Hi to anyone who would like to chat. I am new to this and have no idea how to go about this but just having a go - I hope I have it right.

For the past 8 years I have often questioned my sexuality. In that time I married for the second time but it only last 18 months. I had a brief encounter over 18 months ago with a woman in which both of us were extremely drunk and I don't have contact with her any more. Not because of that though. I have looked at hetro-sexual dating websites and I know deep down that's not where I want to be. I guess it's the up bringing that is confusing and how the rest of my world will re-act should I 'jump the fence' for want of a better word. I am currently reading a book about a woman who's marriage breaks up due to the loss of a baby and then becomes involved with a lesbian. Everything that is said by the lesbian woman and how she feels is me.

I guess I have just taken a huge step by registering and opening up a discussion on here. I feel I need to talk to other like minded people in a sensible and rational manner. I don't want anyone to hit on me, just talk to me and give me feedback on what they have been through in 'coming out'.

Welcome Starlight

I love your thread title Acknowledgement of who I am.... it is hard to be authentic to yourself when there is ideals and society and family and friends that colour our views and our world. But it is totally worth it and I believe you are taking the first step.

Hopefully will find this a great forum to open up and share. There is no wrong or right here .... nothing it seems is black or white and sworn in stone... the more time I spend on here the more I am reminded of that.. We are a friendly, smart, diverse bunch of women and this definitely is not a pick up lounge .... you are safe

I have just finished reading a book called Dear John, I love Jane (dont let the title put you off) and it is a collection of women writing about their coming out experiences. I loved it and I found it very truthful, very honest in a sense that not all of us have grown up feeling gay, we dont all despise men, we rarely even fit into the stock standard lesbian moulds/stereotypes.

I came out 4 years ago... and have been with my GF the past 3 years. We both have experienced alot since coming out her experience was worlds away from mine, having gone to an all girls boarding school and knowing from 16 that she was gay.
I had feelings for girls when I was in High school but never acted or thought too much into it until my first experience with a woman arose a few years ago. Up until then I thought it was normal to be with a man but not have any deep feelings for them. I thought perhaps I was just not an emotional person or that I was a tough woman! Seems I am a bit of a soppy romantic - I just needed the 'One' to come along and bring that out of me. lol.

Just curious, how did you come to the realisation of ... this is who I am? Was it your brief encounter that first lighted that fire or is it something that has been in your mind for some time?

*strokes starlight's knee reassuringly

Quote:

Originally Posted by undawundawoman

Welcome Starlight

I love your thread title Acknowledgement of who I am.... it is hard to be authentic to yourself when there is ideals and society and family and friends that colour our views and our world. But it is totally worth it and I believe you are taking the first step.

Hopefully will find this a great forum to open up and share. There is no wrong or right here .... nothing it seems is black or white and sworn in stone... the more time I spend on here the more I am reminded of that.. We are a friendly, smart, diverse bunch of women and this definitely is not a pick up lounge .... you are safe

I have just finished reading a book called Dear John, I love Jane (dont let the title put you off) and it is a collection of women writing about their coming out experiences. I loved it and I found it very truthful, very honest in a sense that not all of us have grown up feeling gay, we dont all despise men, we rarely even fit into the stock standard lesbian moulds/stereotypes.

I came out 4 years ago... and have been with my GF the past 3 years. We both have experienced alot since coming out her experience was worlds away from mine, having gone to an all girls boarding school and knowing from 16 that she was gay.
I had feelings for girls when I was in High school but never acted or thought too much into it until my first experience with a woman arose a few years ago. Up until then I thought it was normal to be with a man but not have any deep feelings for them. I thought perhaps I was just not an emotional person or that I was a tough woman! Seems I am a bit of a soppy romantic - I just needed the 'One' to come along and bring that out of me. lol.

Just curious, how did you come to the realisation of ... this is who I am? Was it your brief encounter that first lighted that fire or is it something that has been in your mind for some time?

Nice...Unda..

Quote:

Originally Posted by VladTheImpaler

*strokes starlight's knee reassuringly

Your comments always make me smile.

Was the book by Jodi Piccoult by any chance starlight? Yeah I think heaps of us have been where you are. Not everyone knows they are gay by 5, unlike popular belief. I don't mind men, some men are quite attractive, but at the end of the day I've never had that connection to a guy. It's hard to put a label on yourself when it's not black and white. I've only dated women the last 5 or 6 years, so it seems that's where I'm at, but I'm always open to the right person no matter what gender.

All I can say is, give it a go. Hang out in some gay environments, see if you meet someone and if that's what you're into. Don't feel like you have to put yourself into a box of "Oh I'm gay now" and only date women. Maybe you really haven't met the right man...or maybe you just haven't met the right woman! It can take falling for someone to make you certain of which team to play for, so to speak. Have fun with it, go out and make new friends, and see where you fit in.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby

Was the book by Jodi Piccoult by any chance starlight? Yeah I think heaps of us have been where you are. Not everyone knows they are gay by 5, unlike popular belief. I don't mind men, some men are quite attractive, but at the end of the day I've never had that connection to a guy. It's hard to put a label on yourself when it's not black and white. I've only dated women the last 5 or 6 years, so it seems that's where I'm at, but I'm always open to the right person no matter what gender.

All I can say is, give it a go. Hang out in some gay environments, see if you meet someone and if that's what you're into. Don't feel like you have to put yourself into a box of "Oh I'm gay now" and only date women. Maybe you really haven't met the right man...or maybe you just haven't met the right woman! It can take falling for someone to make you certain of which team to play for, so to speak. Have fun with it, go out and make new friends, and see where you fit in.

hey starlight,

Id have to whole heartedly agree with baby - you dont need to put a lable on yourself. I think it is important to take your time and make sure you are truly being honest with who you are and what you want. Dont scramble to define yourself by others standards, find your own standards.
I would have to echo others opinions in that I think you need to experience more same sex situations to see if it is really something you are drawn to. Enjoying sexual activity with women does not make you a lesbian, and it is important you decide/find out what you really want or would lik to try. Be honest with prospective friends/partners - remamber these are real people with real feelings who do know what they want and need in life - experimenting with them while they belive you are comitting to them is unfair.
Id also recomend hanging around chat rooms like this, chatting with others about all things same sex and in between. There are often great forum topics up for discussion, experiences to read about and invites to pressure free catch up sessions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by VladTheImpaler

*strokes starlight's knee reassuringly

nawww your such a softie underneath it all vlad x

It's an oldie but a goodie. "You can only be yourself. Everyone else is already taken". Seriously, being true to yourslf is the only thing you can do if you want to enjoy a full and joyous life. Have fun exploring :-)

Another oldie who's so late in coming to the realisation!
Welcome! I'm about the same age as you, and only figured it out about 18 months ago.
There aren't many places for us to hang around in Vic, that I've been able to figure out. But PM me if you're interested in a group that meets once or twice a month.
(Oh, and if I don't reply immediately, don't worry - in the winter months, I'm too busy to log into here much)

Why Irene what are you doing? You're not allowed to have a life without us!

Haha. I live in poverty for 9 mths a year, and make money in the winter, working my ass off - 14-16 hrs a day, 7 days a week. Think what Bon does in winter, but I think she may have escaped this winter.

Hours will ease a little next week when the school holidays are over.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Irene

Haha. I live in poverty for 9 mths a year, and make money in the winter, working my ass off - 14-16 hrs a day, 7 days a week. Think what Bon does in winter, but I think she may have escaped this winter.

Hours will ease a little next week when the school holidays are over.

Hey babe long time no hear, hope your busy storing your nuts for the quiet times.

Quote:

Originally Posted by flounder

Hey babe long time no hear, hope your busy storing your nuts for the quiet times.

I missed you too Irene.
Wish there was a way I could help on someday. if u ever need help over a weekend pm me. I grew up in the country. From what you have written previously I can relate. I mean it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by flounder

Hey babe long time no hear, hope your busy storing your nuts for the quiet times.

Still badly in debt from 12 months ago when I had the fire in my business. Although insured, I had no loss of income insurance. So my aim this year is just to get out of debt, rather than storing nuts.

Thank you all so much for all your wonderful words of encouragement and wisdom. As I said at the beginning, it has been a long time coming. I just needed something to come into my life and turn on the light. That came through Jod Picoult and her book 'Sing You Home' - you were right Baby. :-) Just reading 'Vanessa's' story I found myself ticking the boxes and saying to myself, that's me, that's me.

Everything that all of you have said is very very true. One thing I will never do 'lonelyeastside' is experiment. I could never do that to another human being.

Since I first wrote on here last Wednesday night, I have felt an amazing relief within myself. I no longer feel confused and disheartened with my life. It's like I have been reborn! :-) And I'm sure some of you would understarnd that. There is such a peacefulness around me. I have been able to tell two of my four children and they are very supportive and said they could see it coming. I haven't gone out of my way to tell people but only mentioned it when asked 'so when are you going to get a man in your life?' My response was there will never be a man in my life again to which they replied so are you saying you are gay and I replied yes I am. They were fantastic, supportive and loved me for who I am not for what my gender preference is. I have no intentions of blasting it out to the world to my friends in public but over time in one on one coffee or dinner should I feel comfortable to say something, I will. I wouldn't like to suddenly turn up to a function with a woman on my arm and my friends and family not know that life has changed for me. That would be cruel.

I know that being gay doesn't change who I am as a person and neither it shouln't. It shouldn't change how people perceive me but sadly it can. I am very aware of the repercussions of being known as a gay person can have on one self. I have in the past worked in theatre and of course was surrounded by many gay guys. I always got on well with them. I have always been a fighter for equal rights for gay people. If you find your soul mate and they just happen to be the same sex as you, so be it. That's way it's meant to be. I don't believe God judges anyone. Sadly it's some of his representatives that do. I was brought up in a very Catholic influenced family, an only child. So to go against the church's teachings has been a struggle - until last Wednesday night. I even went to Mass this morning and felt very much at peace within myself. I know God loves me no matter what. If anything my faith is stronger now than ever before and that's because I am at peace with myself - finally.

In time, I will go out and mix with same sex people but I will take my time as I become more accustomed to my new way of lifestyle. I won't be rushing into it. :-)

Again, thank you everyone and look forward to chatting again soon.

Starlight55

PS How do I PM on here? :-)

Found it :-)

I haven't 'come out'. Not having children, and living in a small rural town, I can't see the point in it. I can't see any valid reason in doing it to my mum who's in her late 80s, and I'm not close with my siblings. I sort of hinted at it with a friend when she was discussing her ex and saying she never wanted a man in her life again. I said that I felt the same, and maybe a woman was the answer. She was shocked at the idea. Small rural town - no way. Although most people are here are tolerant to the concept, they still talk disparagingly about specific 'pooftas'. And then there are a couple of those bully guys who would set out to make my life difficult. Anyway, I can't see the point - no one announces that they're straight, so why should you have to announce you're gay? OTOH, it's probably quite different when you're talking about your own kids.

I certainly hear what you are saying Irene. No we don't have to announce our change in preference. It is no ones business but our own. For me though having lived a very heterosexual lifestyle by bringing four children into the world, being married twice, divorced twice to maybe one day going to a function with a woman on my arm, I couldn't just rock up without some kind of explanation, particularly those who are very close to me. But that's just me and how I prefer to handle it. There's no right or wrong way. It's up to the individual concerned. Small country towns can destroy people if they appear to be different to what 'they' call the norm. I know of others who have had that exact same experience.

I'm only out to certain friends. I don't see why work colleagues should have to know your personal business, and while you can't be fired for being gay they can find other ways to get rid of you if it is a problem.

I also didn't come out to anyone until my first real girlfriend, because before that you dont want to label yourself when maybe it is just a phase or "havent found mister right" yet. It's hard to know until you get that first relationship and become sure that's where your heart lies.

Baby im in that same state of mind with work... Im struggling though as colleagues do make chit chat bout weekend plans etc... and 'my partner' and trying to avoid he or she in sentences wears thin after a while. I know half the office suspects simply bcos I try to avoid any such convo. Im looking for another job at the moment... and I plan on being upfront simply to avoid this situation... if it doesnt work out then ill move on.. lifes too short... i feel like im hiding myself and I dont want that. But each to their own... like u said its your personal business...personal choice.

I am exactly the same as both of you Baby and Unda. Plus really it is nobody's business. I love that quote from Irene "no one announces that they're straight"