her a monster at one point which didnt go down too well but I'm shocked at how callous she is. I was in tears over Skype and she actually mocked me for it to her ex (the same ex she was hysterical over to the point of drawing miserable pictures of herself with titles like "broken".) Hypocrite much?

Sorry for the long post but check out the profile of a sociopath.

Glibness and Superficial Charm

Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

Incapacity for Love

Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

This definition is one of my exes to a T. The one and only time I have so seriously misjudged a partner's character to the point where I allowed myself to be lured into the cycle of abuse.

I know you are most likely beating yourself up at the moment Baby, wondering how you missed the signs and see-sawing between self-loathing and hatred for your ex. But even the most canny of women can get sold on a lie sometimes. You're only human.

Believe me, it will take a while to understand but you have dodged a bullet, big time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bar Wench

This definition is one of my exes to a T. The one and only time I have so seriously misjudged a partner's character to the point where I allowed myself to be lured into the cycle of abuse.

I know you are most likely beating yourself up at the moment Baby, wondering how you missed the signs and see-sawing between self-loathing and hatred for your ex. But even the most canny of women can get sold on a lie sometimes. You're only human.

Believe me, it will take a while to understand but you have dodged a bullet, big time.

You are so right! It can happen to anyone. It's what sociopaths do best: lie and cheat, of course it's gonna work.

Have a family member with these nice traits. Amazing how their brain works and there's only one way to deal with them: don't deal with them. Ever.

Wow some of those do ring a bell! I could just about tick a box in each category except the rage and abuse one for her. The parasitic one for sure!

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Originally Posted by Baby

Wow some of those do ring a bell! I could just about tick a box in each category except the rage and abuse one for her. The parasitic one for sure!

Like BW said: you really dodged a bullet. Imagine her living here, you would accept so much more shit from her simply coz you'd be feeling guilty for making her leave her family and friends..... Thank your lucky stars for Lee not being able to hide her shit for a long time.

Oh I knew I'd be supporting her ass if she came here. She had more sick days than anyone on the face of the planet which used to worry me. In fact it's crossed my mind that maybe she realized I don't earn enough to give her the lifestyle she wants...

ITs hard to see all of it now. I can't remember the processes. What are they...Anger, hurt, bitterness, sadness, lonliness. I love this..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby

Oh I knew I'd be supporting her ass if she came here. She had more sick days than anyone on the face of the planet which used to worry me. In fact it's crossed my mind that maybe she realized I don't earn enough to give her the lifestyle she wants...

Oh that would have been a financial disaster! She would have been like a leach, mentally and financially.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mac31

ITs hard to see all of it now. I can't remember the processes. What are they...Anger, hurt, bitterness, sadness, lonliness. I love this..

I think, in Baby's case, the list would have been as follows:

Anger
Hurt
Disbelief
Relief
Happiness

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby

I could just about tick a box in each category except the rage and abuse one for her. The parasitic one for sure!

I worked two jobs while I was doing uni to support my layabout ex. I strongly suspect all of those boxes would've been ticked before your relationship came to an end.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bar Wench

I worked two jobs while I was doing uni to support my layabout ex. I strongly suspect all of those boxes would've been ticked before your relationship came to an end.

How long were you together?

Two years or so. It happened a while ago now. We had known each other socially for six months beforehand, and I had wanted her (discreetly, of course) the whole time. She was a charming, attractive and highly sought-after girl. She moved in unsolicited after the first date, then quit her job two weeks later. Looking back I should have seen the red flags but she was a very well regarded person in our tight-knit community. I bought into it. I try not to think about her too much these days, but Baby's posts about Lee are all too familliar.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bar Wench

Two years or so. It happened a while ago now. We had known each other socially for six months beforehand, and I had wanted her (discreetly, of course) the whole time. She was a charming, attractive and highly sought-after girl. She moved in unsolicited after the first date, then quit her job two weeks later. Looking back I should have seen the red flags but she was a very well regarded person in our tight-knit community. I bought into it. I try not to think about her too much these days, but Baby's posts about Lee are all too familliar.

Yes I have noticed that. Her moving in unsolicited after the first date actually to me shows how much she wanted to be loved..how needy she was, which in a way is sad. I was talking about this to a hetero girlfriend on Sunday. When I was younger my parents were very distant in providing us with affection and I think if any guy showed us any attention, we stupidly fell in love and would have moved in when them...after "hello"..LOL But thankfully at 12 yo that was frowned upon.. We all "whack ourselves" in hindsight. Its our need to FEEL loved that makes us ignore the very obvious warning signs. We live, we grow, we learn...but what we MOST NOT DO is let it effect how we love.

True Mac, but where does need end and opportunism begin? In the end we can never know the answer to that question.

We can certainly drive ourselves crazy thinking about it if we choose. I genuinely feel sorry for my ex these days, but I am just so glad I got out before things got any worse for me. It took a while to accept that idealised person didn't exist, or if she did, she wasn't ever going to come back. Then one day I found I had moved on, as I am certain Baby will too.

Reading the last bunch of posts im reminded of how the path of love can sometimes lead us down some pretty hard roads... but we are strong women and though we may stumble we will always find our way ahead!

Wow Barwench I think that would have been my story if the long distance hadn't forced us to slow down. Within a few weeks of us hooking up online she started talking about moving here. Since it was a long ways off before we could ever do that, I didn't think it was so strange because it was just daydreaming. What I didn't find out till later, is she did the same with her ex. A few weeks into it, she was begging to move in too (they were also long distance but in the same country a few hours from each other.) If we had been in the same town, I think there's no question we would have been living together within weeks.

Honestly, I think Lee has no concept of love, only obsession. She was obsessed with her ex, then me, that baby next door, and soon it will be some other chick. I'd noticed - especially when she built the shrine to me in her room - but to a degree being in love does involve obsession so it's hard to tell the difference. You DO think about someone all the time when you're in love and you DO put pictures of them around...but the shrine was a little weird and so is the tattoo for her next door neighbour's baby....

She just deleted me from Facebook. I'm just like...wow that's it. We're not even in contact anymore. At least I thought we could be on speaking terms. I guess not.

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Originally Posted by Baby

She just deleted me from Facebook. I'm just like...wow that's it. We're not even in contact anymore. At least I thought we could be on speaking terms. I guess not.

Don't be upset about it Baby, at least she's being true to herself which means you knew what her next steps were gonna be.

Would you really wanna be on speaking terms with her, someone who's been this nasty to you and for no reason?

She's not a good person Baby, you served your purpose so she's off to her next victim.