I am a 24 yr old international Uni student living in Canberra.I've thought about this so many times and I've tried to make sense of who I am but just keep hitting a brick wall. I've been interested in guys since I was younger but I've also been interested in girls. However, I could not figure out if my interests in girls was because I wanted to conform to what I was taught at home. Well, I was raised in a very strict religious home (I know the usual) and maybe that added to my general anxiety of wanting to be with women and not men.

So over the course of the past couple of years, I've decided to experiment with guys and I enjoyed the physicality of it all. I liked the idea of anal sex but just could not find it as pleasurable. Maybe I was with inexperienced guys or whatever. But I still love the idea of anal sex. However, I don't want to base my sexual orientation purely on sexual experience. But I can not help just checking guys out, all the time, more than I ever would women. I can appreciate beautiful women but it's men that I desire but for some reason I just keep wanting to challenge my feelings for men. Now, I'm really looking to settle this for once and for all and just wanted tips on how do you really know if you're gay?

Hey mate!

Thanks for posting - I know that there are lots of others in similar situations as yourself, so the more information we can generate and put out there, the better for everyone.

For starters have a browse of a few other strings on similar topics. The posts might be useful to your scenario, or you might find someone in a simlar boat that you feel you can connect with.

In the Melbourne Room Check out:
currently straight guy looking to experiment unsure how to get started

In the Brisbane Room Have a look at:
Am I weird?
Teen From Brisbane
Lighting the Way, a "Non Scene" Social Group for Young Guys

Lots of interesting contributions and perspectives to be found in these.
Good luck in your discoveries

Firstly, thumbs up for being open, honest and willing to seek help. So many suffer in silence or fail to seek help thus making their life even more unpleasant. Naturally some may not feel they can, but that's another topic.

Unfortunately from an outside perspective this particular question is a hard one in which to answer. This because what feels right for me, you, or someone else can be very different to the next person and so forth.

Essentially it comes down to feeling and comparison, similar to lessons in life. However exploring as such can be quite difficult in a society where the main role is for a man to be with a woman and vice versa. Social expectation, programming,not forgetting commercialism and capitalism play on this ideal.

For me, I have used feelings and comparison to help me decide whom is better for me. Whether this be a man or woman. I don't want to give a definitive answer of my choice as this should not influence your decision; rather than inform.

When you are with another person, think about them, speak with them, touch them you will undoubtedly receive feelings as to how you react to them; whether as a friend, colleague, companion and so forth.This could occur with either gender, however if you feel more than that, with one particular gender; say attraction in a love or sexual sense then there is your answer.

Some people are attracted to certain qualities of both genders and become bi-sexual, this is also perfectly normal and acceptable. In reality this is more where I fit in. However when it comes down to it, whatever makes you happy and comfortable is the direction you should explore.

Remember, unless you have a sudden reason your life will be short; you have plenty of time to explore what is right for you. There is no hurry and no right and wrong way; providing it's legal ;-)

Have a good New Year,

:-) xo