Amazing read.

Ok, im a little confused about the time-line of events here.
He is saying that he told his boyfriend after they were together for one month - does this mean they didnt have sexual contact before the one month mark?
Because later in the article it quotes this;"The NSW Public Health Act says that if you have a sexually transmissible medical condition you must tell your partner before sex."
The author of the article also states that disclosure (of positive HIV status) is a "private thing", which in some way goes against the matter of legality that it becomes in relation to a sex partner

Quote:

Originally Posted by local_warming

Ok, im a little confused about the time-line of events here.
He is saying that he told his boyfriend after they were together for one month - does this mean they didnt have sexual contact before the one month mark?
Because later in the article it quotes this;"The NSW Public Health Act says that if you have a sexually transmissible medical condition you must tell your partner before sex."
The author of the article also states that disclosure (of positive HIV status) is a "private thing", which in some way goes against the matter of legality that it becomes in relation to a sex partner

From my understanding, it would appear that he hasn't had sex, as if you know you're positive and have intercourse with someone without revealing your status to them, you are breaking the law in NSW.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sep77

From my understanding, it would appear that he hasn't had sex, as if you know you're positive and have intercourse with someone without revealing your status to them, you are breaking the law in NSW.

But thats that part i was confused about - i find it hard to believe that someone who shrugged off their boyfriend hooking up with someone else at a beat, would be with a guy for a month and not have sex?

Quote:

Originally Posted by local_warming

But thats that part i was confused about - i find it hard to believe that someone who shrugged off their boyfriend hooking up with someone else at a beat, would be with a guy for a month and not have sex?

Hi lads! Just suggesting here! My understanding of the article was that he'd not had sex for a long time prior to this relationship and that they used condoms after starting the relationship. He says, "....At the beginning I didn't think he needed to know because we didn't take risks....."

In ".....Disclosure is a private thing. You don't go around telling everyone you're HIV positive...", I don't think he's necessarily referring to sex partners as he is to people in general in your life.

Of course, I could be wrong! But that's how I read it!

Also let's try to give the benefit of the doubt here. The last thing I'd want after writing and submitting an article like this would be people jumping down my throat over specifics. Not that that's what has happened here (yet) but keep in mind it's a real person that has shared this here.

This is great and bravo to whoever wrote this. It's important to have an insight into HIV and to me this is a superb example. Of course it's important to have insight into many things in life, but when it comes to something that has devastated, scarred and shaped our community, forcing it to change , grow and live again, anyone who is brave enough to tell their story is a legend in my book.

I have lost a couple of friends through this virus, it is very hard or can be very hard to find someone who loves you enough to stay on I have read the_freak message and that seems to be the way I see it as well. To talk about to not just your partner but family and close friends would be equally as hard and in that I can see why it would be a private affair. I guess my partner and I have been blessed in that sense and as Richard says honesty and trusting your relationship and setting rules are important

In addition to the comments above, while the article is published in Positive Life NSW, the author may not actually live in NSW. So there's no reason to jump to any conclusions about the legality of not disclosing to his partner prior to having sex using condoms.

As others have said, the most important thing is having trust, respect, honesty and factual information. It is surprising the amount of misinformation the gay community at a wider level has about what is and isn't safe sex and how HIV is transmitted, as well as what living with the virus is like in 2012.

Thank you Richard for sharing your story. :)

If you're having safe sex with someone, it doesn't matter if you're HIV positive or not. It's all good and well to say by law you have to declare your STD status, but a) most people don't test frequently and don't know their status - and b) despite everything we know about HIV people still react very negatively to anyone who is honest enough to declare their status. I've grown up with many positive people in my life, and I know how horribly guys treat them on sex sites etc just because they are positive and honest about it. It's disgusting that people use terms like 'are you clean' in the discussion of HIV and STD, and that they punish thosed who are being honest with 'rejection'. This article sadly doesn't address many of the tough issues faced by HIV positive people. It's sadly a bit too sanatised and preachy.

PS. there are so many HIV positive young guys out there. Guys in their early to mid 20's. I know because I've met them and they have been incredibly brave enough to be honest with me, and I've provided an open mind and heart for them to be honest. The truth is that they are terrified of having to declare their HIV status. Where is their voice? Where is the campaign that helps / represents them?

It is a wise choice even with low viral loads to continue using condoms, low viral loads reduce the likelihood of transmitting HIV but it doesn't eliminate it.
From how I understood the article Richard 'wouldn't be particularly happy' if his partner had sex with another male, however if you're in a monogamous relationship neither should venture to a third party

I believe not disclosing your HIV status to any sexual partner is immoral regardness of law. There is no such thing as 100% safe sex (unless you are talking webcam or mutual masturbation) and those who are infected should consider the health of others before their own selfish emotional and sexual needs. I wonder how many of those who are infected would have liked the courtesy of being told (and therefore making a conscience choice whether to take the risk or not) instead of playing a game of Russian roulette with a virus that has no current known cure.

I ever catch up with one guy, who is HIV positive. We had meet several times before i decide to have sex and give it a go.. at the time he didn't tell me his HIV status.. Lucky i disagree when he asked me to be bottom because i don't feel confortable to do anal sex in the first time with someone that i just meet several times.
So, after we spend several weeks together he told me that he is HIV positive. And it was a shocker for me.
I didn't how to reach at the time and i just speechless and try to calm down my mind which shocked.
So anyway, i decide to keep being friends with him. But, i just stop seing him again, noy because he told me his HIV status but, he didn't tell me at the beginning and he even don't care about STD tranfusion...
I had been worrying about that for whole 5-6 months after that. I went to hospital for blood test 3 months later and then i did it again 3 months after. And it was Negative.
Yes, its not fair if someone knows that he HIV positive status and don't tell his sex partner. Because what we dealing with is life, future, health, and emotion and the most he has to be ready for it and enjoy it.

I met someone who was HIV positive and we hit it off very well right from the start.

Unfortunately he doesn't like using condoms for sex and I intend to stay negative so it didn't work out.

I don't know if I wouldve been happy to have condom sex in a relationship for a long time (which wasn't even put on the table) as I sometimes feel that condoms are for casual sex and one of the benefits of being in a relationship is that you eventually get to have condomless sex. Am I alone in this thinking?

no you're not Hubba.

I have a few friends who when single it was all condoms then they started a relationship and just couldnt wait after the testing period to get rid of them. Of course trust comes into the relationship then.

Most would know what its like to bareback and especially for the top there is way more feeling etc but your life is way more important so condoms it is.

no Hubba you're not at all alone. unfortunately, positive men who don't like using condoms with any of their partners - even when they know their partners are negative - are not alone either. stand your ground.

@sugarwalls & @hubbahubba & @mark29: "no Hubba you're not at all alone. unfortunately, positive men who don't like using condoms with any of their partners - even when they know their partners are negative - are not alone either. stand your ground."
*RUBBISH*

Safe sex is a decision made my both partners.

How is it that you presume to know that there is a 'rampant brigade of poz guys stalking you all', out there 'battling against you' to try to 'coerce unsafe sex' out of negative partners. I mean really. You are the reason why I consistently and quite deliberately refuse to disclose (in other words, lie) when a casual partner asks me my status.. Including in NSW. You can%u2019t imagine how much I don%u2019t give a sh1t if I%u2019m breaking a law based on more fear than science.. Until folks like you get an education, and stigma subsides, I will simply not give you the opportunity to vilify me and put me in %u201Cthat box%u201D. I am in far more danger of contracting an %u2018un-vaccinatable%u2019 type of hepatitis from the general population than you are of picking up HIV from me, an undetectable PWLH who uses protection.

It wasn't until I became positive (*through the unlikely route of oral sex mind you) that it dawned on me that I had probably had sex with heaps of positive guys over my time and I never would have known it. I realised that I had asked many men their status. Some had omitted because no one said anything; some had told me they were %u201Cclean%u201D (such an ugly word) and I bet a few didn%u2019t realise they were poz; others had surely lied.. and still others had been honest.. .. and sadly I must confess, I too treated them as badly as you are treating people like us now, out of my own pathetic ignorance.

Soon after this what surprised me even more was the prevalence of guys - negative I presume - who would quite aggressively attempt (unsuccessfully) to initiate bottoming bareback sex with me in a sauna.. Without saying/asking a word. So you may want to reverse your "Roulette" analogy, as sometimes it's the negative person doing the wheel spinning themselves, mate.

They embody the notion that ignorance is bliss. Need I say more?
#stopdemonisingpositivepeoplesurelyitisbeneathyou

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrongerForIt

It wasn't until I became positive (*through the unlikely route of oral sex mind you)

but shouldnt that make disclosure even more important based on that? If having sex with condoms isnt a protection from the oral route that you were exposed to? Ultimately its only posibble for a HIV positive individual to pass on that virus, through whatever route, regardless of how low-percentage risk that particular sex act carrys. Even with a grossly unsafe sex act, its not possble for a HIV negative person to pass on that infection to their sex partner

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrongerForIt

@sugarwalls & @hubbahubba & @mark29: "no Hubba you're not at all alone. unfortunately, positive men who don't like using condoms with any of their partners - even when they know their partners are negative - are not alone either. stand your ground."
*RUBBISH*

Safe sex is a decision made my both partners.

Absolutely true safe sex has to be actively engaged in by both parties!

The spread of HIV sexually now occurs mostly by number in the heterosexual population & it's very sad there is still such a high rate of children born infected during pregnancy or breast feeding.

Can I offer everybody who doesnt like wearing condoms a reccomendation. I find that the "Skyn" range of condoms are are great product, and provide a good compromise if you are someone who doesnt like condoms, but who also is required to practice safe sex.