Hello All,

I hope I have put this in the right section of the forums, if not I give the moderators my permission to move it somewhere more appropriate.

I wanted to highlight a situation that a friend of mine has found himself in, and see what peoples thoughts on the matter are. Obviously I dont wish to identify specific individuals here, so lets just call them Person A and Person B.

Person A is a 34 year old gay man. He is a generally well regarded person in his life, and holds a decent job, has good friends and generally leads a happy and successful life. He has however been single for at least the last year or so. But he has no issue with this as he has always held the belief that when the right person comes along, it will happen.

Person B is a 15 year old boy, who admittedly, is perhaps a couple of years advanced on his biological age in his physical appearance and maturity and so forth. Person B is also seemingly comfortable with his sexuality.

Where this situation began was that Person A was at home one night and having a browse through some profiles on a leading Australian based Gay Dating site. He recieves a personal message from a 19 year old guy who asks if he would be interested in chatting some more. Person A agrees and they exchange Skype details, add each other and spend the next couple of weeks chatting and getting to know each other. Much to Person A's surprise, they soon seem to be getting on like a house on fire, and even share quite a number of similar interests, namely their interest in music, performing arts and AFL Football, even down to the fact that they follow the same football team.

Where things get a little murky is that a couple of weeks into chatting to each other, the 19yo who is Person B, makes a confession to Person A. Hes not 19, hes actually 15. Person A is taken aback by this, and initially tells Person B that because of his age, he doesnt feel the two of them can really enjoy any kind of meaningful consenting relationship. Person B asks however if they could still chat and remain friends, to which Person A is agreeable to. However, as the situation is, things have now reached a point where both parties have extremely strong feelings for each other and yet both have agreed that they cant yet act on anything for the obvious legal and moral reasons. For much of the time that this friendship has been brewing, Person B despite being many years younger, has been the instigator of the growing fondness between the pair.

Last week, Person B declared to Person A that he fully understood that at his age of 15, Person A cant be involved with him, but then stated his willingness to wait until such time as he does reach a suitable age. Person A on the other hand, while not denying he has grown fond of Person B, is absolutely confused on how to walk around this potential land mine.

In Victoria, the age of consent is 16. So in theory that means that in the next 12 months or so, at least legally, they would be entitled to start dating, if indeed they still have feelings for each other. Although both seem to also understand that other people will undoubtedly frown upon their age difference.

I guess Im just interested to see if other people have been in similar situations, or if not, do you know of people who have been in similar situations. Also what are peoples general views on "inter-generational" relationships as they are often called?

I must also clarify, for the purposes of this argument, that I have known Person A myself for a number of years. He is not the type of person who actively seeks out much younger guys, as some guys do. He has had former relationships with guys who have been the same age or at least close to his age previously. So this situation is purely a case of two people getting to know each other and some romantic feelings developing between the two. Also worthy of consideration is that Person A hasnt really been that active in instigating the friendship as it stands currently. So there has been no manipulation or "grooming" on his part. It has infact been the younger Person B who has been the driving force behind this growing friendship between the two people.

Id love to hear other peoples views on this, and also, if people would rather private message me than talk about their experiences in this thread, Im happy for you to do that. I realise its a very tricky and delicate subject matter.

Looking forward to hearing your views on this matter.

Thanks in advance,
Brad.

Well, personally I think its good the older guy stood his ground and explained to the younger one that nothing would happen at this point and time and offered to *WAIT* until the younger guy had reached a legal age point (to me that is a big plus) I also think the age difference would bother me, however it's not my life. I always find guys who have that kind of significant age gap, esp of that magnitude may think they are light years ahead, however at 15, I had nfi what I wanted, by 17 I was mucking around with a 34 year old, who I had a similar situation with and it was messy...I don't think it's ok, the older one should let the younger one go...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brad_Woodford

Id love to hear other peoples views on this

its not ok - thats my opinion

if i was offering a 'what to do now' id say that A should just walk away now, B mite feel upset but he'l get over it

should A be in a similar position in future, he mite learn from this - i think its fine that an older person can be a mentor/friend of sorts for a teen, but i also believe that an older person has a responsibility that doesnt include sexualising (implied or otherwise) that relationship

brad didn't we have that argument about u chasing after preteens? Coz this whole thread is really not about some friend u don't even know but it's about u hooking up with some 15 yr old. what u have described about person a fits ur description perfectly... n I have no doubt because u are into pre teens that u won't be able to play with that 15 yr old in the very near future.

I won't say how I feel about this situation because it is you who is going to go to jail when the shit hits the fan...

I can wave my arms in the air all but you won't listen... Coz as I am type this you would have A) already messages him a thousand times B) met up with him or C）had sex with him. but I can guarantee that you haven broke it off with him.

Coz just think about it... Here is you 34 haven't had sex in a year no one to love etf living in Hallam or doveton or where ever... And a 15 yr old virgin boy whose hormones are going through the roof...

If u don't end it then ofcourse ull give in... N if found out by his parents u are eff you see kayed.

u have to figure out if ur freedom Is more important than a fling

my input is put ur 4 inch pecker back in ur pants... tell him to sod off for being a liar and have a good cry that it just wasnt meant to be. In the end Nobody wins but at least u won't be in jail getting butt raped

Ok Ernesto1, seriously. Fill me in here. What precisely is your main problem? Do you get some kind of kick out of hijacking peoples threads with your constant vindictive and defamatory bullshit? Is your life THAT sad, that your only sense of belonging and achievement is by putting down people you have never met with accusations that are for the most part, completely untrue?

Im going to make a few points, and these points are final. Any further defamatory comments from you, and I assure you, my legal representatives will be in touch with you in the very near future.

1. Ernesto1, in case you have failed to pick up on this yourself, you and I have never met. Not even once. Therefore the possibility that I have discussed intimate details of my own sex life is completely non existant. I most certainly have never ever under any circumstances discussed a desire for "pre-teens" with anybody, let alone yourself.

2. The person I have refered to in the original thread is infact a friend of mine who is 34 years of age currently. I, on the other hand am 33 years of age. Close but not quite.

3. The original post I have submitted in this thread, outlines quite clearly that the younger guy, instigated contact with the older guy. Furthermore, the younger person, who I named Person B, is 15, which again is completly at odds with your description of "Pre-teens".

4. As clearly outlined in my original post, no sexual contact or activity whatsoever has occured to date between Person A and Person B.

5. I personally find any form of child sexual abuse to be absolutely abhorrent. I have another friend who was sexually abused by a much older man when he was between the ages of 13 and 15, and any suggestion by you or anybody else that I would advocate the sexual mistreatment of a minor is something that I find deeply offensive and is something that I dont take lightly.

6. Finally, I challenge you to put up or shut up. If you hold any information that you feel suggests that I am somebody who is a paedophile, as you are quite clearly suggesting in this thread, I challenge you to file a report at your nearest police station immediately. Otherwise.....find yourself a bloody good lawyer, because you are going to need one come Tuesday morning.

Brad if u find child abuse to be abhorrent thn tell that to your friend. Why would you want our advice! Quit wasting our time when u know full well the answer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ernesto_1

Brad if u find child abuse to be abhorrent thn tell that to your friend. Why would you want our advice! Quit wasting our time when u know full well the answer.

Well if you havent figured it out yet you halfwitted imbecile, stop abusing people, read the original post again, comprehend it and try adding a serious well thought out comment on the subject at hand. If you cant do that, remove yourself from the argument and allow this thread to be contributed to by people whos IQ undoubtely outshines yours tenfold.

Christ. And you wonder why you have been single for so long.

When I was 15 I was "dating" a 26 yo & that was a nightmare not just for him but for me also. However my most relevant situation is when I was 31 I was "dating" a 19 yo. I know not quite what you're describing, but even that age difference caused quite a lot of problems. Nowadays we are still good friends & hang out etc regularly, however even now it still causes problems. One example is how his parents still won't fully accept that he's gay as it seems too easy for them to attribute it to their apparent belief that our relationship damaged him & that I am predatory, as opposed to facing the reality that he knew he was gay before we met.

Just for the record we met in a gay club through mutual friends & he instigated the relationship. I am not one to usually go for younger guys as is testament by the fact he is the only person I have dated that was more than a couple of years younger than me.

I personally don't feel, even without the ramifications of Person B's age, that it can work as a relationship. At least not at this stage. What I mean by "at this stage" is, if they have such a strong connection it will still be there once Person B has matured to an age to be making informed & well adjusted decisions regarding matters like this. 15 is very young & a minefield for hormones, emotions & self discovery. Hence Child protection laws, age of consent laws etc. A friendship it maybe but they are "muddy waters" if feelings of wanting to take things further have already developed. Obviously the easier option would be to end it now but I guess it's something Person A & B have to determine. As long as they are aware of all the possibilities both good & bad aswell as the things that come along with the word Paedophile (whether he is, isn't, likes it or not this will get mentioned should he pursue a relationship with Person B) then it really becomes their decision. That said though if Person A truly does "care" for Person B, Person B's welfare must come first.

One question I would pose though is being that Person A is 34 yo & I am assuming has a maturity level of that age, why is there a question of whether this should develop or not? I mean from my perspective, as is apparent from what I have already written. Person B's age alone should indicate that although he seems to have "developed beyond his years" the situation you described is "flawed" for lack of a better word, in so many ways. Whether it be Person B's "enthusiasm" for a situation that no matter how "well developed" he is, at 15 he would clearly have not a terrible amount of understanding for. Or even the fact that hormones play such a vital & crazy role in any 15 yo's perception & life.

Sorry I tend to ramble.

Thank you all for your well thought out and informative answers. One thing I really like about SameSame is the fact that, with the exception of one member, we can all discuss topics without judgement and people are willing to offer up their advice, personal experiences and so forth, so thank you all.

As for the one exception, I am currently seeking a full apology for the disgusting and totally inaccurate comments posted on this page by that one person, and Im currently in consultation with my legal reps over that. Thats all I can say on that at this time.

Walk away mate, dont even think about it, just walk, no good can come from this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by flounder

Walk away mate, dont even think about it, just walk, no good can come from this.

^ this...seems to be a shitstorm on the horizon to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marko

^ this...seems to be a shitstorm on the horizon to me.

+1

hi there, wow I had no idea that long distance relationships were so common, I am in a lingo of a long distance relationship -_-, met online earlier this year, very cliche to say but he is different

So any updates Brad?

Yeah! Have to agree with the others, Brad, m8. Doesn't matter who instigated it from the beginning, doesn't matter how mature the 15yr old might seem, or comfortable he might seem with his sexuality. A 15yr old just doesn't have the emotional stability & "life experience" to deal with a relationship with someone in their 30s (let's just put the legal aspects aside for one minute). It's hard enough when ya 15yrs and ya fall for another 15yrs (my old man used to call it - "puppy love"), and whether there was any "grooming" or not (and I take ya word that there wasn't) - the "power balance" in a relationship like this is too great. Tell ya friend to walk away. He's the adult here and he needs to act like one (ie responsible). Who knows, the GLBTIQ world aint all that big in this country. Maybe if they meet in 5 or so years, then maybe it wouldn't be such a big issue. And while I'm sure, you know ya mate well - others mightn'!! And the label "Paedophile" sticks like "runny shit" and smells as bad for a long time. Be a good mate to ya friend and STRONGLY advise against it! He mightn't listen - but if the shit hits the fan (and it WILL and cover ya mate from head to toe in it), then it least ya can say to yourself that ya did all you possibly could to dissuade him against it! Cheers & good luck with it m8!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by MyHorseLikesYou

So any updates Brad?

Hello all,

Id like to thank you all for your views on this. They have been, for the most part, very helpful. As for the update, well, there is a bit of an update on this situation.

The 34 year old has basically extinguished any chance of a relationship happening with the younger guy, by suddenly with little warning, meeting a guy in his mid 20s and subsequently entering into a relationship with him instead. When this happened, the 15 year old was "crushed" for lack of a better word, and spent a few days being rather disappointed that the person he had an infatuation with had seemingly moved on so easily.

Nonetheless, with all this happening, I soon found myself offering a bit of moral support to the young guy and helping him to understand why the romance just couldnt happen and the many complications that can evolve from such a relationship taking place. Over time, he has come to accept this, and seems to be happy and well again. Me and him have struck up a friendship and talk on a regular basis. I like to think that all things considered, the situation has ended happily for pretty much everybody involved and thankfully, nobody has made any regretable decisions.

Thanks once again for everybodys views.

um I thought this was about ur friend and a pre teen? How the fuck did it turn into u and a pre teen? Guess I was right after all bradley.

All i have to say is....

"If I only had one wish, love would always feel like this, wish it on the stars above....forbidden love"

Same Same Media Player

YouTube

Quote:

Originally Posted by ernesto_1

um I thought this was about ur friend and a pre teen? How the fuck did it turn into u and a pre teen? Guess I was right after all bradley.

Read my above statement again. It quite clearly indicates it is about my friend, not me. However, I do understand that being an uneducated narrow minded twat like you cant be easy, and picking up basic reading in english is probably well beyond your capabilities.

oh snap!

Hi Brad, the teen at such an impressionable age needs to be referred for professional advice.
Unless you are the teens relative (such as Uncle) it's not your place to be the teens confidant, you will merely become the new object of affection for this teen.

I look back on this n I laugh

I'll chip in and agree with the others that the situation isn't one to be taken any further.

LEGALITY
Even if In Victoria, the age of consent is 16, I am pretty sure that that means that two people who BOTH ARE 16 can legally do things, not that adults more than twice their age can engage in activities with teenagers. I think there is a rider for some age discrepancy which allows 16s to engage in activity with people older than they are, but that until they're 18, the age difference must be only a few years.

Also, can Person A be certain that its not a police paedo sting operation? And as Biglebstud points out, its the 34 yo who will be stuck with any adverse outcomes. The 15yo will just be able to add that to his arsenal of twink-bitch venom for later in life "I was hot enough at 15 to pickup some old dude online, and then got him thrown in jail for it". Also as he says, the power/consequence balance is WAY out of kilter in the current state to ever really allow for a mutual relationship.

ETHICS
Person B clearly created a profile with false information, as I don't think any "leading Australian based Gay Dating site" caters to or even permits under 18s to participate. This seems to be a big digression. Its not like a 40yo presenting himself as a 35yo as one would be eligible for the site regardless if he were 35 or 40 and there are no legal ramifications for anyone who might engage with the individual believing he was one age rather than the other.

This apparent lack of judgement and lack of understanding of trickle-down consequences may be seen as typical of someone who has not yet reached maturity. What other potentially dangerous situations can other such 'glitches' be expected to make for others?


EXTRA BURDEN OF FAMILY
The point that MyHorseLikesYou makes about the role his family will play is signifcant too. I would suspect that ANY relationship that a school-ager would engage in would have much more parental influence and participation than would something later in life between two autonomous adults. Is Person A ready to develop a relationship with Person B's parents who are likely only slightly older than he is?

REAL LIFE COMPATIBILITY
Although the chats seemed to be going well I'm not that impressed that music, performing arts and AFL Football", are such unique shared interests that are not likely to be shared by many many people.

Whilst, there is nothing wrong with young people having older role-model figures in their lives to look up to and to interact over shared interests, I think the fact that A and B met on a "leading Australian based Gay Dating site” - and not on an Australian site for fans of Music, performing arts or AFL Football – sets the tone and focus of any developing interaction and inserts certain tacit expectations which wouldn’t be there if the bond were actually formed around these other shared interests.

^^^ where in all of the above does it say ernesto was right all along he is the queen?